Son Summarily Dismissed Because of Parents Question

[GretasLittleFriends]

I still remember my daughters first week of preschool. She came home after only being there for 2 half days and we were eating dinner as a family she looked at me as serious as can be and said "Mom, I want a step mom!" She is going to be entering into Kindergarten this comming fall and I am still having a terrible time teaching her about divorce and answering all of the questions she has about it, due to all of the other girls in her preK class having divorced parents! So with this said, I cannot even fathom trying to teach a bunch of preschoolers about gays and lesbions, come on!!!
.......
I do wonder how this is layed out and explained to Preschoolers However! LOL

I'm sure there have been providers all over that have already had to answer questions regarding gay men and/or lesbian women. "Why does Timmy get to live with his two mommies? How come he only gets to see his two daddies on the weekends (or in the summer or whatever)?" I have a relative who is a gay man that is friends with a lesbian couple. He helped them (medically) conceive a child. This little boy is going to start kindergarten this fall. He lives with his moms, but his dad is still actively involved. I'm sure that has already (and will continue) to raise questions in the minds of many children.

I would think that for most preschoolers a simple answer would do. "Timmy has two mommies (daddies) because they love each other very much, just like your mommy and daddy do."

[AmandasFCC]

I'm sure there have been providers all over that have already had to answer questions regarding gay men and/or lesbian women. "Why does Timmy get to live with his two mommies? How come he only gets to see his two daddies on the weekends (or in the summer or whatever)?" I have a relative who is a gay man that is friends with a lesbian couple. He helped them (medically) conceive a child. This little boy is going to start kindergarten this fall. He lives with his moms, but his dad is still actively involved. I'm sure that has already (and will continue) to raise questions in the minds of many children.

I would think that for most preschoolers a simple answer would do. "Timmy has two mommies (daddies) because they love each other very much, just like your mommy and daddy do."

Exactly! I agree 100%.

[jen]

The bolded part....see...for me if I heard a daycare might be celebrating ANYTHING - Gay Pride included (and yes, OP, I realize you did not say they actually WERE celebrating that day but for sake of arguement) I am thinking along the lines of maybe rainbow stickers and decorated cookies or maybe a craft with the rainbow colours in it or something.

I would never, ever suspect anything more. I think most daycare providers and centres alike have more sense than that!

I think of it no different than St. Patrick's day. We wear green and have green iced cookies and make a green craft. I don't make them all eat a lunch of hagus and/or go around sharing their spit kissing a Blarney Stone.

I too, would be hurt if a parent assumed that I would actually discuss sexual orientation or go further than that. Not only does it question my intelligence but my decision making ability, and most importantly, their trust in me.

Daycare is all about trust.

Smartest thing I've read all day!

[professionalmom]

I'm sure there have been providers all over that have already had to answer questions regarding gay men and/or lesbian women. "Why does Timmy get to live with his two mommies? How come he only gets to see his two daddies on the weekends (or in the summer or whatever)?" I have a relative who is a gay man that is friends with a lesbian couple. He helped them (medically) conceive a child. This little boy is going to start kindergarten this fall. He lives with his moms, but his dad is still actively involved. I'm sure that has already (and will continue) to raise questions in the minds of many children.

I would think that for most preschoolers a simple answer would do. "Timmy has two mommies (daddies) because they love each other very much, just like your mommy and daddy do."

I think these are very personal questions and should be explained by the PARENT. Just the same as when a child asks me, "Where do babies come from?" or "How did the babies get in your tummy?" My answer is always, "That is a very interesting question and you are such a big girl (or boy) for asking. But, I think your mommy and daddy (or whatever the combo of parent or parents are) would be much better at answering that question." Then I privately discuss (usually with a lowered voice so the kids can't hear) with the parent(s) what was asked and that I told the child that they (the parents) would be better able to answer that question.

Yes, the questions come up. But these are very private, sensitive, and intimate issues and I think that the parents should be the ones to answer these questions. That was my point earlier - maybe the parent wanted to be the one to explain what gay and lesbian means. I am a highly educated woman, fully apprised of what gay and lesbian means. I have relatives and friends that are gay and lesbians. And I will educate my children about what it is, what it means, etc. I do NOT want someone else teaching my child about this stuff. I want to use MY words. I want to be present for any education my children receive in personal, intimate, and sensitive topics like this. How does that make me, the OP, or anyone else, a hypocrite or a bigot, which was mentioned earlier? Unless we are now saying that parents are completely incapable of raising their own children as they see fit and educating them on sensitive topics.

[Michael]

I think these are very personal questions and should be explained by the PARENT. Just the same as when a child asks me, "Where do babies come from?" or "How did the babies get in your tummy?" My answer is always, "That is a very interesting question and you are such a big girl (or boy) for asking. But, I think your mommy and daddy (or whatever the combo of parent or parents are) would be much better at answering that question." Then I privately discuss (usually with a lowered voice so the kids can't hear) with the parent(s) what was asked and that I told the child that they (the parents) would be better able to answer that question.

Yes, the questions come up. But these are very private, sensitive, and intimate issues and I think that the parents should be the ones to answer these questions. That was my point earlier - maybe the parent wanted to be the one to explain what gay and lesbian means. I am a highly educated woman, fully apprised of what gay and lesbian means. I have relatives and friends that are gay and lesbians. And I will educate my children about what it is, what it means, etc. I do NOT want someone else teaching my child about this stuff. I want to use MY words. I want to be present for any education my children receive in personal, intimate, and sensitive topics like this. How does that make me, the OP, or anyone else, a hypocrite or a bigot, which was mentioned earlier? Unless we are now saying that parents are completely incapable of raising their own children as they see fit and educating them on sensitive topics.

Well said.

[Daycare Mommy]

I think these are very personal questions and should be explained by the PARENT. Just the same as when a child asks me, "Where do babies come from?" or "How did the babies get in your tummy?" My answer is always, "That is a very interesting question and you are such a big girl (or boy) for asking. But, I think your mommy and daddy (or whatever the combo of parent or parents are) would be much better at answering that question." Then I privately discuss (usually with a lowered voice so the kids can't hear) with the parent(s) what was asked and that I told the child that they (the parents) would be better able to answer that question.

Yes, the questions come up. But these are very private, sensitive, and intimate issues and I think that the parents should be the ones to answer these questions. That was my point earlier - maybe the parent wanted to be the one to explain what gay and lesbian means. I am a highly educated woman, fully apprised of what gay and lesbian means. I have relatives and friends that are gay and lesbians. And I will educate my children about what it is, what it means, etc. I do NOT want someone else teaching my child about this stuff. I want to use MY words. I want to be present for any education my children receive in personal, intimate, and sensitive topics like this. How does that make me, the OP, or anyone else, a hypocrite or a bigot, which was mentioned earlier? Unless we are now saying that parents are completely incapable of raising their own children as they see fit and educating them on sensitive topics.

I completely agree! That is how I handle it as well.

[Aya477]

wowzers....

First, I agree with Crystal's and ProMom's posts.

It is a parent's choice to choose what their children are exposed to. If the issue of same-sex relationships is an item this parent would prefer to avert their child from or hold off for a more appropriate age, then that is the parent's right. Nowhere did the OP (IMO) offer any statement that should be labeled as discrimination. I do hope she joins the discussion and offers further information.

Being open minded is not simply accepting unconventional subjects. Being open minded is far more than that. It extends to being open towards those that share an opposing belief/opinion WITHOUT persecuting them for being different than you. Claiming to be open minded while persecuting someone who does not share your same belief is hypocritical. I can't say this enough: disagreements occur because of differing opinions. That is the true core of global disputes, social disputes, professional disputes...it *is* what is wrong with society. There is nothing wrong with everyone not having the same morals/values, opinions, and beliefs in life. What is wrong is persecuting them for being/thinking different than you.

[professionalmom]

First, I agree with Crystal's and ProMom's posts.

It is a parent's choice to choose what their children are exposed to. If the issue of same-sex relationships is an item this parent would prefer to avert their child from or hold off for a more appropriate age, then that is the parent's right. Nowhere did the OP (IMO) offer any statement that should be labeled as discrimination. I do hope she joins the discussion and offers further information.

Being open minded is not simply accepting unconventional subjects. Being open minded is far more than that. It extends to being open towards those that share an opposing belief/opinion WITHOUT persecuting them for being different than you. Claiming to be open minded while persecuting someone who does not share your same belief is hypocritical. I can't say this enough: disagreements occur because of differing opinions. That is the true core of global disputes, social disputes, professional disputes...it *is* what is wrong with society. There is nothing wrong with everyone not having the same morals/values, opinions, and beliefs in life. What is wrong is persecuting them for being/thinking different than you.

Very wonderfully stated. I find it interesting that you can not state an opinion, even in a respectful way, without someone persecuting you. Tolerance goes both ways. My best friend and I are a prime example of what society should be - we have vastly different opinions on most of the hot political topics, yet we can discuss our opinions without judgment or persecution. We respect each others' point of view and we agree to disagree. It's very intellectual, civil and friendly. THAT is true tolerance. I just don't get the "you have to think exactly like me or you are a bigot and intolerant" ideology. It's an oxymoron. Thank you so much for pointing this out.

[Former Teacher]

Well I see both sides of the story as usual. However I am confused by some responses. What difference does it make for the parent to keep their child home from a Gay Pride celebration? Or if the parent keeps the child home because of the children having a Christmas party, or any party for that matter?

I ask because I once had a boy in my class who was Jehovah Witness. Every time we had any sort of celebration whether it be Christmas, Valentines, or anything like that, Mom kept the boy home. She didn't even want him to celebrate BIRTHDAYS. On the day of his birthday she whispered to me to remind me that it was his birthday. Yet he still came that day for some odd reason. Well I mentioned to another teacher (who didn't know this family didn't even celebrate birthdays) that it was A's birthday and she went up to him and said Happy Birthday! This little boy who was 4 that day, said..you're not suppose to tell me that. Then he ran off. The teacher and I were like what?!?!

Anyway while I totally agree with the providers and I disagree with the way the parents are bringing up this child, I find it ridiculous to terminate someone who have different beliefs than your own. The parents were willing to keep the child home had their been a GP event. Now on the other hand if they still wanted to bring the child and not just have him participate that's something different.

IMO I think its discrimination to terminate a child for not having the same beliefs as your own.

[thatgagirl]

very interested to see if the OP comes back to further explain...

[Former Teacher]

very interested to see if the OP comes back to further explain...

They probably won't. If they do, I would be very surprised. I believe when one of the regulars said that this poster probably only did this thread because of the Prop. 8. The only thing that does surprise me is that they are registered haha

[nannyde]

Well I see both sides of the story as usual. However I am confused by some responses. What difference does it make for the parent to keep their child home from a Gay Pride celebration? Or if the parent keeps the child home because of the children having a Christmas party, or any party for that matter?

I ask because I once had a boy in my class who was Jehovah Witness. Every time we had any sort of celebration whether it be Christmas, Valentines, or anything like that, Mom kept the boy home. She didn't even want him to celebrate BIRTHDAYS. On the day of his birthday she whispered to me to remind me that it was his birthday. Yet he still came that day for some odd reason. Well I mentioned to another teacher (who didn't know this family didn't even celebrate birthdays) that it was A's birthday and she went up to him and said Happy Birthday! This little boy who was 4 that day, said..you're not suppose to tell me that. Then he ran off. The teacher and I were like what?!?!

Anyway while I totally agree with the providers and I disagree with the way the parents are bringing up this child, I find it ridiculous to terminate someone who have different beliefs than your own. The parents were willing to keep the child home had their been a GP event. Now on the other hand if they still wanted to bring the child and not just have him participate that's something different.

IMO I think its discrimination to terminate a child for not having the same beliefs as your own.

I don't know if you are referring to my example but if so, they didn't want me to have ANY Christmas at all. Not just a one day party. They didn't want him in a home that had a Christmas tree, Christmas decorations, Santa stuff, presents... NO Christmas anything that the child could see. The same for any other holiday that was Christian religion based.

Keeping him out of our house for the party we do wasn't the issue. That's one day not an entire Christmas season.

Also... this wasn't terminating a kid. The kid did not ever attend my day care. I didn't TAKE the kid because I wasn't going to rob my kid and the day care kids of OUR belief to celebrate religious holidays as much and as openly as we do. I'm not going to not have a Christmas Tree, presents out etc. for a day care family. I'm not going to miss out on having Christmas music during the season. I'm not going to stop making Christmas treats and cookies for the kids and their families.

We love all the holidays but Christmas is tops. It's my favorite time of the year and I just don't want it to be a decision the day care parents can affect in ANY way. My parents love how we love Christmas. They are right in it and are very happy to see the tree, presents, treats and party.

I won't give that up for a potential client. I don't care about being politically correct when it comes to my kids childhood and memories. This is my house.

[Former Teacher]

I don't know if you are referring to my example but if so, they didn't want me to have ANY Christmas at all. Not just a one day party. They didn't want him in a home that had a Christmas tree, Christmas decorations, Santa stuff, presents... NO Christmas anything that the child could see. The same for any other holiday that was Christian religion based.

Keeping him out of our house for the party we do wasn't the issue. That's one day not an entire Christmas season.

Also... this wasn't terminating a kid. The kid did not ever attend my day care. I didn't TAKE the kid because I wasn't going to rob my kid and the day care kids of OUR belief to celebrate religious holidays as much and as openly as we do. I'm not going to not have a Christmas Tree, presents out etc. for a day care family. I'm not going to miss out on having Christmas music during the season. I'm not going to stop making Christmas treats and cookies for the kids and their families.

We love all the holidays but Christmas is tops. It's my favorite time of the year and I just don't want it to be a decision the day care parents can affect in ANY way. My parents love how we love Christmas. They are right in it and are very happy to see the tree, presents, treats and party.

I won't give that up for a potential client. I don't care about being politically correct when it comes to my kids childhood and memories. This is my house.

Actually I wasn’t referring to you. There were several people who have stated they would terminate a child based on their beliefs etc. I mentioned the Christmas theme because this mother (the Jehovah Witness) too didn’t want us singing Christmas songs, didn’t want the boy to do Christmas projects etc. Heck she didn’t want him to say the Pledge of Allegiance because of the reference to God! I was merely referring to religion all together. So my post was not directed to you. If it was, I would have said so haha

The director and I both (I was Assistant Director/Preschool Teacher) told this mother that I would not be changing my routine and/or curriculum. The only that would change was the fact that I would not allow him to do Christmas projects. I wasn’t going to deny my kids Christmas songs etc just for one child. Out of respect for all the religions though I didn’t teach the meaning of Christmas, IE Jesus. I did teach about Santa and the fantasy of that.

Speaking of memories: we had one parent who was raised to be Jehovah Witness. The grandparents were totally against and disapproved of our parties etc. Mom on the other hand told me that while she wasn’t brought up with the Christmas and Valentines parties, she didn’t want that for her children. Everytime a party came around, she was always the first to sign up on our party list.

Long story short: no you shouldn’t change your program for one family. That would not be fair to you or most importantly the other children in care. HOWEVER IMO I still believe it is discrimination to terminate a child because of different beliefs.

[nannyde]

Actually I wasn’t referring to you. There were several people who have stated they would terminate a child based on their beliefs etc. I mentioned the Christmas theme because this mother (the Jehovah Witness) too didn’t want us singing Christmas songs, didn’t want the boy to do Christmas projects etc. Heck she didn’t want him to say the Pledge of Allegiance because of the reference to God! I was merely referring to religion all together. So my post was not directed to you. If it was, I would have said so haha

The director and I both (I was Assistant Director/Preschool Teacher) told this mother that I would not be changing my routine and/or curriculum. The only that would change was the fact that I would not allow him to do Christmas projects. I wasn’t going to deny my kids Christmas songs etc just for one child. Out of respect for all the religions though I didn’t teach the meaning of Christmas, IE Jesus. I did teach about Santa and the fantasy of that.

Speaking of memories: we had one parent who was raised to be Jehovah Witness. The grandparents were totally against and disapproved of our parties etc. Mom on the other hand told me that while she wasn’t brought up with the Christmas and Valentines parties, she didn’t want that for her children. Everytime a party came around, she was always the first to sign up on our party list.

Long story short: no you shouldn’t change your program for one family. That would not be fair to you or most importantly the other children in care. HOWEVER IMO I still believe it is discrimination to terminate a child because of different beliefs.

I think it may be a little different in a center cuz you have so many more kids. Maybe.. I don't know for sure. It just could come up a lot more often.

I didn't know if you were referring to my posts. After I reread yours I thought maybe you weren't.

I think this is another area where the interview is SO important. I tell everyone before the first interview that we are Christians and celebrate the Christian holidays. I learned to do this with the family that was not into it and have added that to my "no can do" list to discuss before I have them here.

I hate interviewing so I have to get that out of the way before I give up any time to them to interview them. I wouldn't get to the termination part because I get that straight before they come for the first of three interviews.

[MarinaVanessa]

The comment that this child made about gay people prompted me to talk to the kids about love. I really and truly believe that love is such a beautiful gift to give and to recieve that it's shameful when people put restrictions on it. "2 men can't love each other" or "2 women can't love each other". How small minded is that??? Love is much too precious to be made wrong by people who are afraid that seeing a gay couple holding hands will emotionally scar their kids for life. Also, talking to children about gay couples doesn't mean that the children are getting sexual details.

I couldn't agree more. I had an incident where a 5yo DCG used the term "you're gay" like she was saying "you're dumb". She didn't understand why she couldn't say that if "mommy & daddy said it all the time". I asked her if she knew what it meant and she had no clue. It took that one time to get all of the rest of the kids to start saying it. The older kids of course knew what it meant and thought it was funny to use it a derogatory term. I discussed it with the parents and encouraged them to have a talk with their kids about what being gay meant and let the parents know that I would have a discussion with the kids about it the next day. None of the parents had a problem with this and I let the kids ask questions so they got "basic" idea about it. I read "Asha's Mums" to them which I had bought when my sister was young and had gone through the same thing. It all went well and the kids understood that it was not nice to say or use the term like this. We also covered the subject about how everyone was entitled to their own opinion as long as they were not mean about it at daycare, whether they accepted gay/lesbians or not.

Since then I had added this to my policies about learning about cultural awareness and personal beliefs: "All materials will be presented in an objective and impartial way and are intended to aid the children in developing a positive self-concept and feeling of pride in who they are as well as teaching them to accept and celebrate differences"

That being said, I understand that the question was about a gay pride day but I'll bet my last dollar if the pre-K was to discuss the gay/lesbian subject whether in passing and no matter how impartial and not actually have a gay pride day that this mom would have a fit.