What Happened To BIG Families???

[jokalima]

I read some different answers and obviously there different points of view. I do think is because now men and women both need to work. But I think that most of the time is a choice not necessarily a necessity. My example, we made some wrong choices with our finances, now we need to pay up our debt and in order to do that we need to work, the 2 of us. If we had not been that greedy and ambisious in our yunger years when we got married, maybe right now I would not have to be working with a bunch of kids that are driving me nuts, and i don't mean it in a bad way, but they do drive me nuts In other families peoples want to work because they want more, better houses, better cars, travel, and all of that is good but I don't think it was the way it was supposed to be.

I've never seen a woman that stays at home as inferior, I don't think that being able to go to college and work as professionals makes us equal, we are equal because we are human beings and God's children, not because of a piece of paper hanging on a wall. I don't believe that knowing more about contraceptives or being able to "choose" over our bodies makes us equal, we are equal because we are all made of flesh and bones. My point is that many woman now days have a "progressive" thinking,more work, more material stuff, less kids and if I do have kids other people will raise them for me. now more and more woman are postponing their pregnancies, some are even just saying they won't have children because it will interfere with their successful lives. Today this post is about what happened to big families, in the future the post will be about What happened to families? And that is scary

[jokalima]

happyface I love how we can be so different and have different opinions, yet still value each persons choices happyface

I'm going waaaaaaaay off topic here, but I hope it's ok for me to throw this in here???
For those that would like a bigger family but are worried about the money or worried about the earth's resources being stretched too thin...please think about adopting! There are so many kids languishing in foster care that need a home and family. If you adopt "special needs" (which can be as simple as being part of a sibling group or being older than a year!) adoption costs are covered by the state. Often times there is even a subsidy offered to help pay their expenses until they turn 18. Our adopted kids' health insurance and medical needs are all taken care of until they turn 18.
OK...thanks for letting me get that out there. There is really a huge need right in our own country for families to adopt kids!

I can't have more kids on my own and think daily about adoption but always think about the money and how diff it will be for us.. Do you have more info about financial help for adopting?

[rhymia1]

IMO, this topic is just like the breastfeeding one. Each person makes his/her own choices as to the size of his/her family. For me, my husband and I are stopping after I have this second baby in December. Our families think we should continue because we won't have a boy, but it's our choice as a couple.

I guess maybe I'm in the minority, but I HATED being part of a big family (when I was growing up). I'm the second oldest of 5 kids. I love my siblings all dearly, and we're all still very close. But, the childhood I had is not the childhood I want for my two girls. It seemed that every time we all trooped into a restaurant, church, or anywhere in public, people just stared as if we were part of a circus. I even grew up Catholic, but the smaller families were common and would just stare. My mom wanted a large family and would have kept going with more even though her doctor said no more after the 4th child. My dad finally said no more after my baby sis was born (#5). I love my parents, and I don't judge them for their choices.

Yes, we wore hand-me-downs. I remember loving a Guess jacket that my cousins had passed down. I cringe at photos of me in the clothes I wore back in elementary school though. Yes, we always had kids to play with. Yes, it taught me strong work ethic. I started working in a retail store 2 days after I turned 16; I went on my 16th birthday to do the required drug test. Yes, I have student loans because my dairy farming father could definitely not afford to send 5 children to college. Yes, there is nothing better than the unconditional love of a child as my mother always tells me. Yes, I am the person I am today because of how I was raised.

But, I want to offer my children experiences I didn't get. Instead of leaving our 3 year old with grandparents, we have always taken her on vacations with us. We went to Chicago in June and took her with us. She may not remember it, but we had her experience museums, such as The Field Museum and The Chicago Art Museum. Next Saturday, Sept. 29th is Free Museum Day. We always go visit at least one museum on this day. We want to impart knowledge and culture on our children. If we had other kids or I didn't work, we wouldn't have the money to offer our children the experiences we think are important.

We did visit Disney World last December with my husband's family. My mom has said that she always wished she could have taken her kids there.

A comment I read today on another site has stuck with me: Own our choices happily.

You are not alone. Also one of five. HATED it. My parents were the ones who thought they could pop out kids with no thought to what happened after. You see, they loved babies We had to share everything - including underwear. Braces? Ha! Most of my sibs have awful teeth, and younger sibling got her own braces before she got married (and yes, I do think parents should get their kids orthodontia if it's clear they need it - it becomes a health issue) College? Again HA! My parents not only didn't have the money, they had NO idea what going to college entailed. And couldn't be bothered to assist (I am okay with the idea of paying for your own college, but if you know anything about financial aid, you know things need to be set up to make it that way)Yes, we are mostly close now. It is nice to have siblings, but I only have two kids and we are DONE.
I think if you want more kids and can afford it, great. If you want a smaller family, great. There are so many factors that go into this decision (and thank God it's a choice) and I'm not going to try to hazard a guess why.

[Unregistered]

I have four kids and I think it depends on many factors.

College was not something most people could afford or promoted like it is today, it was for the rich people and most kids went on to run the family business or a self taught trade.

Women have so many choices today and are not a step back but a step next to the husband these days. More =

Stuff- for me I want less stuff, but that is because I have collected a bunch of stuff over the years and am at the age where I want to simplify myself more.

The scare of not being able to hold enough children on this planet in the future is another factor.

All of the activities, cars- most people didn't have these high car payments and mortgage payments like they do now. Keeping up with what everyone else has, cell phones, name brand clothing, eating out.

Dr.'s bills, you get a sniffle you have it checked out. Dental- braces were not affordable to most and many suffered with crooked teeth and bad teeth.

The choices of food were much more simple and not as expensive yet expensive in the grand scheme of what the pay was. Food was grown or exchanged. Now if you want to buy something from the fresh markets it cost more then the junk foods- sad.

We have more and want to give more to our kids, and our pushed into doing this by society or get left behind as the odd one.

Women have choices over their bodies to have a child or not have a child. It is not left for the man to decide.

We have moved forward and it is change and change is hard to understand, but good and is growth as whole picture

I think it is a personal decision on how big you want your family and should be left to the creators of the family. No matter if I like the way they choose to live their life or not.

How we did things in the past is not how we do them anymore, but you should pick if you want a big family or small family and not let others influence your decisions, just don't complain about the choices that you have made- it was your choice.

[countrymom]

my ydd (she's 8) went to a bparty last weekend. It was her bff and she's an only child. So 5 little girls slept over. Omg, I was laughing how they were saying that it was crazy and how noisy it was and all the games they were playing (ok my dd was a bit of leader) but here i'm telling them that it happens daily in my house, there where like, omg that was too much chaos for them.

my only issue is that, I know alot of people who complain about having one or two kids, I mean all they do is complain how expensive it is (and yes most make way more money than I do--we all know providers don't make millions) and also these are the ones who are so far indebt they can't see the other side. I wouldn't care how many kids people have, but when you have less then me, don't complain about how much children cost.

[momofsix]

I can't have more kids on my own and think daily about adoption but always think about the money and how diff it will be for us.. Do you have more info about financial help for adopting?

I'm glad you're considering it! I pm's you

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

WOWSERS! I hadn't looked at this thread since I posted!

The question was why not weather I thought that the decline was a good thing.
I was not judging anyone's choice simply answering the question.

Maybe I should have flushed out the stuff over children but I had kidlets wake up.
As we want to have and have more, we want to give our kids more. Therefor, we envision that we cannot financially afford more kids. When life was "harder" kids were needed to help the farms run, to help take care of running the house, and to bring in an income. Yes, as someone pointed out statistically during hard times the birthrate has dropped, but it was still signifigantly higher than today! I do see it as people want their stuff, I didn't say there was anything wrong with that, mearly that stuff tends to mean less kidlets. I see this in the families I watch. Their reason for only wanting one- I can give her everything (funny too- all my boys have siblings, girls, they tend to want to be able to give her everything! LOL) I have been seeing this trend now for a while. I don't think it is the economy per se but the items people feel they need.
A little more stats on family size-

https://editorialexpress.com/cgi-bin/conference/download.cgi?db_name=MWM2008&paper_id=57

Devalueing of families. I do feel this is a big problem. And I didn't say that if you only have 2 your not a family!!!! or one or whatever. But, when the state of CA no longer allows their texts to portray a family as a mom, dad and kids there are issues!! What seems to be one of the number one complaints on here... parents that don't want to pick up their kids when they are off work! When you have to do a national campaign on the importance of eating dinner as a family, there is something askew!

Birth control- I didn't say right or wrong just that it is a contributing factor to less children!

I did not judge other people's choices. I have 2 kidlets, FYI. I have lupus and feel VERY blessed to have them. My uterus ruptured with ds so that was it for me. I would have taken a dozen! That is why I do love my kidlets and their families. I do feel sorry for my moms who have to leave their kidlets!!! This wasn't an attack on how people live only that I thought those were contributing factors!!!

http://www.oecd.org/els/familiesandchildren/47710686.pdf

THis is interesting!