Would This Upset You?

**kendallina** · 02-04-2011, 09:57 AM

Her comment about your 6-month old and the comment about your older child is out of line and unprofessional. Comments like that do nothing to help children and do nothing to promote a relationship with parents. They only serve to get out a provider's frustration and there are better ways to deal with that. Much more constructive would have been to give concrete examples of what happened that day so that the parent can deal with it (in the case of an older child misbehaving) or at least be forewarned.

So, to answer your question, yes, it would upset me greatly. A daycare provider who cannot even be professional in front of parents may not be professional when she's working with children or when she's with her friends dishing about her parents. I would not feel comfortable working with someone like that.

ETA: I am good friends with a couple of my parents and I never would comment about about a child 'being horrible today'. Just like any other parent, I would tell them specifically what happened and how I dealt with it. It is very possible to have friends in your business, but you can't act like you're friends when you're talking about business things. There is still a level of professionalism that needs to be maintained.

**DanceMom** · 02-04-2011, 11:09 AM

No the FB thing would not upset me. My parents know when I have had a bad day..everyone had bad days at the jobs. It takes a saint to do our jobs and to be all happy lovey all the time is impossible esp when your dealing with infants and toddlers.

**JenNJ** · 02-04-2011, 01:50 PM

Its not the fb comment that worries me. Its that she often sees her provider frustrated at the end of the day. She said is friends with her provider so She can read her well. You need to find a new place foe your child. Your provider is telling you and showing you she can't handle this - believe her.

**marniewon** · 02-05-2011, 12:32 PM

No, it wouldn't upset me. Now if she said something like: this kid is driving me crazy, or if this kid doesn't stop I'm going to lose it, or something along the lines of anything that make it seem like she is frustrated to the point of hurting the child, than yes, it would upset me and I would pull them. Just saying how great it is to deal with a fussy 6mo old sounds perfectly normal to me. How many parents post things like that about their own children?!?

If she is so frustrated, has she shared why? Have you discussed why he is fussy and tried to work together to solve the problem? I'd be more concerned about why he is fussy all the time there. Sometimes parents do things, out of their love for their child, that we as providers cannot do, and that makes things harder on provider and child. The things I'm talking about are: rocking them to sleep, letting them sleep in a carseat/swing/vibrating seat, etc, holding them during nap, putting them down for nap with a bottle, picking child up at first whimper, etc. Some of these things we cannot do, as we have other children in our care and need to attend to their needs also, and some are just downright dangerous and against licensing rules. If you are doing any of these things, please realize that you are making it harder for your child, and for your provider. That's just asking for frustration right there.

My advice would be to sit down and talk to your provider. Tell her that it seems to you that she is getting frustrated with your child and ask if there's anything you can do to help. Offer to work with her on whatever she thinks would help (within reason, of course). Unless you are planning to leave, let her know that you are happy with her services, and want to make sure that she is happy also. If she suggests doing something that you are not ready for or comfortable with (like not rocking to sleep), then let her know that, and give your notice.

As far as fb, I've been tempted, at my most frustrated, to say something along the same lines! But....even though I don't have any dc parents as friends on fb, I stop to think if I really want that type of status (negative) going out to the (my) world and go vent somewhere a little more private. Sometimes just the act of venting is calming enough to get through the rest of the day without frustration.

**Shane** · 02-07-2011, 08:19 AM

Well, we ended up pulling the kids out. We tried not to get into all the reasons and basically told her we needed to try a new daycare before the end of the year to see if it would work for next year. We offered two weeks extra pay because of the short notice, but she refused to take it when my wife tried to give it to her that night. She didn't say more than a few words to my wife that night and had most of the kids stuff waiting outside for her. We haven't spoken to her since. My wife is more than a little upset now as just recently a friend her that this lady spanked our kid one day when he wasn't behaving. This was something that was never discussed before and she never told us about it when it happened. Our only regret now is that we didn't make a change sooner.

**JenNJ** · 02-07-2011, 09:51 AM

I'm glad that you got the kids out of a bad situation.

**lvt77** · 02-07-2011, 10:08 AM

Originally posted by Shane

Well, we ended up pulling the kids out. We tried not to get into all the reasons and basically told her we needed to try a new daycare before the end of the year to see if it would work for next year. We offered two weeks extra pay because of the short notice, but she refused to take it when my wife tried to give it to her that night. She didn't say more than a few words to my wife that night and had most of the kids stuff waiting outside for her. We haven't spoken to her since. My wife is more than a little upset now as just recently a friend her that this lady spanked our kid one day when he wasn't behaving. This was something that was never discussed before and she never told us about it when it happened. Our only regret now is that we didn't make a change sooner.

Holy cow spanking? that is against the law...daycare providers are not allowed to punish kids with physical discipline... I would report this

glad you made a wise decision to move your kids.... dont beat yourself up over it, just know that you did what you could and you went with your gut feeling. In this case it was right......

**kendallina** · 02-07-2011, 10:18 AM

Originally posted by Shane

Well, we ended up pulling the kids out. We tried not to get into all the reasons and basically told her we needed to try a new daycare before the end of the year to see if it would work for next year. We offered two weeks extra pay because of the short notice, but she refused to take it when my wife tried to give it to her that night. She didn't say more than a few words to my wife that night and had most of the kids stuff waiting outside for her. We haven't spoken to her since. My wife is more than a little upset now as just recently a friend her that this lady spanked our kid one day when he wasn't behaving. This was something that was never discussed before and she never told us about it when it happened. Our only regret now is that we didn't make a change sooner.

Nice to hear the update, glad you pulled them out,it definitely seems like the right decision. And, yehhh...spanking is NOT allowed in a daycare home. I would report this to the licensing agency immediately. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

**Unregistered** · 02-13-2011, 10:41 PM

I completely agree with all the other posts regarding finding a new provider because of the circumstances; however I have a different opinion regarding your provider seeming miserable. I worked as a full time nanny with 4 children ages 2mos, 2 yrs, 6 yrs, and 7 yrs. and before I came along there were no rules in the house, so naturally my day was exhausting. I wasn't miserable during the day with the children, because I love being with kids, but when mom returned home I usually looked and felt like I ran a marathon that day. The best part was, she understood. She knew more then anyone else that her kids were a handful. Not having a bright, cheerful smile on her face when you picked your children up was most likely not an indication of being miserable, but more along the lines of the relief of her day being over. If someone looks exhausted after a day with your kids, its because they spent a day with kids. We are in the childcare business because we love kids, not because kids are easy!

**Unregistered** · 02-17-2011, 09:07 AM

Very unprofessional of her to post on face book. In this job you never know who is listening, or reading or posting something. As a provider I try very hard not to burn any bridges. Posting on facebook is a big mistake b /c its such a public forum. I would trust your gut! Some people just werent meant to be in dc!

**momatheart** · 02-17-2011, 11:38 AM

I never VENT on FB probably because I know FB is not my Diary!

**Crystal** · 02-17-2011, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by lvt77

I am in the middle of the road on this..

From her perspective maybe she had a really bad day and felt the need to vent about it... All of us do it on here, she just did it on face book..

I dont know anything about FB, so I am not too sure if that was the right place to vent. Would you feel the same way if you read it on here??

If so, then we are all guilty of it....

yep....I see it here all the time. The internet is open to the wolrd. If you do not want someone to "hear" what you are saying, it's best not to put it out there. I'm surprised that some of the people here who are saying get out of there now are many of the same people who talk about their DCK and parents here regularly.

**Unregistered** · 02-18-2011, 08:16 AM

I'm glad you feel good about removing your children. I hope it works out for the best for all involved.

I do however feel a bit sad for your provider/friend and the relationship that you have most likely lost. Being as you guys were friends before anything else, you should have of sat down and had a nice conversation with her regarding your concerns etc.

Posting on FB wasn't horrible... she didn't post your kids name or a picture of her being fussy... she was just sharing in a non harmful way. Saying your kid was horrible that one day... again, I don't think that is so bad, especially if you are friends. Kids can be horrible... why is it such a bad thing to share that with you??

Spanking. Did you child share this with you? How did the other parent know?? Are you certain it was a 'spanking' and not a little puch on the butt??? BIG DIFFERENCE.

Again. Hope this works out for all. But yes I am sad for you and your friend for as poorly as this was handled.

**Unregistered** · 02-18-2011, 08:58 AM

Exactly.

Originally posted by Crystal

yep....I see it here all the time. The internet is open to the wolrd. If you do not want someone to "hear" what you are saying, it's best not to put it out there. I'm surprised that some of the people here who are saying get out of there now are many of the same people who talk about their DCK and parents here regularly.

Exactly. Everyone is guilty of what they are saying to run from.

This whole situation is sad as I am certain a good friendship was lost. I'm sure your friend would have of appreciated you actually talking to HER about this first before a bunch of strangers.

**MommyMuffin** · 02-18-2011, 02:36 PM

Glad to hear your child will get to bond with another provider instead of changing later.

I will not post anything negative about my job on FB. That is completely unprofessional IMHO. If I do say something it is positive and does not include any childrens names.

I think some providers want to protray a professional.."this is a real job" image but others may not take it as seriously.

To be perfectly honest I would be pissed if a daycare provider wrote anything about my child on FB. I would not care if the provider did not use my childs name...if I knew they were talking about him/her in a neg way I would be upset. I am the one who will decide what pictures and information and comments are on the internet regarding my child. Sorry I'm getting a little heated. Did I mention that I HATE FB!:

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