My Own Son and A DCM - Feeling Upset!!!!

[laundrymom]

"I've" never signed that kind of paper. And I won't. My child. My ultimate responsibility.

[ABCDaycareMN]

No such paper exists here. I never signed anything nor would I.

[JenNJ]

I absolutely would have seen if I could help. But I would have asked the teacher first. I can understand the primal need to help my child any way possible, but I can also logically see that the teachers cannot allow that.

I am pretty sure you have signed an agreement if your child goes to school. I signed one for medical emergencies, injuries, visitation, late arrivals, early pickups, absences, etc. I had to sign at least a dozen papers including a parent code of conduct and my son had to sign the student code of conduct.

[TheGoodLife]

She was comforting her hurt child, and the teacher knows that it was her son, not an unknown person. That was not against the rules. As a former teacher, I could not even imagine speaking to a parent like that, none-the-less my own child's DCP. Just trying to bully/control!

[Lucy]

I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.

Although I wouldn't have said it in as harsh a tone as the above, I agree with the overall meaning of this answer. There were already 29 responses before I started reading. I kept reading each one thinking, "Wow, I totally see this the opposite way that everyone else does. Weird." Then #29 came up and I was redeemed! LOL

To the OP, I do TOTALLY see your point. It's hard to see our precious kids in pain. Whether physical OR emotional. And your son was likely experiencing both. Our mother bear instinct kicks in and nothing else matters.

However..... there comes a point where you just have to step back and let other adults handle things regarding your kids. It's extremely tough, but you gotta do it sometimes. School is one of those times.

The staff are doing what they feel is best for the safety of the ENTIRE student body. If they make exceptions here and there, it compromises the integrity of their safety plan.

If one parent removed their child from the line of kids walking back to their classroom, that disrupts the whole group. Now other kids want to go out of the line and see Mom. It throws off their count. Maybe the staff member at the front of the line didn't see the one child being pulled away, and when she turns to perform a head count, she's one off and throws herself and everyone around her into a panic. There are just so many ways that it is not advisable in a VERY large group such as a school to comprimise their well-thought out plans.

That being said... again, I TOTALLY get it. I would have been extremely drawn to pull him out of line and hug him and tell him it'll be ok. But logic would have told me that the staff would take appropriate actions and either get him back to class or to the office so they could put ice on it. At that point, they would then attempt to call you (although you'd be there, so...). What I would've done is immediately gone to the office to wait for him. I'm sure they would've eventually taken him there.

I honestly don't mean this to bawl you out in any way, shape, or form. Trust me. I just think that in this instance, it was for the greater good to just bite your lip and ache for your child, but leave him in the capable hands of the school staff. Hope you're not offended. Just trying to play Devil's Advocate.

Let me add that it does sound like the DCM spoke to you in probably not the best tone. But she was stressed. It would've pissed me off, but I can see having to be direct and firm if a parent was trying to disrupt the proceedings in that type of chaotic environment. As an alternate plan, if I were in earshot of the teacher or other staff member dealing with your son's group, I may have said, "What happened? Should I meet up with him in the office?"

[Springdaze]

I can understand and would really be miffed as well, but its kind of no different than us telling a parent to drop an upset child off and let us take care of them. We wouldnt want the parent hanging around and have heard many complain about this very thing. Yes, he had a bloody nose, but....

[CedarCreek]

I can understand and would really be miffed as well, but its kind of no different than us telling a parent to drop an upset child off and let us take care of them. We wouldnt want the parent hanging around and have heard many complain about this very thing. Yes, he had a bloody nose, but....

It is VERY different.

[Springdaze]

if she wouldnt have been there, she wouldnt have known til he got home, it just so happens she was there

[Starburst]

I would have told her: "If your children were at my daycare and got hurt and I told you that you couldn't check on them to make sure they were okay- I know your first reaction would be to pull your child out of my program! I am his mother and I have a right to know that he is okay!" Then I would tell her: "Consider that your 2 weeks notice"... Yeah, maybe in a world were I actually had a backbone and some huevos.

On one hand I understand the rules and stuff but I think it is illeagle for them to deny a parents access to their child (as long as the family is not abusing the child)- after all at your daycare you cannot stop a parent from coming in and seeing their child during the day or prevent the parents from picking the child up early even if you did have an activity/event planned; though you probably could say if their child go more upset due to their presents and it disrupted the other children that they need to go and take their child home for the day. But you cannot tell them that they are not allowed to see their children.

I would seriously consider talking to the principle and tell them that not allowing you to tend to your injured son is unacceptable. And if they didn't do anything I would seriously consider a different school because that doesn't seem right that when your child is hurt that you cannot even go over to make sure they are okay or if he need to go to see a doctor- if something worse had happened and they didn't let me see my kid I would more than gladly sue the school. When a kid is hurt they don't want teachers/principles, they don't want doctors; they want their mommy! He didn't just scrape his knee, he had a bloody nose! If his nose is broken it could affect his breathing and he could need surgery before the cartlige set in (my brother got a broken nose from jumping off a car once). It is proven that education does best when it values families involvement in the child's development0 including emotional!

I would probably also consider terminating the mom too, espesually if you thought she was a bit of a bully before that. It's an after school activity- its one thing if it happend during a normal school hours and they didn't want to interupt his acedemics, but just so they could put on a show to make their school look good; is really dumb.

[CedarCreek]

What does that matter? She was there. She tried to comfort her injured son and had him physically taken away from her and was insulted on top of it.

[countrymom]

my children love to see me and come up to me and give me hugs when I go to the school, they do love to come home too, so I sometimes end up being mean and not letting them come home.

I think, the students should have been placed in their classrooms and if you wanted to see your child or take them home then you would have to go to the classroom and sign them out. Now the action of the teacher was wrong, she should have asked for your help as she brought the kids back.

I would have been crying too

[bunnyslippers]

I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.

Let me start my response with this...I agree with most of what you said and think many of your points are valid. HOWEVER, you have some of your facts wrong. And your delivery is downright nasty and a bit offensive. You can express your opinions while still being kind.

I was a teacher in a public school, for many years. I recognize the difficult position the teachers were in today, and also recognize how important it is for them to keep every child safe. I both recognize and respect that. I do entrust my children to them, every day. I live in a very small town, and the teachers in the school all know me, on sight. We are a very close knit community, and we all take care of one another. When the children were exiting the building, I walked several of them out to their class lines. That is just how we operate in this town.

I did not pull him out of line. His teacher was fully aware of me being there and walking with him - in his line - to calm him down. She let go of his hand and allowed me to walk with him.

The teacher who pulled him away from me is NOT his teacher. She is a friend of mine, and also a parent of some of the children I care for each day. I was upset because my injured child was moved away from me before I could even say goodbye to him.

Again, I recognize the chaotic situation we were in. It was frightening, for everyone involved. The children, parents and staff were all in a heightened state of fear. Thank goodness it turned out to be a false alarm, or this would be a very different post.

The teacher/friend who pulled my child away from me just came and picked up her children. The first thing she did when she walked in was hug me and apologize for "tearing my bleeding child away" from me. We all discussed the situation frankly and openly, and thanked God that our children are safe and that we have one another to look after each other's children.

My sweet little man is home and doing fine. Thanks to all of you for your supportive words today. I did need to hear from other moms, and I was feeling very sad about the whole thing. You all (well, most of you) helped me through a trying day. Again, I am grateful I have this forum!

[Michael]

We do home school so I am not unbiased. As soon as they tried to take child away from me I would have had them out of school.

K

Yes, agree with you. Both my kids are homeschooled.

BTW, I've seen so many ((HUGS)) that I created a new smiley for you all to use.

:hug:

[Msdunny]

No, no, no, no, no!! I would be furious, and I am angry FOR you!! There is no way I would stand for that.

I would really have to speak to this teacher. I really don't understand not allowing parents access to their own children! What are we coming to as a society?

[Lucy]

I really didn't mean to offend and thought I DID use kind words?? :confused:

We did not originally have some of the information that you later clarified, and speaking for myself, I could only go with the facts I was given.

No ill will. I promise!! As I said, I was playing Devil's Advocate.