Advice On How To Deal With Situation

[dEHmom]

Hey everyone, I need some help, or maybe some backbone.

As I mentioned in a post last week, dcg's mom is creating a monster.

For last few weeks we have been working on blanket no longer being needed. Well needless to say, it has been a good few weeks that dcg hasnt needed her blanket at all. But when she sees it, or has it, there is the need for it. I take it away as soon as she drops and walks away, or if there is a fight over it. I've told mom for a few weeks now that she hasn't even used it at all. And that soon she won't be bringing it anymore, etc. Mom said no way, she has complete fit in the car if you take it from her.

Well almost every morning lately, dcg has come in sleeping, mom has blankie in bag. This morning, dcg walks to me, and cuddles up in my arms, and before mom goes, she pulls the blanket out of the bag, and hands it to her. UGH!

So i need to let her know, and i am planning to make this a policy, that lovies etc will be weaned within first few weeks of starting, and then they will not be allowed in daycare. I have no problem with a blanket, soother, etc, that STAYS in the playpen for nap only. But mom takes this blankie every day back and forth, and once dcg sees it, she HAS to have it.

I am nervous telling mom that starting TOMORROW AM I don't want this blankie coming back and forth anymore. Do I have the right to say it? I would suggest leaving blankie for naps only, but dcg doesn't need them for naps at all, and when she wakes up, she will not let go of it. So I prefer not giving it at all, and dcg is not upset by this.

Any tips, suggestions, advice??? I realize it's simple and I just need to stand up for myself. I just don't want any room for misunderstandings, or mom to simply do what she wants. I don't know if it's on purpose or not, but I feel like mom uses me as the bad guy because she doesn't want to be.

I also realize this type of thread has been discussed many times before, but i'm looking more for the support, and maybe the words, to give to mom so this stops NOW!. I have a new baby starting in 2 weeks, and I don't want to risk these 2 getting into a fight, because I've had biting before due to this blanket.

[daycare]

I guess maybe I don't mind being that bad guy. If this were me, I would let mom do as she is, but as soon as mom leaves, tell DCG the lovie has to stay in your box until nap time. We only get to use it for naps.

Mom does not need to know what you do there to make it through your day. MOM is not there. If DCM needs for her to have it, then mom needs to keep her home so she can give it to here there....

[dEHmom]

I guess maybe I don't mind being that bad guy. If this were me, I would let mom do as she is, but as soon as mom leaves, tell DCG the lovie has to stay in your box until nap time. We only get to use it for naps.

Mom does not need to know what you do there to make it through your day. MOM is not there. If DCM needs for her to have it, then mom needs to keep her home so she can give it to here there....

I guess you are right. But I just wish she didn't create these horrible moments, and it seems like it's on purpose. If it's in the bag when you walk in, and she's not fussing for it, just leave it! But I've explained before, and so she started coming in with it in hand, and of course same thing.

[daycare]

I guess you are right. But I just wish she didn't create these horrible moments, and it seems like it's on purpose. If it's in the bag when you walk in, and she's not fussing for it, just leave it! But I've explained before, and so she started coming in with it in hand, and of course same thing.

I have come to realize that parents really don't seem to care too much about us. They will do whatever is easiest for them. At drop off and pick up I cringe at what some of the parents do. It used to upset me. Now my goal is to just get the parents in and out fast so that I can move on.

I would train the girl to put the lovie in her cubby as soon as mommy leaves. then after she is trained, one day say in front of DCM ok Susie go put your lovie in your box and DCG will do it. You can show DCM she does not need it...

[LittleD]

I would simply say "Ïf you feel you need it in the car, so be it, but it needs to stay in the car. Please do not bring it in anymore. It causes more harm then help here, and if it is here when the new child starts there is bound to be problems." Be point blank. If she keeps bringing it after telling her flat out no, she is being disrespectful and you may need to pull out the big guns!

[dEHmom]

i think moms issue is dcg isn't upset when mom leaves anymore. dcm isn't ok with this. this morning dcg sees blanket and cries, mom says aww and hands her blanket, and then says "ok have a good day!" and leaves. She wants dcg to need blanket.

[LittleD]

i think moms issue is dcg isn't upset when mom leaves anymore. dcm isn't ok with this. this morning dcg sees blanket and cries, mom says aww and hands her blanket, and then says "ok have a good day!" and leaves. She wants dcg to need blanket.

Ohh, i have one of those! DCK wants to go play as soon as they walk in the room, and mom has to say Ok Bye! I love you! Bye! Bye Honey, Byyyyyyyyeeeee! A million times til the kid finally turns around crying to be picked up :confused: Just go already!

[dEHmom]

Ohh, i have one of those! DCK wants to go play as soon as they walk in the room, and mom has to say Ok Bye! I love you! Bye! Bye Honey, Byyyyyyyyeeeee! A million times til the kid finally turns around crying to be picked up :confused: Just go already!

EXACTLY!

Hey I know this is off topic a little bit, but it seems to sort of fit in this thread a bit.

I am reading a book by Joe Caruso, called The Power of Losing Control. I highly recommend reading it. It is sort of repetative, but it sort of helps put things in your life into perspective more.

[daycare]

ok don't shoot me....BUT I am that mom....It rips my heart out when I have to leave my children. When I had to leave my children, by the time I get to the parking lot, often I would be in tears..

I think its only fair to put yourself in her shoes... Mom probably wishes she could stay home with her daughter and cant. So this is her way of coping with it. EVEN though it is annoying, just let mom do mom and let her feel better about it and then do as I stated before...In the box it goes...

[LittleD]

ok don't shoot me....BUT I am that mom....It rips my heart out when I have to leave my children. When I had to leave my children, by the time I get to the parking lot, often I would be in tears..

I think its only fair to put yourself in her shoes... Mom probably wishes she could stay home with her daughter and cant. So this is her way of coping with it. EVEN though it is annoying, just let mom do mom and let her feel better about it and then do as I stated before...In the box it goes...

Its one thing to miss your child, but it's another thing to make your child unhappy so you feel loved (not saying that YOU do that, but that's what my one mom does)

And if the cubby is in sight of the child, having the blanket sit there is going to make them unhappy if they can see it but can't have it. Out of sight, out of mind.

[AnneCordelia]

I would tell her that having blankie causes stress for DCG and the other children. I would explain that when she comes in with blankie then you have to take it away because all toys are communal toys at dEHmom's house. I would explain that she is welcome to send it in the bag but it stays in the bag only to be gotten out by you at naptime (you don't have to) but that she cannot come through the door with blankie anymore.

Tell her you have a rule that lovies are for sleep only and you need her to support your house rules and show by example that she respects you. Tell her that it's for hygeinic reasons (does she **** on her blanket?) or for safety reasons (dragging blankets are tripping hazards for so many little ones). Tell her that it's for the safety and health of her child, and the other children in the daycare, that you have these rules and you need her to respect them.

You can be friendly and polite, while still being firm that this is YOUR house/business and the rules you have are for a reason. You are not trying to be mean, you are doing what's best for everyone in the dayhome.

[dEHmom]

I would tell her that having blankie causes stress for DCG and the other children. I would explain that when she comes in with blankie then you have to take it away because all toys are communal toys at dEHmom's house. I would explain that she is welcome to send it in the bag but it stays in the bag only to be gotten out by you at naptime (you don't have to) but that she cannot come through the door with blankie anymore.

Tell her you have a rule that lovies are for sleep only and you need her to support your house rules and show by example that she respects you. Tell her that it's for hygeinic reasons (does she **** on her blanket?) or for safety reasons (dragging blankets are tripping hazards for so many little ones). Tell her that it's for the safety and health of her child, and the other children in the daycare, that you have these rules and you need her to respect them.

You can be friendly and polite, while still being firm that this is YOUR house/business and the rules you have are for a reason. You are not trying to be mean, you are doing what's best for everyone in the dayhome.

Perfect! Too bad I couldn't just print and post this! . I have said this stuff before, but mom doesn't understand it, but you've nailed all the points perfectly. Thank you.

[daycare]

Its one thing to miss your child, but it's another thing to make your child unhappy so you feel loved (not saying that YOU do that, but that's what my one mom does)

And if the cubby is in sight of the child, having the blanket sit there is going to make them unhappy if they can see it but can't have it. Out of sight, out of mind.

I know what you mean and I am not saying that it is right, but It is also not wrong....At least in my eyes...Yes the mom sounds OFF to me, but that would not bother me.

BTW I train all of my DCK this way with their "Special" stuff. As soon as they come in it goes into their cubby. They never ask for it again. My cubbies are right by my front door and the kids DCR is at the back of the house, so they dont' see them unless we go to the bathrooms or leave to go some where. They are in the box, so they are not seen.....

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

I guess maybe I don't mind being that bad guy. If this were me, I would let mom do as she is, but as soon as mom leaves, tell DCG the lovie has to stay in your box until nap time. We only get to use it for naps.

Mom does not need to know what you do there to make it through your day. MOM is not there. If DCM needs for her to have it, then mom needs to keep her home so she can give it to here there....

That is what I do. I have cubbies for every child. The blanket goes in the box and stays there till nap time.

I tell the parents this too.

It is a safty issue aswell. The kids start whipping them, running with them and they trip and fall. They stay in the box.

[countrymom]

its one thing to miss your child but its a whole other thing to sabatoge the child and confuse them. I'm throwing you a back bone. This is what I would do, when they come in with a blanket, get the child situated and come back to see mom off, and hand her a bag to put the blanket in it and put it in her car.