To The Mother In The Store Yesterday

[Kaddidle Care]

Oh mine acted up - they weren't always angels. But when they did I would leave the store. I refuse to let my children annoy other people. My problem, not theirs.

[Heidi]

I wanted to post a better response earlier but was short on time.

Yes it is a learning curve with children. My dd does do all of those things I mentioned, but not once did I say I just sit there idly and let it happen. Most good parents will magnify every misbehavior from their children and feel as if they are in the spotlight. To the contrary, any passerby will say that the children are acting completely age-appropriate. In the OP's case, I believe the problem was with the fact that the mom was oblivious or purposely ignored the poor behavior from her OLDER children. It probably stems from many years of ignorance and lack of discipline.

It's all a learning curve and nobody can say that their children started at 100% good behavior with every action unless their child is a real life robot. I want my children to behave in public too, but not at the expense of them not learning a new skill. I think it's very important for my barely-2 year old dd to learn how to walk normally through a store (as there are times we go in without a cart). Therefore, I find it extremely important to put her down and teach her how to walk in a normal line. That does mean that there will be plenty of hiccups along the way and many times when I have to discipline, take her out of the store or put put in the cart seat in order to put her back in line. Her misbehavior is completely normal for her age. My 3 year old had some issues when she was around the same age (2) and we managed to fine tune her shopping skills ::.

For every time they do sit well or use manners or walk nicely in a store, there were probably 10,000 other times that I had to sit them back up, remind them about manners or steer them in the right direction. I am not one to deny that the misbehavior never happened, though. I am a real person with real children.

This post takes me back to the time when I didn't have children and I went shopping. I would see the kids....the ones we all know of too well.....they are screaming in the store, demanding things, running around, etc. I admit that I judged those parents. In some cases, I'm sure the parents could have done something better. In most cases, however, it was children acting like children do when they are dragged to a store. It wasn't until I had children of my own that I realized it's not always peaches and cream and no matter what good intentions you carry, kids are going to misbehave. The important thing is to make every effort to mold them into good little citizens and eventually, most children will become well behaved. Some children or actions require more than one counter-action to correct the behavior, but at some point they will learn with enough consistency.

I sure hope you know my answer was intended to be light-hearted. I added "smileys" to come accross that way. I hope it worked....

[spud912]

I sure hope you know my answer was intended to be light-hearted. I added "smileys" to come accross that way. I hope it worked....

Ditto . In fact, I added every smiley just to make sure that people knew I wasn't fuming here ::.

[daycarediva]

A little off topic but- I heard high pitched whining in the grocery store this morning and KNEW it was DCB. I said it to dh, he listened for a second & agreed. Sure enough, a few minutes later around the corner comes DCB, whining, grabbing his Mom's pants and dragging his feet. He INSTANTLY stopped whining when he saw me. :: I asked if he was being an oscar the grouch and he started laughing. End of whining. I swear, I don't think his Mom even HEARS it, or has completely tuned it out. It sounds like a kid making a car noise almost. LOL!

[Candy]

I was once in the store and this lady was spanking her child. Then another lady walks up and tells the lady that she was a bad mother. Then right there in the middle of store they start fighting. Then the child reaches up and pull the coffee bean machine and they go all over the floor. I just turned around and walked off. It was the most craziest thing i had ever seen

[Meeko]

OK...it's a bit off topic....but .......one of my pet peeves in the grocery store, is the mothers who pick up a bag of grapes and let their kids munch on them as they shop to keep them happy. I see it all the time.

It's sold by WEIGHT people!!!! Your kid just ate a bunch of STOLEN grapes!!!!!

[spud912]

OK...it's a bit off topic....but .......one of my pet peeves in the grocery store, is the mothers who pick up a bag of grapes and let their kids munch on them as they shop to keep them happy. I see it all the time.

It's sold by WEIGHT people!!!! Your kid just ate a bunch of STOLEN grapes!!!!!

Yes! I see that all the time! I never understood the whole idea of opening up food packages and eating it before you paid for it. What if your card was declined for whatever reason?

[Patches]

OK...it's a bit off topic....but .......one of my pet peeves in the grocery store, is the mothers who pick up a bag of grapes and let their kids munch on them as they shop to keep them happy. I see it all the time.

It's sold by WEIGHT people!!!! Your kid just ate a bunch of STOLEN grapes!!!!!

Yes! I see that all the time! I never understood the whole idea of opening up food packages and eating it before you paid for it. What if your card was declined for whatever reason?

I'm right there with you on this one. I saw one lady (I was behind her at check out)who had a box of frosted cheerios opened and was letting her child eat them. Well the cashier told her that they are not supposed to do that and the lady got an attitude and told cashier "it's ok, we're paying for it". Turns out the lady was using WIC and those particu;ar cheerios were not approved and she got all pissed at the cashier for not letting her get the cheerios on her WIC and saying that she's not paying for them She ended up not having to pay for them too:confused:

[EchoMom]

Yes! I see that all the time! I never understood the whole idea of opening up food packages and eating it before you paid for it. What if your card was declined for whatever reason?

Ok, sorry, gotta jump in here to defend myself!

Sorry, but I frequently let my DS (17 months now and when he was younger) eat while I'm shopping. I have never left him with a babysitter, ever. I take him with me all the time everywhere and he does tons of walking around and helping me shop and we name everything at the store.

But you're darn right if he starts to get cranky, I'm pushing it too close to bedtime, etc. the heck yes I feed him before we pay and I don't feel one bit bad about it. I wouldn't do the grapes because 1. that's so dirty to not wash them! 2. It's by weight. But...........

The things my DS has eaten while shopping:
Banana (ok, yes, this one is stealing, I thought I could weigh the peel and it would be about the same)
Bakery wheat roll (take out of bag, doesn't affect price)
Deli meat
Deli cheese
Rotisserie chicken (Yep, we've done that twice!)
Tomato (by package, not weight. Washed it in the water fountain)
Bottled water

Notice it's at least all healthy stuff!

Why wouldn't I let my child eat while shopping? I'm going to pay for it. If for some weird reason my card were declined, I'd just have to use a different card. I'd much rather let him eat while shopping then leave him at home or have a tantrum in the store. I don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever.

I think the box of cheerios is a good idea. I'll probably try it sometime.

[Play Care]

I have a friend who does the ignoring thing. Totally tunes the kids out in public if she's talking to someone. They scream, shout, throw things, bang on stuff, climb on things, and nothing is said until it escalates to a point that is ridiculous. Drives me BATTY. They're younger kids (there are four of them) and are not learning how to behave correctly at all. I usually end up doing the correcting myself.

This drives me NUTS!!!! And I cringe at our trainings when we are told by "experts" to "ignore" behaviors, because in my experience I've NEVER had a child who thought "wow, this isn't getting me attention so I will stop." It's usually "yeah? see if you can ingore THIS!!" as they introduce another totally unacceptable behavior to the mix
I guess I'm more of a nip it in the bud kind of person::

[Blackcat31]

Ok, sorry, gotta jump in here to defend myself!

Sorry, but I frequently let my DS (17 months now and when he was younger) eat while I'm shopping. I have never left him with a babysitter, ever. I take him with me all the time everywhere and he does tons of walking around and helping me shop and we name everything at the store.

But you're darn right if he starts to get cranky, I'm pushing it too close to bedtime, etc. the heck yes I feed him before we pay and I don't feel one bit bad about it. I wouldn't do the grapes because 1. that's so dirty to not wash them! 2. It's by weight. But...........

The things my DS has eaten while shopping:
Banana (ok, yes, this one is stealing, I thought I could weigh the peel and it would be about the same)
Bakery wheat roll (take out of bag, doesn't affect price)
Deli meat
Deli cheese
Rotisserie chicken (Yep, we've done that twice!)
Tomato (by package, not weight. Washed it in the water fountain)
Bottled water

Notice it's at least all healthy stuff!

Why wouldn't I let my child eat while shopping? I'm going to pay for it. If for some weird reason my card were declined, I'd just have to use a different card. I'd much rather let him eat while shopping then leave him at home or have a tantrum in the store. I don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever.

I think the box of cheerios is a good idea. I'll probably try it sometime.

Ok, I have to jump in here and ask....seriously?!?

I know a few moms who do this too and they always use "well, at least it is healthy stuff" as part of their defense too.

Great! You are feeding you child healthy stuff....

But why go shopping so close to meal times?
How is allowing your child to eat on the run ok/safe?

I mean as a daycare provider, I spend an extraordinary amount of time teaching kids to eat AT the table WITH manners and not on the fly.

Plus, as a shopper with no kids, I have to spend time wiping down the grimey dirty food crusted shopping cart before I can do any of my shopping.

I also feel sorry for the store employees who have sweep up or clean up the store aisles and shelves of emtpy wrappers, boxes and bags.

Never leaving your child with a babysitter has no bearing on this situation.....it's not like never using a sitter is a pre-requisite to being a great parent.

A great parent would think outside their own world and realize other people are effected by their (and their child's) actions in a store.

...and the banana.....yes, it is outright stealing.

[Meeko]

Ok, I have to jump in here and ask....seriously?!?

I know a few moms who do this too and they always use "well, at least it is healthy stuff" as part of their defense too.

Great! You are feeding you child healthy stuff....

But why go shopping so close to meal times?
How is allowing your child to eat on the run ok/safe?

I mean as a daycare provider, I spend an extraordinary amount of time teaching kids to eat AT the table WITH manners and not on the fly.

Plus, as a shopper with no kids, I have to spend time wiping down the grimey dirty food crusted shopping cart before I can do any of my shopping.

I also feel sorry for the store employees who have sweep up or clean up the store aisles and shelves of emtpy wrappers, boxes and bags.

Never leaving your child with a babysitter has no bearing on this situation.....it's not like never using a sitter is a pre-requisite to being a great parent.

A great parent would think outside their own world and realize other people are effected by their (and their child's) actions in a store.

...and the banana.....yes, it is outright stealing.

I agree!

I understand that kids get cranky and hungry. So feed them before you go! Or if food must be used as a pacifier (not a good habit to start) then take something in a baggie from home.

My kids are pretty much grown now (they range from 31 to 16) But I do remember them sometimes fussing for food in the store. I ALWAYS told them that it wasn't ours to eat until we had payed for it...no matter what it was.

I fail to see how any mother could teach her children that it's OK to have /use/eat....ie STEAL something from a store before it's paid for. Stealing food is no different from stealing a TV. Stealing is stealing.

It's also one reason that groceries cost more every week. Vendors have to cover the cost of all the food eaten IN the store and the extra clean-up required. I see it everywhere I go...empty wrappers etc stuffed on shelves, kids chomping on various things...it's disgusting.

[EchoMom]

Ok, I have to jump in here and ask....seriously?!?

I know a few moms who do this too and they always use "well, at least it is healthy stuff" as part of their defense too.

Great! You are feeding you child healthy stuff....

But why go shopping so close to meal times?
How is allowing your child to eat on the run ok/safe?

I mean as a daycare provider, I spend an extraordinary amount of time teaching kids to eat AT the table WITH manners and not on the fly.

Plus, as a shopper with no kids, I have to spend time wiping down the grimey dirty food crusted shopping cart before I can do any of my shopping.

I also feel sorry for the store employees who have sweep up or clean up the store aisles and shelves of emtpy wrappers, boxes and bags.

Never leaving your child with a babysitter has no bearing on this situation.....it's not like never using a sitter is a pre-requisite to being a great parent.

A great parent would think outside their own world and realize other people are effected by their (and their child's) actions in a store.

...and the banana.....yes, it is outright stealing.

****s you feel that way. I'm just being honest and piping up for the other side of the coin. I fully believe that I am in no way teaching my child to steal or be a pig. In fact I am the first person to pull out my own wipes from my purse to clean the shopping cart upon arrival, and continually wipe his hands during and at the end of our shopping trip. If he's eating something, he is in the cart never touching or bothering anything anyone else would encounter. That's just the truth. If he drops something (rarely!) I pick it up or he picks it up.

It's not stealing as I am fully prepared to pay for it all. And the banana, yes, that was a mistake I didn't think through at the time and wouldn't do again.

And really BC, you can't understand why someone would go shopping so close to meal time?? I mean seriously, you know that as DCproviders some of us work late. I close at 5:30. DS goes to bed at 7-7:30 so if I need to go out and get things done, like groceries that I ran out of and need to have for the next day, checks to put in bank, etc., yes, he has to eat on the fly sometimes too.

He eats the overwhelming amount of meals sitting at the table, practicing his manners with all the daycare kids for breakfast, lunch, snack, 5 days a week and dinners with us at restaraunts or home in the evenings. I've never used a high chair for him ever, he has always always always used a low Montessori table, never used a sippy cup ever and has always always always used a cup or cup with straw. He's been out to eat at sit down restaurants since he was a tiny infant and has impecable behavior due to the dozens and dozens (we dine out often) he has been to.

At the store, my DS walks much more than he rides in the cart. We've been through the discipline stuff when he wouldn't hold my hand, throw a fit, etc., and now he knows that he walks with me and behaves or rides, he always chooses walking politely. He gets the items I ask him to off of the shelves and puts them on the bottom of the cart. If he selects something we're not buying, he puts it back when I tell him.

And we've never, ever left an empty box, bag, food wrapper, etc. in the store, ever.

Not using a baby sitter is not a prereq for being a good parent. My point was many people complain about those parents who dump their kid on daycare or sitters all the time. My point is that I spend a ridiculously long time on shopping trips BECAUSE I choose to bring my child with me SO THAT he can learn manners, obedience, self-control, vocabulary, practical life skills, etc. But yes, if that means he needs something to eat, I see nothing wrong with it.

In fact EVERY grocery store I'VE been to GIVES the children FREE COOKIES to eat WHILE SHOPPING. I choose not to give my child a cookie, but to give him the sample slice of deli meat and cheese that they OFFER EVERY TIME I order at the deli.

I literally, honestly, have even had the grocery store manager see us walking around doing our shopping together and praise us for how well behaved and skilled my DS is at an extremely young age. We're talking about a baby/toddler here who just turned 17 months, so these were just the handful of times he's eaten something at the store out of the probably 100+ times he's gone shopping with me.

I'd bet you $100 that if you asked the manager, would you rather I shop and bring my eating child, or not be a customer at all... Well, I think I know which they'd want.

And frankly, I've seen much dirtier, messier ADULTS eating the free samples at the stores. Stores WANT you to try things because they know you'll buy it.

[EchoMom]

My kids are pretty much grown now (they range from 31 to 16) But I do remember them sometimes fussing for food in the store. I ALWAYS told them that it wasn't ours to eat until we had payed for it...no matter what it was.


I fail to see how any mother could teach her children that it's OK to have /use/eat....ie STEAL something from a store before it's paid for. Stealing food is no different from stealing a TV. Stealing is stealing.

It's also one reason that groceries cost more every week. Vendors have to cover the cost of all the food eaten IN the store and the extra clean-up required. I see it everywhere I go...empty wrappers etc stuffed on shelves, kids chomping on various things...it's disgusting.

Really? You told your 12 month old that it wasn't time to eat and to **** it up and wait? Good for you if you have the time and preparedness to feed them beforehand every single time. I usually do too. But nope, I'm not perfect.

Totally disagree. I completely 100% do not agree that eating in the store is stealing. If I pay for it before leaving the store I haven't stolen anything. I'm confident that if you asked the store manager, is it okay if my child eats this now so I can continue shopping and spending more money, or would you rather I pay and leave, they are always going to say oh no problem, keep shopping, in fact would your child like a FREE COOKIE (hence, they ENCOURAGE eating in the store/think the mess is worth it for happy kids to keep shopping with their moms)

Yep, tons of empty wrappers from ADULTS having samples too huh?

[Blackcat31]

And really BC, you can't understand why someone would go shopping so close to meal time?? I mean seriously, you know that as DCproviders some of us work late. I close at 5:30. DS goes to bed at 7-7:30 so if I need to go out and get things done, like groceries that I ran out of and need to have for the next day, checks to put in bank, etc., yes, he has to eat on the fly sometimes too.

If your son goes to bed at 7:30 then go shopping after he is in bed. If he is in no condition to go with you without having to eat, then leave him home or better yet, feed him a small snack before going to the store.

Working long hours as a child care provider has NO bearing on this subject. I've always worked long hours and NEVER had to let my child eat in the grocery store while we were shopping.

Not using a baby sitter is not a prereq for being a good parent. My point was many people complain about those parents who dump their kid on daycare or sitters all the time. My point is that I spend a ridiculously long time on shopping trips BECAUSE I choose to bring my child with me SO THAT he can learn manners, obedience, self-control, vocabulary, practical life skills, etc. But yes, if that means he needs something to eat, I see nothing wrong with it.

I also fail to see how allowing your child to eat something while in the store before you pay for it teaches him manners, obedience, self-control, vocabulary and practical life skills?

In fact EVERY grocery store I'VE been to GIVES the children FREE COOKIES to eat WHILE SHOPPING. I choose not to give my child a cookie, but to give him the sample slice of deli meat and cheese that they OFFER EVERY TIME I order at the deli.

There are laws about eating in certain establishments and although people do eat in the grocery store, I am sure it was never meant to be that way.

My grocery store offers free apples to kids not cookies AND they offer a little cafe area with booths and tables for people to stop at and eat rather than walking around the store to do it.

You never said one thing about the deli or anyone else OFFERING anything for free in your original post.

I'd bet you $100 that if you asked the manager, would you rather I shop and bring my eating child, or not be a customer at all... Well, I think I know which they'd want..

I am sure the grocer/store manager wants to keep everyone's business as he is in it to make money but don't act like your patronage is any more important than mine.

And frankly, I've seen much dirtier, messier ADULTS eating the free samples at the stores. Stores WANT you to try things because they know you'll buy it.

I also could care less about adults who are dirty and leave messes in the stores because they too are part of the problem we are discussing.

It's not like I am suddenly going to think it is ok because others do it too...

****s you feel that way. I'm just being honest and piping up for the other side of the coin.

It doesn't really **** that I feel this way....it ****s that you were so condescending and snarky in your orginal post. Your post came across as you couldn't care less what other people think and will do what you want either way.