The "Don't Use This Daycare" Thread Made Me Wonder

[Lavender]

I watched my Grandma die a long, painful death from emphysema caused by cigarette smoke. It was second-hand smoke, she was not the smoker. I would never let my child be cared for by a smoker. The biggest reason why is that I don't ever want my kids to look at it and feel like it is a normal thing to do. Even if they don't see the person smoke, the smell left behind on their clothes, hair, skin etc. is unmistakeable.

On a related note, we have a child in our room who has parents that smoke. Sometimes he comes in smelling so horrible we have to wipe him down and change his clothes just to care for him. When they used to take his blanket home each night it would sometimes come in smelling so badly it went right into the wash. This baby was a 26 week old preemie and is constantly sick. I just don't get it.

[Willow]

I'm curious how many of you would not leave your child in the care of an overweight/obese provider for the same reasons listed....provider health concerns, compromised ability to provide proper care and even outright danger to the child directly etc?

Do you all think because someone has a glass of wine once in awhile that too is doomed to affect the children in ones care?

I've never understood the "grab your pitchforks" mentality when it comes to smokers when there are plenty of other just as dangerous and deadly vices people practive literally multiple times a day.


Prospective patents are always shocked at interview time to learn that I have pets (loads) and that I smoke on rare occasion because there is no evidence of either. And every interview I've ever done regardless of those admissions still has resulted in a request for admittance.
Why? Probably because it would be silly to make a decision on that one factor alone.

I get that we've all known people who reek to high heaven for whatever reason and yes, that's incredibly unpleasant. But to paint everyone with the same brush? Frankly, I think some of you need to unwad your panties and relax, especially if you're exposing your child to toxins just as bad and regularly.


(Threads like this just drive me nuts because they always come off as soo judgy mcjudgerson.....)

[youretooloud]

I'm curious how many of you would not leave your child in the care of an overweight/obese provider for the same reasons listed....provider health concerns, compromised ability to provide proper care and even outright danger to the child directly etc?

Do you all think because someone has a glass of wine once in awhile that too is doomed to affect the children in ones care?

I've never understood the "grab your pitchforks" mentality when it comes to smokers when there are plenty of other just as dangerous and deadly vices people practive literally multiple times a day.

Well, second and third hand smoke is actually dangerous to the kids. They smell offensive. But, my reason for asking was if they don't smoke around the kids, where are they going to smoke? When? And who's watching the kids?

In the earlier thread, the child needed stitches because the provider went outside the house to have a cigarette.

[Lyss]

Well, second and third hand smoke is actually dangerous to the kids. They smell offensive. But, my reason for asking was if they don't smoke around the kids, where are they going to smoke? When? And who's watching the kids?

In the earlier thread, the child needed stitches because the provider went outside the house to have a cigarette.

One misguided providers mistake (of many from what I got out of that thread) does not mean all smokers would do this.

I watched my Grandma die a long, painful death from emphysema caused by cigarette smoke. It was second-hand smoke, she was not the smoker. I would never let my child be cared for by a smoker. The biggest reason why is that I don't ever want my kids to look at it and feel like it is a normal thing to do. Even if they don't see the person smoke, the smell left behind on their clothes, hair, skin etc. is unmistakeable.

On a related note, we have a child in our room who has parents that smoke. Sometimes he comes in smelling so horrible we have to wipe him down and change his clothes just to care for him. When they used to take his blanket home each night it would sometimes come in smelling so badly it went right into the wash. This baby was a 26 week old preemie and is constantly sick. I just don't get it.

I'm sorry that your grandma had to go suffer like that. No one wants to see someone in pain and deteriorating because of something they were exposed to.

I do think some of the older community members suffering (not saying this is your grandmother's case, but in general) because of second hand smoke exposure can be linked to a generational thing. Everyone smoked for a period of time, it was all over tv, ads, movies... no one stepped outside or washed up after, they smoked indoors (holding babies ) and as much as they wanted. There were no warning labels (until the late 60s), long term studies, or concerns over second hand smoke. We recently watched Pinocchio and a bunch of the characters smoked (even Pinocchio at one point!). I'm not saying that makes it ok, but it was just a different era. I wonder what were doing now that will be hazardous in the future.

[Play Care]

I'm curious how many of you would not leave your child in the Cate of an overweight/obese provider for the same reasons listed....provider health concerns, compromised ability to provide proper care and even outright danger to the child directly etc?

Do you all think because someone has a glass of wine once in awhile that too is doomed to affect the children in ones care?

I've never understood the "grab your pitchforks" mentality when it comes to smokers when there are plenty of other just as dangerous and deadly vices people practive literally multiple times a day.

Actually YES. We passed on a provider when we were looking because her health had a clear impact on the quality of care. She could barely get up off the floor, much less chase the kids around. She wound up retiring from day care shortly after, but I have heard that most of her parents left because she physically couldn't do the job.
I never understood the argument that drinking is somehow worse than smoking and I say this as the child of an alcoholic smoker. Drinking done excessively is worse, sure. But a glass of good red wine on occasion has actual health benefits, the same can not be said for smoking. Would I want/allow someone who I knew had a problem drinking watching my child? Certainly not. My expectations are that no caregiver would drink while caring for my child. But I wouldn't mind if they were to have a drink on the weekend.

And I do take steps to reduce vehicle use - we walk everywhere! We buy local as often as possible, recycle, etc. I'm certainly no superhero, but I try.

[NeedaVaca]

I don't smoke and I do not allow my child (soon to be children) to be in the care of anyone who DOES smoke. Second hand and third hand smoke is very serious so I also don't allow him to visit peoples homes if I know they smoke in them.

The baby will not be held by one of her Aunts unless she changes clothes prior to holding her due to her smoking.

My grandpa smoked in his house and let me tell you...it reeked. When he was 84 he was diagnosed with cancer and yes, I took my kids there to visit with him because I wanted them to spend time with him before he passed. I have no regrets because I feel family is so important. Yes, they may have been exposed to 2nd had smoke for a short time but spending time with a family member before they passed trumped that in a heartbeat.

[Willow]

Well, second and third hand smoke is actually dangerous to the kids. They smell offensive. But, my reason for asking was if they don't smoke around the kids, where are they going to smoke? When? And who's watching the kids?

In the earlier thread, the child needed stitches because the provider went outside the house to have a cigarette.

I think it's pretty safe to assume if someone doesn't feed themselves properly that they're probably not going to feed the children in their care much better. And that's not dangerous to a child? Not that I share the sentiment but many people believe being overweight is offensive to the eyes (I don't care about others but looking in the mirror and being offended by what I see is the main reason I try to eat well and stay fit).

Weight affects mobility, strength, and I've tripped over and bumped into a child many times before. At the weight I am those knocks are hard enough, to weigh twice as much though? Or even more? If a child runs off, or there's a fire in the house is someone that size going to be able to get themselves out safely much less other little people? Are they going to physically be able to keep up with a darting toddler?

That's where I'm coming from with that.

As to your questions they've already been answered. My having a cigarette on the weekend not around anyone else's children or my own, outside, showering the next day...has many here automatically saying no way. You're gross. Your house is gross. You stink and have no clue. You are dangerous and should not be watching children. Filthy. Disgusting n all that jive....

The way you stated your first option *NEVER* means anyone in my view. And the comments following indicate even if your father smoked a cigar once the day you were born would lead you to believe he was unfit. There is obviously no grey area here and I find that odd based on how many other concessions we make in our lives for equally as unhealthy habits.

[mema]

I am a night time smoker. I quit when I was pregnant. My children are older and have NO idea that I smoke. 99% of my family has no idea. The ones that do are because I chose to tell them. I always wear the same clothes and jacket and always am outside away from the house. I go out at night before my shower. I do not smoke during the day-never have, even when I had a job that allowed me to leave on lunch break. I take that back. I did smoke during the day in high school at lunch time. Every vacation we have ever taken, I didn't smoke. One was 10 days. Not sure why I only do it at night and it's not every night.

[Willow]

Playcare -if the expectation/assumption would be that your drinking provider would not drink while in charge of other kids, why would it or should that opposite for those who smoke?

If you trust the provider wouldn't partake in either during care hours, nor is there any evidence of either, should it really matter what the provider does on their own time?

(Thank you for sharing about the provider you turned down. I've had a physical once at initial licensing and have never been asked about my health again. I wonder how often health status changes and providers just keep on trucking even though their abilities and clearly and seriously compromised...)

[Crazy In Mo]

I'm a night time smoker! And I'm ready for 5:30

I don't smoke in my home or vehicle. OR during work hours. I'd say 1/2 of my daycare parents know I smoke. And they knew before they chose me for daycare. I also drink wine at night

[Willow]

I am a night time smoker. I quit when I was pregnant. My children are older and have NO idea that I smoke. 99% of my family has no idea. The ones that do are because I chose to tell them. I always wear the same clothes and jacket and always am outside away from the house. I go out at night before my shower. I do not smoke during the day-never have, even when I had a job that allowed me to leave on lunch break. I take that back. I did smoke during the day in high school at lunch time. Every vacation we have ever taken, I didn't smoke. One was 10 days. Not sure why I only do it at night and it's not every night.

This is me in a nutshell.

I can take it or leave it when I need or want to. It's just something that every once in awhile hits the spot.

I started when going through my divorce and my own mother didn't have a clue until I told her about it last year. She's never smoked and always buries her head in my long hair when we hug.

At first she thought I was just trying to get a rise out of her :P

[youretooloud]

Along the lines of weight.

I have a grandparent who picks up the kids on occasion. She is in extremely poor health and at least 150lbs overweight. She is unable to walk the 15 feet to my door to pick up the kids...so, she parks in my driveway. (which is never O.K) She is unable to lift either one of her grandkids into the car. I have to go outside with all the kids to help her put her grandkids in the car. I don't mind, it's very rare.

However, she is a head start teacher. She doesn't teach alone, but still...if she is unable to walk 15 feet from her vehicle to my front door without serious pain and needing help, why is she teaching preschool? Wouldn't the kids be in danger if there were an emergency? Can she help the kids if something terrible were to happen?

[Lavender]

I'm curious how many of you would not leave your child in the care of an overweight/obese provider for the same reasons listed....provider health concerns, compromised ability to provide proper care and even outright danger to the child directly etc?

Do you all think because someone has a glass of wine once in awhile that too is doomed to affect the children in ones care?

I've never understood the "grab your pitchforks" mentality when it comes to smokers when there are plenty of other just as dangerous and deadly vices people practive literally multiple times a day.


Prospective patents are always shocked at interview time to learn that I have pets (loads) and that I smoke on rare occasion because there is no evidence of either. And every interview I've ever done regardless of those admissions still has resulted in a request for admittance.
Why? Probably because it would be silly to make a decision on that one factor alone.

I get that we've all known people who reek to high heaven for whatever reason and yes, that's incredibly unpleasant. But to paint everyone with the same brush? Frankly, I think some of you need to unwad your panties and relax, especially if you're exposing your child to toxins just as bad and regularly.


(Threads like this just drive me nuts because they always come off as soo judgy mcjudgerson.....)

My panties are firmly unwadded but I should clarify that to me there is a difference between a smoker and someone who very occasionally smokes just as there is a difference between a drinker and someone who drinks occasionally. I do not drink at all (tastes gross to me) but my husband has a hard cider once or twice a month. I don't care if my kids see people they know and love have a drink responsibly now and then. I don't want to be in a position in which I feel like I am endorsing a true drinker in their presence (such as paying them to watch my child). Now my brother-in-law smokes but when he does so at our home he goes out for a walk. He does not smoke so often that his clothes reek. He tells them it is unhealthy and not a good habit. I would not pay someone to care for my child who needed to smoke during the time my child was in their care or before they arrived and they smell was at all evident. I'm just not okay with it due to my own personal life experiences. I felt like I watched my grandmother slowly suffocate to death and I don't want that for my children. I DON'T want them to be smokers. I can't make them not be smokers, but I really hope they aren't. I would fear everyday that they would someday go through what I saw my Grandma go through.

[Starburst]

I'm curious how many of you would not leave your child in the care of an overweight/obese provider for the same reasons listed....provider health concerns, compromised ability to provide proper care and even outright danger to the child directly etc?

I am technically obese but I am healthier than some of the thinner people I know because I walk regularly and try to eat relatively healthy and I was overweight my whole life but they can eat what ever they want, sometimes more and even unhealthier food than I can stomach and never gain a pound. I actually had a doctor tell me because of my bone structure and my body shape (I am a pear) that my goal weight should be a little above what the ideal weight is for my height because if I was in the normal range I would look very gaunt and unhealthy. Just because you are thin does not mean you are healthy, I had a friend that used to weigh 300+ pounds and she was probably healthier at that point than when she was a normal weight (weigh loss surgery), I new many people who thought she was prettier fat and healthier and she looked old and unhealthy at a normal weight. She even told me one time that she wishes she was still fat.

Obesity is also not as black and white as smoking because its usually defined by BMI (or a generalization of direct weight) which doesn't always take into account muscle mass or how fat is distributed around your body (how much is in the breast and hips?). Also the part of obesity that puts you at more risk is how big your waist size is (more than 35 inches for women; more than 40 inches for men) and your body shape (apples {people who gain most weight in their midsection} are more prone to heart problems then pears {people who gain most weight in their hips and thighs}). Hip-to-waist ratios calculators are more accurate than BMIs because they actually take your shape and weight distribution into consideration. http://www.healthstatus.com/calculat...t-to-hip-ratio.

Another thing is there are some health issues that cause obesity. I was a normal weight baby but I was diagnosed with asthma at 1 month old, I had a bad asthma attack and had to be given progestin which caused me to balloon up even after I stopped taking it my weight never went away; my brother always eats potatoes and drinks sodas all the time (I gave up soda over 10 years ago); he also eats us out of house and home every time he comes over but never gains a pound. My boyfriend also has asthma and his mother told me that he was really thin as a younger kid but eventually gained lots of weight around middle school after having to take lots of asthma medication (they have steroids in them that can cause weight issues). Some of those medications cause you to not only swell but also increase your appetite making it harder to loose the weight after the fact.

But yes, if some one was SEVERLY MORBIDLY OBESE (like over 350 lbs) and I could tell that they did not have the physical ability to hold a baby or chase a baby around then I probably wouldn't leave them alone to watch my future child out of fear that they could not get to my child or help them in case of an emergency. But most people who are that overweight cannot even work or just choose less active careers.

[Willow]

Along the lines of weight.

I have a grandparent who picks up the kids on occasion. She is in extremely poor health and at least 150lbs overweight. She is unable to walk the 15 feet to my door to pick up the kids...so, she parks in my driveway. (which is never O.K) She is unable to lift either one of her grandkids into the car. I have to go outside with all the kids to help her put her grandkids in the car. I don't mind, it's very rare.

However, she is a head start teacher. She doesn't teach alone, but still...if she is unable to walk 15 feet from her vehicle to my front door without serious pain and needing help, why is she teaching preschool? Wouldn't the kids be in danger if there were an emergency? Can she help the kids if something terrible were to happen?

That's exactly where my brain wandered off to with this topic....only difference I see is a provider can keep the "danger" at bay while someone disabled by their weight can't just remove those limitations.


One of my families the uncle will pick up on occasion. He is pretty significantly disabled due to having been born with spina bifida. When he comes he'll usually just honk the horn because navigating the stairs is challenge enough, much less trying to navigate them with an infant and toddler in tow. He watches them often and I wonder how he goes about just feeding them much less, God forbid, if there was ever any sort of emergency. Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic guy and he adores the girls but....I just don't know if I would feel comfortable with a similar arrangement for my own kids.....