How Long Before You Give in

[daycare]

I understand that some providers require the child to be dressed and ready for the day, but really can I ask why? What can't or can a child do or not do that is dependent on the clothing they wear?

I wear yoga pants and a T-shirt to bed. In other threads about what we wear, there is a whole lot of providers who wear sweats, yoga pants and t-shirts so aren't you technically wearing PJ's and not really dressed and ready for the day?

Cat- I agree. I don't care what you wear to be honest with you at all/. I don't care if you wear a paper sack. As long as they can play safely (not trip over their clothing or get stuck to anything) then I could care less.

I think where I went wrong is that DCD said DCK needs to change their clothes and I went along with it.

[cheerfuldom]

Agree.

The more I read here the more shocked I become at some providers ways of disciplining.

Letting a child scream for 25 minutes is abuse. It does not matter that the child was not dressed, wouldn't/didn't want to, parents wanted you to do it etc.
I get that you are frustrated about that situation but the way you are handlong it is not okay.
You are not teaching the child anything at all.

I really wonder at your definition of abuse. Coming from a very abusive childhood, I would gladly have been a part of a home where the worst thing that every happened to me was that my daycare provider let me cry when I refused to put my jammies on. Perhaps you should get out and help in some women's shelters and children's outreach programs and see the real definition of abuse. I think you would change your mind when you see a toddler with a black eye thanks to one parent, and the other parents passed out in the street in front of the house.

[Blackcat31]

Cat- I agree. I don't care what you wear to be honest with you at all/. I don't care if you wear a paper sack. As long as they can play safely (not trip over their clothing or get stuck to anything) then I could care less.

I think where I went wrong is that DCD said DCK needs to change their clothes and I went along with it.

That's exactly what I was getting at. I think that the real issue was you were caught off guard and the parent said something and you tried to be supportive and th ewhole thing turned into a whole new ball game.

Next time, I think you should simply say to mom "Sorry Sally but if Jenny ccame that way, she will stay that way. Have a great day and we will see you after work."

Totally not a battle I would ever want to get into because in my honest opinion, there really is no real reason that little kids HAVE to be dressed. At least not in the way some of us define dressed.

Many of my dck's come in clothing I would NEVER have allowed my won kids to sleep in let alone go out in public in but I guess we all have different ideas of appropriate clothing. Heck, some of my DCK's hardly have their hair combed... LOL!!

As far as child care goes...like you said: as long as the clothes they have on are safe and dont cause any issues, it is all good.

[daycare]

That's exactly what I was getting at. I think that the real issue was you were caught off guard and the parent said something and you tried to be supportive and th ewhole thing turned into a whole new ball game.

Next time, I think you should simply say to mom "Sorry Sally but if Jenny ccame that way, she will stay that way. Have a great day and we will see you after work."

Totally not a battle I would ever want to get into because in my honest opinion, there really is no real reason that little kids HAVE to be dressed. At least not in the way some of us define dressed.

Many of my dck's come in clothing I would NEVER have allowed my won kids to sleep in let alone go out in public in but I guess we all have different ideas of appropriate clothing. Heck, some of my DCK's hardly have their hair combed... LOL!!

As far as child care goes...like you said: as long as the clothes they have on are safe and dont cause any issues, it is all good.

I think what the real deal was that DCD showed up 20 minutes earlier than normal ( my first arrival) and I was so worrying about addressing that, that the clothing issues slipped my mind. It was the first time that DCfamiy did this. Normally they are one of my best clients and normally follow all of my rules....

[Heidi]

I really wonder at your definition of abuse. Coming from a very abusive childhood, I would gladly have been a part of a home where the worst thing that every happened to me was that my daycare provider let me cry when I refused to put my jammies on. Perhaps you should get out and help in some women's shelters and children's outreach programs and see the real definition of abuse. I think you would change your mind when you see a toddler with a black eye thanks to one parent, and the other parents passed out in the street in front of the house.

I wouldn't normally chime in here, but as a fellow abuse survivor, you're right! There are many types of abuse, but not giving into a temper tantrum is NOT abuse, and to call it that is demeaning to those who have suffered abuse.

I am SURE that the person who said that did not in any way mean to disparage real abuse victims. It's all about perspective, though, and now we all have another way to look at it.

[daycare]

I wouldn't normally chime in here, but as a fellow abuse survivor, you're right! There are many types of abuse, but not giving into a temper tantrum is NOT abuse, and to call it that is demeaning to those who have suffered abuse.

I am SURE that the person who said that did not in any way mean to disparage real abuse victims. It's all about perspective, though, and now we all have another way to look at it.

I didnt read into it too much, as I know that I am not being abusive in anyway shape or form. Plus I have been called much worse

[sharlan]

For me, it would have been a non-issue. I would have taken the 2 mins and helped the child dress and move on.

My almost 5 yo just started dressing himself 2 months ago. He comes down in his jammies when he wakes up. I have his clothes sitting on the sofa and he dresses himself when ready.

My almost 4 yo tries, but usually, I just dress him after breakfast if Mom didn't already do it.

Every so often, they tell me that it's pajama day and they don't want to get dressed. Mommas come home to kids is pjs.

[countrymom]

I had a dad who would bring his son in footed jammies everyday, and he was 3 yrs old. He would change his night time diaper but not his clothes?????well he knew we went outside and the library so I would stuff his feet in his boots and shoes and off he went in his jammies. I started sending him home in them too, they did get the hint that you can't be in jammies all day.

now, yoga pants and jogging suits are different, they are clothes that you wear everyday. But jammies belong to bedtime. I think if the children are dressed and ready in the morning the day flows so much smoother. I do have a mom who lets her kids go all day in their jammies and then puts them in bed in those dirty jammies, so gross.

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

Just wanted to jump in here and mention what I've experienced with pajamas at daycare. Sometimes a child will come in wearing pjs, sometimes I'll plan a pajama day... and everytime, the children wearing pajamas act really tired, don't want to participate in anything, throw fits over everything (generally what I would chalk up to not enough sleep the night before). BUT the minute the child gets dressed in day clothes, their whole mood changes, they begin participating in all the activities, get along better with the others, and stop their many fits... It's really pretty funny when you think about it! So needless to say, I dread the days they come in pjs, but luckily I've never had one refuse to get dressed (Usually they're more than ready to change clothes!), so it's an easy fix

[MommyofThree]

It is not neglect to expect a 4 year old to dress themselves in the bathroom. My 3.5 yr old dd tries to pull that same thing on me. I make her go to her room, but if a provider told her to go to the bathroom and change I would not be upset unless she was in there for a super long time. Also it is appropriate to change in private for a 4 year old. Is the op supposed to undress and dress her fully in front of all of the other kids? Dd would be embarrassed- and she has thrown tantrums over getting dressed for way longer than 25 minutes... She knows she can come out whenever she wants- as long as she's dressed. Dcg probably pulled a fast one on mom this am and dcm is making it op's problem. Expecting her to dress herself is doing the dcm a favor and teaching her life skills.

so you dont think 25 min is long? 25 min in a bathroom alone is extreamly long

[MommyofThree]

its not abuse for a child to have a temper tantrum but it is to leave a four year old in a bathroom for 25 min alone crying. I think all four year old arnt like every other four year olds. Some learn at diff levels.

[Meeko]

its not abuse for a child to have a temper tantrum but it is to leave a four year old in a bathroom for 25 min alone crying. I think all four year old arnt like every other four year olds. Some learn at diff levels.

It was the child's choice to stay there having a fit for 25 minutes.

[daycare]

its not abuse for a child to have a temper tantrum but it is to leave a four year old in a bathroom for 25 min alone crying. I think all four year old arnt like every other four year olds. Some learn at diff levels.

You are reading into this way too much.
She was not alone. I was right outside the bathroom. I could see her she could see me. I tried talking to her and even asked at one point if she wanted help.

I will not approach a child that is screaming and having a yelling fit.
Btw. I've had kids throw tantrums for a lot longer than 25 minutes and there's no way On this given earth will I ever entertain a child having a tantrum.
When they are done screaming and I am can talk where I am heard and can reason THEN I will approach a child.

I don't think what I am doing is wrong. No one else does either but you

[Unregistered]

I would have let the child scream it out, and continue on. Eventually they'll either come out wearing their day clothes, or come out in their jammies. If she came out in her jammies i'd have a talk with her parent on why she still is in her jammies, and the disruption she caused.

Maybe she's allowed to wear her jammies during the day at home (weekends/holidays..ect) and this was like an insult to her, and was confused. Either way, my home, my rules. If she wasn't screaming and cried that she wanted help, i'd help, but I don't do screaming.

[Bella99]

Oops the above post is by me, I just realized I wasn't logged in.