Is it Common For Parents to Vacation Without Children?

[Vesta]

This thread devolved into the mommy wars kind of quickly.

Wasn't there a thread a couple of days ago asking about why school-age girls are so catty?

[MN Mom]

This thread devolved into the mommy wars kind of quickly.

Wasn't there a thread a couple of days ago asking about why school-age girls are so catty?

Gee, I wonder where they get it from

I always tended to stay away from girl friends in school and HS and hung out with mostly boys doing boy things like fishing, skateboarding etc. I didn't like the ***bickering, backstabbing attitudes (and still don't). I'm lucky to have found a group of Ladies here at home who don't act this way, actually we act more like "the guys" than girls, and that's how I like it.

*** Please don't take this line to mean I think you ladies are all bickering backstabbers. I was just making a general statement about cattiness.

[professionalmom]

I don't think it's that we don't respect your opinions...but I personally felt like she was telling me that my families are liars when she has no clue who they are!

My comment about finding a new profession wasn't because I don't like your opinion. It wasn't directed at anyone in particular. There is just a lot of parent bashing that happens here so it makes me wonder if you (meaning the person complaining/hating/etc on parents) is truly happy doing daycare. And FWIW...there are 3 Bachelor's and 2 Master's degrees behind this user name.

Bottom line is this. If there weren't parents "dumping" their kids at daycare...we'd all be out of a job.

I happen to L-O-V-E my job, my DCK, my DC families. Love it. I look forward to each and every day with them. You won't find me on here complaining about them on an open forum especially where they can come read it themselves!!

Ok, finally a post I can work with. I think what you describe as "parent bashing" is just very loving parents and providers who are appalled by some of the actions of some parents. I never referred to parents as "dumping" their kids in daycare, like the parents were just sitting at home, unemployed. Most kids are in daycare because the parent HAS to work and it's not a choice that they relish. My concern was ONLY for the poor babies and toddlers that are already in daycare for 50+ hours a week, then the parents (sadly, it's usually the moms) are begging family and friends to watch the kid on the weekends (so they can go out and have fun) and then they say they need a break and take a week long vacation in another state.

I loved doing daycare. I loved that my DCKs had me to take care of them and give them hugs and kisses when mommy HAD to be at work. I felt bad for them because they didn't get to spend as much time with mom as they wanted. I loved that they also had my husband in the evenings to play with, since most of them didn't have dads in their lives. I felt like I was giving them a second family. I loved them so much and I ached for those precious little babies and toddlers who didn't understand why mom would disappear for a whole week. The child would cry. I would cry. And for what? So mom could go to Las Vegas (or whereever) to party, drink, gamble, meet men, etc? It was never a judgment on anyone on here. It was the immense sadness for kids in those type of situations, which I have tried to express and state over and over again. But somehow it kept getting stretched into meaning that no child should ever be out of the mother's care for even a second until age 18.

Truth be told - I can't wait until my kids are old enough to say, "Can we go to grandma's lakehouse this summer?" When they do, I promise you, I will be booking that honeymoon cruise that DH and I never got. Until then, we spend a little time each day on "us" and focus the rest on raising our DD (soon to be 3 girls). Oh, and the kids will probably not know that we are slipping away for a vacation while they are on their fun filled adventure with grandma and grandpa.

[MN Mom]

My concern was ONLY for the poor babies and toddlers that are already in daycare for 50+ hours a week, then the parents (sadly, it's usually the moms) are begging family and friends to watch the kid on the weekends (so they can go out and have fun) and then they say they need a break and take a week long vacation in another state.

This! This is what I abhor. My niece is in a situation like this...unfortunately. My brother works 60+ hours a week to pay child support. He takes my niece whenever he has time. The mom...on the other hand, is a piece of work. On her weekends (they share during the week and do every other weekend), if my brother doesn't take her she gets pissed and starts hollering, then I get a phone call to which I always give in. If I do not take her, I know the mom will dump her somewhere, and this poor girl has been through way to damn much since she was born. Her environment has NEVER been stable with mom. Dad, yes....but not mom. Mom is too busy partying, sleeping around, drinking (and other substances), getting into fights with cops, going to jail.

What really upset me was, last weekend my Grandfather died. Niece never knew him. The mom called (on her weekend) my brother to ask if he was taking niece to the funeral, and when my brother said no...mom threw a tantrum. Brother gives in. During the funeral weekend, I notice mom posting on Facebook pics of her and her friends at a theme park, drinking and partying it up. This girl should not have custody....but the judge apparently thinks otherwise. Oh niece also spends approx. 50 hours in daycare during the summer.

[actaktmdt]

And the only way to connect with your SO or spouse is to take a week long vacation away from the children (I am ONLY talking about children under 5 years old – people. Do not blow this up again to mean 17 year old children)? Actually, statistics prove that couples that spend a little time each DAY or at least each WEEK re-connecting have the healthiest relationships. Some things that are cited as the best predictors of long term marital success: does your spouse give you a kiss goodbye? Hello? Do you give each other a compliment at least 3 times a week (preferably every day)? Do you talk about things other than money, kids, and chores? These are just a FEW ways to stay connected. And it’s much easier to STAY connected on a daily basis than RE-CONNECT a couple times a year or even once a month. You don’t need a fancy restaurant, a hotel, or a beach for that. Just open your mouth and TALK to your spouse. Communication is the key, not a vacation.

Sure if thats possible. It may not be for all families...Parents may work multipule jobs or different shifts to be able to get by and pay their own bills. Its also important to spend more than a few minutes here and their with your spouse. We talking about both quality and quanity here.



And that is what the extended family, our church family, and our friends’ families are for. Do you honestly think that the only way to learn about other family structures is without mom and dad present?

yes because a child only knows what they are raised in and around 24/7.


When did anyone say this would not be acceptable? Obviously if a parent is in ill health the child needs to be cared for by someone else. This is NOT the example given by the OP. As you so eloquently advised Judy to do – stay on topic, don’t go running off reading more into it and making up other scenarios.

How do you know that the parents have an "ill marriage" that needs to be fixed? They arent allowed to get away to fix it between themselves sans kids. The kids need parents who are working together as a team.

No one ever said that you don’t know anything or that you’re “stupid” as one poster tried to claim some people (possibly me) are. Funny, how if someone doesn’t agree with YOU or those with your opinion, then she is (or I am) told to “find a new profession” and told that we are judgmental or stupid. You have every right in the world to have your opinion and I do not fault you for it. But I do have a right to my opinion as well – respect THAT. I never said that I’m a better mom because I do this or that. I simply stated that I am proud that I have been with my child for most of her life and she is never in the care of non-relatives. Instead of “good for you” or “I wish I could do that”, some people got defensive. Heaven help me if I mention I have a college degree. They might think I’m arrogant and shouldn’t BRAG or be proud of the hard work and dedication I put into things. Sorry for having a moment of pride.


No but it was made out to be that if one side doesnt agree with the other than well we just have fagile egos.....FWIW I also have a Bachlors Degree

Actually, she did in another thread, that same day. Go check it all out. I think the title is “modern parenting”. So, checkmate – Judy (and sometimes I) do give CITED research references. Have you or anyone who supports your position? Hmmmm…

Yes perhaps in another posting, but she didnt bring it here...there was no copy and paste.....the point was she wanted someone to bring info to her but couldnt bother bring the same info to this thread.

[Crystal]

Okay, I know I should let sleeping dogs lie, but I did not feel well yesterday and did not have the energy to tackle this drama, but I am not going to sit by and look like I stopped responding because I feel defeated.

So:

ProMom, I said it once and I'll say it again, just to make sure you are aware _ I was KIDDING about my 12 and 17 year olds. TOTALLY being sarcastic. But I see you glossed over my explanation and continued to act like I was being ridiculous and over-exaggerating. WHATEVER.

Judy: I read your posts. And I understood them exactly as you stated them. You didn't say my parents lie to me. You said you do not believe me. Multiple times in one post you said that. Therefore, you are calling me a liar. And, as I explained, my parents DO tell me when they are off and leaving their kids here. I simply don't mind if they do.

ProMom- being a mandated reporter does not mean that you have to stick your nose into every bit of familial business in these children's lives. It means that if you suspect abuse or SERIOUS negelct, you are required to report it. I'd love to see a provider try to report a family for leaving their child in care while they run errands. They'd laugh you right off the phone.

nannyDe....well, I'll come back to you....you always manage to write a book when you post and there are so many comments/responses I need to share and I just do not have time right now.

Any others I missed that I should respond to, I'll get to later.

[nannyde]

nannyDe....well, I'll come bck to you....you always manage to right a book when you post and there are so many comments/responses I need to share and I just do not have time right now.

Here I'll make it easy for ya

Riddle me this: Why are you suggesting that you have the ability to pick day care parents that do not use day care when they do not need day care on a REGULAR basis when in fact, you have current and past clients RECENTLY that do?

Now I saved you reading my book.

[Crystal]

Okay Nanny...first, let me clarify. I did not say that I interview families and do not enroll those who would leave their children in care when they are not working. I said if YOU all have an issue with that, then you should not enroll clients who would do it. You can interview it out if you desire to. ( of course if you do that, then who will you have to talk crap about?)You simply ask a parent what their philosophy of parenting is....you can even give them a list of questions and insist they answer them, IF it is so important to you that parents ALWAYS keep their children with them when they are not working.

Yes, I do have clients that leave their kids with me when they are not working. If it was a habitual thing with a parent, it would bother me. If not, I could not care any less.

Now, regarding my post, that you actually saved and copied to your hard drive as it's from another forum, just in case you EVER needed some ammo against me (wow, I'm flattered) That post was in regard to one family with two children....it was in February. Yes, I had an issue with the Mom always being on her phone and not paying attention to her children, as it was causing behavioral issues with them here. I suppose, for people like you, I should have went back and posted in that thread the end result. I had a conversation with Mom. I told her that the lack of attention her children were recieving was effecting their behavior. I explained to her, that by simply providing them with an extra 10 one-on-one minutes upon arrival each day, that their behavior had made a complete turn around with me. She asked how I did it. I told her. She then began implementing the same practice with her children. Should I have to tell a parent that? No. But, some parents NEED to be told-wether it be due to ignorance or inconsiderateness-and I'm okay with that. THAT is the thing that I look for in an interview most: is a parent open to new ideas and approaches if their own are not working. If they are, then it's all good....unless it's an obviously "high maintenance" mom....in which case I make the interview short and sweet and do not enroll.

Re. the parent leaving her child here for 24 (oh gasp) days per year while she takes care of personal and family things. BFD....out of 365 days, I find that completely acceptable. She also takes her children on AWESOME vacations, spends every weekend with them doing many fun activities, picks up early for swim lessons, gymnastics ad tball. She's not neglecting her children, and she'd probably not give a rat's ass what you or I think about it. It's her choice as a parent to simplify her life when able and to allow her children to have fun here while she does things they would HATE participating in. You asked if she worked weekends earlier - no, she has a four day work week- she's a dentist and owns her own practice.

So, you can think I am wrong for having the opinion that parent's should be able to leave their kids here when they are off....and I can disagree with you. But that doesn't make either of wrong or right, we just have differing views on parenting. In the end, your opinion has absolutely zero effect on me. I run a thriving business and my parents absolutely love the fact that I am here for them and their children.

If you'd like to stalk me further, please feel free to join my forum, where you will see that that ONE post is most defintely the closet thing you will EVER see to me talking crap about parents the way you all do. Although, I probably wouldn't approve you....my forum stays fairly drama free, as, just like with my DCF, I SELECT who will be there - typically people with similiar philosphies of care, but who may also offer ideas and advice that are valuable to me, as well as other members.

As for you, Judy and promom, the only one's who "get it", you're all just a little to self-righteous for my tastes.

I'm done with this conversation and will not allow you to bait me into any more of your drama....just as the other day when you, even though I agreed with, chose to quote and argue with me over the same post three times in another thread....I hope it was enjoyable arguing with yourself when I chose to not respond.

[nannyde]

Okay Nanny...first, let me clarify. I did not say that I interview families and do not enroll those who would leave their children in care when they are not working. I said if YOU all have an issue with that, then you should not enroll clients who would do it. You can interview it out if you desire to. ( of course if you do that, then who will you have to talk crap about?)You simply ask a parent what their philosophy of parenting is....you can even give them a list of questions and insist they answer them, IF it is so important to you that parents ALWAYS keep their children with them when they are not working.

Yes, I do have clients that leave their kids with me when they are not working. If it was a habitual thing with a parent, it would bother me. If not, I could not care any less.

Now, regarding my post, that you actually saved and copied to your hard drive as it's from another forum, just in case you EVER needed some ammo against me (wow, I'm flattered) That post was in regard to one family with two children....it was in February. Yes, I had an issue with the Mom always being on her phone and not paying attention to her children, as it was causing behavioral issues with them here. I suppose, for people like you, I should have went back and posted in that thread the end result. I had a conversation with Mom. I told her that the lack of attention her children were recieving was effecting their behavior. I explained to her, that by simply providing them with an extra 10 one-on-one minutes upon arrival each day, that their behavior had made a complete turn around with me. She asked how I did it. I told her. She then began implementing the same practice with her children. Should I have to tell a parent that? No. But, some parents NEED to be told-wether it be due to ignorance or inconsiderateness-and I'm okay with that. THAT is the thing that I look for in an interview most: is a parent open to new ideas and approaches if their own are not working. If they are, then it's all good....unless it's an obviously "high maintenance" mom....in which case I make the interview short and sweet and do not enroll.

Re. the parent leaving her child here for 24 (oh gasp) days per year while she takes care of personal and family things. BFD....out of 365 days, I find that completely acceptable. She also takes her children on AWESOME vacations, spends every weekend with them doing many fun activities, picks up early for swim lessons, gymnastics ad tball. She's not neglecting her children, and she'd probably not give a rat's ass what you or I think about it. It's her choice as a parent to simplify her life when able and to allow her children to have fun here while she does things they would HATE participating in. You asked if she worked weekends earlier - no, she has a four day work week- she's a dentist and owns her own practice.

So, you can think I am wrong for having the opinion that parent's should be able to leave their kids here when they are off....and I can disagree with you. But that doesn't make either of wrong or right, we just have differing views on parenting. In the end, your opinion has absolutely zero effect on me. I run a thriving business and my parents absolutely love the fact that I am here for them and their children.

If you'd like to stalk me further, please feel free to join my forum, where you will see that that ONE post is most defintely the closet thing you will EVER see to me talking crap about parents the way you all do. Although, I probably wouldn't approve you....my forum stays fairly drama free, as, just like with my DCF, I SELECT who will be there - typically people with similiar philosphies of care, but who may also offer ideas and advice that are valuable to me, as well as other members.

As for you, Judy and promom, the only one's who "get it", you're all just a little to self-righteous for my tastes.

I'm done with this conversation and will not allow you to bait me into any more of your drama....just as the other day when you, even though I agreed with, chose to quote and argue with me over the same post three times in another thread....I hope it was enjoyable arguing with yourself when I chose to not respond.

Crystal,
You can't interview it out. Not even YOU can interview it out. You can try to ask questions about "philosophy" for hours and you still won't have a CLUE of whether or not they are going to shun their kid when their kid gets hard to take care of.

Also... if you have the experience and education you keep saying you have then how in Sam Hell do you think a newbie parent of a few weeks can even HAVE a parenting philosophy? That's silly and you know it. They don't have enough experience as parents to be able to project their "idea" of how they are parenting into something so important as spending quantity time with their kids.

Geesh... I took care of kids for twenty years before my ds was born and I didn't have a CLUE of what parenting was like until I became one. I knew HOW to take care of him but I sure didn't have enough knowledge of parenting to have a friggin philosophy.

It's also rediculous to suggest that someone who has just had a baby and been home with them 24/7 for a few months, and who is still under the influence of the body changes that go along with having a child and caring for a newborn is somehow going to relate to the idea that at some point this is going to be a HELLUVA lot harder. That person who doesn't have a day to day OPTION to choose to not be with their kid is going to KNOW what their decision will be when they DO have that option.

If you have the experience you say you have then you should recognize that the parent before you in the interview may well be a totally different kind of parent six months later. They LOOK a lot alike when they are sitting on your couch as a new parent. They don't look so much alike two years down the road.

You are doing a HUGE diservice to providers that come on here to learn about day care from experienced and educated providers when you suggest that YOU are able to read people and TELL. You have current and past clients who leave their kids in day care when they don't need day care. You have chosen to not care about it becuase you wouldn't have a business if your care turned into action... meaning you wouldn't have them as clients.

There's no magic formula. There's no "reading" people. Providers shouldn't feel like they just can't DRAW the "right" clients because they end up with half or more of their clients shunning their kids a few months into the kids care. You suggest YOU can draw them but your words very clearly show that you can't. You may have SOME cleints that keep their kids the majority of the time they have personal time but you have NOT built your business upon it. You have done what most successful providers do... meaning you are just the same... You have decided that the issue brought to us by the OP is no big deal. You don't care. You think it's okay. That's very different from saying you don't deal with it year after year just like everyone else does. You choose to react to it in a way that allows your business to survive.

This is a serious societal issue. It's a very difficult thing for providers to deal with. The longer you are in business the more you see it become a societal norm. That's not in the kids best interest. It's in the businesses best interest but not the kids. Let's be real with new providers and tell them the truth. The truth is that you WILL run into this most likely within the first few months you are caring for kids. The truth is that it will bug the hell out of you and you will feel really bad for the kids. The truth is that if you refuse to care for kids when their parents can spend time with them but don't you will have a lot of conflict in your business. If you say NO to it you will be deceived into believing they need care when they don't.

You have to come to a realization that this IS a part of this business and it's a ****y part of it. Your chances of having a good sized day care and having every parent using your services only when they need it for work is slim to none. It's something you have to come to terms with if you are going to do this as a career.

As far as stalking you... hee hee.. I love that. ::

I found out about your board thru this board. Whenever I find a child care board I read the archives. I read every page of this board before I joined. I read every page of Judy's board before I joined. I'm currently reading Childfun's archives and am up to page 163!!!!!! It may be a couple of years before I join that one cuz they have like 500 pages of posts.

I started to read yours and ran into that post (and a few others of the same vein by the way... it's not just one). I saved it BEFORE I posted a link to it because I KNEW you would cut off guests as soon as I posted it. And so you did..

I don't think you are telling the truth. I think that post is the truth. I have been doing this long enough to smell someone advertising themselves as "teachers, mentors, trainers, evaluators" and providers. I know an ad when I see one. You are using this board to advertise your business. When you advertise your business you put words in the advertisements that will draw CUSTOMERS.

You have a nice body of ads here and anyone interested in hiring you will surely hear what you want them to hear. It sells to parents and maybe even to businesses that may consider paying you for services.

It doesn't sell to seasoned providers but then again seasoned providers aren't your customers.

You don't fool me and I am guessing I'm not alone.

[professionalmom]

Was this thread about:

parents who have children in daycare every week then take vacations without their children? Yes.

parents who take an occassional date night? No.

parents who take vacations when there is already an at-home parent? No.

parents who take vacations without their older children (over 5)? No. Now, I inferred this based on the fact that this is a daycare website discussing daycare issues and it's reasonable to infer that most of the posts are regarding children in daycare which is typically the under age 5 group.

parents who do not take "family vacations" anymore? Yes.


Did anyone in this thread say:

that parents HAVE to be with their children 24/7 in order to be considered to be "good" parents or to not be "bad" parents? No.

parents who put their children in daycare (whether by choice or necessity) are "bad"? No.

that parents never need a break? No. Quite the opposite. BOTH sides have stated this on numerous occasions, yet one side IGNORES the other side stating this.

Let's stay on topic, ladies! And let's stop putting words in each others' mouths. And when we talk about some parents who do things that we view as harmful to the children (especially if the children are crying to us about it), don't take it personal against YOU. We usually have a particular client in mind that has caused us to be concerned. It's not about "parent-bashing", it's about our concern for the children. And that's a concern that comes from months and years of loving these children during the most wonderful time of their lives, teaching them, holding them, hugging them, kissing their booboos, and drying their tears. It's our sadness that we are actually spending more time and attention on SOME of these kids than their own parents do and the kids cry to us and confide in us, and we see the sadness in the eyes of those too young to talk. We ache for them. And we just wish that those types of self-absorbed parents would just look for once moment in the eyes of their children and see the love and yearning that the child has just to spend a day with mom or dad. It's not too much for a child to ask for and it's not too much for us to wish and hope for. After all, most of us went into this business because we have a deep love for children and that spurs us on in our quest to speak for these little, innocent, precious children.

And if we, sometimes, get a little too passionate, it's out of our deep love for these children and our passion to see them grow into the very best people they can possibly be.

[nannyde]

Was this thread about:

parents who have children in daycare every week then take vacations without their children? Yes.

parents who take an occassional date night? No.

parents who take vacations when there is already an at-home parent? No.

parents who take vacations without their older children (over 5)? No. Now, I inferred this based on the fact that this is a daycare website discussing daycare issues and it's reasonable to infer that most of the posts are regarding children in daycare which is typically the under age 5 group.

parents who do not take "family vacations" anymore? Yes.


Did anyone in this thread say:

that parents HAVE to be with their children 24/7 in order to be considered to be "good" parents or to not be "bad" parents? No.

parents who put their children in daycare (whether by choice or necessity) are "bad"? No.

that parents never need a break? No. Quite the opposite. BOTH sides have stated this on numerous occasions, yet one side IGNORES the other side stating this.

Let's stay on topic, ladies! And let's stop putting words in each others' mouths. And when we talk about some parents who do things that we view as harmful to the children (especially if the children are crying to us about it), don't take it personal against YOU. We usually have a particular client in mind that has caused us to be concerned. It's not about "parent-bashing", it's about our concern for the children. And that's a concern that comes from months and years of loving these children during the most wonderful time of their lives, teaching them, holding them, hugging them, kissing their booboos, and drying their tears. It's our sadness that we are actually spending more time and attention on SOME of these kids than their own parents do and the kids cry to us and confide in us, and we see the sadness in the eyes of those too young to talk. We ache for them. And we just wish that those types of self-absorbed parents would just look for once moment in the eyes of their children and see the love and yearning that the child has just to spend a day with mom or dad. It's not too much for a child to ask for and it's not too much for us to wish and hope for. After all, most of us went into this business because we have a deep love for children and that spurs us on in our quest to speak for these little, innocent, precious children.

And if we, sometimes, get a little too passionate, it's out of our deep love for these children and our passion to see them grow into the very best people they can possibly be.

I think another take away from this discussion is that providers are not responsibe for picking less desirable day care parents if their day care parents choose to not spend available personal time with their kids during hours the kid is in day care. Nothing that we DO shows us the parents who will and the ones who won't.

Nobody suggested that people don't need a break now and then and that there are some life situations where it is better for the kid to be in day care than with the parents. Life is messy and there are some situations (like dental care, OB care, going to court etc.) where it is not good to take the kid.

Some of us have been blessed with really attunded day care parents who DO spend their personal time with their kid. They keep them with them when they have time off and maybe once/twice a year decide to have a me day. Those parents DO exist BUT they are rare and the hopes of filling your day care with them is slim. The ability to KNOW this trait when you are interviewing a newbie parent who is in the throes of caring for a newborn for the first time is silly and rediculous notion. It's not possible. Nobody can predict how the parents will be with their kid once the kid and their outside home life gets harder.

There SHOULD be a national concern about hours kids are in care and we SHOULD be discussing the importance of daily AWAKE quantity time between parent and child. We should promote that having time off of their regular day care routine is critically important to each child regardless of how wonderful their child care is.

The original poster asked if parents are taking vacations with their kids nowadys. The answer to that IME is that it is becoming less and less in this society. I think if you polled providers that had ten or more years of experience and asked them if they see this trend changing from years past I think you would get a whopping overwhelming response that it has. I think if you asked seasoned providers if the amount of time children are in care when parents aren't working has increased dramatically in the last five years I think the whopping answer would be yes. I think if you asked seasoned providers if the amount of face time, awake time daily that parents have with their kids has diminished dramatically in the last ten years I think you would get the same response.

It's not ALL parents. There are parents out there who are superengaged and do work but devote their time resources to their kid. There are also a large percentage of SAHM's who do it EVERY day. We can't take them out of the equation because they do it all the time.

Our job is to tell the TRUTH of what we see and try to figure out if it is an isolated trend that we just see in our business or if it's a societal change that IS causing harm to kids and disenfranchising families. Our job is to disect WHY it is happening and what in our society is promoting it. This thread has been a gold mine of answers to those kinds of questions.

[Former Teacher]

Without reading the whole thread here is my take: I agree that not alot parents don't spend enough of time with their children. When you have dc's that are open 12 + hours, parents feel they have to get their money's worth. Gosh I remember one father who would drop his children off at 7:30 a.m. everyday and he would SIT around the corner at the stop sign until 6:29 p.m. so he would pull in the driveway right at 6:30. One time he pulled in at 6:32 p.m.(we caught him just about daily for several MONTHS) and I charged him a late fee. I later found out his car wouldn't start. Whether or not it didn't start at the stop sign or somewhere else I don't know that. However he didn't wait at the stop sign again and he would pick up the kids at a decent time. Would it tick me off that he would do that? OH YES! But, there was nothing we/I could do because he was paying for a service.

I think the situation boils down to money. Getting their money's worth. I have said before, the younger the child, the longer they are in care.

Yes it should upset that we as providers have to watch the child(ren) while mom gets her workout in, or dad is sleeping, or grandma wants to go shopping. However like the previous poster said its none of our business. We are getting paid to do a service regardless.

It kinda irks me when I read on this forum from providers that say that they only watch children for parents working/contracted hours. Yet when a parent gets off of work early or has a day off and the child is still in care, the providers get upset. YOU ARE BEING PAID FOR A SERVICE THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING. If you are being paid weekly (some cases monthly) and Johnny's mom has taken a day off and brings Johnny to dc, why are you getting upset? YOU ARE BEING PAID. Regardless of whether or not the child is there.

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes absolutely! Children need a day off too. Children need to spend time with their parents. I totally get that and agree. Coming from someone who is infertile, it INFURATES me when I would see a child in dc for 10-12 hours esp. an infant, and mom and dad are at home watching tv. I am not talking about once a week or once in a blue moon. I am talking about every single day! If you aren't going to spend time with your child, don't make them.

On flip side, I agree with the previous poster that said as long as we get paid its none of our business. It really isn't. We are providing a service. If we let our PERSONAL feelings and beliefs in the picture, we are in the wrong business.

[Former Teacher]

You are using this board to advertise your business. When you advertise your business you put words in the advertisements that will draw CUSTOMERS.

You have a nice body of ads here and anyone interested in hiring you will surely hear what you want them to hear. It sells to parents and maybe even to businesses that may consider paying you for services.

It doesn't sell to seasoned providers but then again seasoned providers aren't your customers.

You don't fool me and I am guessing I'm not alone.

Again without reading the whole thread, aren't all the providers here that list their sites and BLOGS!, advertising? I seem to remember a thread asking people to list their site.

Crystal, I love their style. You don't fool me. I don't care if I am in minority, which I know I am not. You have displayed nothing short of professionalism. So what if your advertising yourself? No one in business is going to get anywhere with their mouth shut.

[nannyde]

Without reading the whole thread here is my take: I agree that not alot parents don't spend enough of time with their children. When you have dc's that are open 12 + hours, parents feel they have to get their money's worth. Gosh I remember one father who would drop his children off at 7:30 a.m. everyday and he would SIT around the corner at the stop sign until 6:29 p.m. so he would pull in the driveway right at 6:30. One time he pulled in at 6:32 p.m.(we caught him just about daily for several MONTHS) and I charged him a late fee. I later found out his car wouldn't start. Whether or not it didn't start at the stop sign or somewhere else I don't know that. However he didn't wait at the stop sign again and he would pick up the kids at a decent time. Would it tick me off that he would do that? OH YES! But, there was nothing we/I could do because he was paying for a service.

I think the situation boils down to money. Getting their money's worth. I have said before, the younger the child, the longer they are in care.

Yes it should upset that we as providers have to watch the child(ren) while mom gets her workout in, or dad is sleeping, or grandma wants to go shopping. However like the previous poster said its none of our business. We are getting paid to do a service regardless.

It kinda irks me when I read on this forum from providers that say that they only watch children for parents working/contracted hours. Yet when a parent gets off of work early or has a day off and the child is still in care, the providers get upset. YOU ARE BEING PAID FOR A SERVICE THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING. If you are being paid weekly (some cases monthly) and Johnny's mom has taken a day off and brings Johnny to dc, why are you getting upset? YOU ARE BEING PAID. Regardless of whether or not the child is there.

Do you have a right to be upset? Yes absolutely! Children need a day off too. Children need to spend time with their parents. I totally get that and agree. Coming from someone who is infertile, it INFURATES me when I would see a child in dc for 10-12 hours esp. an infant, and mom and dad are at home watching tv. I am not talking about once a week or once in a blue moon. I am talking about every single day! If you aren't going to spend time with your child, don't make them.

On flip side, I agree with the previous poster that said as long as we get paid its none of our business. It really isn't. We are providing a service. If we let our PERSONAL feelings and beliefs in the picture, we are in the wrong business.

I don't know if it's as cut and dry as "it's none of your business you are getting paid". It's kind of a circle jerk. As Crystal pointed out regarding kids with behavioral problems, " They're the children whose Mom's and Dad's take personal days off and don't spend one extra minute of that time off with their children."

Not having a substantial amount of face time with your kid does affect their overall behavior and their abilitly to tolerate time away from the family. There are consequences to the kid and to those caring for the kid.

I have one part of my system that really helps in this area. I noticed really early on in my career that parents who picked up earlier were easier to work for and their kids were easier to take care of. I didn't have as many issues in general with the families if the parent had a substantial amount of TIME with their kid.

I decided to base my rates on a max number of nine hours per day and have a much lower rate for kids that leave early in the afternoon. I put the minimum rate I can take for the slot at the three p.m. departure time. I have a lot of my clients start out at three p.m. pick ups when their kids are babies. The kids get a lot of awake time with their parents when they are really little.

As the parent moves up the ladder in their job they start asking for later hours which costs them a lot more. They don't do that unless they really have to do it to advance in their jobs. The money issue keeps them from wanting longer hours or later hours. When "getting their monies worth" translates into more face time with their kid it's a win win for everyone.

In the end if you charge for all days regardless of attendence you are going to have this with many, most, or all of your clients. You have to figure out a way to deal with it.

[Crystal]

Again without reading the whole thread, aren't all the providers here that list their sites and BLOGS!, advertising? I seem to remember a thread asking people to list their site.

Crystal, I love their style. You don't fool me. I don't care if I am in minority, which I know I am not. You have displayed nothing short of professionalism. So what if your advertising yourself? No one in business is going to get anywhere with their mouth shut.

Thank you. likewise