To The Mother In The Store Yesterday

[Kaddidle Care]

This drives me NUTS!!!! And I cringe at our trainings when we are told by "experts" to "ignore" behaviors, because in my experience I've NEVER had a child who thought "wow, this isn't getting me attention so I will stop." It's usually "yeah? see if you can ingore THIS!!" as they introduce another totally unacceptable behavior to the mix
I guess I'm more of a nip it in the bud kind of person::

That technique works well with PUPPIES! :: Sometimes it works with children but not all.

The food eating/stealing thing.. I'll pass.

Anything my kids ate was already paid for and I once made the MISTAKE of bringing cheerios for my younest to eat in a zip loc bag and he dumped them at the check out line. Took me forever to pick them up! Never again! :: (And no, I wouldn't leave it for store clean up to take care of - I am responsible for my own child's mess.)

[EchoMom]

If your son goes to bed at 7:30 then go shopping after he is in bed. If he is in no condition to go with you without having to eat, then leave him home or better yet, feed him a small snack before going to the store.

Working long hours as a child care provider has NO bearing on this subject. I've always worked long hours and NEVER had to let my child eat in the grocery store while we were shopping.




I also fail to see how allowing your child to eat something while in the store before you pay for it teaches him manners, obedience, self-control, vocabulary and practical life skills?



There are laws about eating in certain establishments and although people do eat in the grocery store, I am sure it was never meant to be that way.

My grocery store offers free apples to kids not cookies AND they offer a little cafe area with booths and tables for people to stop at and eat rather than walking around the store to do it.

You never said one thing about the deli or anyone else OFFERING anything for free in your original post.



I am sure the grocer/store manager wants to keep everyone's business as he is in it to make money but don't act like your patronage is any more important than mine.



I also could care less about adults who are dirty and leave messes in the stores because they too are part of the problem we are discussing.

It's not like I am suddenly going to think it is ok because others do it too...



It doesn't really **** that I feel this way....it ****s that you were so condescending and snarky in your orginal post. Your post came across as you couldn't care less what other people think and will do what you want either way.

WOW... I am shocked that such a little matter has resulted in such hostility... I never would have responded had I known it would cause such responses. I feel like this is being blown way way out of proportion over a very small innocent matter.

Maybe it's different in your area. In my Kroger kids get free cookies, their are samples out for people to take frequently, there is a popcorn machine, the deli gives free slices to taste of whatever you buy, and their is a starbucks so you can walk around eating your baked goods and drinks.

At my store it is clear that it is perfectly fine to eat in the store. So that's my response to the it's dirty/disrespectful/poor manners/BS.

And as far as it being stealing, I just think that's totally wrong. It's not stealing and I fully stand by that. The money is in your pocket, every intention is there to buy it, you never leave the store without paying, to say it's stealing is BS.

Clearly I am super offended by the implications this is bringing up. All I was doing was offering a different view from the perspective of someone with the shoe on the other foot.

[Blackcat31]

WOW... I am shocked that such a little matter has resulted in such hostility... I never would have responded had I known it would cause such responses. I feel like this is being blown way way out of proportion over a very small innocent matter.

Maybe it's different in your area. In my Kroger kids get free cookies, their
are samples out for people to take frequently, there is a popcorn machine, the deli gives free slices to taste of whatever you buy, and their is a starbucks so you can walk around eating your baked goods and drinks.

At my store it is clear that it is perfectly fine to eat in the store. So that's my response to the it's dirty/disrespectful/poor manners/BS.

And as far as it being stealing, I just think that's totally wrong. It's not stealing and I fully stand by that. The money is in your pocket, every intention is there to buy it, you never leave the store without paying, to say it's stealing is BS.

Clearly I am super offended by the implications this is bringing up. All I was doing was offering a different view from the perspective of someone with the shoe on the other foot.

I am not being hostile in the least bit I was responding to YOUR original post which I said felt like it came across as condescending and snarky.

An example is: You said: "But you're darn right if he starts to get cranky, I'm pushing it too close to bedtime, etc. then heck yes I feed him before we pay and I don't feel one bit bad about it."

and then when a poster made a comment about Cheerios and how horrible the incident was you said "I think the box of cheerios is a good idea. I'll probably try it sometime."

THAT comes across as VERY self-centered and uncaring as to what others think.

If your grocery store allows people to eat the foods and products BEFORE they are paid for then continue to do so.

You never mentioned free samples and popcorn machines that promote eating in the store until AFTER I responded with a different viewpoint than yours.

You could have made your point in a much better and more positive way. It was YOU that came out fighting so why wouldn't others respond in the same manner?

FWIW~ I NEVER said anything about stealing other than in my first post and you clarified that it was a one time thing so I never brought it up again.

I offered the other side of this coin you keep mentioning about how I feel/think in response to your statements.

I was in NO way hostile or mean, and I certainly never implied anything other than what I said.....there are no alterior or dark implications in my responses.....


I have an opinion that carries as much weight as yours.

You said your side. I said mine. We agree to disagree.

[countrymom]

Ok, sorry, gotta jump in here to defend myself!

Sorry, but I frequently let my DS (17 months now and when he was younger) eat while I'm shopping. I have never left him with a babysitter, ever. I take him with me all the time everywhere and he does tons of walking around and helping me shop and we name everything at the store.

But you're darn right if he starts to get cranky, I'm pushing it too close to bedtime, etc. the heck yes I feed him before we pay and I don't feel one bit bad about it. I wouldn't do the grapes because 1. that's so dirty to not wash them! 2. It's by weight. But...........

The things my DS has eaten while shopping:
Banana (ok, yes, this one is stealing, I thought I could weigh the peel and it would be about the same)
Bakery wheat roll (take out of bag, doesn't affect price)
Deli meat
Deli cheese
Rotisserie chicken (Yep, we've done that twice!)
Tomato (by package, not weight. Washed it in the water fountain)
Bottled water

Notice it's at least all healthy stuff!

Why wouldn't I let my child eat while shopping? I'm going to pay for it. If for some weird reason my card were declined, I'd just have to use a different card. I'd much rather let him eat while shopping then leave him at home or have a tantrum in the store. I don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever.

I think the box of cheerios is a good idea. I'll probably try it sometime.

really your that lazy that you can't pack snacks and food in your diaper bag to bring with you. What else do you want me to call you. and saying that your child needs to eat on a fly, ha! you don't know the meaning of that. Your child doesn't need to go to sleep exactly at 7pm, so he goes to sleep 10 or 15 min. later, not a big deal. If you can't do your shopping on the weekday then go on the weekends.

if your teaching your child that its fine to eat in the store with food off the shelf what are you going to tell him when he is 4 or 5 and he's hungry, that its fine to do it. I think this is the most stupidest excuse I have ever heard, and I'm a mom of 4 kids and I can truely tell you that I have never ever allowed my child to eat in the store with food that I have not purchased yet.

[Country Kids]

Echomom,

Good job in helping shoppers have a pleasant experience while your child was in the store-happyface

I did the same thing with my youngest. The store we shopped out didn't hand out anything free (not even cookies). Our manager was fine and knew I always paid for everything. Would rather see a child eating something healthy then the garbage from the checkout stand.

A store my friend shops at in another state actually hands out things like produce and that to the kids-happyface I think that is such an awesome idea and what a way to get kids to eat healthy.

My child is older now and doesn't rely on having to have a snack when we go to the store. Happy, healthy child and praises from many a grownup in my childs lifetime.

Keep up the good work with your son!

[EchoMom]

THANK YOU so much CountryMom. I really appreciate it. No one has to agree with me, but at least it doesn't have to turn into name calling. This is totally uncalled for. Thank you, you've made my day by saying something nice.

[littlemissmuffet]

I'm quite suprised reading this thread... I know that nobody/no parent is perfect, but I'm shocked that some childcare providers on this board have such bad parenting habits (that we as providers often complain about)! But, then again, I suppose it's no different than the mechanic who drives an old beater car, the hair stylist who has the worst dye-job/hair-do ever or the the lawn care specialist whose own yard has grass and weeds growing a mile high! ::

[Willow]

What I don't get is why so many here are so obsessed with judging how other people parent?

I've seen sooooo many groups of people put down lately, what is the point of all that judgment? I get feeling passionate about what we do ourselves, I think I'm a freaking genius when it comes to my kids most days, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell someone else they're doing it wrong simply because they do something different than I do. Or act all offended, scoff, make fun of someone elses methods.

If something's not working for you by all means switch gears and share your experiences.

But if it DOES work I don't care if you attachment parent or not, co-sleep or not, feed your kids in a store or not, let them get in and out of the cart or not, or leave a store if your child throws a tantrum or make a conscience effort to stay to prove a point.....if the end result is a well behaved adult why in the heck do ya'll care what another parent does???

There is not one path and one path only that leads to a well balanced, healthy minded, well behaved grown up. Tout what's best in your opinion, but that doesn't have to equate to a giant barf fest on everyone else.




Good grief I feel like my parenting style has just been raked over the freaking coals..... I did/do practice AP, I did co-sleep, I did bring snacks for my kids during outtings when they were bitty and no I don't leave a store simply because my child throws a simple tantrum.

Newsflash! Despite all my obvious "deficits" my kids still aren't out of control, whiney, tantruming, psycho heathens, I'm sure much to the surprise of some of you here!

[Willow]

That technique works well with PUPPIES! :: Sometimes it works with children but not all.

I'd never presume to say it would work on all children because I'm not a fan of absolutes, but the technique has worked with every single child I've ever cared for.

Emphasis on the word CHILDREN.

[countrymom]

What I don't get is why so many here are so obsessed with judging how other people parent?

I've seen sooooo many groups of people put down lately, what is the point of all that judgment? I get feeling passionate about what we do ourselves, I think I'm a freaking genius when it comes to my kids most days, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell someone else they're doing it wrong simply because they do something different than I do. Or act all offended, scoff, make fun of someone elses methods.

If something's not working for you by all means switch gears and share your experiences.

But if it DOES work I don't care if you attachment parent or not, co-sleep or not, feed your kids in a store or not, let them get in and out of the cart or not, or leave a store if your child throws a tantrum or make a conscience effort to stay to prove a point.....if the end result is a well behaved adult why in the heck do ya'll care what another parent does???

There is not one path and one path only that leads to a well balanced, healthy minded, well behaved grown up. Tout what's best in your opinion, but that doesn't have to equate to a giant barf fest on everyone else.




Good grief I feel like my parenting style has just been raked over the freaking coals..... I did/do practice AP, I did co-sleep, I did bring snacks for my kids during outtings when they were bitty and no I don't leave a store simply because my child throws a simple tantrum.

Newsflash! Despite all my obvious "deficits" my kids still aren't out of control, whiney, tantruming, psycho heathens, I'm sure much to the surprise of some of you here!

by the way I co slept too and nursed my ydd till she was 3. I think the point is that we need to have respect for people when we bring our children to stores.

my sister has worked for 20 yrs at a grocery store. Letting your child eat in the store that you have not yet purchased is the same as stealing. She sees it happen alot. Parents complaining that their kids didn't eat so they are having a melt down so lets feed them in the store.

then the kids throw the food everywhere, the shopping carts are filthy and full of garbage and the workers are the ones that get to clean it up.

she also points out that by eating the food before you pay is the same as stealing. Its like saying "let me try the product out and if I like it then I'll pay for it, if I don't like it then I won't buy it" there is no difference. Regardless if you say that your paying for it, your still eating the food---taking it and not paying for it till later on. This is how food prices go up too.

she sees it all. parents grabbing diapers changing thier kids and putting back an open package. She also questioned why, knowing every week you go to the store that you don't have a plan of action and come prepared. Its not hard to pack stuff for your children.

[Meeko]

I just look at it as the food is NOT MINE until I pay for it. I have no right to eat/use ANYTHING from ANY store until it is paid for. Food, clothing, appliances...whatever. The only exception would be if they are GIVING AWAY samples.

Grocery stores lose a TON of money from folks who decide to feed themselves before they pay for the food.

Some will be honest, and pay at the register, but many won't. The grocery store has to pass that cost onto other consumers to make back their loss.

Feeding a 12 month old in the store may seem an easy fix for the parent, but as someone else pointed out, how do you then explain 5 years later on that it's OK to rip open a food package at the grocery store before it's paid for, but they can't rip open the toy package and play with the toy before it's payed before? No difference.

If my husband can eat his way through the store with the attitude that he will pay for it later, why can't he pop on a new shirt? Why can't my daughters change their underwear right there in the changing room? If they intend to pay for them, is it OK to take the empty package to the register and say "I have them on already"???

I see no difference whatsoever. Store items...used before purchase.

Bottom line is....everything belongs to the store until you exchange money and have a receipt in your hand.

It's not good business for the store. It's not teaching a child anything other than instant gratification. ( I would never take a starving 12 month old to the store in the first place.)

Most of us loathe the fact that some daycare parents think they can use a providers services and as long as they EVENTUALLY pay for it...it's all good. So what if payment is due at drop-off? Make her wait until pick-up......you're gonna pay her......so what's the big deal???? The big deal is that's not how business works.

I want paid first. Why would the grocery store owner be any different? Especially as it it easy for people to eat and run without paying.

[countrymom]

I just look at it as the food is NOT MINE until I pay for it. I have no right to eat/use ANYTHING from ANY store until it is paid for. Food, clothing, appliances...whatever. The only exception would be if they are GIVING AWAY samples.

Grocery stores lose a TON of money from folks who decide to feed themselves before they pay for the food.

Some will be honest, and pay at the register, but many won't. The grocery store has to pass that cost onto other consumers to make back their loss.

Feeding a 12 month old in the store may seem an easy fix for the parent, but as someone else pointed out, how do you then explain 5 years later on that it's OK to rip open a food package at the grocery store before it's paid for, but they can't rip open the toy package and play with the toy before it's payed before? No difference.

If my husband can eat his way through the store with the attitude that he will pay for it later, why can't he pop on a new shirt? Why can't my daughters change their underwear right there in the changing room? If they intend to pay for them, is it OK to take the empty package to the register and say "I have them on already"???

I see no difference whatsoever. Store items...used before purchase.

Bottom line is....everything belongs to the store until you exchange money and have a receipt in your hand.

It's not good business for the store. It's not teaching a child anything other than instant gratification. ( I would never take a starving 12 month old to the store in the first place.)

Most of us loathe the fact that some daycare parents think they can use a providers services and as long as they EVENTUALLY pay for it...it's all good. So what if payment is due at drop-off? Make her wait until pick-up......you're gonna pay her......so what's the big deal???? The big deal is that's not how business works.

I want paid first. Why would the grocery store owner be any different? Especially as it it easy for people to eat and run without paying.

good annallogy with the daycare business, I never thought of that. But its so true.

[My3cents]

I was once in the store and this lady was spanking her child. Then another lady walks up and tells the lady that she was a bad mother. Then right there in the middle of store they start fighting. Then the child reaches up and pull the coffee bean machine and they go all over the floor. I just turned around and walked off. It was the most craziest thing i had ever seen

I have seen this happen with a family and a man. The one man yelled, you don't hit children ever!!! The other one told him to mind his own business. Then it went to do you want to take this outside and I will whip your A** and then we can see how you like being hit. It was the craziest thing ever. The family was dragging these two girls around that were sick of shopping while the parents ignored them, then finally one of them acted out and the father spanked her a couple of times, yelled at her. Walmart- some funny stuff happens there and I always seem to witness it. UGH~

[My3cents]

I am staying out of the debate but I wanted to say that my child took a bite out of an apple she reached in the back of the cart for while I was pulling another item off the shelf to buy. I got up to the register and told them that I would pay for it but the lady just shook her head and said never mind.

I wouldn't eat the grapes while shopping they have video cameras in most stores. The do prosecute for it-

[spud912]

What I don't get is why so many here are so obsessed with judging how other people parent?

I've seen sooooo many groups of people put down lately, what is the point of all that judgment? I get feeling passionate about what we do ourselves, I think I'm a freaking genius when it comes to my kids most days, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell someone else they're doing it wrong simply because they do something different than I do. Or act all offended, scoff, make fun of someone elses methods.

If something's not working for you by all means switch gears and share your experiences.

But if it DOES work I don't care if you attachment parent or not, co-sleep or not, feed your kids in a store or not, let them get in and out of the cart or not, or leave a store if your child throws a tantrum or make a conscience effort to stay to prove a point.....if the end result is a well behaved adult why in the heck do ya'll care what another parent does???

There is not one path and one path only that leads to a well balanced, healthy minded, well behaved grown up. Tout what's best in your opinion, but that doesn't have to equate to a giant barf fest on everyone else.




Good grief I feel like my parenting style has just been raked over the freaking coals..... I did/do practice AP, I did co-sleep, I did bring snacks for my kids during outtings when they were bitty and no I don't leave a store simply because my child throws a simple tantrum.

Newsflash! Despite all my obvious "deficits" my kids still aren't out of control, whiney, tantruming, psycho heathens, I'm sure much to the surprise of some of you here!

I agree!

I try to leave my judgmental self at home, although I do think there are a few occasions she comes along for the ride. She especially likes to come out to judge the OBVIOUS "parents" who probably should have used protection .