My Own Child.... Chores...

[krissy_mo]

Ok, so... I have a 10 yr old that has been doing dishes since age 4 1/2... (not solely back then, but she's been pretty much responsible for most of them since age 7)...

Of course, we used to help, and still do with baked-on foods, heavy glass bakeware or corningware, etc..

This child... my dear sweet wonderful child... will dunk them and then put them in the strainer... without wiping them at all.

So... what we do is check them.. and if we find food on them... she rewashes the entire load again... this repeats until they are clean.

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

We finally got her to breathe, and reminded her that throwing a pity party wasn't going to help her focus and do them right this time, but that she needed to instead of grumble "why do I have to wash these again," or "I hate dishes" or "I hate my parents" "I'm so poor" "I'm so abused.." Instead, she needed to think, "Ok, is this dish clean enough that I won't have to do this AGAIN tonight?"

I got the biggest dirty look out of her I think I've ever gotten....

Anyway, anyone in the market for a half-price slave? We've cut the price in half, since she only works about half the time... but still.. it's a deal... I think.

[safechner]

It sounds like she is washing the dishes everyday. I don't blame on your daughter but it is too much for your daughter for her ages if she have to rewash a few times a day or more. It is not fair to her but I would give her to do her chores maybe twice a week which it is good enough. Just saying..


I have two daughters of my own (ages 10 years old and 9 years old) and they never wash dishes because I believe they are too young to do this. However, they do clean up their rooms, and keep it clean. I would wait until they turn 13 years old then they will learn responsibility. One time, my daughter went to her friend's house and her friend asked her to help wash her dishes (her friend is 8 years old) a month ago and she told me that she helped her to clean the dishes. She told me that it is a lot of work that she can't play with her until she is done with her dishes. I also wouldn't pay my daughters for doing chores, I think it is silly.

[dave4him]

I set a limit on what she is able to do for her age level

[sharlan]

I'm with your daughter. She's been responsible for the family dishes since she was 7?????????

I hate doing the dishes so I never made my kids wash them as a regular chore.

[Mandy_Jane]

Yeah, no joke but that is SERIOUSLY sounding pretty cruel to me if you make her rewash the entire load just for food being left on a few. Maybe it's time you invest in a dishwasher and give your daughter a break. My 6 year old has helped with loading the dishwasher since she was 4, but I would wipe off the dishes and hand them to her to load. She is now getting to the point that she can wipe them herself and load them, but I never would entrust her to actually WASH the dishes and expect them to be totally clean. I think you are putting way to much responsibility on such a young child.

[Meyou]

My kids all do dishes. My 8 year old loads the dishwasher almost every afternoon (mostly plastic from the dc) and my 12 year old does the dinner dishes most nights. My 13 year old does them on the weekend when she's here. They are also all responsible for taking their dirty clothes to the laundry room, keeping their rooms clean and various other chores. My older girls clean bathrooms and wash floors. They all have to fold their own laundry and put it away. The 8 year old just started have to do this at the beginning of this school year.

I think it teaches responsibility AND accountability. If you trash your room...you clean it every day. If you don't...you only have to tidy, dust and vacuum once a week. They learned quickly which one is easier. I was watching both of my siblings after school and cooking dinner everyday by the time I was 11 so I firmly believe kids are not only capable but can benefit from instilling a good work ethic early in life. My girls can all cook as well although my 8 year old is only allowed to microwave cook without an adult in the room.

Now in your case mama it sounds like the amount of dishes is overwhelming to your dd. Maybe she could do plates, cups, cutlery etc and you or your dh can do the pots?

My dh does the heavy kitchen cleaning for the girls but they are expected to do everything but "cooking dishes" including wiping down counters, sweeping the floor, emptying the recycling and compost and not complaining while they do it.

[Unregistered]

good for you teaching her responsibility. She is old enough to help out and do it right. Give her a break from time to time. Kids should help out in the house they live in, they end up going to College and have no idea what to do, or feel entitled to have to do nothing. Your teaching her that your a family unit and everyone helps and making her do it right.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I'm with you. She'll learn to do it right the first time, and will learn to take pride in doing a good job.

The OP didn't say that she made her rewash them when she was 7. In fact she said she used to help. I think that ten years old is a perfectly fine age to start learning the lesson that it is LESS work to do it correctly than if you half@ss it. I'm trying to teach my own oldest this lesson as well!

I think our Grandparents/Great Grandparents would laugh at us - I remember my GG telling me about working on the farm when she was a child, and helping to wash clothes with a wringer washer and hang them on the clothesline, etc... all from a very young age.

My own children are responsible for the dishes, for cleaning their bathroom, for keeping their rooms clean, and for folding and putting away their own laundry. My youngest takes out the trash and the recycling, and my oldest starting helping with the yard work this past summer. They still have plenty of time to be kids, but they're also learning responsiblity and won't be helpless once they move out.

[Meyou]

I'm with you. She'll learn to do it right the first time, and will learn to take pride in doing a good job.

The OP didn't say that she made her rewash them when she was 7. In fact she said she used to help. I think that ten years old is a perfectly fine age to start learning the lesson that it is LESS work to do it correctly than if you half@ss it. I'm trying to teach my own oldest this lesson as well!

I think our Grandparents/Great Grandparents would laugh at us - I remember my GG telling me about working on the farm when she was a child, and helping to wash clothes with a wringer washer and hang them on the clothesline, etc... all from a very young age.

My own children are responsible for the dishes, for cleaning their bathroom, for keeping their rooms clean, and for folding and putting away their own laundry. My youngest takes out the trash and the recycling, and my oldest starting helping with the yard work this past summer. They still have plenty of time to be kids, but they're also learning responsiblity and won't be helpless once they move out.

[Kaddidle Care]

Just have her fill the sink with all hot water and soap and let them soak for 1/2 an hour. Then all she has to do is pull the plug and give them a light rub and rinse. If she wears gloves she will be able to tolerate the hotter water.

I'm amazed that she's been doing it for that long. I have a 10 year old and he's yet to wash dishes. You got me thinking.... hehe!

[Solandia]

My kids have to do their own plate/bowl/flatware/cup, dry them and put them away. I wouldn't have them do all the dishes, because it is so gross to wash off someone else's leftover food or boogers of a kiddie cup. JMO, of course.

Since you have it set up with your child doing the dishes and requiring them to be done correctly....once she gets back in the habit of doing them correctly for few days...I would back off and have everyone wash their own nasty stuff. I wouldn't want her to think that her mini-tantrum and passive-aggressive if-I-don't-do-it-right-i can-get-out-of-it is what caused the change. Then rotate who does the pans. A LOT less dishes to do at one time, even *I* get overwhelmed if I have to do everyone's plates and stuff.

10yo is plenty old enough to expect this task do be done right the first time. She is doing it on purpose.

[SilverSabre25]

Perhaps it's time to take a different approach. I agree that she's old enough to learn to do it right, the first time. However, if she's been doing it that long and just now is slacking off, there's probably something else afoot. She could be telling you that it's too big a job and she's feeling overwhelmed. She could need a refresher course in how to do it. She could need a different consequence or stiffer consequence for not doing it right--maybe an earlier bedtime, or loss of any "technology" she enjoys for the rest of the night or the next day.

Maybe give her a refresher course in how to wash the dishes ("You have to actually wipe them with the dishrag"). Then have a parent stay in the kitchen with her for a couple of nights and check each dish as she washes it. If there's still food on it, she has to wash it again until it's clean.

She could also be telling you that it's time to switch it up and teach someone else to do the dishes and let her do the laundry or something.

[Meeko]

I had to help my mother do laundry. And I don't mean throw it in an automatic washer. An old twin tub that has to be tended to the whole time. Wet clothes had to be pulled from the tub and switched to the spinner...which had to be filled with water each time from the sink. And then it all had to hung out on the line to dry. Our kitchen was steamy and hot and I sweat!. The wet clothes were heavy and my arms ached when we were done.

Now I look back and see what a lesson in responsibility it was. And most of all, now I am 7,000 miles away from my mother...I realize how precious laundry day was and how we talked and laughed and how much I learned from her. She made me cook when I was so young I needed a chair to stand on to see on the counters. I was ironing clothes at a very young age...and I had to do it and fold it EXACTLY like my mother showed me.

My own father grew up on a farm. He was really little when it was his job to feed the chickens at dawn each day. Weekends too. Rain or shine.

And now people think that making a child do the dishes right is too much?

And we wonder why we are raising generations of ungrateful, self-centered, entitled kids.

I say good for you! Your daughter will appreciate it later even if she complains now.

[Blackcat31]

I had to help my mother do laundry. And I don't mean throw it in an automatic washer. An old twin tub that has to be tended to the whole time. Wet clothes had to be pulled from the tub and switched to the spinner...which had to be filled with water each time from the sink. And then it all had to hung out on the line to dry. Our kitchen was steamy and hot and I sweat!. The wet clothes were heavy and my arms ached when we were done.

Now I look back and see what a lesson in responsibility it was. And most of all, now I am 7,000 miles away from my mother...I realize how precious laundry day was and how we talked and laughed and how much I learned from her. She made me cook when I was so young I needed a chair to stand on to see on the counters. I was ironing clothes at a very young age...and I had to do it and fold it EXACTLY like my mother showed me.

My own father grew up on a farm. He was really little when it was his job to feed the chickens at dawn each day. Weekends too. Rain or shine.

And now people think that making a child do the dishes right is too much?

And we wonder why we are raising generations of ungrateful, self-centered, entitled kids.

I say good for you! Your daughter will appreciate it later even if she complains now.

[sharlan]

I see nothing wrong with a child doing chores. I see nothing wrong with a child having to do those chores correctly. But what I am seeing is an abusive power play on the parents' part. It's time to step back and take another look at how you're handling this situation. Make cleaning the kitchen after dinner a family affair. Everyone stays in the kitchen until it's clean.

(not solely back then, but she's been pretty much responsible for most of them since age 7)...

She is pretty irritated with us right now as she has rewashed three days worth of dishes .. .some of them up to seven times each dish (from the first time she washed them incorrectly)... well, she was hysterical the fourth time her dad came out this evening and found food on them....

As for what chores our parents had, that has nothing to do with today's kids. Our parents didn't have 2 - 5 hours worth of homework a night that they had to juggle with other extra curricular activities.