Breasts ARE Sexual. (Because We Clearly Need This Talk)

[DCBlessings27]

There's a happy medium. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you don't know the crowd you are in, just be discreet. If you do know your crowd, and you know it won't make anybody uncomfortable, let loose.

This is how I am. I vary how I am depending on my situation even in my own home.

If only my kids/husband or sisters are here, I don't cover up.

If my brothers/sils/friends are here, I cover up. Depending on the person, I'll even ask him/her if it's ok if I go ahead and feed my dd and let him/her know I'll cover up first.

If I'm somewhere (mall, department store), I'll go to a dressing room.

If I'm at a restaurant, I'll take milk I've pumped and use a bottle.

[DCBlessings27]

Just out of curiosity, how many here have actually seen the "boob flopped out on the restaurant table" kind of scenario? Almost all of my relatives and friends who have children nursed their kids for a year or more, and I think I have seen maybe 2 occasions where they had been accidentally exposed (squirmy baby, usually). And that was either in a church nursing room, or at a private home, not in a public area. Zero incidents where it is purposeful, in your face, kind of exposure. And I have NEVER seen that with regards to strangers in restaurants, stores, etc.

I know that Nannyde has posted about her experience. Any others?

My point is, if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?

I've never seen a boob-flopped-out-at-a-table type of situation. The only time I've witnessed breast feeding without being covered was in a room dedicated to nursing at a theme park. Even there, I took my blanket and covered up. Others there did not. I just looked away, but I chose to use a smaller room that could only fit one person the next time I fed my daughter instead of the one with 5-6 other breast feeding mothers.

[just_peachy]

Just out of curiosity, how many here have actually seen the "boob flopped out on the restaurant table" kind of scenario? Almost all of my relatives and friends who have children nursed their kids for a year or more, and I think I have seen maybe 2 occasions where they had been accidentally exposed (squirmy baby, usually). And that was either in a church nursing room, or at a private home, not in a public area. Zero incidents where it is purposeful, in your face, kind of exposure. And I have NEVER seen that with regards to strangers in restaurants, stores, etc.

I know that Nannyde has posted about her experience. Any others?

My point is, if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?

Exactly. I never have. My husband used to work in retail, and he witnessed it once at work. I have a well-endowed friend who has an in-your-face personality, and while we've all seen her breasts, in public she is much more discrete.

[Heidi]

Just out of curiosity, how many here have actually seen the "boob flopped out on the restaurant table" kind of scenario? Almost all of my relatives and friends who have children nursed their kids for a year or more, and I think I have seen maybe 2 occasions where they had been accidentally exposed (squirmy baby, usually). And that was either in a church nursing room, or at a private home, not in a public area. Zero incidents where it is purposeful, in your face, kind of exposure. And I have NEVER seen that with regards to strangers in restaurants, stores, etc.

I know that Nannyde has posted about her experience. Any others?

My point is, if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?

YMCA when my son was a toddler.

Woman with 15-16 mo sitting on floor, watching her toddler play.

Toddler walks over, lift her shirt (no bra), takes a few "sips", drops shirt...goes back to play.

I think the way mom was being treated like a snack machine actually bothered me more than the "nudity". It didn't look loving, just handy.

[MarinaVanessa]

Just out of curiosity, how many here have actually seen the "boob flopped out on the restaurant table" kind of scenario? Almost all of my relatives and friends who have children nursed their kids for a year or more, and I think I have seen maybe 2 occasions where they had been accidentally exposed (squirmy baby, usually). And that was either in a church nursing room, or at a private home, not in a public area. Zero incidents where it is purposeful, in your face, kind of exposure. And I have NEVER seen that with regards to strangers in restaurants, stores, etc.

I know that Nannyde has posted about her experience. Any others?

My point is, if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?

I've been at the park before with my DCKs and there was a mom there with her boobie hanging out while her infant nursed. The mom was walking around keeping eye on her 2-3 year old and her infant was about 3 months or so maybe. The baby kept unlatching and looking around and her entire boob would then be exposed. A DCD told his SA son to stop looking and ultimately left the park because of it. I just moved the DCKs over to the smaller playground away from the mom. The moms attitude was very "Jeez stop staring" when people looked over and made faces and when the dad and his son left she said "That's his problem".

I was at macaroni grill and a mom pulled her boobie out to BF her baby without a cover until (I think it was) her mom put a receiving blanket over her" The mom just laughed but kept covered. I had my back turned towards them and found about the mom BFing without covering up because the woman at a table next to us told her friend something like "Oh my gosh, look at that" and I glanced too.

At the mall this weekend we were at the kids play place (ours has a soft foamy play place for tots) which has soft benches all around the play place to enclose the kids in. There were 2 moms that were BFing covered and one there that was BFing but not covered. Kids were pointing and asking their parents what she was doing and one little girl asked why she had her boobie out. The parents did their best to keep it non-judgmental and just said that the the mommy was feeding the baby but you could tell that several of them felt uncomfortable. I took the kids to eat away from the play place and came back later after she had gone.

As far as the whole "if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?" I'm almost enticed to try to wear a thin, tight, strappy shirt and wear no bra under it. Maybe a white one on a nice hot sunny day. Then see what happens. Technically my boobs are covered and although people might be able to see my nipples protruding under the shirt and maybe my areolas through the thin fabric ... they are covered. If I do this 2 or 3 times a year it should be no problem right considering that it's not frequent ::. Sorry I know it's not apples to apples but i just had to crack a joke

[AmyLeigh]

As far as the whole "if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?" I'm almost enticed to try to wear a thin, tight, strappy shirt and wear no bra under it. Maybe a white one on a nice hot sunny day. Then see what happens. Technically my boobs are covered and although people might be able to see my nipples protruding under the shirt and maybe my areolas through the thin fabric ... they are covered. If I do this 2 or 3 times a year it should be no problem right considering that it's not frequent ::. Sorry I know it's not apples to apples but i just had to crack a joke

:: I get it. But considering what you are talking about is a very common style in my town, it made me laugh. Cami, no bra, pajama pants or boxers and slippers. Worn by women of all ages and sizes. I see that MUCH more frequently than a boob exposed to feed a child.

[MarinaVanessa]

:: I get it. But considering what you are talking about is a very common style in my town, it made me laugh. Cami, no bra, pajama pants or boxers and slippers. Worn by women of all ages and sizes. I see that MUCH more frequently than a boob exposed to feed a child.

:::::::::::::::: Not so much in my town ... I'd be freaking out!! ::::::::

[AmyLeigh]

:::::::::::::::: Not so much in my town ... I'd be freaking out!! ::::::::

Yeah, SoCal is much much classier than we are! ::

[Country Kids]

Storytime at the library=mom pops it out over tank top and child have had it. Was at least a year old if not a little older. Made the daddys real uncomfortable. Has happened more then once with different moms.

My husband refuses to go to farmer markets/Saturday markets with me: really doesn't like seeing 4 year olds nursing. Neither does my 15 year old son.

The first time I saw a child being bf was in a restaurant and it has stuck with me for 33 years. I still remember the restaurant and announcing loudly "What is she doing?!"

I have seen more over the years but those all stick out in my mind the most.

[Play Care]

Just out of curiosity, how many here have actually seen the "boob flopped out on the restaurant table" kind of scenario? Almost all of my relatives and friends who have children nursed their kids for a year or more, and I think I have seen maybe 2 occasions where they had been accidentally exposed (squirmy baby, usually). And that was either in a church nursing room, or at a private home, not in a public area. Zero incidents where it is purposeful, in your face, kind of exposure. And I have NEVER seen that with regards to strangers in restaurants, stores, etc.

I know that Nannyde has posted about her experience. Any others?

My point is, if it doesn't happen very frequently, why get all up in arms about it?

In truth I've only seen it a couple of times and both times it was my neighbor who is a LLL leader and lactivist. It was at a neighborhood party and made most of the people there uncomfortable - keeping in mind that all the women in my neighborhood breastfed at one point(including me!), so it's not like nonbf'ers who are "against" breast feeding. It was shocking to see her almost 3 yo walk up to her lift up her shirt and expose her whole breast.
Because of who she is/what she does, I know she knows it makes people uncomfortable and doesn't care. That's her right. But it also means invitations to neighborhood events are few and far between - of course I'm not sure if it's the boob shots or the fact her kids are hellions that most people leave them off the list.

[Scout]

Anybody who says "Breasts are not sexual" are either clueless or in denial.

Both men and women view breast as sexual, because they ARE. They just ARE.

Yes, they are also for feeding our babies. But, how much of our lives are spent like that? The rest is us looking at our boobs in the mirror, wondering if we should get lifts or enlargements.

Dropping your shirt in front of everybody JUST because you feel like you need to be "in your face because my baby needs to eat" is rude. It's just selfish, rude, and extreme.

A toddler doesn't NEED to be breast fed right then... you can say "let mommy finish her dinner, here's a turkey leg".

BUT if a mom IS breast feeding, and she's sitting down in a mall by herself, or in a lawn chair at a picnic, look the heck away... for crying out loud, turn around if it offends you and look away. There is NO reason for a mom to go sit in the car, or the dressing room unless it's the only way a baby will eat.

Those who don't want to see a breast feeding mom, LOOK AWAY, and get over it.

Nursing kids past the age of one is normal....there is no cut of age.

I think a breast feeding debate is AWESOME! Just not as a target against one or two members. Everybody has different feelings about it, and no one opinion is more right than others. In some parts of North America, people are more modest, in others, it's not unusual to breast feed in the middle of a church service. I think consideration for both sides is important.

Edited to add....that time life picture of the mom and the giant three year old WAS meant to shock, and turn on some people. It was extremely sexualized, and probably hurt the breast feeding movement more than anything.

you can say "let mommy finish her dinner, here's a turkey leg".:: Love this!!

[mamac]

My feelings on breast-feeding in public are:
If your baby needs to eat, feed your baby. Please don't leave your boob out there for everyone to look at. I don't want to see it, and I don't think it is necessary. If you cover your bare boob, people will still know you are feeding your baby, and you are still getting your point across.

I agree with this.

I also think that in this country we are much further "behind" other countries when it comes to nudity. It wasn't all that long ago that showing a bellybutton on television was taboo. Social nudity has evolved quite a bit since then but the majority of this country has still not accepted women who openly breastfeed in public. IMO, if these women were to "ease into it" and do it discretely without it being "in your face" then I believe that people would be more willing to accept it. When that happens it becomes the social norm and everybody's happy. The extremist approach seems to be harming the whole breastfeeding movement rather than helping it.

I'm all for breastfeeding a child, even in public, but it should be expected that people behave in a manner that is socially acceptable in regards to the time and place. It absolutely can be done discretely, and those who purposely choose not to, IMO, are doing so for entirely different reasons and it has nothing to do with the needs of their child. I see them as either having exhibitionist personalities or as people who are trying too hard to prove a point.

I also agree that a person's preferences when it comes to certain things should be kept private. I don't know why there was a need to start advertising on our cars who we prefer to have sex with. And, quite frankly, I'm annoyed that a rainbow, a symbol that many children are attracted to, is the also the symbol of the LGBT community. But that's an entirely different topic.

[Kaddidle Care]

Heres my take on the whole breast issue whether feeding a child or just dressing.

I had a horrible experience with my first child while breastfeeding and was made to feel horrible about it by moms who breastfeed. I was told there was no reason a child couldn't breastfeed even though the lactacion specialist couldn't figure it out (why I was having such an issue).

I was shunned/kicked out of LaLeche league (still bad feelings 20 years later) because I couldn't nurse.

That is so sad that they, of all people treated you like that! I am pro-nursing but realize that it's not for everyone. Not everyone is shaped perfectly - I have a friend that has inverted nipples and managed to nurse with shields. Something LLL would have scoffed at. I give her so much credit. If she had said "No - I can't do this." I would have been fine with that. It's her choice.

The important thing is to love and feed your baby.

People CAN nurse discreetly and if the baby wiggles and accidentally exposes the Mom - oh well. I have no problem with that. I'm just not a fan of exhibitionists.

[safechner]

My husband is conservative as well. If I don't grab a cami or tank to put under my shirts, he grabs one for me. My daughter (3yo) has seen me without clothes, but he will NEVER let our daughters see him without clothes. Our oldest got excited and wanted to show Daddy something the other day, and he shut the door really quickly (after she opened it) because she tried walking in on him in the bathroom.

I dont blame on your husband. My husband is the same way. He took a shower with me and our first daughter (3 months old) together a long time ago. He felt uncomfortable so he never do it again. He always locked the door whenever he takes a shower or going the restroom. I wouldn't let my daughters see me without clothes because I am SICK of my mother who has been without clothes when I grew up. That is why I am not comfortable. I think it is good example for my kids that they need to cover up no matter what...

[snips&snails]

I also want to make a more serious comment on this. Breasts are sexual. But unfortunately they are also disproportionately sexual-IZED. For me personally, I find this another reason to increase exposure to "the truth." I have a 5 year old and 7 year old boy. Both have seen me nurse, occasionally see me naked, and see my friends nurse fairly regularly. I am so grateful for that. They will grow up knowing what real boobs look like. I limit their exposure to "the perfect body." No Women's magazines laying around, no TV with commercials, etc. THESE are the things that should be stigmatized. Instead, they're idolized. That's wrong. And it began with the oppression of boobs. (Hmm, that's one of the strangest things I've ever said...) As soon as we began covering up Nature's boobs, Society's boobs busted out. (Oh man, the puns, I'm on fire.)

One of the reasons p-o-r-n can be so detrimental to so many marriages is because it sets up an unreal expectation of what a woman should be. We are using The Media and The Internet as our kids' learning tools and examples to what is normal.

So do I think breast feeding in public is more about just feeding your child? YES. I believe it's about bettering our future generation. Assisting our boys in becoming men of integrity, and assisting our girls in becoming free from oppression. It sounds so dramatic when I put it that way, but... it's what I believe.