Kid Told Me He Is Going To See His New Daycare...

[mom2many]

I agree with Crystal...Over the years, I have had several older kids make innocent comments regarding changes in their d/c and they are simply talking about their lives and I have always asked the parent's the next time I see them, if something will be changing.

However, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I believe it is at all appropriate to tell a child they are being replaced! This is extremely unprofessional!


In the case of the OP, it could be the new d/c doesn't have any openings until after the holidays. I understand them not wanting to tip their hand and give notice until they need to...they don't want their spot replaced before they are able to make this change. Often times, the parents do not even think about their child saying anything. However, this is HUGE in a child's world and they will!

I agree on allowing the child to see a new d/c prior to enrollment. I think it's the only right to take their feelings into consideration too.

[Crystal]

And what exactly would be the parent's side?! Telling this child that he'll be switching daycares and not giving the current provider is DISRESPECTFUL and DUMB on the parents behalf! Kids talk...especially 4 year olds! This parent knew exactly what was going on and almost seems as if it were cohersed. Why else would you introduce your child so early?!

Here I do 3 interviews. I don't allow the child to come until the second one and I don't do it while other children are present. Most of the time, they introduce me by first name or have their child play with toys I have out or the child sits on their lap as we go over policies and procedures. I'd bet my last dollar that this family either knows the new provider or has met with them before and that's why they said their child would be going there. You aren't going to tell a 4 year old that he/she is going to meet their new provider unless you've met with them before and made a decision to enroll!

So, if the parent is trying to get their child in a program that does not have an opening for 6 weeks, and if they don't secure the space now it will likely be gone....they shouldn't take their child to meet the potential new provider? The parent is DUMB for not talking to the provider FIRST? No way in HELL I would talk to the provider first when she CLEARLY cares about her INCOME before she cares about the FAMILY.

Whatever....I cannot have this discussion with people who CLEARLY only care about the provider side of it....it's the same ol' same ol' here....providers covering their own asses and the parent is always wrong. I am sick of hearing this same old song............

[Unregistered]

Frustrated...

I agree with Crystal...Over the years, I have had several older kids make innocent comments regarding changes in their d/c and they are simply talking about their lives and I have always asked the parent's the next time I see them, if something will be changing.

However, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I believe it is at all appropriate to tell a child they are being replaced! This is extremely unprofessional!


In the case of the OP, it could be the new d/c doesn't have any openings until after the holidays. I understand them not wanting to tip their hand and give notice until they need to...they don't want their spot replaced before they are able to make this change. Often times, the parents do not even think about their child saying anything. However, this is HUGE in a child's world and they will!

I agree on allowing the child to see a new d/c prior to enrollment. I think it's the only right to take their feelings into consideration too.

I didn't want to come back and update because of the lynching I am getting here. This is supposed to be a sounding board for advice, not a place to be bullied. But, so many of you are really caring and understanding so you do deserve the update.

I had a bad day yesterday. Asked both parents to let me know what was up as I was told the kid was moving and getting a new daycare. I told the parents that I totally understand if they are moving and I would miss child immensely. I also told parent if they were not moving but seeking new care I also get it because sometimes parents just need a change. Again, I would miss child greatly. No response. Five hours later, no response. These parents who expect me to be at their beck and call via call, text or e-mail at anytime during the day could not muster up the courage to respond. Parent arrived for pick up and tried to blow me off. I asked what was going on and he said they are making some changes. I asked if there was something I could have done differently. No response. I kept at it though and was finally told it was because I was going to charge $70.50 a week per kid next starting next September. I said I could charge low rates in the past but could not going forward. I know this isn't the real reason they are leaving. The real reason is because I got my backbone and told them I would not be involved in their drama anymore and would only allow contact from the custodial parent of the day and I would need a copy of the custody arrangement because of some issues. I asked when the last day was, they don't know yet. End of story. That's all I know. The kid will still get the utmost in care and love from me until the end. I am leaving the board for good now. I don't like the attitude from people on here. There are some great providers and caring individuals on here but to come on and ask for advice and get slammed...not my cup of tea. Thanks everyone and good luck to all of you in your future. For those of you I have e-mails for, I will still stay in touch and visit! Thanks again,
Moi

[Crystal]

I agree with Crystal...Over the years, I have had several older kids make innocent comments regarding changes in their d/c and they are simply talking about their lives and I have always asked the parent's the next time I see them, if something will be changing.

However, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I believe it is at all appropriate to tell a child they are being replaced! This is extremely unprofessional!


In the case of the OP, it could be the new d/c doesn't have any openings until after the holidays. I understand them not wanting to tip their hand and give notice until they need to...they don't want their spot replaced before they are able to make this change. Often times, the parents do not even think about their child saying anything. However, this is HUGE in a child's world and they will!



I agree on allowing the child to see a new d/c prior to enrollment. I think it's the only right to take their feelings into consideration too.

Thank Goddess.......someone who gets it

[Cat Herder]

So I see I have stumbled into a hornets nest....

IMHO, The parent was being passive aggressive in telling a child "When I pick you up today we are going to see your NEW daycare." This was plain Tacky.

Of course the child will be telling EVERYONE that all day.

I have one that is going to Taco Bell tonight....I know because he has told me at least 12 times so far today. Sadly for his parents he seems to think that is an arcade with video games and rides (ala Chuckie Cheese). Their night may not turn out as well as they have planned. I am working on it out of courtesy for them.

On the flip side of this issue, I don't understand why the provider did not just ASK the Mom about it at pick-up. :confused: IMHO, This could have been handled on day one.

Edit: I see OP did ask and got her answer. It did not post until after I did, I am sorry.

[MichellesKiddos]

So Crystal, from what you are saying, you believe that a provider shouldn't care about their income? They shouldn't worry about how they are going to provide for their family, or pay the bills, or even buy the food for the dcks?! How on earth can you say that a provider should care about the family before their income?! That's just stupid in my opinion...why work then?! Obviously you aren't fully taking in what everyone is saying because you wouldn't be getting so riled up over this. The majority of the posts have stated that the parent should have handled this differently by either NOT telling the child OR by telling the PROVIDER first before the child. This is a forum, where everyone can voice their own opinions..yours included. Why post anything at all if all you are going to do is belittle other providers.

Whatever....I cannot have this discussion with people who CLEARLY only care about the provider side of it....it's the same ol' same ol' here....providers covering their own asses and the parent is always wrong. I am sick of hearing this same old song............ :confused::confused:

[Crystal]

I didn't want to come back and update because of the lynching I am getting here. This is supposed to be a sounding board for advice, not a place to be bullied. But, so many of you are really caring and understanding so you do deserve the update.

I had a bad day yesterday. Asked both parents to let me know what was up as I was told the kid was moving and getting a new daycare. I told the parents that I totally understand if they are moving and I would miss child immensely. I also told parent if they were not moving but seeking new care I also get it because sometimes parents just need a change. Again, I would miss child greatly. No response. Five hours later, no response. These parents who expect me to be at their beck and call via call, text or e-mail at anytime during the day could not muster up the courage to respond. Parent arrived for pick up and tried to blow me off. I asked what was going on and he said they are making some changes. I asked if there was something I could have done differently. No response. I kept at it though and was finally told it was because I was going to charge $70.50 a week per kid next starting next September. I said I could charge low rates in the past but could not going forward. I know this isn't the real reason they are leaving. The real reason is because I got my backbone and told them I would not be involved in their drama anymore and would only allow contact from the custodial parent of the day and I would need a copy of the custody arrangement because of some issues. I asked when the last day was, they don't know yet. End of story. That's all I know. The kid will still get the utmost in care and love from me until the end. I am leaving the board for good now. I don't like the attitude from people on here. There are some great providers and caring individuals on here but to come on and ask for advice and get slammed...not my cup of tea. Thanks everyone and good luck to all of you in your future. For those of you I have e-mails for, I will still stay in touch and visit! Thanks again,
Moi

So, you're saying we should unconditionally stand by providers even when they are wrong? You made it clear that the most important piece of this was about the money when you stated you wanted to be underhanded and change your contract on them, and was wondering if it would hold up without their signatures. That's the kind of crap that turns parents off of family child care......completely unprofessional.

And, I can see a whopping $70 WEEKLY increase/ $140 for two kids, being reason to find new care.....that is a SUBSTANTIAL increase and I can't imagine any parent appreciating that.

[Unregistered]

See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.

I find this provider hiding and not able to talk face to face with the parent and find out what is truly going on. If you want your parents to respect you as a professional then you need to be able to act like one. This conversation should have been done at pick up face to face and cleared right away. Wish them well, and then explain that you will be looking for a replacement. If it came down too a two week transition period I would call my licensing agent and ask if you could be one over your numbers, that you have a family that is in transition.

Nan I am glad you clarified where you stand on this. I do still feel that as providers we are held to a professional standard above our clients. One bad provider can make all of us caregivers look bad upon. Nature of the beast. If we want to be looked upon with respect and as a pro in our field then we need to uphold that. Being professional about this, I would not turn it around and do the same to the parent using the child. I personally would have nipped this puppy in the bud and talked to the parent right away. I wouldn't feel bad that they were leaving because people come and go in this field, would want them to leave on good terms and wish them well. It sounds like they are leaving because of the price increase.....and another thought is that the parent might be embarrassed that they just can't afford the new rates and policy changes and are waiting to find out if they can even get into the new daycare before telling the provider. So many unmentionables is the reason for provider should have had face to face conversation- even in it's uncomfortableness for the provider. Parent over looked the fact that there child would spill the beans, or was ignorant to the providers feelings, or wanted the child to lesson the load of the parents responsibility, or had a brain fart and just didn't think about it. Not cool.

one more thing on this subject......as a parent I feel confident enough in my abilities to know if it will be a good fit or what I want for my child. I don't feel it's a child's decision to decide where he will be going to daycare. A child does not have enough knowledge at a young age to make this adult decision. I think to many people these days, give to much power to kid's when they don't have life experiences or a maturity level, to think like an adult. I don't underestimate children and their abilities but let them be kids while they are kids please- In my daycare either way works for me if they bring the child or they don't for the interview. Parent's choice.

[Just Saying]

So, if the parent is trying to get their child in a program that does not have an opening for 6 weeks, and if they don't secure the space now it will likely be gone....they shouldn't take their child to meet the potential new provider? The parent is DUMB for not talking to the provider FIRST? No way in HELL I would talk to the provider first when she CLEARLY cares about her INCOME before she cares about the FAMILY.

Whatever....I cannot have this discussion with people who CLEARLY only care about the provider side of it....it's the same ol' same ol' here....providers covering their own asses and the parent is always wrong. I am sick of hearing this same old song............

Crystal, you owe people on the post an "I AM SORRY".

I am a provider that DOES NOT have to have ANY income, I do daycare because I love little children! BUT, I refuse to EVER let a parent disrespect me! This is what is wrong with our world today! But most providers are not as lucky as me and MUST rely on their income. And a lot of parents KNOW this and will USE their provider and **** any life out of them, and this is SO SAD!!

I can only pray that one day you wake up and find that 4 or 5 of your daycare parents STAB you in the back and you loose income. I believe this would put you and your family in a hardship. The OP may only be loosing 1 child, but that 1 child's income could be food for her family.

And to your remark about providers covering there own assXX and the parent is always wrong, that was a VERY RUDE comment on your part. If parents read and FOLLOWED providers handbooks and gave the provider RESPECT, then NO provider would ever have to post for advise.

Parents that use home day cares need to WAKE up and realize that providers are the SECOND most important person in their child"s LIFE. I am so lucky to have parents that TRUST & RESPECT me, but if one of my children cam in and told me that they have a new daycare and the parent NEVER had the respect to talk to me, I would be waiting for them at pick up and look them straight in the eyes and tell them what the child told me, then i would tell them i am happy for them and I would have the child's things ready to hand to them.

My reason for ending daycare on the spot.....You disrespected me!!

Would I miss the child....YOU BET!! But I would have more respect for myself and i would not want the child to have to endure any more sadness ONE more day!!

Again Crystal, your posts are kinda rude towards providers, but who knows you may have this to happen to you one day!! Good Luck!!

[Country Kids]

The sad thing is that they still don't know when the childs last day is! That says they either haven't found childcare for the child and are seeing if the provider will back down and charge them less. They may also not be able to find cheaper childcare and are trying to figure out what to do. Also, any childcare while need the custody paper to cover themselves also. I think these parents will find out that the real world of childcare is about legalities and parents can't have their way on things like that.

I'm really sorry this has turned into a huge debate though and caused someone to leave the forum. I think we need to all remember that we need to put experiences if we have them when asked certain questions not what if type situations.

People ask Dear Abby all the time for adivice and she has actually reversed quite a few opinions she had over the years. When people ask for adivice here think about your response before typing. Is it coming across harsh, judgemental, know it all or as an understanding friend that would cross the world to help you find a solution. We teach the children to treat others as you want to be treated but do we do that as adults?

[Country Kids]

So, you're saying we should unconditionally stand by providers even when they are wrong? You made it clear that the most important piece of this was about the money when you stated you wanted to be underhanded and change your contract on them, and was wondering if it would hold up without their signatures. That's the kind of crap that turns parents off of family child care......completely unprofessional.

And, I can see a whopping $70 WEEKLY increase/ $140 for two kids, being reason to find new care.....that is a SUBSTANTIAL increase and I can't imagine any parent appreciating that.

I don't think she was increasing it by $70 a week, I think she was going to be charging $70.00 a week. $140.00 a week is what alot of providers make for one child and they were getting this for 2 is what I'm reading.

[Christian Mother]

I'm going to tell you a story, this happened this year, the end of june.

I also go thru my calender and see who is going to come for the summer. I even ask all the parents at the beginning of june. Not one person said anything to me, not even this one family.

so 2 weeks into june, the boy (who turned 4) started telling me that he was going to camp for summer. I thought nothing of it BECAUSE I HAD THIS FAMILY FOR 4 YEARS AND HE WAS GOING TO SCHOOL IN SEPTEMBER. And like kids, I never questioned him, because we all know kids talk.

so the last day of june, mom comes in and says that he wouldn't be coming this summer that he was going to camp. Lets just say, I couldn't pick my mouth up off the floor. Here was a family, that I bent over backwards for, watched their child for 4 yrs and watched their evil older brother for a whole summer to be slapped in the face with, "hes going to camp"

I was so mad, and you know what she said, "I didn't know how to tell you" which was bull, we had open communication, my odd watched the younger child, our families got along, so for her to tell me, that she couldn't tell me was bull.

oh, you know what, I sharge 120 for the week and camp was charging her 100 dollars, so for 20 dollars she sent her kid to camp. And that camp was open till 530pm and I close at 5pm, yet mom is done work at 4pm. She didn't want to spend anytime with her kid.

so in the end, I think its the parents responsiblity to tell us providers, not send their kids to do their dirty work. Thats rude and inconsiderate, I was hurt by what she did, hurt that she didn't say anything.

My thoughts EXACTLY!!

And Crystal...(People who think children have no rights, think they are incapable of critical thinking....THOSE are the types of people who would say and do things like this).

My 4 yr old and 8 yr do NOT have any rights. Not at their ages. My children can most def. voice thoughts and have a opinions but, it comes down to my decision always. I will always have that final say. And I am sure most parents will agree on this. Parents that allow there child to dictate how things will be for them and themselves will create quiet a bit of a struggle as they grow up. Children need to have boundaries. We as adults and parents set that for them. By allowing a child to always have a say in matters I promise will back fire bc then nothing will ever be good enough for that child. They would not understand what is good for them bc there brain is not developed enough nor have they the life challenges to make a good decisions for them selves. A parent needs to be there to STAND IN THE WAY...always. We need to monitor how our children make choices for them selves. Whats acceptably and what is not.

Honestly, I think the responsible thing to do is when either party is looking to make a change that they do so without involving the children right away. Go looking around and find a new daycare...when there is one that you like then it would be time to talk to the old daycare and notify them that your making a switch then after the talk of when the last day would be...then get the child involved. In a daycare setting though I would never tell a child so and so is replacing them. I wouldn't think that be necessary. I'd be to involved with spending as much time with them before they leave. Letting them know I love them and will miss them. I'd try not to be hurt the parents where switching them but I'd try to leave my feelings out of it and wish them all the best.


It's not cool that the parents did this. They should be honest with the provider and take the hit if they can't find care within her notice time. It's disrespectful of the relationship. If we are allowed that level of disrespect then it should be allowable BOTH ways. If we are all about what is BEST FIT then best fit needs to go both ways.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Knock off the pot shots. This is a conversation that NEEDS to be had.

I wouldn't appreciate being told that there is a liklihood that I'm going to loose fifteen/twenty percent of my income by a little kid I've been caring for for three years.

It's a $hitty thing to do. The LEAST these guys could have done is discuss it FIRST with the provider and THEN the child. The LEAST they could do is bring the provider in on it and the child... parent... and provider could make the transition as easy as possible.

It's called RESPECT. If we are going to stick to what the notice time is and the provider can find out any way the parent decides then it SHOULD be understood that that goes BOTH ways. Maybe the parents getting notice of their kid leaving at Christmas wouldn't have been received as well as the provider is being expected to receive it.
Reply With Quote

NOW THIS I LOVE!! It's what I was trying to get across the whole time...Nan is just WAY better with words then I could ever be...Thanks Nan for stating it just the way I felt.

[Unregistered]

correction...

So, you're saying we should unconditionally stand by providers even when they are wrong? You made it clear that the most important piece of this was about the money when you stated you wanted to be underhanded and change your contract on them, and was wondering if it would hold up without their signatures. That's the kind of crap that turns parents off of family child care......completely unprofessional.

And, I can see a whopping $70 WEEKLY increase/ $140 for two kids, being reason to find new care.....that is a SUBSTANTIAL increase and I can't imagine any parent appreciating that.

I Must clarify this or it will drive me bonkers.....it is an extra 2.50/per week...not 70.00. I am not that nuts! so 70.25 per kid or 140.50 for the two kid families not a big increase at all. especially for 40-50 hours a week of care.

[daycare]

I didn't want to come back and update because of the lynching I am getting here. This is supposed to be a sounding board for advice, not a place to be bullied. But, so many of you are really caring and understanding so you do deserve the update.

I had a bad day yesterday. Asked both parents to let me know what was up as I was told the kid was moving and getting a new daycare. I told the parents that I totally understand if they are moving and I would miss child immensely. I also told parent if they were not moving but seeking new care I also get it because sometimes parents just need a change. Again, I would miss child greatly. No response. Five hours later, no response. These parents who expect me to be at their beck and call via call, text or e-mail at anytime during the day could not muster up the courage to respond. Parent arrived for pick up and tried to blow me off. I asked what was going on and he said they are making some changes. I asked if there was something I could have done differently. No response. I kept at it though and was finally told it was because I was going to charge $70.50 a week per kid next starting next September. I said I could charge low rates in the past but could not going forward. I know this isn't the real reason they are leaving. The real reason is because I got my backbone and told them I would not be involved in their drama anymore and would only allow contact from the custodial parent of the day and I would need a copy of the custody arrangement because of some issues. I asked when the last day was, they don't know yet. End of story. That's all I know. The kid will still get the utmost in care and love from me until the end. I am leaving the board for good now. I don't like the attitude from people on here. There are some great providers and caring individuals on here but to come on and ask for advice and get slammed...not my cup of tea. Thanks everyone and good luck to all of you in your future. For those of you I have e-mails for, I will still stay in touch and visit! Thanks again,
Moi

First off, I am so sad to read this....I am so sorry that anyone has slammed you. I think a lot of times people get into with each other and they some how say things that are hurtful to you. I know that no one wants to be rejected or to be put down. PLEASE consider staying. I don't know who you are, but I know that your experiences teach us all lessons.

Let the other people post their thoughts and opinions and don't take it to heart. I have been where you are. Realize that there are a million different walks of life here.

Everyday I get slammed because of where I came from, my religion and my beliefs. I get attacked with words daily. I get called Habib and other horrible words. I pay the price for what someone else did from a country near mine. Here is the only place I am not judged, but yet respect that I can say anything I want freely. YOu can too. I tell you this, not to try to justify their wrong, but because here there is no judgement, only thought and opinions. You have to take it as that...

Please stay....

[nannyde]

The sad thing is that they still don't know when the childs last day is! That says they either haven't found childcare for the child and are seeing if the provider will back down and charge them less. They may also not be able to find cheaper childcare and are trying to figure out what to do. Also, any childcare while need the custody paper to cover themselves also. I think these parents will find out that the real world of childcare is about legalities and parents can't have their way on things like that.

I'm really sorry this has turned into a huge debate though and caused someone to leave the forum. I think we need to all remember that we need to put experiences if we have them when asked certain questions not what if type situations.

People ask Dear Abby all the time for adivice and she has actually reversed quite a few opinions she had over the years. When people ask for adivice here think about your response before typing. Is it coming across harsh, judgemental, know it all or as an understanding friend that would cross the world to help you find a solution. We teach the children to treat others as you want to be treated but do we do that as adults?

Honestly it sounds like they don't have the money to come up with the deposit for the kids slot in day care. They are telling the kid that he will go at a time when it is far enough away so they can get the cash it's gonna take to get in the door.

There's SOME chance that they are doing this to get the provider back into check. I hope that's not true. They may be looking for day care and saying the day care will start a month and a half away because looking and talking are free.