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this!!!!~!
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this!!!!~!
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As I read the responses I can see where it may come across that way...:confused:Wait... so it is right and good to have lots of kids and wrong and immoral to have only 1,2 or a few??????????????????????
Shouldn't we be praising those who are making the CHOICE to do what fits their family, their life, their income, the impact of many kids on the environment, their individual mental and emotional health, as well as their physical health?
My husband and I planned VERY PURPOSEFULLY to get preganant each time we CHOSE to do so. We thought of many factors, only some of which I listed above. I find it disturbing that some of you are insinuating that I would be more right, more moral, to just keep on having sex without any pre-planning of the consequences. Somehow I am devaluating family because I am an intentional being who is making very intentional choices about my family, and the impact of my choices on everyones future?
but I could turn it around on you and say you're saying that I "just kept having sex with out any preplanning of the consequences"!
For some reason we (women especially I think) need to validate the choices we make to others and too many times the way we validate our own choices is by putting others choices down.
My dh and I did not try to make sure we could pay for every little thing our girls would need before they were born/adopted, we would have never had any kids! We had enough though...we reused our baby equipment, the kids wore hand-me-downs, we homeschooled and when we stopped that we paid for tuition through 12th grade-we're not paying for their college and I don't feel I need to. We were not poor by any means, but we did have a tight budget for many years. Our girls were worth that to me. We have an awesome family and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!
Someone else might not be ok with living like we did and that is ok.
I know my siblings that have smaller families did so because they wanted to give their kids more "stuff". In some ways that rubs wrong because it seems like things are more important than people. I know they think we're wrong for not buying our kids the top stuff, for not having the most up to date house, for having our kids share rooms and for not buying our kids cars when they turn 16. It goes both ways I guess
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I know that this comment was not directed at me but I will respond (PS I mean nothing negative at all toward your comment. I actually agree with what you say) ... upon reading the comment about how "I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children" and those comments saying that agree to it I felt like that's what those people were saying. That because I chose to only have 2 kids that I was "de-valuing" marriage which is not true. I made the comment earlier that said that nowadays people have a choice and the choice is between both people and also having a large family is not socially expected anymore like it used to be. It's a choice now, not just "how things are".
I personally didn't see anything wrong with Jojosmommy's comment ... she pretty much pointed out the blanket statement and questioned wether SHE (not others) should have continued to have more kids even though she knew she couldn't afford the etc. The way I read the comment that says "I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children" and those similar is just like saying that those of us who chose not to have large families do so because we care more about stuff than having a family. That makes me sad
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I made my choices based on what my family could afford and can take on. Having another child right now would mean that I would have to boot one of my DC kids out ... that means I would be losing income on top of having more expenses that come with having a child.
I want to be able to privide a good life to my children, not spoil them ... and I deffinetely didn't choose to not have another baby right now because I want more stuff.
We live in a 1,200 sq ft condo ... not in a 3,000 sq ft lavish home
We drive economical and sensible cars ... not expensive ones
We go camping on vacations ... not on cruises, airplane rides or even out of our state.
Except for birthdays and Christmas we buy thrift store and garage sale toys ... we don't splurge regularly or even come close to spending $600-$1000 during the holidays like I see so many people that I know do.
I don't get my hair and nails done
My husband cuts his own hair
We live a comfortably and have the things that we need ... sometimes we save up for something that we don't need but want but in no way do we choose to only have 2 kids because we want more "stuff". If anything we give up our want to have "more stuff" and sacrifice what we wish we could have so that we can maybe one day afford to have another baby.
I know why I made the choices that I have made when it comes to my family and I know that in no way does my choice to have only a few kids in any way mean that I devalue my family. It means that I love my family so much and knowing what our finances are my husband and I have chosen not to make our kids do without by adding another member to our family.
I wish I could afford a larger family, I'm glad that people can afford to have larger families ... and actually a little envious. In my situation and where I live the cost of living is pretty high and I can't justify making my kids sacrifice so that my husband and I can expand our family.
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Well said Marina!Comment
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I valued my family of 2 as much as a mother with 5 or 8
It used to be you could make it without going to college. sending 5 to college without them needing student loans is a huge undertaking. Many families can not do that so stop with a smaller family.
I dearly wanted a third child.It would have been selfish if me to have had that child as we could not supported 3 children comfortably
Besides the population on this earth is exploding. there are not enough resourses for everyone to have large families. It is great some people can afford it and have a choice. But to say those of us that have small families devalue families is just not right. Maybe we just value the earth more?It:
: will waitComment
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I got no stuff and I got 2 kids... good thing I have 4 grand babies. I can get them stuff. LOLIt:: will waitComment
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IMO, this topic is just like the breastfeeding one. Each person makes his/her own choices as to the size of his/her family. For me, my husband and I are stopping after I have this second baby in December. Our families think we should continue because we won't have a boy, but it's our choice as a couple.
I guess maybe I'm in the minority, but I HATED being part of a big family (when I was growing up). I'm the second oldest of 5 kids. I love my siblings all dearly, and we're all still very close. But, the childhood I had is not the childhood I want for my two girls. It seemed that every time we all trooped into a restaurant, church, or anywhere in public, people just stared as if we were part of a circus. I even grew up Catholic, but the smaller families were common and would just stare. My mom wanted a large family and would have kept going with more even though her doctor said no more after the 4th child. My dad finally said no more after my baby sis was born (#5). I love my parents, and I don't judge them for their choices.
Yes, we wore hand-me-downs. I remember loving a Guess jacket that my cousins had passed down. I cringe at photos of me in the clothes I wore back in elementary school though. Yes, we always had kids to play with. Yes, it taught me strong work ethic. I started working in a retail store 2 days after I turned 16; I went on my 16th birthday to do the required drug test. Yes, I have student loans because my dairy farming father could definitely not afford to send 5 children to college. Yes, there is nothing better than the unconditional love of a child as my mother always tells me. Yes, I am the person I am today because of how I was raised.
But, I want to offer my children experiences I didn't get. Instead of leaving our 3 year old with grandparents, we have always taken her on vacations with us. We went to Chicago in June and took her with us. She may not remember it, but we had her experience museums, such as The Field Museum and The Chicago Art Museum. Next Saturday, Sept. 29th is Free Museum Day. We always go visit at least one museum on this day. We want to impart knowledge and culture on our children. If we had other kids or I didn't work, we wouldn't have the money to offer our children the experiences we think are important.
We did visit Disney World last December with my husband's family. My mom has said that she always wished she could have taken her kids there.
A comment I read today on another site has stuck with me: Own our choices happily.Comment
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I was an only and to this day I hate it.
When my hubs and I set out to have children we didn't have a "magic" number of how many to have. I left that up to God. When we had a boy and girl everyone said "Oh, well thats great you had one of each as you can be done now!". I couldn't believe people said that!
We have a baby up in heaven and have their birthstone on my mothers ring so I can proudly say I had 5 children. One of ours was quite a surprise has we were using birthcontrol, but we were so excited!
My kids have worn hand me downs and we shop in thrift stores but not exclusively. We make sure we put really cute outfits together for the kids. My one daughter loves a good bargin. Sets out to find them!
We have never gone on a "big" trip but shooting for it next summer. My kids have experienced alot though through travel. Even if its 50 miles from town we find something interesting to do.
I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth and you would never know it. To this day I can remember the one thing or two things my parents never bought me that I had asked for. I strive for a very simple life and the older I get the more simple I want it. Nice cars mean nothing, just a paid off car. A little bigger home would be nice-1300 square feet with 6 people and 10 dck's gets a little crowded sometimes but I do have a home. Our travel trailer I think is 20 feet if that big and when people see six people piling out of it most say "there's alot of love right there".
Yes, sometimes I wish I had the money for everything but guess what. Even if we only had one child I still couldn't afford the university, the car at 16, and the $400 dollar dress for the prom.Each day is a fresh start
Never look back on regrets
Live life to the fullest
We only get one shot at this!!
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I hope no offense was taken to anything anyone said here. The question was overall: what happened to big families; it was not: why did you choose to have the size of family you did. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they chose (or accidentally
) had as many children as they did.
With that being said, I think what MrsSteinel (and correct me if I'm wrong) was saying was generally, families are having less children because they would prefer to maintain their current lifestyle, birth control is more readily available and emphasized, and family circumstances (like divorces) sometimes limit the amount of children that people are having (as opposed to the past when people were more serious about the sanctity of marriage). None of this should be taken personally as a stab directly at your own situation . . . it was a blanket generalization. If I interpreted her statement correctly, I agree 100% with all of the above.
If you chose to have a smaller family and are happy with your choice, then that is great! Nobody here is judging you for your choices. I personally want more, but not as many as I had originally wanted because I fall into the first category (there are only so many lifestyle sacrifices we as a family are willing to make
). However, I don't think it's entirely necessary to purchase cars and college tuition for my children. I think purchasing those items on your own gives you a better sense of their worth.
I think so many times, people with larger families are wrongfully judged in today's world. It sometimes seems to me that if you want more than 2 children, then you must not care about the environment, overpopulation, and your children automatically fall into the "unruly" category. I hate going to a restaurant, seeing a large family with 6 children coming in, and watching all of the people stare at the large family in disgust.Comment
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I hope no offense was taken to anything anyone said here. The question was overall: what happened to big families; it was not: why did you choose to have the size of family you did. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they chose (or accidentally) had as many children as they did.
With that being said, I think what MrsSteinel (and correct me if I'm wrong) was saying was generally, families are having less children because they would prefer to maintain their current lifestyle, birth control is more readily available and emphasized, and family circumstances (like divorces) sometimes limit the amount of children that people are having (as opposed to the past when people were more serious about the sanctity of marriage). None of this should be taken personally as a stab directly at your own situation . . . it was a blanket generalization. If I interpreted her statement correctly, I agree 100% with all of the above.
If you chose to have a smaller family and are happy with your choice, then that is great! Nobody here is judging you for your choices. I personally want more, but not as many as I had originally wanted because I fall into the first category (there are only so many lifestyle sacrifices we as a family are willing to make). However, I don't think it's entirely necessary to purchase cars and college tuition for my children. I think purchasing those items on your own gives you a better sense of their worth.
I think so many times, people with larger families are wrongfully judged in today's world. It sometimes seems to me that if you want more than 2 children, then you must not care about the environment, overpopulation, and your children automatically fall into the "unruly" category. I hate going to a restaurant, seeing a large family with 6 children coming in, and watching all of the people stare at the large family in disgust.
I have 3 children, and people look at me like I am Michelle Duggar!:
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"Historically, declines in birth rates have gone hand in hand with economic downturns.
During the financial slumps of the early 1990's and 1970's, the birth rates fell 15% and 18%, respectively. In the midst of the Great Depression, the birth rate was down by 17%.
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
The escalating cost, coupled with the most recent economic downturn, has caused many women to postpone or even forgo their plans to have children, said Steven Martin, a senior research associate for the Institute of Human Development and Social Change at New York University. "Certainly economic calamity does cause a significant decline in fertility," he said."
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Each day is a fresh start
Never look back on regrets
Live life to the fullest
We only get one shot at this!!
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Yes, I agree with this also. There are so many reasons to having less children nowadays. Here are the main reasons (in my opinion):- Inflation (higher cost of goods like groceries and gas)
- The need for two incomes (thus less stay-at-home-parents and a need for childcare)
- Higher cost to raising children (car seats, etc.)
- Change in family dynamics (divorces)
- Different social "norms" (it is not as socially acceptable to have larger families)
- Higher consumerism
- Schedule conflicts (this ties into both parents working)
- Less religious influence
- More emphasis on medicine, health and dentistry (more is known about conditions, allergies, etc; resulting in more medical payments)
- Later onset of starting a family (usually due to starting a career first)
- More infertility
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People don't read that correctly. It says that a middle income family could spend an average of 226,920 raising a child from birth to age 18.
Goodness, I could spend a lot more than that, but I don't. When I looked at the USDA calculator, I laughed at how much I was spending on my kids. I spend maybe 2/3 of that. There are assumptions in the report that run the gamut of not necessarily true to down right laughable.Comment
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happyface I love how we can be so different and have different opinions, yet still value each persons choices happyface
I'm going waaaaaaaay off topic here, but I hope it's ok for me to throw this in here???
For those that would like a bigger family but are worried about the money or worried about the earth's resources being stretched too thin...please think about adopting! There are so many kids languishing in foster care that need a home and family. If you adopt "special needs" (which can be as simple as being part of a sibling group or being older than a year!) adoption costs are covered by the state. Often times there is even a subsidy offered to help pay their expenses until they turn 18. Our adopted kids' health insurance and medical needs are all taken care of until they turn 18.
OK...thanks for letting me get that out there. There is really a huge need right in our own country for families to adopt kids!Comment
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