My Own Child.... Chores...

[Crystal]

I agree with your daughter having to contribute by doing chores. I think it is important to have a sense of responsibility to the family home.

BUT, I don't agree with having her re-wash over and over....as you have found out, it is not accomplishing anything other than a meltdown. She gets more upset and discouraged each time she is made to do it over, and therefore does a poor job of it again.

My parents did the EXACT same thing to me and my siblings. Ya know what? It didn't work! All it accomplished was alot of tension and resentment......we STILL didn't always get the dishes clean 100% of the time, because as children, we were still learning to be thorough and still learning the skills needed to do a 100% thorough job....

Hell I know adults who don't always clean the dishes perfectly, I can imagine a ten year old missing a few spots.

I think it would be easier to resolve if you had a heart to heart with her about your expectations and your very valid reasons for those expectations at a time that is not in the heat of the moment. I would keep a few dirty dishes out, and later or the next morning sit down with her, show her, explain your reasoning ( dirty dishes are gross, we can get sick from left over particles on our utensils/cups/etc) and encourage her to do better next time. Empathize with her...."I know you really dislike doing dishes, it's alot of work, but we all need to work together to take care of the household," etc. I think she'll be far more responsive than she has been.

Good luck.

[AmyLeigh]

Calm down y'all!

This girl has been doing dishes for 6 years. Mom makes sure she completes the job. Do you want to eat off of a dish that has dried food on it from last night? Ewww..... It was the girl's choice to do them seven times. If it was done right first or second time, they would have been done.

My 8 yo dd and 5 yo ds empty the dishwasher every morning. DD loads the breakfast and lunch dishes. This includes wiping off all food before loading. All three, including the 3 yo, are also responsible for keeping their rooms clean, putting away their clean laundry, and they help clean the daycare room daily as well as the weekly cleaning of the house. They love to sweep the floors and use the wet jet to mop. Their chores include yard work, too. The only chore they don't help with is the bathrooms.
That does not mean they spend all day working. Each day they are working maybe 30 minutes. That still leaves a lot of time for school, playing, wii, tv, extra curricular activities, etc.

[daycare]

This girl has been doing dishes for 6 years. Mom makes sure she completes the job. Do you want to eat off of a dish that has dried food on it from last night? Ewww..... It was the girl's choice to do them seven times. If it was done right first or second time, they would have been done.

My 8 yo dd and 5 yo ds empty the dishwasher every morning. DD loads the breakfast and lunch dishes. This includes wiping off all food before loading. All three, including the 3 yo, are also responsible for keeping their rooms clean, putting away their clean laundry, and they help clean the daycare room daily as well as the weekly cleaning of the house. They love to sweep the floors and use the wet jet to mop. Their chores include yard work, too. The only chore they don't help with is the bathrooms.
That does not mean they spend all day working. Each day they are working maybe 30 minutes. That still leaves a lot of time for school, playing, wii, tv, extra curricular activities, etc.

sorry, I agree with Crystal... I don't think its proving anything here making someone repeat it over and over. Eventually it becomes almost emotionally abusive if you ask me. Why would you keep kicking down the work of a child. If the child does not do a "GREAT 100% JOB" then do it yourself...Have the child do something else that they are more capable of doing.

I feel sorry for this child. I could never do this to anyone, let alone a child...

[AfterSchoolMom]

I usually make it a point not to get involved in these debates. However, I feel very strongly about this.

I started cutting grass for my Grandfather at the age of 11... I cut his yard, my great-grandmother's yard, the neighbor's yard, etc. I cut grass for him for 6 years. If I didn't do a good job, I had to cut the WHOLE yard over again. I remember feeling resentment at the time...I felt like it "wasn't fair". But you know what? I learned how to do a good job the first time, how to take pride in the job that I do, and I learned that it takes LESS time to do something right the first time than it does to try to takes shortcuts. I learned the value of hard work and a job well done. I appreciate the heck out of my Grandfather for teaching me that lesson. If he had just patted me on the head and said "oh, that's ok, I'll do it for you because you're only 11", what kind of lesson would that have taught me?

Doing the dishes is not hard. She's not out harvesting the crops or working in the factory - she will survive washing the dishes a few times. It will not hurt her self-esteem or cause her to hate her parents forever. What she WILL do is learn her lesson, and I bet that she'll do better next time, and feel pride in it, too!

[daycare]

I usually make it a point not to get involved in these debates. However, I feel very strongly about this.

I started cutting grass for my Grandfather at the age of 11... I cut his yard, my great-grandmother's yard, the neighbor's yard, etc. I cut grass for him for 6 years. If I didn't do a good job, I had to cut the WHOLE yard over again. I remember feeling resentment at the time...I felt like it "wasn't fair". But you know what? I learned how to do a good job the first time, how to take pride in the job that I do, and I learned that it takes LESS time to do something right the first time than it does to try to takes shortcuts. I learned the value of hard work and a job well done. I appreciate the heck out of my Grandfather for teaching me that lesson. If he had just patted me on the head and said "oh, that's ok, I'll do it for you because you're only 11", what kind of lesson would that have taught me?

Doing the dishes is not hard. She's not out harvesting the crops or working in the factory - she will survive washing the dishes a few times. It will not hurt her self-esteem or cause her to hate her parents forever. What she WILL do is learn her lesson, and I bet that she'll do better next time, and feel pride in it, too!

I'm with you on teaching the child to do it right the first time, but I dont think that this is fair...the OP wrote:

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

I don't know what getting someone irritated is teaching? I think that this is extreme... We can all agree to disagree and thats ok. I would never want someone to tell me how to parent and I sure would never tell someone else, but I don't have to agree with it and this is one of those times.

[Crystal]

I'm with you on teaching the child to do it right the first time, but I dont think that this is fair...the OP wrote:

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

I don't know what getting someone irritated is teaching? I think that this is extreme... We can all agree to disagree and thats ok. I would never want someone to tell me how to parent and I sure would never tell someone else, but I don't have to agree with it and this is one of those times.

Yeah, that.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Yup. Agree to disagree is fine by me - like I said, I usually don't get involved.

[Blackcat31]

I think the important thing here is whether the child is capable or not. If she is capable of doing the dishes and doing them well and usually does, then I agree that it is important to have her learn to do a good job and to do it correctly no matter how many times it takes.

If she really isn't capable and more often than not doesn't do a good job then I think some coaching or modeling is appropriate.

Getting a child irritated is irrelavent to the point of having chores. ALL children get irritated at having to do chores or do somehting they don't really want to do. My brother is a perfect example of this. He was 100% capable of doing the dishes but chose to do a bad job thinking that my parents would say "Oh, he doesn't do a good job so we shouldn't have him do the dishes any more." Which is completely on par for a 10 year olds line of reasoning.

I was one of those kids who had to re-do the dishes if I didn't do them correctly. I am not scarred by it and I too learned to do the job right the first time and to take pride in how I do things. Did I feel resentful or irritated by it? Absolutley, but I wouldn't be the person I am today had my parents NOT pushed me to do my best. Something I was perfectly capable of doing.

The child OP is posting about may just not be capable of doing a good job and might need some coaching. If however, the child is capable, then she simply might have a stubborn streak in her and we all know kids like that. Only the OP knows what her child is truly like.

Being concerned about whether the child is irritated is like excusing her behavior because she is a child. I raised 2 very productive, responsible, hard working children (whom I am very close to) and I bet they spent a good deal of time being irritated with me or their father for the chores they were expected to do.

[Meeko]

I think the important thing here is whether the child is capable or not. If she is capable of doing the dishes and doing them well and usually does, then I agree that it is important to have her learn to do a good job and to do it correctly no matter how many times it takes.

If she really isn't capable and more often than not doesn't do a good job then I think some coaching or modeling is appropriate.

Getting a child irritated is irrelavent to the point of having chores. ALL children get irritated at having to do chores or do somehting they don't really want to do. My brother is a perfect example of this. He was 100% capable of doing the dishes but chose to do a bad job thinking that my parents would say "Oh, he doesn't do a good job so we shouldn't have him do the dishes any more." Which is completely on par for a 10 year olds line of reasoning.

I was one of those kids who had to re-do the dishes if I didn't do them correctly. I am not scarred by it and I too learned to do the job right the first time and to take pride in how I do things. Did I feel resentful or irritated by it? Absolutley, but I wouldn't be the person I am today had my parents NOT pushed me to do my best. Something I was perfectly capable of doing.

The child OP is posting about may just not be capable of doing a good job and might need some coaching. If however, the child is capable, then she simply might have a stubborn streak in her and we all know kids like that. Only the OP knows what her child is truly like.

Being concerned about whether the child is irritated is like excusing her behavior because she is a child. I raised 2 very productive, responsible, hard working children (whom I am very close to) and I bet they spent a good deal of time being irritated with me or their father for the chores they were expected to do.

[themoorethemerrier]

I think the important thing here is whether the child is capable or not. If she is capable of doing the dishes and doing them well and usually does, then I agree that it is important to have her learn to do a good job and to do it correctly no matter how many times it takes.

Right-o!

OP clearly said that DD is just dipping them in the water and not even trying to wash them. That's not incapable, that's lazy and unwilling.

IMO, this is giving a child real-world view at an age-appropriate manner.

Great job, ladies, agreeing to disagree.

[daycare]

I love this form for the sole reason of being able to agree to disagree. There is always a different way to view things and I think it really helps me sometimes to see the different sides of a situation. Think outside the box I guess you can say....