DCB Has Serious Issues :/

[Blackcat31]

Yes, it IS your place, and yes it IS your problem. I'm sorry but it's people with this attitude who turn the other cheek and close their eyes to situations like this, pass the buck and then people get seriously harmed or DIE because of it. Trust me, a good friend of mine was abused almost to death and there were almost a hundred witnesses and nobody came forward to report to police because they didn't think it was their place.

I am the one who said "it isn't your problem".

But, when I said those words, they were in response to it NOT being her problem to 'fix" him.

I also advised her to report it to the right people so the child could get help.

In NO way did I say it wasn't her problem as in 'just ignore it or turn the other cheek.

Just wanted to make that very clear.

[Cat Herder]

Thank you!!! lovethis

Not enough people are brave enough to do the right thing.

[SilverSabre25]

Good for you! I can't imagine how hard that must have been but you definitely did the right thing, and I'm glad to hear that there is someone else looking out for this family as well (whoever else reported the issue).

[Mary Poppins]

I am the one who said "it isn't your problem".

But, when I said those words, they were in response to it NOT being her problem to 'fix" him.

I also advised her to report it to the right people so the child could get help.

In NO way did I say it wasn't her problem as in 'just ignore it or turn the other cheek.

Just wanted to make that very clear.

Right and I wouldn't have not told SOMEONE, my thought was it maybe didn't qualify as a "mandatory reportable" thing so I was at least thinking to make sure his school counselor knew so she could take it from there. But then I thought THAT wasn't my place.

Anyway, I'm glad I did go ahead and call DHS, they were awesome and even the lady I talked to told me that it was one of those "grey areas" as far as reporting.

[Blackcat31]

Right and I wouldn't have not told SOMEONE, my thought was it maybe didn't qualify as a "mandatory reportable" thing so I was at least thinking to make sure his school counselor knew so she could take it from there. But then I thought THAT wasn't my place.

Anyway, I'm glad I did go ahead and call DHS, they were awesome and even the lady I talked to told me that it was one of those "grey areas" as far as reporting.

I am sooooo glad you did call. It is often tough to decipher those gray areas and like everyone said, there is too many other things going on that point out that this child has issues bigger than any of us can manage.

I know YOU know what I meant but just wanted to make sure the other posters knew that I wasn't saying it wasn't your problem to report...just not your problem to fix.

I know that 'fixing' kids is often our first instinct and we all try so that we don't feel like we are giving up on a child but sometimes, things are just too big for any one person....even child care providers.

I am sure this whole thing has been weighing on you heavily and I am glad you took the time to post here so that you could get the push you needed to do what I think you already knew you had to do.

Keep us posted as to whether the dcg comes back. I would completely understand if mom chooses not to send her back, but I am betting even she knows in her heart of hearts that there is something not right with her son.

Unfortuantely, mom's have a natural blindness when it comes to our off-spring so no matter what happens YOU DID HELP THIS CHILD. You help the whole family.

[sharlan]

I know how hard this must have been for you. You did the right thing.

I understand what the mother is doing. No one wants to admit that their 6 yo is a psychopath in training, but this child definitely is. She is definitely NOT helping this child. Making excuses for his behavior is teaching him that he can get away with bigger and better things.

[Unregistered]

I am logged out as I am a well known regular on the forum. I cried like a baby reading your post.

My oldest son is a sociopath and this was like reading about him. He never actually killed an animal, but his interest in death, his lying, lack of empathy etc are all classic symptoms.

You did the right thing in terminating. And all I can say is God help his mother. My heart aches for her. Been there. Done that.

I have not seen my son for about two and a half years now (he is almost 30). That is a good thing. I will always love him to the depths of my soul, but we have been told he cannot be helped and we need to stay as far away from him as possible for our own sanity and welfare.

Each time you saw the "good" side of this boy, you were being manipulated. There are people in our neighborhood who ask after my son and I have to be vague, because THEY think he is the nicest, kindest person they ever met.

If you have ever seen a movie called The Good Son, you have seen this kind of child in action (albeit sensationalized for the movie). They are scary people. usually intelligent and can be charming and social and happy. Next thing you know it's like coming face to face with the devil himself.

Sociopaths have no empathy. They DO NOT CARE. They act the part, because they know they have to try and fit in. Counselling does not usually help. Our son's doctors refused to treat him once they diagnosed him. They told us it does more harm than good. They cannot be fixed. Infact they often get worse because they learn more about human frailty and therefore learn how to further exploit it. They have no desire to be "better".

Family members turned against us when we began to pull away from the hell we had lived with for years. They saw the "good" son. Some later learned the hard way and THEN understood.

I hope the family gets help, the mother especially. She's going to need it. If I were her, I wuld never leave the boy alone with his sister or any other child or animal.

[countrymom]

hugs, you did the right thing. her mom must have thought that there was something wrong too otherwise she wouldn't have called. You may not have saved him now, but I guarentee that 10 yrs from now, they will be thanking you for making that phone call.

[3kidzmama]

You did the right thing. The first year I taught kindergarten, I had a little boy very similar to the one you describe. He was scary. You could literally see in his face when he changed from "normal" to demented. Among various other things he did, he killed the two birds we had as classroom pets. Reached in the cage and squeezed them in his fists. His reason? Said he liked how it felt.
I had tried for three months to have this child evaluated for psychological problems. The very next day he was finally removed from my classroom because he attacked another child with scissors from his crayon box. The other child wasn't injured, but I was cut in my attempt to prevent the attack.
He was not allowed to return to public school that school year and was sent to live in an institution for children with serious psychological problems.
I heard through the grapevine that he was removed from his biological family as well, and it was discovered that he had been abusing (physically and sexually) his younger brother. **shudder**

[nannyde]

I should add that I was completely floored by the fact that today she not only told me she now thinks it was an "accident" but that she's been giving dcb "extra special attention" to help him get over his guilt.

She even sent him here with a new toy she bought him yesterday because he has "not been able to sleep since the accident". So obviously he is manipulating this and she is buying into it. Ridiculous!!

She will do this until another incident and there WILL be another incident. Most likely she will keep him away from small pets so it won't be an animal until he's outside playing without an adult. Most likely it will escalate to him starting a fire.

He's not manipulating her. She's manipulating herself. If she says it's an accident and he needs special special then SHE gets to have special not the hard work of therapy and having multiple people in her life telling her truth.

Right now she's doing what is best for HER. That will work until his acts affect someone or something outside of her home.

As Pink Floyd says "all in all your're just another brick in the wall". That's your job. Be one person who starts the documentation process that the MOM needs, the cops need, and the mental health people need to show the pattern. He's so young that he hasn't had time to HAVE a pattern that isn't within the high extremes of "normal" childhood behavior. You are documenting the first stage of the sociopathic behavior (which is very common at the age of 6 to 6.5). That will be added to the future events so THEY aren't seen as singular. It's the totality of year after year of off the spectrum behavior that will get this kid the help he needs.

Sociopathic behavior does occur in young children and it stands to reason that some of those kids will be in child care in their early childhood.

Don't worry about the Mom's reaction. Just remember it's for HER.

[Mary Poppins]

I am logged out as I am a well known regular on the forum. I cried like a baby reading your post.

My oldest son is a sociopath and this was like reading about him. He never actually killed an animal, but his interest in death, his lying, lack of empathy etc are all classic symptoms.

You did the right thing in terminating. And all I can say is God help his mother. My heart aches for her. Been there. Done that.

I have not seen my son for about two and a half years now (he is almost 30). That is a good thing. I will always love him to the depths of my soul, but we have been told he cannot be helped and we need to stay as far away from him as possible for our own sanity and welfare.

Each time you saw the "good" side of this boy, you were being manipulated. There are people in our neighborhood who ask after my son and I have to be vague, because THEY think he is the nicest, kindest person they ever met.

If you have ever seen a movie called The Good Son, you have seen this kind of child in action (albeit sensationalized for the movie). They are scary people. usually intelligent and can be charming and social and happy. Next thing you know it's like coming face to face with the devil himself.

Sociopaths have no empathy. They DO NOT CARE. They act the part, because they know they have to try and fit in. Counselling does not usually help. Our son's doctors refused to treat him once they diagnosed him. They told us it does more harm than good. They cannot be fixed. Infact they often get worse because they learn more about human frailty and therefore learn how to further exploit it. They have no desire to be "better".

Family members turned against us when we began to pull away from the hell we had lived with for years. They saw the "good" son. Some later learned the hard way and THEN understood.

I hope the family gets help, the mother especially. She's going to need it. If I were her, I wuld never leave the boy alone with his sister or any other child or animal.

Thank you for sharing. I actually have an older brother who had all the classic signs of a sociopath and I grew up absolutely terrified of him. He abused animals in front of us for pleasure, was a fire bug and the most charming pathological liar you could meet. EVERYONE LOVES HIM! But I know the real him and he is horrible. This little dcb reminds me a lot of my brother, actually, which I think made it harder because I, too, love my brother but I know how dangerous he is.

I know this sounds crazy, but I've looked at missing person's reports or watched cold case crime shows in cities I knew he lived in over the years and honestly wondered....

Ugh.

I, too, cut ties with him years ago for the same reasons you mentioned. My children don't know him but I bet he would be their favorite uncle if they did.

[Unregistered]

Glad you did it

I am so glad you term. I use to teach and I had a 6 year old like this. He smiled when he hurt people. He tried to harm me, my assistant and several of my students (thankfully he was not able to while in my room). He would say terrible things. He was not right! He did things later at our school that made me cringe. There should be more help for children like this. His family loved him, but they were scared of him and were just not sure were to turn. They had limited resources. He has already harmed many animals, and several children. When will enough be enough!

[Unregistered]

I'm hoping you really did call and not just saying you did. I'm sure you don't want to get involved but let me tell you what could happen if you don't... My mother ran a daycare (this was about 15 years ago) She had a boy who had severe emotional problems.One day when she was making lunch he was standing behind her and said" I just want you to know that if you put that knife down,I would like to slit your neck B*&^%!!!
Same story,mean to adults,kids scared of him,liked to kill small animals.
My mom terminated him that day,I told her to call the police but everyone in the family kept saying"Oh,he's so young,you cant do that"
Well guess who set his whole house on fire 5 years later killing his mom,step-dad and two new sisters.You guessed it. He was pure evil,you could just see it in his eyes.

[Mary Poppins]

I'm hoping you really did call and not just saying you did.

Whatever. After all of this I don't appreciate being condescended to.

[Christian Mother]

I am speechless..What a horror story!! Mary....it's the toughest thing you had to do...I believe you did what you had to do bc you love this family and care only to help. What a nightmare...

That mom...she is placing blame on her self. I am willing to bet that she feels very responsible and is ready to take the blame or place the blame entire on it being accidental bc she can't face the fact that her son has emotional problems. She is in complete denial and it is just way to easy for her to make excuses up as to what happened. Dcb will be learning pretty soon here that he can do no wrong bc mom will cover for him. She is teaching him that there are no consequences to his actions.

I am totally scared for that baby girl (2 yr old sister). Little ones get into everything and they like to push the envelope. I work with them every day...What happens if his little sister makes him mad?