Was Given Details, Now What?

[daycare]

So I have a DCF that is divorced. The mom lives in another state and the DCD lives here. their child is in my care.

On Sunday, the DCM called me wanting to check in on her child. Said that she was concerned about her child due to things that she has been told by her friends that live near DCD, as well as things she felt I needed to know.

I told the DCM that I had no issue giving her updates about DCK, however, that I would not discuss anything to do with her and her ex-husbands relationship.

She tells me that I NEED To know some details about DCD abusing drugs in his past and that the mom fears hes doing them again. She wanted to know what my rules are on releasing the child to him if he does show up under the influence. She said that she is very worried about her child and feels horrible for leaving DCK in DCD care.

I tell her my policy, which is I would not release the child and call the police.

Anyways, I now just don't know what to do with this information....I don't want to say anything to the DCD. I don't even know if it is true or not???

What would you do if you were in my shoes?? Now I am starting to worry...

[countrymom]

its all heresay. One parent playing against another. Unless she has solid proof there really isnt anything you can do. Also, if there was a problem why does dad have the child. Obviously there must have been something because they have joint custody. If she feels horrible then why doesn't she go and see her lawyer asap and get an order so he doesn't have custody.

[daycare]

its all heresay. One parent playing against another. Unless she has solid proof there really isnt anything you can do. Also, if there was a problem why does dad have the child. Obviously there must have been something because they have joint custody. If she feels horrible then why doesn't she go and see her lawyer asap and get an order so he doesn't have custody.

This is what I thought too, however, there was an incident that occurred a few months ago, that does lead me to believe that this is true. I guess the only thing that I can do, is just make sure I pay attention to the DCD when he picks up and wait it out to see if it is hearsay or truth???

BTW there are no court papers defining custody of the child.

[sharlan]

She is so concerned about the safety of her child that she left the child????

[MarinaVanessa]

Unless YOU have reason to believe that the child is in danger or if YOU have reason to believe that the DCD is under the influence of drugs/alcohol etc. then I would note what DCM said (keep a log about it) and keep doing what you normally do.

Unless you have seen behavior that is suspicious there's nothing that you can do. If DCM has proof that DCD is doing things that he shouldn't be doing then it's up to her to get the ball rolling legally. If her friends see DCD doing drugs etc. then it's up to them to let DCM know so that they can be witnesses for her case. I wouldn't get involved in any of this without a subpeona.

[daycare]

She is so concerned about the safety of her child that she left the child????

Sharlan...
My exact thoughts, but like I said, I really don't know up from down with this whole situation and I wish I was never told anything. I refuse to get involved in this matter in anyway. My responsibility is to provide a safe and healthy environment for their child.

I was told more, but am trying to be discreet about the details of it all.

[itlw8]

by the way you HAVE to release the child to the parent even if he is fall down drunk... You can try to delay him and call the police but if he wants to take the child you have to let him or you can be charged with kidnapping.

If you think this will happen write down the description of his car and license number so you can pass on the information.

[seebachers]

Yep exactly what was said up above...you can be charged with kidnapping

[daycare]

by the way you HAVE to release the child to the parent even if he is fall down drunk... You can try to delay him and call the police but if he wants to take the child you have to let him or you can be charged with kidnapping.

If you think this will happen write down the description of his car and license number so you can pass on the information.

this is not true.... If I release the child, then I could be charged for endangering the child's life. I am to call the police and if they tell me to release the child, then i have no choice...

[sharlan]

by the way you HAVE to release the child to the parent even if he is fall down drunk... You can try to delay him and call the police but if he wants to take the child you have to let him or you can be charged with kidnapping.

If you think this will happen write down the description of his car and license number so you can pass on the information.

Fine, have me arrested for kidnapping. I'll take the risk vs allowing a child to get into a car with a drunk driver. What police officer in this country is going to arrest me for kidnapping? If the parent called the police, that parent is more apt to be arrested for public intoxication.

[daycare]

Fine, have me arrested for kidnapping. I'll take the risk vs allowing a child to get into a car with a drunk driver. What police officer in this country is going to arrest me for kidnapping? If the parent called the police, that parent is more apt to be arrested for public intoxication.

im right with you sharlan... I was told by my licensing that this is what I am supposed to do if someone shows up in this state..... No way in heck is that child going out that door with someone under the influence of anything.....

[littlemissmuffet]

Legally you do have to release a child to parent no matter what the circumstances are, unless there is a court order stating not to. I would just call the police as soon as the child/parent left.

I understand that's a difficult place to be in, but being arrested puts your own family and career on the line.

Anyways, OP, I would simply ignore the information you were given because you don't even know if it's true or not. I would tell the mom that you will only discuss matters that are directly related to the child, NOTHING having to do with the mom, or all communication will end.
YOU need to make your own informed decisions about a child's safety... not based on what a (possibly disgruntled) ex says.

If the mom was so worried, what is she doing living in another state?

[sharlan]

Legally you do have to release a child to parent no matter what the circumstances are, unless there is a court order stating not to. I would just call the police as soon as the child/parent left.

I understand that's a difficult place to be in, but being arrested puts your own family and career on the line.

Anyways, OP, I would simply ignore the information you were given because you don't even know if it's true or not. I would tell the mom that you will only discuss matters that are directly related to the child, NOTHING having to do with the mom, or all communication will end.
YOU need to make your own informed decisions about a child's safety... not based on what a (possibly disgruntled) ex says.

If the mom was so worried, what is she doing living in another state?

There is no way I am going to allow a child in my care to leave with a drunk individual. I would call the police and let them deal with it. I can just about guarantee that no cop is going to arrest me prior to arresting the drunk parent. I can guarantee that allowing a child to get into a car with a drunk driver that ended up getting into an accident is going to cost me. The other parent is going to sue me for allowing it to happen, licensing is going to come in and demand to know why I let the child leave, etc...

[littlemissmuffet]

There is no way I am going to allow a child in my care to leave with a drunk individual. I would call the police and let them deal with it. I can just about guarantee that no cop is going to arrest me prior to arresting the drunk parent. I can guarantee that allowing a child to get into a car with a drunk driver that ended up getting into an accident is going to cost me. The other parent is going to sue me for allowing it to happen, licensing is going to come in and demand to know why I let the child leave, etc...

I know what you are saying, but you are not legally obligated (or allowed) to keep the child from leaving - you ARE legally obligated to report it, however.
I would never have a confrotation with a drunk (or otherwise under the influence) parent while any child was present - that's an incredibly dangerous situation to put yourself and children into.

How would safely stop a drunk parent from taking the child????

[sharlan]

I know what you are saying, but you are not legally obligated (or allowed) to keep the child from leaving - you ARE legally obligated to report it, however.
I would never have a confrotation with a drunk (or otherwise under the influence) parent while any child was present - that's an incredibly dangerous situation to put yourself and children into.

How would safely stop a drunk parent from taking the child????

To be honest, I would have to play it out as it happened. I THINK what I would do is not let the parent in the house, step outside with the parent (my door automatically locks), and suggest that either someone else come pick up the child or I will drive the child home. If the parent persisted, I would call the police and have them come deal with it.

My one an only experience with a drunk parent was over 20 yrs ago. The father showed up drunk, the mother's best friend was there to pick up her child. She took one look at the father and told him she was taking the child home with her. He got back in his car and left.

I told both parents the next day that I would not have let the child leave with the parents. Both said they understood, even the father.