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This is profoundly serious. Do not allow the temptation of the loss of money from the sibling steer you into deciding to "work" with him and to super supervise him so you can have the money. If that's what you are doing right now in your head... stop it. You can't have the money and the safety of you, your home, your kids, your staff, your dc kids. You can't. Period.
You need to call the Mom and tell her he can not return. He is displaying signs that are seen in serial killers as children. His biting an adult, his joy and the death, his joy at deception, his evasive answers regarding the hampster, and the killing of the puppy for no reason other than "words" to you and his Mom.
This is a DEVESTATING and needs IMMEDIATE law enforcement action and a child psychiatrist. I would not only call child protective... I would call the police RIGHT NOW. This needs to leave your hands TO-DAY and get into the hands of professionals. It's not up to YOU and it's not up to MOM. This is a serious crime and it needs to be reported.Last edited by nannyde; 01-05-2012, 03:07 PM.Comment
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Please file a report.- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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Thanks for your input.
It really isn't the money, I have a waiting list and can fill both spots so that isn't an issue whatsoever. My income is gravy for our family so it's never about the money. It is that I love and adore dcg and dcm and even "good" dcb.
I'm glad you said what I was thinking re: the serial killer thing. THIS IS WHAT SENDS CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE.
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not trying to scare you, but have you ever read the stories that were documented about Jeffery Dahmers (sp) childhood? One of the things that he did was, he got off by killing animals.
He had signs at a very young age that he was troubled, but was not given any help or direction.
NOT AT ALL saying that this is what your DCB is going to do or this is where his life is leading, just wanted to share that with you.
I agree with others, you can't let this become your problem.Comment
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I think we all need big neon signs, tattoos, post-it notes, and fridge magnets that say "I can't save them all." The temptation is so strong and so often it's not the best answer or even a reasonable answer. Sometimes, trying to save them gets in the way of someone who has a chance to save them.
I know this is one of the worst dreams of all of us, and I'm sorry that you have to take these steps. But, you've gotten some excellent advice. Keep us posted, would you?Comment
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I know sociopathic children and though I am no psychiatrist, this child very well sounds like he could be one. I would term. He's obviously dangerous and he needs professional help!As crazy as this post may sound, it is true (and long, sorry!) but I really NEED some opinions here.
I have a dcb who is 6 and has been in my care for almost a year. We've had some issues with him (hitting, kicking, throwing toys, biting my assistant, and lots and lots of lying). I have nanny cams and keep him on camera at all times to protect my dc. I also document everything and each time something happened, I would address it with dcm, who genuinely seems concerned about her son and really wants what is best for him.
I do have in my policy the right to terminate if a child creates a hostile environment, which this one has done, but his anger and frustrations are aimed at the adults - not the other dck's. In between, he is a fun, loving, generally happy little guy who (up until now) I felt just needed some structure and guidance. I have even told dcm "if I thought he was evil, I'd terminate him NOW..".
So, after the last round of "issues", we devised a behavior modification plan which was working brilliantly for a few weeks right before Christmas. I mean he was like a new kid! happyface
Welllllll.....
The day before Christmas break, dcm brings him and his 2 yo sis (who is really sweet and we really adore) as scheduled. Dcm is in TEARS. Dcb has a smile a mile wide on his face. Dcg seems oblivious (she is 2 after all :: ).
Dcm proceeds to tell me that dcg (2 yo) threw their puppy down the stairs and killed it that morning!!
We ALL loved this puppy as he would always come with dcm for drop-offs and pick-ups so needless to say, we were heartbroken.
So while I am consoling dcm, the first thing dcb does is pull my assistant aside and whispers in her ear that dcg "killed my puppy. I saw her do it!" -- still with a SMILE on his face. He went through the rest of the day without a care in the world. In fact, we both commented that we hadn't ever seen him so happy. Especially considering how much he seemed to love the puppy. :confused:
I'm sure you can see where this is going...
So, over Christmas break, he confesses to dcm that it was HIM, he said he killed the puppy because (in his words) "it was in my room while I was cleaning and I had no choice!".
When she told me I was in shock and I took him aside and asked him about it myself, and he gave me the same excuse. I was floored. HE IS SIX!! SIX!!!!
I have NEVER had a child leave me speechless.
Their hamster had died mysteriously a few weeks before so I asked him if he did that, too, and his answer was, I kid you not, "no, if I had, I'd have come here smiling that day too." Then quickly said "I mean frowning" when he saw the expression on my face.
Honestly, I KNOW I should term this boy after this so that's not a question as I'm sure 99% of you would have already sent him packing. The problem is, I love dcm and dcg and I really am concerned for this little dcb's psychological needs and don't want to just give up on him. I do have some limited background with child psychology but I am totally not equipped to give him what he needs - and it is obvious he needs some serious HELP. NOW.
I talked to dcm extensively and suggested counseling ASAP for him. She agreed but I don't know if she has the resources for it. She also seems to want to place blame for his behaviors on other people and things and not make him own them, which worries me.
I am so at a loss and frankly this kid is beginning to frighten us. I don't believe children are born evil, but something about this one just leaves me in awe.
So.. other than terming (which I AM considering but hate to have to do UGH)... WWYD? Would you require counseling or even attempt to find one for him or.. ?? :confused:Comment
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I do agree with the others that this matter needs to be turned over to professional people equipped to deal with such matters. I would call a local mental health hospital and they can point you in the right direction or call the police.
I would say however that some children do exhibit these types of behaviors and turn out just fine. Early intervention is key. If you truly love this kid then do the right thing by him.
This is such a sad sad situation
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I'm really sorry you are going through this. I believe you should not only call cps. But the humane society too. That is animal cruelty. There needs to be a report done. That poor dog. I am sick to my stomach. I would term. Immediately. I hope this boy gets the help he needs.Comment
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First of all HUGS to you!! What a sad situation for everyone involved!As crazy as this post may sound, it is true (and long, sorry!) but I really NEED some opinions here.
I have a dcb who is 6 and has been in my care for almost a year. We've had some issues with him (hitting, kicking, throwing toys, biting my assistant, and lots and lots of lying). I have nanny cams and keep him on camera at all times to protect my dc. I also document everything and each time something happened, I would address it with dcm, who genuinely seems concerned about her son and really wants what is best for him.
I do have in my policy the right to terminate if a child creates a hostile environment, which this one has done, but his anger and frustrations are aimed at the adults - not the other dck's. In between, he is a fun, loving, generally happy little guy who (up until now) I felt just needed some structure and guidance. I have even told dcm "if I thought he was evil, I'd terminate him NOW..".
So, after the last round of "issues", we devised a behavior modification plan which was working brilliantly for a few weeks right before Christmas. I mean he was like a new kid! happyface
Welllllll.....
The day before Christmas break, dcm brings him and his 2 yo sis (who is really sweet and we really adore) as scheduled. Dcm is in TEARS. Dcb has a smile a mile wide on his face. Dcg seems oblivious (she is 2 after all :: ).
Dcm proceeds to tell me that dcg (2 yo) threw their puppy down the stairs and killed it that morning!!
We ALL loved this puppy as he would always come with dcm for drop-offs and pick-ups so needless to say, we were heartbroken.
So while I am consoling dcm, the first thing dcb does is pull my assistant aside and whispers in her ear that dcg "killed my puppy. I saw her do it!" -- still with a SMILE on his face. He went through the rest of the day without a care in the world. In fact, we both commented that we hadn't ever seen him so happy. Especially considering how much he seemed to love the puppy. :confused:
I'm sure you can see where this is going...
So, over Christmas break, he confesses to dcm that it was HIM, he said he killed the puppy because (in his words) "it was in my room while I was cleaning and I had no choice!".
When she told me I was in shock and I took him aside and asked him about it myself, and he gave me the same excuse. I was floored. HE IS SIX!! SIX!!!!
I have NEVER had a child leave me speechless.
Their hamster had died mysteriously a few weeks before so I asked him if he did that, too, and his answer was, I kid you not, "no, if I had, I'd have come here smiling that day too." Then quickly said "I mean frowning" when he saw the expression on my face.
Honestly, I KNOW I should term this boy after this so that's not a question as I'm sure 99% of you would have already sent him packing. The problem is, I love dcm and dcg and I really am concerned for this little dcb's psychological needs and don't want to just give up on him. I do have some limited background with child psychology but I am totally not equipped to give him what he needs - and it is obvious he needs some serious HELP. NOW.
I talked to dcm extensively and suggested counseling ASAP for him. She agreed but I don't know if she has the resources for it. She also seems to want to place blame for his behaviors on other people and things and not make him own them, which worries me.
I am so at a loss and frankly this kid is beginning to frighten us. I don't believe children are born evil, but something about this one just leaves me in awe.
So.. other than terming (which I AM considering but hate to have to do UGH)... WWYD? Would you require counseling or even attempt to find one for him or.. ?? :confused:
2nd, I am not one to term easliy. I have been advised to term a few kids since I started coming here and I always have that soft spot for the children and try to help everyone but in this case, I say term. You can't help this child and holding off may cause another child or even you to be hurt or worse!
I'm sorry you have been put in this spot but I would also report this issue to CPS or at least your monitor/licensor. When a child starts hurting animals or people and enjoying it then it's time for serious evaluations!
Good luck to you!Comment
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that is such a scary post, esp. at the age of 6 what will happen at the age of 10 or 15 if he doesn't get help. Mom must know something is not right, what did she do when she found out it was the boy who killed the dog.Comment
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