How Long Before You Give in

[MommyofThree]

maybe im just more of a comforterthen having a poor child scream. I just feel like she should of been held or something. Maybe thats why my children arnt in daycare because THEIR kids and yes they will have little fits but I just think 25 min is so long. This is just my thoughts

[Blackcat31]

now, yoga pants and jogging suits are different, they are clothes that you wear everyday. But jammies belong to bedtime. I think if the children are dressed and ready in the morning the day flows so much smoother. I do have a mom who lets her kids go all day in their jammies and then puts them in bed in those dirty jammies, so gross.

This is a perfect example of what I was talking about previously. What one person considers ok clothing for everyday wear is something someone else considers clothing that is worn ONLY at home to sleep or louge in. I wouldn't dream of ever stepping foot outside my home wearing yoga pants or a jogging suit. To me, personally, those are not clothing items I would consider wearing in public. But that is just how I was raised so those are my feelings.

I don't think that I personally would feel very professional or "work-like" in yoga pants or a sweat suit. But again, those are just MY persosonal feelings.

I imagine that every family we have as clients have different thoughts, feelings and ideas about what "properly dressed" means to them. Most of those things are based on their cultures and personal lifestyles or their priorities, I guess.

Just wanted to jump in here and mention what I've experienced with pajamas at daycare. Sometimes a child will come in wearing pjs, sometimes I'll plan a pajama day... and everytime, the children wearing pajamas act really tired, don't want to participate in anything, throw fits over everything (generally what I would chalk up to not enough sleep the night before). BUT the minute the child gets dressed in day clothes, their whole mood changes, they begin participating in all the activities, get along better with the others, and stop their many fits... It's really pretty funny when you think about it! So needless to say, I dread the days they come in pjs, but luckily I've never had one refuse to get dressed (Usually they're more than ready to change clothes!), so it's an easy fix

This is an interesting statement. I have never really paid any attention to things like this. Definitely food for thought.

I interned at an elementary school last fall for college and while in the classroom, I did notice that a majority of kids were either wearing pj pants and or clothing items I personally, consider pj's or sleeping clothes.

Seems the character pj pants are a bit of a trend right now as I have seen many adults wearing them in Target/Wal-mart lately.

I do think how you are dressed (and how you feel about it) are definitely BIG factors in how you feel and what your attitude is. That is why I made the comment about yoga pants and providers. Most of you that wear them say it is because they are comfy and easy to move in. I would think kids feel the same way about pj's. Their litttle bodies don't always fit the styles of clothing they are dressed in (skinny jeans, elastic waisted jeans, overalls, etc) so I can imagine how it would be simpler for them to want to wear pj.s

With little kids' bodies growing and changing all the time, I can see how snaps, buttons, denim and other types of children's clothing could or would be constrictive and super uncomfortable at times.

Basically, like I said before (and like Daycare also said) I don't care what the children are wearing. Just as long as the clothing they have on is safe for moving freely and doesn't cause any type of safety hazard to them or others.

[daycare]

maybe im just more of a comforterthen having a poor child scream. I just feel like she should of been held or something. Maybe thats why my children arnt in daycare because THEIR kids and yes they will have little fits but I just think 25 min is so long. This is just my thoughts

I understand what you are saying. But this kid is 4 years il almost 5. She is also the size of a 6-7 year old.

Had the child been any younger, I would have been the one changing the clothes for them.

But there will be no next time. I learned a big lesson. Next time thy go home as they came.


I was also taught in my classes, to ignore this type of behavior and don't give the child an audience. If you were to go and try to hug and love them giving them positive attention for a negative behavior, you are telling them that it is ok to behave that way. The child was not crying because they NEEDED something, they were crying because they wanted something.

I am all for validating a child's feelings, heck anyone at any age's feelings. You can be sad or angry, but you can't scream and yell. That is not ok I don't yell at them and it's not ok for them to yell at me or anyone else. To me yelling is abusive...

[C'est la vie.]

Letting a child who's 4 scream for 25 minutes is abuse???? ROFL.. that's hilarious to me.
I know kids that can cry, tanrtum and refuse for way longer than that.

Sending a child home for not changing jammies.. again ROFL. That's awesome. Also silly.

I'm very middle ground. Stay and change if they're needing to be changed for pee or poop reasons.. otherwise who care? Why would I get in a power struggle over pajamas? Kids have weird preferances.. and sometimes they don't matter at all to how things go at daycare.

Kids also try to pull the "I can't do it." card.. then they do it and feel immense pride. That's what you teach them, pride in being self sufficient.

[Springdaze]

I think it also makes a difference whether the child was willing to accept help. I would have helped the child, but if they refused, what can you do? If they didnt want to change regardless if whether you help or not, you are in a power struggle and then what? If you say they have to change and then after they scream, let them stay in the pjs, what do you teach them? not a judgement, Im really asking!

[Soccermom]

I don't mind PJs but then again my daycare wardrobe mostly consists of fun and funky pj bottoms with a t-shirt and colorful hoodie during the long winter months ! Most of my pj bottoms have fun characters on them like Mickey or Winnie the Pooh ::

I have had a few dcps drop off dcks with pjs on and tell me that the dck has clothes in their bag. I will usually just say well if you are fine with him being out in pjs then I am fine with it too. If he asks to get dressed later I will dress him.

Often once we start having fun or heading outdoors dck will ask to get dressed.
I also do PJ and teddy day once a month for the kids.

BUT I think the point here is more about the tantrum. YOU are the daycare provider and what YOU say goes so if you are asking dck to get dressed then dck should do as he or she is told. After about 10 min. I would have removed child from bathroom and sent them to Time Out. I would then ask again if they are ready to get dressed for the day. Child could remain in Time Out until the power struggle is over and you come out on top. They will give in eventually especially if they can see everyone else having fun.
I try to limit how often the dcks win in power struggles because the more I give in, the more they think they are in control and the more they think they are in control, the more out of control the entire daycare becomes.

[Heidi]

Ok...so yesterday I watched a couple going into a restaurant with a 3 1/2 yo or so girl.

Mom carried her about 50 feet, and set her down. Girl stopped. Mom said "you have to walk". Girl screams and says no. Mom tugs on hand..."you have to walk". Girl screams louder, stomps feet, screams. (Dad is just standing there looking amused).

Mom picks up girl, walks back to car, sets her down. "do you want to go back to the car?" no answer. Do you want to go back to the car? no answer. Starts to open door, girl screams. Mom picks up girl...carries her TOWARDS the restaurant, "ok...stop screaming then!"...carries here into the restaurant with dad quietly following.

Me....I'm the one in the motor cycle gear looking bewildered....:confused: I should mind my own business...really

[Christian Mother]

Agree.

The more I read here the more shocked I become at some providers ways of disciplining.

Letting a child scream for 25 minutes is abuse. It does not matter that the child was not dressed, wouldn't/didn't want to, parents wanted you to do it etc.
I get that you are frustrated about that situation but the way you are handlong it is not okay.
You are not teaching the child anything at all.

Temper tantrum all the way...Mine daughter started going into the bathroom on her own to change as we have a upstairs downstairs and she doesn't like to change in her room but be closer to all of us and what is happening around her. She is sensitive and is prone to tantrums...for her I'll march her right back to her room where she can have the tantrums all to her self. She knows like all the other kiddo's that as soon as they are done they can rejoin the group. I won't play into it at all. Doesn't matter if it's 15-25 min or longer. At 4 going on 5 they know better. And it's all about attention and getting it at any means.

I don't mind children coming in with pj's. If the parents had a hard time getting them ready for the day I'll let them be in them for as long as they want and then when there ready to dress we'll do it. Most of my little ones are getting the dressing all by them selves with out problems but for those that know how and won't I'll give in if they need assistance. I don't mind. If I wasn't feeling good I probably would of gave in and helped..!! But chances are if the fit was bc they didn't want to change I'd leave them in it and when they felt better to change then she could. I wouldn't really battle it out. I'd try to conserve my energy.

[daycare]

thanks everyone who posted....update on this.

So the tantrum screaming fit stopped the second I told DCK ok then don't change, put your clothes in your cubby, we are going to get ready to go outside. We also went to the library after snack. DCK could care less that they were in PJs.

Well DCP comes to pick up and DCK comes to meet mom at the door still in PJs. The mom asks why. I said well this is how Dad dropped in the morning, DCK refused to change clothes, so here they are. YOu could tell DCM was not pleased.

DCP called me over the weekend and was not happy about it. SO I stood my ground and said, if you want your child dressed in regular clothes then you need to bring them in regular clothes. I went on to tell DCP that DCK threw a screaming fit in the bathroom for almost 25 minutes and refused help. It took out a huge part of our day and a lot of my attention away from the other kids as well.

As it turns out, this is why DCK came in the PJs in the first place, because they did the same exact thing to dad at home in the morning and dad was not going to fit it either and tried to pawn it off on me...

NOPE, I am not a pawn. I told DCM that I will send DCK home is the clothes they came in, unless there was an accident of some kind.

She seemed to understand, but was not happy about it.
.

[countrymom]

not your problem, his parents need to put their big boy and girl panties on and deal with the issues like a parent. Good for you for not giving in, let this be a lesson to the parents.

[SunshineMama]

so you dont think 25 min is long? 25 min in a bathroom alone is extreamly long

No. 25 minutes in the bathroom, whie supervised, for a 4+ year old is not too long.

[MsMe]

Ok...so yesterday I watched a couple going into a restaurant with a 3 1/2 yo or so girl.

Mom carried her about 50 feet, and set her down. Girl stopped. Mom said "you have to walk". Girl screams and says no. Mom tugs on hand..."you have to walk". Girl screams louder, stomps feet, screams. (Dad is just standing there looking amused).

Mom picks up girl, walks back to car, sets her down. "do you want to go back to the car?" no answer. Do you want to go back to the car? no answer. Starts to open door, girl screams. Mom picks up girl...carries her TOWARDS the restaurant, "ok...stop screaming then!"...carries here into the restaurant with dad quietly following.

Me....I'm the one in the motor cycle gear looking bewildered....:confused: I should mind my own business...really

OMG!! So close to the right thing I was nearly cheering.....untill they went into the restaurant

Put that girl back in the and drive away...

[christinaskids]

I think the child was overly tired. I have a little girl like this, she needs a lot of time to come alive from nap or sleep. I would of had her chill out and watch tv and relax and try later. If she doesnt want to change, no big deal. I would just of been annoyed that the parent expectes me to do their responsibilities more than anything.

[harperluu]

You are reading into this way too much.
She was not alone. I was right outside the bathroom. I could see her she could see me. I tried talking to her and even asked at one point if she wanted help.

I will not approach a child that is screaming and having a yelling fit.
Btw. I've had kids throw tantrums for a lot longer than 25 minutes and there's no way On this given earth will I ever entertain a child having a tantrum.
When they are done screaming and I am can talk where I am heard and can reason THEN I will approach a child.

I don't think what I am doing is wrong. No one else does either but you

A child having a temper tantrum for 25 min is not abuse.

Now that that is cleared up, you can decide ahead of time what you will do when this child displays this kind of disobedience in the future.

I'd have a timer and a consequence at the ready, and present it like this. "Little PJ, you have 5 minutes to get in your clothes and join the group. I'm setting the timer and I know you can do it because you are such a big boy. If you are not in your clothes when the timer goes off, you may not play with (insert favorite toy here) for the rest of the day. Ready, set, GO!"

Now you have won the battle with the PJ's regardless because a consequence was had for non-compliance.

Or you can decide not to fight this battle at all. But my general rule of thumb is only pick those battles you can win. For instance, I don't tend to choose battles related to food. But learning to change clothes is a life skill and it is completely reasonable that an average 4 year old can get dressed with relatively little help, and is capable of requesting help in a respectful tone if needed.