Was Given Details, Now What?

[daycare]

I would still do everything in my power to prevent that child from leaving my care. Since my phone is at my front door, I would be on the phone prior to the person getting a car started.

Back to the original question......I would tell both parents that I do not wish to be drug in the middle. I would only tell the mother the facts as to what goes on in my home - eating, sleeping, playing. I would not say a word about anything to do with the dad or his care - bathing, clothing, etc. The mom evidently has enough people doing that.

IMHO, if she was that concerned about the safety and welfare of her child, whe would never have left her in the first place.

I did ask the mom that question and she told me that he has been out of rehab for over a year and has been doing really well. She said that she had to move because it was a job offer that she could not refuse that will soon allow her to come back to see her child every two weeks off and on. So, I really don't know anything to tell you the truth.

All I told DCM was that I felt dad was doing a great job and the child is always happy when they arrive and leave to go home at the end of each day...

[Willow]

She tells me that I NEED To know some details about DCD abusing drugs in his past and that the mom fears hes doing them again. She wanted to know what my rules are on releasing the child to him if he does show up under the influence. She said that she is very worried about her child and feels horrible for leaving DCK in DCD care.

I'd call bs and would have asked her a single point blank question:

"If you were really concerned, really felt horrible about leaving your child behind.....then why in the H*LL did you do it?"



I would never ever ever......in a million years, not for millions of dollars, not for a fantastic job, or the perfect house, or a stellar man, or even if God himself told me to....leave my child with someone I even suspected was on drugs or might harm them in any way.

Not only has she left her child in his care but she MOVED OUT OF STATE AND LEFT THE CHILD THERE SEEMINGLY PERMANENTLY.


That's disgusting.

No mother who loved their child and thought their child was in any actual danger would EVER do such a thing. She either doesn't love her child, doesn't believe her child is in any danger at all or she's on drugs herself and is trying to stir up massive drama and garner undeserved sympathy.


I think she's lying. I'd be inclined to ask her if she was the one on drugs for behaving the way she has been (or at least that's what I'd be thinking anyway......).

[daycare]

I'd call bs and would have asked her a single point blank question:

"If you were really concerned, really felt horrible about leaving your child behind.....then why in the H*LL did you do it?"



I would never ever ever......in a million years, not for millions of dollars, not for a fantastic job, or the perfect house, or a stellar man, or even if God himself told me to....leave my child with someone I even suspected was on drugs or might harm them in any way.

Not only has she left her child in his care but she MOVED OUT OF STATE AND LEFT THE CHILD THERE SEEMINGLY PERMANENTLY.


That's disgusting.

No mother who loved their child and thought their child was in any actual danger would EVER do such a thing. She either doesn't love her child, doesn't believe her child is in any danger at all or she's on drugs herself and is trying to stir up massive drama and garner undeserved sympathy.


I think she's lying. I'd be inclined to ask her if she was the one on drugs for behaving the way she has been (or at least that's what I'd be thinking anyway......).

...I wish I had half of your backbone willow....

I just declined to say anything to either one of them at all. I copied BC's letter about parents divorcing and will be sending it to both of them.

I really don't know if the mom is stiring the pot or maybe there is some truth there, I just wish I didn't know...........

[Angelsj]

by the way you HAVE to release the child to the parent even if he is fall down drunk... You can try to delay him and call the police but if he wants to take the child you have to let him or you can be charged with kidnapping.

If you think this will happen write down the description of his car and license number so you can pass on the information.

It doesn't really matter. If a parent is drunk, YOU are placing the child at risk by allowing them to go with someone under the influence, and are on prosecutable ground.
Besides, what parent is going to argue this? If they are drunk and you tell them you cannot release the child to them, but are willing to release them to a sober pick up person of their choice..are they really going to argue?

[Willow]

It doesn't really matter. If a parent is drunk, YOU are placing the child at risk by allowing them to go with someone under the influence, and are on prosecutable ground.

No you're not.

What you'd be on prosecutable ground for is being a non-relative, non-custodial individual who is keeping a child from their parent.....aka....kidnapping.

We are not allowed to play judge, jury and executioner simply because we believe something to be amiss. It doesn't matter how obvious it is to us, we don't have that right. Only law enforcement does.

Besides, what parent is going to argue this? If they are drunk and you tell them you cannot release the child to them, but are willing to release them to a sober pick up person of their choice..are they really going to argue?

Yes.

My ex-husband thinks he's superman when he drinks. That's what being drunk is. It takes you outside of being of sound mind and judgement.

If they're stupid enough to drink and drive in an attempt to go and pick up their child, you best believe they'll do far worse if you judge them and attempt to keep them from taking their child.


That doesn't just put you at risk, but every other child in your home.




Your best bet would be to call law enforcement immediately and have the vehicle make, model, license plate number and physical description of the parent and child available.

If I ever had to do that I'd be terminating to boot.

[LK5kids]

State regualtion states clearly that we are to have an open door policy, that parents can come into the center any time during the day to check on their child-so no locking the door to keep parents out. It also states you have to let the child go with the parent. My center is two blocks from the police station. As that parent and child were going down the steps I'd be calling 911.

[littlemissmuffet]

It doesn't really matter. If a parent is drunk, YOU are placing the child at risk by allowing them to go with someone under the influence, and are on prosecutable ground.

No, you are not. It ILLEGAL to withhold a child from their parent no matter the circumstances. We have no rights as a childcare provider to keep a child from their legal parent - ever, unless there is a court order instructed to do so! We are only obligated/required to report if a child leaves with a parent we suspect is under the influence/not safe to drive.

Besides, what parent is going to argue this? If they are drunk and you tell them you cannot release the child to them, but are willing to release them to a sober pick up person of their choice..are they really going to argue?

Are you kidding me? I am glad that you have never had to encounter an angry or violent drunk or drugged up person... but I have on many occasions and to think every parent would just simply agree to not have their child released to them in a calm collected manner is completely and utterly niave.

It disturbs me how some DC providers here would be willing to have a confrontation with a drunk or otherwise intoxicated parent without even considering their own safetly, the safety of the other children in your care and even the safety of the child if the parent flips out.

[daycare]

you know, I have to say......

that there is a difference between what is legally right and morally WRONG.

I do understand that we HAVE to release the children to their parents according to the laws of licensing.

But If I knew for a fact that a parent was impaired in any way and was about to place ANY child in danger, you bet your life I am going to fight that person to the ground. I don't care if that means I go to jail, if I saved a child from possibly being killed in a car accident or such I would be willing to risk my life.

I love these kids and no ONE is going to hurt them if I can help it.

[Blackcat31]

you know, I have to say......

that there is a difference between what is legally right and morally WRONG.

I do understand that we HAVE to release the children to their parents according to the laws of licensing.

But If I knew for a fact that a parent was impaired in any way and was about to place ANY child in danger, you bet your life I am going to fight that person to the ground. I don't care if that means I go to jail, if I saved a child from possibly being killed in a car accident or such I would be willing to risk my life.

I love these kids and no ONE is going to hurt them if I can help it.

....and what is going to happen to all the other children you have in care while you are busy wrestling with a drunk parent?

[daycare]

....and what is going to happen to all the other children you have in care while you are busy wrestling with a drunk parent?

my assistant can care for them.

[Blackcat31]

my assistant can care for them.

I PM'ed you

[Willow]

I don't think anyone will argue it would be morally wrong for a parent to pull such a stunt....but I also think several people are are grossly under estimating their personal abilities.

An intoxicated person (whether it be via alcohol or drugs) can possess incredible strength and have an unfailing resistance to all pain. If you have a gun sitting there you could shoot many and they'd keep right on truckin' as if nothing happened.

I've seen it plenty of times first hand.


It is far safer and far more productive NOT to engage an intoxicated person. Especially if you are not at all within your legal rights nor are professionally trained to do so.

[daycare]

I don't think anyone will argue it would be morally wrong for a parent to pull such a stunt....but I also think several people are are grossly under estimating their personal abilities.

An intoxicated person (whether it be via alcohol or drugs) can possess incredible strength and have an unfailing resistance to all pain. If you have a gun sitting there you could shoot many and they'd keep right on truckin' as if nothing happened.

I've seen it plenty of times first hand.


It is far safer and far more productive NOT to engage an intoxicated person. Especially if you are not at all within your legal rights nor are professionally trained to do so.

I know what you guys are saying and yes you are right I may not understand what I am up for. BUT this is what I would do, regardless.

[Country Kids]

Why does everyone think that the parents would all react violently, angry, and pretty much destroy anything in their path?

I have seen quite a few people in my day that were drinkers and not all were this way. Many you could actually reason with and such.

Your parents all must be a tough crowd-

[littlemissmuffet]

you know, I have to say......

that there is a difference between what is legally right and morally WRONG.

I do understand that we HAVE to release the children to their parents according to the laws of licensing.

But If I knew for a fact that a parent was impaired in any way and was about to place ANY child in danger, you bet your life I am going to fight that person to the ground. I don't care if that means I go to jail, if I saved a child from possibly being killed in a car accident or such I would be willing to risk my life.

I love these kids and no ONE is going to hurt them if I can help it.

I am only arguing the legalities of a situation like this because there are people on this board who are grossly misinformed that a childcare provider could be sued or legally prosecuted for allowing a child to leave with an intoxicated parent. This is false.

I absolutely agree it's morally wrong for a parent to drive intoxicated with their child and intentionally put them in harm's way. It is NOT, however, morally wrong for me to decide to put my own safety and the safety of multiple other daycare children ahead of one daycare child's. It's a difficult decision, yes, but sometimes it's a decision that needs to be made.

I know of far too many addicts with violent tendancies (a few in particular who hate women) to ever encourage a confrontation of this sort. It's not hard to call the police the moment they leave and provide a description of vehical and driver and home address... they will not get far, I assure you.

This is one of those cases where blame is being put in the wrong hands. The parent is at fault, not the daycare provider who is simply following the law and considering the safety of a group as opposed to individual.

For the record, I love my daycare kids too, but I am not willing to risk my life/the lives of others "just in case" an accident were to occur.
If this were a housefire we were talking about, or an armed man broke in I would absolutely do everything in my power (and yes, even risk my life) to save and protect the kids.