Was Given Details, Now What?

[littlemissmuffet]

To be honest, I would have to play it out as it happened. I THINK what I would do is not let the parent in the house, step outside with the parent (my door automatically locks), and suggest that either someone else come pick up the child or I will drive the child home. If the parent persisted, I would call the police and have them come deal with it.

My one an only experience with a drunk parent was over 20 yrs ago. The father showed up drunk, the mother's best friend was there to pick up her child. She took one look at the father and told him she was taking the child home with her. He got back in his car and left.

I told both parents the next day that I would not have let the child leave with the parents. Both said they understood, even the father.

You likely wouldn't realize that the parent was under the influence until after s/he was inside your home. I realize you have no dealt with many drunk/drugged up people before, but you need to realize that while in that state they are obviously not using their best judgement - many are not going to simply be like "Oh okay" once you tell them someone else needs to pick up the child. Many are going to get really upset that you are keeping their child from them, many would/could get violent - and then what are you going to do?

My husband is 250 pounds and carries a knife everywhere he goes - he's a teddybear, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. He's not a drinker, but if he was and he was stupid enough to try and pick out child up while drunk or under the influence and you told him no... well, honestly, I'm not sure you'd see another day.

I don't think you realize how incredibly dangerous it can be when dealing with someone who is intoxicated and being told they can't have access to their kid.

[Blackcat31]

You HAVE to release the child because you are not qualified or trained to decide if a person is under the influence of anything.

Odd behavior could be caused by any number of things... such as a reaction to medications, lack of sleep, low blood sugar, or any other myriad of medical issues.



@Daycare, your first mistake in this situation was letting the mom tell you anything that was not directly related to YOUR care of the child. If she has "heard" things from others about the safety of her child, she needs to be telling CPS or anyone except you.

I know you said you have no issues giving her updates about the child but personally, I wouldn't even go that far as it makes you more involved than you should be....kwim?

If she wants updates about her child then she needs to get them from the other parent. If she wants to see her child, she needs to arrange those visits with the other parent as well.

I realize this mom now lives in another state but unless you packed up her belongings and drove her there, none of that is your issue.

Unless something directly effects how I care for the child then it isn't my business and I don't want to hear it. I am not a therapist, counselor or anything other than a care provider...the rest is confidential info I prefer they not share with me.

[daycare]

You HAVE to release the child because you are not qualified or trained to decide if a person is under the influence of anything.

Odd behavior could be caused by any number of things... such as a reaction to medications, lack of sleep, low blood sugar, or any other myriad of medical issues.



@Daycare, your first mistake in this situation was letting the mom tell you anything that was not directly related to YOUR care of the child. If she has "heard" things from others about the safety of her child, she needs to be telling CPS or anyone except you.

I know you said you have no issues giving her updates about the child but personally, I wouldn't even go that far as it makes you more involved than you should be....kwim?

If she wants updates about her child then she needs to get them from the other parent. If she wants to see her child, she needs to arrange those visits with the other parent as well.

I realize this mom now lives in another state but unless you packed up her belongings and drove her there, none of that is your issue.

Unless something directly effects how I care for the child then it isn't my business and I don't want to hear it. I am not a therapist, counselor or anything other than a care provider...the rest is confidential info I prefer they not share with me.

I agree with what you are saying cat.....but as the childs mother, she has every right to know how her child is doing here. She is on the paperwork, I have met her and she is not asking me for anything then to know how her kid is doing. You think that I should not let her know??

The parents cannot talk without fighting, so she does not get any info from the dad, which is not my problem, but I don't see why I should not let the mom know how her child is doing here.....?? Please advise me on this.....

[Blackcat31]

I agree with what you are saying cat.....but as the childs mother, she has every right to know how her child is doing here. She is on the paperwork, I have met her and she is not asking me for anything then to know how her kid is doing. You think that I should not let her know??

The parents cannot talk without fighting, so she does not get any info from the dad, which is not my problem, but I don't see why I should not let the mom know how her child is doing here.....?? Please advise me on this.....

You are correct, I think she does have a right to know how her child is doing at your house. How he sleeps, eats and plays. NOTHING else.

If she needs to know other things, she needs to get it from the dad. I know you said they can't talk without fighting but they would be doing everyone, especially their child, a favor if they both put on their big kid pants and acted like adults.

They are going to have to co-parent (in the same state or from afar) for the next several years and dragging their child's provider/teacher into their personal drama is so NOT cool!

The second she started talking about anything other than the child's eating, napping and educational habits, I would have cut her off and said "Please stop. Please do not put me in the middle. I am a trained professional and if I observe a situation in which I feel your child is in danger, I will call the proper authorities."

Telling you about her ex's past drug use is totally over stepping her boundaries and I would have immediately made some not so positive assumptions about her for trying to tell me such things.

[MarinaVanessa]

Ladies I have been in the situation where I had a parent show up intoxicated.

I am in CA and once a DCP arrived and you could smell the alcohol on him and he was slightly slurring his words. He drove here on his own. I did not allow the child to walk out my door or for the DCP to walk into my home. I asked the DCP to call someone else to pick both him and DCB up and he refused. DCP threatened to call the police, I told him to go ahead and then I myself called the police, then DCM. Police arrived, I explained my side, he explained his side, police told him to call someone to have him and DCB picked up and for someone to drive his car for him (it was obvious that he had been drinking). When DCM and a ride and driver arrived for DCD I released the DCB to the police, they released the child to the DCM (who was ubberly pissed off) and DCD got picked up by a friend. Nothing happened to me.

No one is going to fault you for withholding a child when you think that the child's life and safety could be at risk. Just call the police. If they release the child back to the parent that appeared to be under the influence then at least it's now on them, not you. If you simply keep a child because DCM tells you to then that is a different case altogether. If you have good reason to do so and were acting as a good samaratan then you won't get into any trouble.

[littlemissmuffet]

Ladies I have been in the situation where I had a parent show up intoxicated.

I am in CA and once a DCP arrived and you could smell the alcohol on him and he was slightly slurring his words. He drove here on his own. I did not allow the child to walk out my door or for the DCP to walk into my home. I asked the DCP to call someone else to pick both him and DCB up and he refused. DCP threatened to call the police, I told him to go ahead and then I myself called the police, then DCM. Police arrived, I explained my side, he explained his side, police told him to call someone to have him and DCB picked up and for someone to drive his car for him (it was obvious that he had been drinking). When DCM and a ride and driver arrived for DCD I released the DCB to the police, they released the child to the DCM (who was ubberly pissed off) and DCD got picked up by a friend. Nothing happened to me.

No one is going to fault you for withholding a child when you think that the child's life and safety could be at risk. Just call the police. If they release the child back to the parent that appeared to be under the influence then at least it's now on them, not you. If you simply keep a child because DCM tells you to then that is a different case altogether. If you have good reason to do so and were acting as a good samaratan then you won't get into any trouble.

I understand where you are coming from... but you are potentially putting the child, yourself and the other daycare children in harm's way by denying a drunk/drugged person their own child. What if he hurt you before you could call the police? What if he lost his mind and hurt everyone in the house? I'm glad that's not the case, but I know of cases where people have been killed over $10 or even A cigarette... we're talking about someone's child. Some people can still be level-headed while intoxicated, while many cannot.
We don't know why that parent shows up drunk. What if he was just fired from work and he's really on edge, he went to have some drinks after work to cool off - now you're telling him he can't take his kid (which I do agree, he shouldn't be taking the child) - do you think he's going to just say "Yeah, you're right, I'll call mom to come and get him?" It might work out this way some of the time but it's not going to end this way all of the time.
I wouldn't take the risk. I would call the cops - and you know they'd probably pull the parent over before even getting home.

Like I said, it's a difficult situation to be in!

[Blackcat31]

Ladies I have been in the situation where I had a parent show up intoxicated.

I am in CA and once a DCP arrived and you could smell the alcohol on him and he was slightly slurring his words. He drove here on his own. I did not allow the child to walk out my door or for the DCP to walk into my home. I asked the DCP to call someone else to pick both him and DCB up and he refused. DCP threatened to call the police, I told him to go ahead and then I myself called the police, then DCM. Police arrived, I explained my side, he explained his side, police told him to call someone to have him and DCB picked up and for someone to drive his car for him (it was obvious that he had been drinking). When DCM and a ride and driver arrived for DCD I released the DCB to the police, they released the child to the DCM (who was ubberly pissed off) and DCD got picked up by a friend. Nothing happened to me.

No one is going to fault you for withholding a child when you think that the child's life and safety could be at risk. Just call the police. If they release the child back to the parent that appeared to be under the influence then at least it's now on them, not you. If you simply keep a child because DCM tells you to then that is a different case altogether. If you have good reason to do so and were acting as a good samaratan then you won't get into any trouble.

You have a valid point MV, but I want to point out that an alcoholic smell of the breath and slurred words are the most common symptoms of low blood sugar for diabetics.

When my DH goes really low, if you didn't know that he was diabetic, you woud think he was plastered instead. Also low blood sugar can come on really quickly too so it isn't like he (DH) is even aware it is happening sometimes.

There was recently a case in Texas (?) where a young male driver was tased due to a car accident/issue and the officer said he smelled like alcohol and had slurred speech and when the young man didn't (or couldn't) respond to the police officer, the officer tased him for not complying with his orders.

It was later revealed the young man was a diabetic and had really low blodd sugar thus causing the situation.

[daycare]

Im sure that we all could come up with what if this or that. However, the parents in my daycare are aware that as part of my policy they are agreeing that if I feel that they are not stable enough to transport their child, then I will not release their child to them. SO they gave me this right from day one when they signed up.

If someone showed up and I felt that they could not transport, I would be calling someone on the emergency list to pick up. If an alternate came to pick up, I would be calling CPS right after to investigate. They are able to decide if someone is abusing drugs or not.

[Country Kids]

You have a valid point MV, but I want to point out that an alcoholic smell of the breath and slurred words are the most common symptoms of low blood sugar for diabetics.

When my DH goes really low, if you didn't know that he was diabetic, you woud think he was plastered instead. Also low blood sugar can come on really quickly too so it isn't like he (DH) is even aware it is happening sometimes.

There was recently a case in Texas (?) where a young male driver was tased due to a car accident/issue and the officer said he smelled like alcohol and had slurred speech and when the young man didn't (or couldn't) respond to the police officer, the officer tased him for not complying with his orders.

It was later revealed the young man was a diabetic and had really low blodd sugar thus causing the situation.

Even in this type of case I wouldn't want to release the child. What if the parent passed out at the wheel while driving or was in an accident to slow reaction time. Something doesn't seem right don't release the child!

[Blackcat31]

Even in this type of case I wouldn't want to release the child. What if the parent passed out at the wheel while driving or was in an accident to slow reaction time. Something doesn't seem right don't release the child!

In my state I am NOT allowed to with hold a child from a parent REGARDLESS of what condition they are in. I am to call the police/911 but canNOT keep a child from their parent. No matter what I think.

This topic is discussed in depth during the interview process so all of my parents know the rules I must follow.

Whether I agree or disagree with the law, I am going to follow it.

[MarinaVanessa]

Even in this case then a person with such extreme low blood sugar levels shouldn't be driving a vehicle either. I personally feel morally obligated to keep the kids safe. If I was to have allowed the child to leave with the father and they got into a wreck around the corner before the police arrived I would be guilt wracked knowing that I could have prevented it.

One of the reasons why I keep my doors locked is so that I can allow/dissalow my clients from coming in and out. I add these policies into my contract and handbook which all of my families are well aware of. If you appear to be under the influence of alcohol/drugs I won't let the child leave. They know this. They know that I will call the police and let them handle the situation. My job and moral duty is to keep these children safe, I know that this is a difficult situation to be in but I do not regret my decision nor would I change it. It's not a decision that everyone should make but I made it having policies in place knowing very well that if I released a child and something happened to that child I would never forgive myself. Had the parent pushed his way in and taken the child then no, I would not have followed him. But he didn't. I simply did not allow him access into my home and when he refused to call for a ride I shut and locked my front door and called the police.

I've actually had this happen twice but the other time the DCP did leave right away (two seperate families, go figure).

[Country Kids]

Oh, I have to release the child also but would feel horrible in the event something happened.

We had an incident one time in our neighborhood, it took 1 1/2 hours for the police to show up. There were guns involved, tire irons, people chasing others down the street and this was all during childcare hours!!!

So just because you call the police doesn't mean there will be immediate reaction.

[sharlan]

The following is from my licensing analyst. As we all know, no one is CA agrees on anything (talking about licensing).

The Department would advise you to contact the local authorities in any cases where you feel that the child could be in danger if release to their parent(s).

You should attempt to talk the parent out of taking their due to their state of mind. If you are unable to do so, you should inform the parent of your concerns and let them know that you will be contacting the local authorities. If the parent leave with their child make sure you contact the local authorities and provide them with a detail description.

[daycare]

The following is from my licensing analyst. As we all know, no one is CA agrees on anything (talking about licensing).

The Department would advise you to contact the local authorities in any cases where you feel that the child could be in danger if release to their parent(s).

You should attempt to talk the parent out of taking their due to their state of mind. If you are unable to do so, you should inform the parent of your concerns and let them know that you will be contacting the local authorities. If the parent leave with their child make sure you contact the local authorities and provide them with a detail description.

OMG CA on the same page... I was told something very similar. I was told to talk them into allowing someone else to pick up both.
then report it with police or CPS. depending on the need. However, I have to report it.

[sharlan]

I would still do everything in my power to prevent that child from leaving my care. Since my phone is at my front door, I would be on the phone prior to the person getting a car started.

Back to the original question......I would tell both parents that I do not wish to be drug in the middle. I would only tell the mother the facts as to what goes on in my home - eating, sleeping, playing. I would not say a word about anything to do with the dad or his care - bathing, clothing, etc. The mom evidently has enough people doing that.

IMHO, if she was that concerned about the safety and welfare of her child, whe would never have left her in the first place.