Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children?

[Janet]

Holy Moly!

I leave town for a week and all heck breaks loose! LOL, just kidding!

OK, here's my opinion from a business person stance. I think that parents can go on vacation without their kiddo's as long as they are making sure that they have care for their kids while they are on vacation. I have no problem providing daycare for the child's regular schedule, but the parents have to make sure that they have all of their ducks in a row with making sure that the child is dropped off and picked up for the same scheduled time at my house. No exceptions and I don't provide vacation overnight type care. I did it once when I first began, but never again.

My personal opinion is a different one. I wouldn't go on a vacation without my daughter unless I was in the habit of giving her as much of my time and attention as humanly possible. It wouldn't feel right for me. We went to Mexico last year and the year before and took our daughter with us. The only time that she is away from us is when she goes on vacation and visits her grandparents. That's not us unloading her on the family. That is them wanting to take her and her wanting to go. Other than that, we spent our wedding night in a hotel and we spent one night in a hotel on our 10th wedding anniversary. Other than that, she is always with us for any type of vacation or outing that we make. I have also made 2 trips to Kentucky without her because they were trips for my nephew's funeral (I went alone) and I left her with my friends when my mother was in the hospital because I knew that she wouldn't make it. My husband and I were there for a week and it was totally miserable. Wild horses couldn't have made me bring her to endure all of that.

Sadly, parents often time will justify not taking their children on vacations because they need "us time" for the sake of their marriages. I think that is a cop out. I'm sorry, but I do. If a couple has to resort to taking vacations with just the 2 of them then I'd say that their marriages might be needing something more than a week-long vacation to Mexico. Also, I see the look in the eyes of the kids who know that their parents are on a vacation without them and I know that there's nothing that I can say or do to make the child feel better. I'm prepared to have people flame me for my opinion, so everyone can go ahead and do their worst! I just think that it's kind of sad for the kids who have parents that take vacation without them. Kids know. I never say anything to the parents about my personal opinions because I know that it's not my business to be judgy with them for their choice to go on vacations without their child. I stay professional.

I have a family that takes between 3 and 6 vacations a year without their daughter. The vacations are all between 4 days and 10 days. Their daughter wants to go with them to Mexico but they don't take her. She wants to go on trips with them, but they always send her to her grandparents house and she doesn't like it at all. She's almost 4 years old now and she doesn't like that they get to go to places that she doesn't get to go. She also spends a lot of time at my house so that her mom can get things done without her around. My daughter babysits on the weekends at least 2 times a month for this dcg so that her parents can have a "date night".

To everyone who is reading or who has posted. This is not the same as a couple who takes a trip together for a special occasion or a couple who goes on a trip and leave their baby with the grandparents because a vacation with an infant isn't really much of a romantic vacation. I get it that parents like to be together and to have time alone, but taking almost every vacation without the child/ren and hiring a sitter on a regular basis so that the parents can have a "date night" is not cool. I take measures to try to encourage parents to not leave their kids with me when they are on vacation without their kids. I don't charge for their vacation time and I don't make them pay for mine either. I figure that at least if they know that they don't have to pay for daycare, then they may be inclined to at least send their kids to the grandparents house for some extra TLC.

Sorry if I offended anyone, but I'm just giving my opinion.

[nannyde]

I have a family that takes between 3 and 6 vacations a year without their daughter. The vacations are all between 4 days and 10 days. Their daughter wants to go with them to Mexico but they don't take her. She wants to go on trips with them, but they always send her to her grandparents house and she doesn't like it at all. She's almost 4 years old now and she doesn't like that they get to go to places that she doesn't get to go.

Janet,

Could you tell when you interviewed this family they that were going to behave like this?

[emosks]

Janet,

Could you tell when you interviewed this family they that were going to behave like this?

[Crystal]

!!!!!!!!!!!! :d

[Former Teacher]

thanks for the laugh! ::

[nannyde]

I'm really interested in the idea that this can be interviewed out or revealed in the initial interview time. I'm particularly interested in if one can tell when they are receiving infants.

It sounds like Janet has had this child for a while. I'm interested in knowing if the parents indicated this future behavior when she first met them.

Being in the business for many years, having many friends who are veteran child care providers, and having the pleasure of participating on child care boards that span the continent for twelve years... this is an issue that comes up over and over. If you read the archives of this board, ivillage, childfun, Judy's board, etc. you will see this issue come ups almost as much as the "to nap or not to nap" issue comes up. It's one of the most predominant themes in child care message boards and IME and IRL.

I'm interested in knowing if experienced providers are able to get a pulse on this future parent behavior especially when taking on infants. I've never read or heard of anyone claiming they were able to.

What I'm specifically intersted in is being able to tell or assess during the interview process whether or not a parent will spend the vast majority of their "personal time" with their child. This means if the parents keep their kids with them when they are off of work for vacation time, personal time, and when they are off for sick time. Parents who keep their kids with them when they do not need child care for working hours.

I've had varying degrees of parents who do not use child care unless they are working. Only one of them I could tell this would most likely be the case. That parent lost an infant a year before her child in care was born. I was pretty certain she would not use care when she was off and I was right. That has been the only situation where I had a pretty good idea it would be that way.

Other than that I can't tell when I'm interviewing how the parent is going to "hold up" once the care of the child, the amount of power the child has in the home, and their balancing work/home becomes markedly higher.

[QualiTcare]

I'm really interested in the idea that this can be interviewed out or revealed in the initial interview time. I'm particularly interested in if one can tell when they are receiving infants.

It sounds like Janet has had this child for a while. I'm interested in knowing if the parents indicated this future behavior when she first met them.

Being in the business for many years, having many friends who are veteran child care providers, and having the pleasure of participating on child care boards that span the continent for twelve years... this is an issue that comes up over and over. If you read the archives of this board, ivillage, childfun, Judy's board, etc. you will see this issue come ups almost as much as the "to nap or not to nap" issue comes up. It's one of the most predominant themes in child care message boards and IME and IRL.

I'm interested in knowing if experienced providers are able to get a pulse on this future parent behavior especially when taking on infants. I've never read or heard of anyone claiming they were able to.

What I'm specifically intersted in is being able to tell or assess during the interview process whether or not a parent will spend the vast majority of their "personal time" with their child. This means if the parents keep their kids with them when they are off of work for vacation time, personal time, and when they are off for sick time. Parents who keep their kids with them when they do not need child care for working hours.

I've had varying degrees of parents who do not use child care unless they are working. Only one of them I could tell this would most likely be the case. That parent lost an infant a year before her child in care was born. I was pretty certain she would not use care when she was off and I was right. That has been the only situation where I had a pretty good idea it would be that way.

Other than that I can't tell when I'm interviewing how the parent is going to "hold up" once the care of the child, the amount of power the child has in the home, and their balancing work/home becomes markedly higher.

nanny,

i do remember questioning you about being able to "interview out" children's behavior when JenNJ (?) had a behavior problem with a child. you seemed pretty confident in being able to predict the future through your interview process - and it does sound like a process. i don't understand how you're able to interview out all of these potential problems, but you don't see how someone else can.

[Crystal]

nanny,

i do remember questioning you about being able to "interview out" children's behavior when JenNJ (?) had a behavior problem with a child. you seemed pretty confident in being able to predict the future through your interview process - and it does sound like a process. i don't understand how you're able to interview out all of these potential problems, but you don't see how someone else can.

Thank you for that. I was recalling the EXACT same conversation...but unlike others here I refuse to waste my time actually searching for that post to stir up drama

[nannyde]

nanny,

i do remember questioning you about being able to "interview out" children's behavior when JenNJ (?) had a behavior problem with a child. you seemed pretty confident in being able to predict the future through your interview process - and it does sound like a process. i don't understand how you're able to interview out all of these potential problems, but you don't see how someone else can.

Oh I can tell if a kid is going to be violent. I can smell that a mile away. I don't have to worry about that with infants because if I raise them they are not violent as toddlers or preschoolers. The last time I had a hit or a bite in my home was 16 years ago. I have NEVER been hit or bit in my entire career.

Picking parents who spend their personal time WITH their children? Nope I can't pick that. I'm not talking about parents who take TWENTY FOUR days a year of me time. They would be easy to pick.

[nannyde]

Thank you for that. I was recalling the EXACT same conversation...but unlike others here I refuse to waste my time actually searching for that post to stir up drama

Drama?

Why can't we have a discussion about parents spending time OFF with their kids? How is that dramatic? You call it drama because you led everyone to believe that you had an ability to pick clients that don't do this then follow with an example of a CURRENT parent that spends a month a year of ME time while her kid is in care.

Even though I'm certain from your posts that you do care for kids whoose parents use your services on their personal time, it did lead me to wonder if there are any providers out there that are able to identify this during the interview process... I'm espcially intersted in this in the interview process with parents of newborns.

Obviously you can't help but I'm interested in if any other providers have had this experience and if so, they would share it with us.

[DanceMom]

All of my parents do it - every single one of them - if they have a day off they send their kids here. EVERY single day they have off...not here and there...EVERY ONE OF THEM. I know when I worked outside of the home I would drive a million mph to get to my daughters daycare to pick her up - when I had a day off she didnt go, when I got off early I went straight to pick her up..

I actually gave the families all a freek week to use for their own vacation days at home with their kids - they couldnt use it for sick time or anything other than spending time with their children.

[Janet]

The interview with these parents

Janet,

Could you tell when you interviewed this family they that were going to behave like this?

I couldn't have ever imagined that these parents would have been this way in the interview. It's virtually impossible to learn everything about the parents and the child in an interview. Interviewing parents have their game faces on and I think that there is a honeymoon period before a provider gets to see what the parents are really like.

[nannyde]

All of my parents do it - every single one of them - if they have a day off they send their kids here. EVERY single day they have off...not here and there...EVERY ONE OF THEM. I know when I worked outside of the home I would drive a million mph to get to my daughters daycare to pick her up - when I had a day off she didnt go, when I got off early I went straight to pick her up..

I actually gave the families all a freek week to use for their own vacation days at home with their kids - they couldnt use it for sick time or anything other than spending time with their children.

Gosh Heather it sounds like you don't know how to pick them either.

[Crystal]

Okay, I decide to be petty, like you, and go back and search your posts....your own words:

I'm fortunate enough that I can be quite picky about who I take and can interview out a lot of the potential issues in parenting or lack thereof. I've been doing this for a long time.

AND

I did not say that SHE should have spotted this in the first interview. I'm saying that "I" would have spotted this in the interview. I have done child care for 31 years. By now... I better be able to spot this.

I didn't challenge you when YOU made these comments.....just because you disagree with me about what can and cannot be "interviewed out" doesn't mean you need to drag it out for days on end.....and AGAIN, FTR, I NEVER said you can "interview out" a parent who would leave their child in daycare while they are on vacation.

You REALLY need to get a life....

[Crystal]

FYI...one of the reasons why I do not have families like what has been mentioned, is becasue I simply refuse to enroll a family when it is clearly obvious that a parent is so self-involved that they will "neglect" their children so that can have or do whatever they want. I actually sent a parent away during an interview one time and told her I am sorry but I will not be able to work with you. It was awkward, but I KNOW I avoided alot of drama by doing it.

I interview potential clients, just as they interview me. I have become a very good judge of character over the years and I simply will not enroll a family who does not have close to the same philosophy of care as I do. Not exactly the same, because I am willing to see things from others perespectives, but pretty close or the daycare relationship would be stressful and I am not going to add stress to my day.

I quoted myself here (my original post about interviews) so you can all see that I did not say you can interview out a parent who would leave their kid at daycare while they take a week long vacation.I never said I have never had an issue with a parent because I can "interview out" everything. I SAID I interview them, as well as they do me, and I enroll families with CLOSE to the SAME PHILOSOPHY as me, and that I wouldn't enroll a family when it is CLEARLY evident that they are so self-involved that they may neglect their children so that they can have or do whatever they want.

Who said something here about making a mountain out of a molehill? cuz that is clearly what nannyde has done.