Son Summarily Dismissed Because of Parents Question

[professionalmom]

So I apologize if anyone is offended by my outrage. One of my daycare kids (who is no longer with me) said that gay people will all burn in Hell. He said this during our circle time and made 2 of the other kids cry when he said it. This prompted me to discuss it further so that I could reassure the other kids that were upset that what this little boy said is not true. I asked him if he knew what "gay" meant and he said he did and he said that God punishes the wicked and he sends them to Hell and they burn forever. He was 5 at the time. This is also the same kid that said that people who celebrate Halloween are going to Hell because it's devil worship. The comment that this child made about gay people prompted me to talk to the kids about love. I really and truly believe that love is such a beautiful gift to give and to recieve that it's shameful when people put restrictions on it. "2 men can't love each other" or "2 women can't love each other". How small minded is that??? Love is much too precious to be made wrong by people who are afraid that seeing a gay couple holding hands will emotionally scar their kids for life. Also, talking to children about gay couples doesn't mean that the children are getting sexual details. I think that the daycare did the right thing by letting the family go. I did the same thing with the kid in my care who was already a full-fledged bigot. I had to because I didn''t want him to poison the hearts of the other kids in my care. I won't have that. Maybe that's what the provider for the OP did. Maybe she could see the writing on the wall. I stand by my opinion that the OP has a prejudice against gay people because if she didn't, then she wouldn't have felt the need to address any Gay Pride related issues in the first place. If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck...then it's a duck.

First, the child you had that made those comments - that was TOTALLY uncalled for and I would have definitely addressed that with his parents explaining that we do NOT discriminate and talk like that in MY home. Period. It is very sad that some parents raise there kids to be that hateful.

Second, the OP was not being rude, hateful, or even disrespectful in ANY way. We do not know her reasons. To ASSUME that she hates gays, is a homophobe, or is a bigot, is to be just as "intolerant" as you ASSUME she is. Remember, you are putting words in her mouth, without knowing the full story. Is it right for her or anyone to ASSUME that all gay people are God-hating, immoral, sexual deviants, who prey upon young people and try to "turn" straight people gay? No. Those are ASSUMPTIONS. You are doing the exact same thing. The OP was only concerned about her child being exposed it something that the MOTHER did not think her child was ready to learn about. She was not bashing them for being gay or having any gay pride events. She was exercising her rights as a parent, just as a parent has a right to her his/her child excluded from a sexual education course in school. By the way, have you heard the saying that when you ASSUME, you make an a** out of you. That is why we should not make those leaps.

You said, "If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck...then it's a duck." I find this very interesting. First, my daughter knows how to walk like a duck and quack like a duck, but I guarantee that she is NOT a duck. Second, the OP never said that she is opposed to celebrations of Gay Pride. She only said that she wanted to know ahead of time and did not want her child to participate. What if the event was a day at the pool and the parent was not comfortable with her young child swimming without a parent present to provide one-on-one supervision? We are talking about an event which the parent (for whatever reason) is uncomfortable with her child participating. And for that, she is getting called horrible, horrific names.

Although I do think that the OP's provider did not do anything wrong by terminating, I do not see the point in attacking the OP. I can honestly see both sides of this situation. But the OP showed any signs of hatred towards gays. Yet, she has been the target of hatred against her. That truly is the pot calling the kettle black. Again, in the famous words of Rodney King, "can't we all just get along?"

[Daycare Mommy]

Does anyone here really teach this stuff to preschoolers? Really? Sounds to me like maybe that's why the provider was insulted. Because what preschool teacher would take it upon him/herself to teach this at that age without the parents knowledge? I had a parent once make an off the wall request like this. After I had cared for his children for over a year, I gave them a little album with a bunch of pics from his son's birthday party. (They had signed a photo release when they enrolled btw) He immediately said he's alright with me taking pictures, but sternly requested that I never take pictures of the children with their clothes off. As if I would!!! I was so insulted and hurt by this I almost started crying right in front of him. I had just handed them a present and it really felt like he had slapped me in the face in return. I did manage to wait until they were gone to get really upset, but I did let them go shortly after.. If after a reasonable amount of time I don't have the parent's trust especially that I would so drastically overstep my bounds as a childcare provider, then I don't see the point in continuing the business relationship. I can't speak for her, but perhaps this teacher felt the same way..

[Janet]

This is insane

First, the child you had that made those comments - that was TOTALLY uncalled for and I would have definitely addressed that with his parents explaining that we do NOT discriminate and talk like that in MY home. Period. It is very sad that some parents raise there kids to be that hateful.

Second, the OP was not being rude, hateful, or even disrespectful in ANY way. (I disagree with you. The disrespect comes in with her even asking the question in the first place. Did she think that the provider was going to be screening gay adult films?)]We do not know her reasons. To ASSUME that she hates gays, is a homophobe, or is a bigot, is to be just as "intolerant" as you ASSUME she is. Remember, you are putting words in her mouth, without knowing the full story. Is it right for her or anyone to ASSUME that all gay people are God-hating, immoral, sexual deviants, who prey upon young people and try to "turn" straight people gay? No. Those are ASSUMPTIONS. You are doing the exact same thing. The OP was only concerned about her child being exposed it something that the MOTHER did not think her child was ready to learn about. She was not bashing them for being gay or having any gay pride events. She was exercising her rights as a parent, just as a parent has a right to her his/her child excluded from a sexual education course in school. Jesus H. Hubert Tap-Dancing Christ, lady! Do you really think that the daycare provider was going to be providing a sex ed class???? That is absurd and insulting to the OP's former daycare provider! Unreal. By the way, have you heard the saying that when you ASSUME, you make an a** out of you. That is why we should not make those leaps. I'm OK with being an "ass" because at least I'll be an "ass" who stays true to her convictions.You said, "If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck...then it's a duck." I find this very interesting. First, my daughter knows how to walk like a duck and quack like a duck, but I guarantee that she is NOT a duck. I'm sure that I don't need to explain to you that I didn't mean literally a duck... Second, the OP never said that she is opposed to celebrations of Gay Pride. She only said that she wanted to know ahead of time and did not want her child to participate. OK, then if she's not opposed to it, then why would there be an issue about her child participating? That seems like opposition to me. What if the event was a day at the pool and the parent was not comfortable with her young child swimming without a parent present to provide one-on-one supervision? This example is not even close to the OP's issue. A pool is related to safety whereas a gay pride event is not a matter of physical safety. You're comparing apples and oranges. We are talking about an event which the parent (for whatever reason) is uncomfortable with her child participating. And for that, she is getting called horrible, horrific names.

Although I do think that the OP's provider did not do anything wrong by terminating, I do not see the point in attacking the OP. I can honestly see both sides of this situation. But the OP showed any signs of hatred towards gays. Yet, she has been the target of hatred against her. That truly is the pot calling the kettle black. Again, in the famous words of Rodney King, "can't we all just get along?"

You're right, the OP didn't come right out and say that she hated gay people. Maybe she doesn't hate them but she is certainly uncomfortable with them. Maybe I am the pot who calls the kettle black, but I don't mind. I just think that someone needs to call the OP out on her post. A person doesn't have to be obvious to be prejudiced against a group of people. The OP sounds like a person who has her opinions and veils them just to seem politically correct.

[JJPlaycare]

Wow, really a gay pride day in PreK?!?! I couldn't even imagine, I still remember my daughters first week of preschool. She came home after only being there for 2 half days and we were eating dinner as a family she looked at me as serious as can be and said "Mom, I want a step mom!" She is going to be entering into Kindergarten this comming fall and I am still having a terrible time teaching her about divorce and answering all of the questions she has about it, due to all of the other girls in her preK class having divorced parents! So with this said, I cannot even fathom trying to teach a bunch of preschoolers about gays and lesbions, come on!!! I teach the kids in my care about being kind and loving to others even if they are different from you! This is what they understand and certainly all they need to understand! The parent simply asked to be notified if the preK was going to have Gay Pride day! With the initial post, we certainly can't make any sort of conclusion stating that they are being judgemental and discriminitory on the parents part! How do any of you even know, maybe the parents and Gays or lesbions and wanted to be notified before hand and that is it! In my opinion the teacher herself was the one to discriminate! If it is the other way around, to each their own and if they would like to be notified before hand of a Gaypride day taking place in a PreK setting, I simply see nothing wrong with this! I do wonder how this is layed out and explained to Preschoolers However! LOL

[Liliya]

Wow,
To me,it looks like discrimination came from the provider,not the parent.
We can not terminate anyone because of that.
Why??? :confused:

[Jenjo]

While I think the parent should be informed of any events that may occur in the program related to Gay Pride, and that it is the parents right to decide whether their child attends those events based on their families personal beliefs and values, and that the provider should respect a families personal beliefs and values, just as she would expect hers be respected, she has the right to terminate care for any reason she chooses.

It is unfortunate for your child, as it sounds as though there has been a wonderful caregiver/child/family relationship and I am sorry that you are now having to find another program for him. Best wishes to your family.

Thank you Crystal your comments make the most sense too me.

[Crystal]

I REALLY wish the OP would come back and discuss this....though she may have been scared off.

I REALLY wonder if perhaps last year the preschool did indeed celebrate Gay Pride without informing parents prior to doing so and that is the reason why the parent asked to be informed.

Whatever it is, I'd like to say that I wholeheartedly agree with Professionalmom and I also respect Janet's take on it as well, to a different degree.

[Janet]

Oh, lord

One of my best friends in high school lived a complete lie because she didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable because of her sexual preference. No one beat her up or threatened her in any way because she didn't tell them. The reason that she never told them is because it was already clear to her that being a lesbian was something that other people were uncomfortable with. So basically, until she moved out of state, she had to pretend that she was a straight woman because of other peoples hang-ups. That is the ultimate in self hatred to me. It starts in childhood. Children are not deaf, they hear their parents and other people that they get their beliefs from talk. They take on those beliefs as their own until the time comes, if it ever comes at all, for them to choose their own beliefs. I'm sorry but this is a big deal. I'm sick to death of people trying to make it OK. The old standard "I'm not prejudiced, I have a gay friend, so I don't judge. But being gay is against my religion. It's a sin." is just so backwards. Pick a side of the fence and stick to it already! A PERSON CANNOT BE SUPPORTIVE OF A PERSON'S SEXUAL PREFERENCE AND SAY THAT THEY DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE AND THEN IN THE SAME BREATH SAY THAT IT'S AGAINST THEIR RELIGION AND THEY FEEL IT IS WRONG. If we all want the world to be a peaceful place and if we want a world that has unity, then judging anything as right or wrong is totally off the mark. The OP could have just as easily checked a calendar of upcoming events with the provider and then just not brought her child if she noticed any type of event that she found unnacceptable. She could have asked the provider if there were any events coming up and then if the provider said yes, then the OP could have just not brought the child that day and left it at that, but the OP decided to open her mouth and tell the provider that she didn't want her child to participate. Was that even neccessary? Let me put this scenario out there for everyone....what if the provider was gay and the OP asked that same question? Put yourself in the shoes of the provider (if she were gay) and think about how that would make you feel. I don't know that the provider was gay, but what if she were? Think about that.

[Michael]

I find it interesting that many here will not answer an "unregistered" question. Clearly hutchison4life registered and even mentioned that she was new. Why would some of you speak to her in third person and ridicule her as though she were not present? Even call her a troll? There appear to be some here that think this is "their house". I want to make clear that this forum will be used for information and content for those that are new and old in the daycare business. This forum is read globally and there is a level of professionalism and sensitivity that should be expected by our visitors and members.

I would hope that hutchison4life will come back and be included in the dialog here. I will personally email her and would like her to join back in the conversation.

Michael
Admin

[AmandasFCC]

I'm just wondering where the question of whether a preschool would educate about gay pride came from? By no means am I homophobic - my mother is a lesbian and I always participated in some way in gay pride festivities ONCE I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND. I can't imagine it would be appropriate to discuss gay pride with preschoolers. Love, sure. Sexuality? No. So I would really like to hear back from the OP about the circumstances around her asking if the children would be doing any gay pride activities.

[Janet]

Just for clarity

I never once said that I discuss sexuality with my daycare kids in any way at all, not for any sexual orientation. Discussing love is different than discussing sex. I just want to make sure that I am being abundantly clear on that point.

[judytrickett]

I never once said that I discuss sexuality with my daycare kids in any way at all, not for any sexual orientation. Discussing love is different than discussing sex. I just want to make sure that I am being abundantly clear on that point.

Really? Oh well then.....'cause I thought you had the fancy laminated charts and everything!

[AmandasFCC]

I never once said that I discuss sexuality with my daycare kids in any way at all, not for any sexual orientation. Discussing love is different than discussing sex. I just want to make sure that I am being abundantly clear on that point.

If that's directed at my post, I know I just want clarification from the OP as to why it was even brought up.

[judytrickett]

Does anyone here really teach this stuff to preschoolers? Really? Sounds to me like maybe that's why the provider was insulted. Because what preschool teacher would take it upon him/herself to teach this at that age without the parents knowledge? I had a parent once make an off the wall request like this. After I had cared for his children for over a year, I gave them a little album with a bunch of pics from his son's birthday party. (They had signed a photo release when they enrolled btw) He immediately said he's alright with me taking pictures, but sternly requested that I never take pictures of the children with their clothes off. As if I would!!! I was so insulted and hurt by this I almost started crying right in front of him. I had just handed them a present and it really felt like he had slapped me in the face in return. I did manage to wait until they were gone to get really upset, but I did let them go shortly after.. If after a reasonable amount of time I don't have the parent's trust especially that I would so drastically overstep my bounds as a childcare provider, then I don't see the point in continuing the business relationship. I can't speak for her, but perhaps this teacher felt the same way..

The bolded part....see...for me if I heard a daycare might be celebrating ANYTHING - Gay Pride included (and yes, OP, I realize you did not say they actually WERE celebrating that day but for sake of arguement) I am thinking along the lines of maybe rainbow stickers and decorated cookies or maybe a craft with the rainbow colours in it or something.

I would never, ever suspect anything more. I think most daycare providers and centres alike have more sense than that!

I think of it no different than St. Patrick's day. We wear green and have green iced cookies and make a green craft. I don't make them all eat a lunch of hagus and/or go around sharing their spit kissing a Blarney Stone.

I too, would be hurt if a parent assumed that I would actually discuss sexual orientation or go further than that. Not only does it question my intelligence but my decision making ability, and most importantly, their trust in me.

Daycare is all about trust.

[Janet]

Lol

Really? Oh well then.....'cause I thought you had the fancy laminated charts and everything!

LMAO! Those charts are only for instruction for my DH!

(just kidding, hehehe)