Making A Better Offer for My Daycare Provider

[Thriftylady]

Hello, I wanted to share the rest of the story, as they say.

I took the high road by letting my former daycare provider know that we appreciated her efforts this year and liked being her clients, and should her circumstances ever change to let us know as we would love to return. I didn't bring up the fact of her mistreating my son, nor did I share how backwards her views are (when she made the comment about my son wearing nail polish she had indicated it was because of what's "been in the news," being too controversial, as if any of that matters to little kids!). Her transphobia is a bit dated, and the stick up her rear is not something we want our kids influenced by.

I found new arrangements with a lady who actually sounded excited to have my kids in her care! Who actually didn't seem to need to be coaxed with more pay to take us!! Who I think is actually a nice person, and not someone who only wants the "easy" kids. On top of that, her house is actually slightly closer to mine and is on my drive home!!! At any rate, this will be our last year of this carousel and I'm thrilled!!!!

I appreciate daycare providers everywhere and I don't regret paying extra this past year. My kids have been attending a summer camp this month and the teacher told me, "You have some great kids." It meant so much I almost cried. My parenting can't be that bad if a teacher is telling me that.

Looking back, I think that my former daycare provider was a depressed person. It was the first thing that entered my mind when I first met her, and in hindsight I can see I was spot on in that assessment.

I wouldn't say you took the high road. You did what you needed to do, she termed you and you found a new provider. Hopefully the new provider is a better fit for your family. As far as the depression, of course she was. She has fibromyalgia. My doctors told me there was no way for me to have that and not have depression, they are linked. You can't really go through bouts of severe pain and not feel some depression. As far as the "carousel" you are on, I find it a bit offensive you keep referring to it as that. Many of us work our backsides off to provide quality, loving care to our families. We are not part of a circus! And why would you have been looking to pay the person you are speaking so badly of more to keep your kids on?

[Unregistered]

The high road is saying thank you with a smile on your face and not making snide remarks about other people's parenting, and directing it at a defensless little kid. That is what I did, and that is what is meant by saying the high road. There is certainly more I could have brought up about her own parenting (this is a small town), but I'll not bother. I'll keep taking the high road

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't say you took the high road. You did what you needed to do, she termed you and you found a new provider. Hopefully the new provider is a better fit for your family. As far as the depression, of course she was. She has fibromyalgia. My doctors told me there was no way for me to have that and not have depression, they are linked. You can't really go through bouts of severe pain and not feel some depression. As far as the "carousel" you are on, I find it a bit offensive you keep referring to it as that. Many of us work our backsides off to provide quality, loving care to our families. We are not part of a circus! And why would you have been looking to pay the person you are speaking so badly of more to keep your kids on?

I took her comment about the carousel to be in reference to what the OP has just gone through... the thread is about her situation. I didn't take it as a dig at child care provider/us

Her ex-provider doesn't really fall into the category of "working her backside off to provide quality care"; she put her hand over the child's mouth. :confused:

In regards to the provider having fibromyalgia/depression, that's really not the parent's problem. No more than the personal lives of our clients are our concern.

Given everything OP has shared thus far, I think she took the high road. Could the whole thing have been handled better from the beginning by both parties? Probably but should've, could've, would've doesn't help now.

[Josiegirl]

Glad it worked out for you OP!
There are always 2 sides to a situation. I'll bet with so many of us being providers and moms, we can see it from both angles.
I empathize with dcms who love their kids with all their heart, have to leave them with someone they don't know all that well(usually) and place all their trust with that someone to care for them as they would want them cared for.

[Unregistered]

I don't mean to present a one sided view of her -- I liked many aspects of her program and she had worked hard to build up an effective daycare with a really nice, safe, outdoor play area, lots of toys, etc. Like I say, in spite of the incident with my son's mouth we were happy with her. She worked extremely well with my daughter, but my daughter is and always has been "easy."

The breakdown for us was the sudden, Our parenting styles don't match, you let your son wear nail polish, I don't want you back. It's like, uhh, okay lady. We are neighbors. We see each other on the highway driving to our houses from time to time. How diff can we really be? I know she was annoyed with me about wavering on the Kindergarten issue.

Anyhow, the point of this post is I certainly acknowledge the positive aspects of her program and by no means is it all just black and white. Some of the drawbacks that surfaced over the preceding month were not deal breakers for me, but evidently were for her - - personally I can (and do every day at my own job) work with anyone. I always feel I can solve most any problem with most people. I do recognize and am aware that running a business out of your home has risks and she needs to take steps to minimize what she perceives as a risk. I get that. I admit I'm hurt that she dropped us suddenly, it's not how I treat people, but I get it.

[sleepinghart]

Hello, I wanted to share the rest of the story, as they say.

I took the high road by letting my former daycare provider know that we appreciated her efforts this year and liked being her clients, and should her circumstances ever change to let us know as we would love to return. I didn't bring up the fact of her mistreating my son, nor did I share how backwards her views are (when she made the comment about my son wearing nail polish she had indicated it was because of what's "been in the news," being too controversial, as if any of that matters to little kids!). Her transphobia is a bit dated, and the stick up her rear is not something we want our kids influenced by.

I found new arrangements with a lady who actually sounded excited to have my kids in her care! Who actually didn't seem to need to be coaxed with more pay to take us!! Who I think is actually a nice person, and not someone who only wants the "easy" kids. On top of that, her house is actually slightly closer to mine and is on my drive home!!! At any rate, this will be our last year of this carousel and I'm thrilled!!!!

I appreciate daycare providers everywhere and I don't regret paying extra this past year. My kids have been attending a summer camp this month and the teacher told me, "You have some great kids." It meant so much I almost cried. My parenting can't be that bad if a teacher is telling me that.

Looking back, I think that my former daycare provider was a depressed person. It was the first thing that entered my mind when I first met her, and in hindsight I can see I was spot on in that assessment.

(OP quote)"I didn't bring up the fact of her mistreating my son, nor did I share how backwards her views are..."(end quote)

~I imagine not. ^^After all, that would've been kinda hard to do^^ while at the same time practically begging her to take you back.

[Unregistered]

As I say, I only said that to take the high road and to say something that sounded nice. We're she to offer, I would find a nice way to politely decline. I had to deal with her (and entrust my children with her) for another 3 weeks after she dropped us as I had already paid her, and clearly we weren't that bad for her to have to deal with that she needed to refund my money and drop us immediately.

No, I definitely said that to find something nice to end things on; I try hard not to burn bridges.