Making A Better Offer for My Daycare Provider

[Thriftylady]

But if we go somewhere else something something worse could happen. This lady i sort of know what im getting into. Recently I read about a daycare center worker who was spraying the children in their faces to cool them off in the summer, putting them in dark bathrooms for timeout, pushing dolls that scared them in their faces. Just really mean stuff. I don't see my current provider doing that. I'm sure she's drained after 20 years of it.

If I send to Kindergarten that takes a lot of the worries away, but my husband will probably leave me, as he is convinced Kindergarten will ruin our son's enthusiasm for learning permanently. Now that I'm typing all this out i am seeing what i must do.

So you would rather keep your child in a place they are being mistreated than risk your husband leaving you?

[Rockgirl]

Your husband would leave you if you enrolled your child in kindergarten?

The whole "if I offer enough money, I can get what I want" really bothers me. If your provider gave you a term notice, she really does want you to move on. Sorry to be so blunt, but most of us providers don't term without good reason.

[Unregistered]

Reply

I'm going to find someone else. I think this lady was right, we are not a good fit. She has a tot whose older sister goes to another daycare, and I have always wondered why. Now it's clear. I think my provider enjoys the babies a bit more than the active preschool age set (who wouldn't).

Question: How do nannies on care.com get health insurance? I looked into that and for a personal plan it was going to cost about $200 per month, on top of the salary. Do people who hire nannies generally pay that?

[Thriftylady]

I'm going to find someone else. I think this lady was right, we are not a good fit. She has a tot whose older sister goes to another daycare, and I have always wondered why. Now it's clear. I think my provider enjoys the babies a bit more than the active preschool age set (who wouldn't).

Question: How do nannies on care.com get health insurance? I looked into that and for a personal plan it was going to cost about $200 per month, on top of the salary. Do people who hire nannies generally pay that?

The package you offer the nanny is up to you. They may have it through their husband, my DH and I get ours through the exchange. If you get a nanny though, you will have to pay all employment taxes, unemployment insurance, Social Security and Medicaid in each pay period just as your employer does for you. In home child care providers are self employed, so we deal with all that. If you hire a nanny, you are an employer and must follow the same laws any employer has to pay. I am not sure if you would have to pay workers comp on them or not.

[daycarediva]

If I termed a family, there was a valid reason. She may not have the energy to keep up with your son. She may find you too lax (I have parents who are and it is NOT a good fit. I do not like being told to shut up by a 3yo) I am very old school. I expect respect and manners and that is how I model my behavior to the children.

My advice? Find another child care arrangement.

She was probably expecting you to enroll older child in kindergarten, and keep the younger child (I am assuming 2 here because you pay for three spaces when you need 2) Now that you aren't putting him in K, she doesn't want to do it another year.

In addition- everyone has an age group that they enjoy and work well with. Mine is 2-4. I have provider friends who do 0-2 only and 5+ only.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

If I termed a family, there was a valid reason. She may not have the energy to keep up with your son. She may find you too lax (I have parents who are and it is NOT a good fit. I do not like being told to shut up by a 3yo) I am very old school. I expect respect and manners and that is how I model my behavior to the children.

My advice? Find another child care arrangement.

She was probably expecting you to enroll older child in kindergarten, and keep the younger child (I am assuming 2 here because you pay for three spaces when you need 2) Now that you aren't putting him in K, she doesn't want to do it another year.

In addition- everyone has an age group that they enjoy and work well with. Mine is 2-4. I have provider friends who do 0-2 only and 5+ only.

All of this.

Although, I have to say that I find it interesting that you parent loosely yet were okay enough with her hand being placed over your son's mouth (hard enough that it stretched him, no less) that you returned? I am in no way lax in my parenting and if anyone did that to my daughter I would never return. I'm horrified.

Hope you're able to find a place that's a better fit. It sounds like your oldest is bored and needs an environment better suited for an older child anyways, so I think it will greatly benefit him.

[grandmom]

Your husband would leave you if you enrolled your child in kindergarten?

The whole "if I offer enough money, I can get what I want" really bothers me. If your provider gave you a term notice, she really does want you to move on. Sorry to be so blunt, but most of us providers don't term without good reason.

Exactly. Tell her about this site. We'd like to hear her side.

[Unregistered]

Your husband would leave you if you enrolled your child in kindergarten?

The whole "if I offer enough money, I can get what I want" really bothers me. If your provider gave you a term notice, she really does want you to move on. Sorry to be so blunt, but most of us providers don't term without good reason.

Yes OP what kind of arrangement do you think this is?

You've been termed, time to move on.

[CityGarden]

As a teacher I *wish* I could term a family..... it is one aspect I look forward to when I am done with my teaching contract this year and open my own program.

No amount of money would sway me if I felt it had risen to the level that I needed to formally term a family.

[Nurse Jackie]

If I were u I'd just move on. I think as parents we tend to over think situations which ends up stressing us out for no reason. Just because your family wasn't a good fit for your current daycare provider doesn't mean you will not find a provider that will meet your family needs. Atleast your son has time to adjust to a new program before the new school year begins. Learn from whatever mistakes you made and move on. What ever provider you chose make sure you read over their policies and are willing to abide by them. You will be fine. Good luck to you!

[Unregistered]

You mentioned you let your child speak rudely to you. You've taught your child how to speak to adults like this. She's probably tired of it.

"Not a good fit " is code for being done with the parents too. Most of us can tolerate most children and their behavior, it's the adults that burn me out!

[renodeb]

To be 100% honest, I would just let it go. It sounds like she has moved on? I disagree with a lot of parent styles but I care for these kids. Money is not always the answer.
Deb

[MunchkinWrangler]

As a provider, after a term, I would be truly offended by an offer of more money just to keep a family on. It shows to me that they don't respect me or my decisions. I'm sorry you had some bad experiences with this one. As a mother, I would never let it fly for someone showing their frustrations at my child in that manner, much less would I do that to my charges!

I have always been against throwing money at a problem so it goes my way. That's not the way the world works!

Good luck to you.

[PJD]

Rude Child

You stated that you allow your child to speak rudely to you - I suspect that there is a great deal more to it and this is what she is reacting to. She might not want to parent your child- but certainly has every right not to be around a child who speaks rudely to her.

[Unregistered]

Update

Hello, I wanted to share the rest of the story, as they say.

I took the high road by letting my former daycare provider know that we appreciated her efforts this year and liked being her clients, and should her circumstances ever change to let us know as we would love to return. I didn't bring up the fact of her mistreating my son, nor did I share how backwards her views are (when she made the comment about my son wearing nail polish she had indicated it was because of what's "been in the news," being too controversial, as if any of that matters to little kids!). Her transphobia is a bit dated, and the stick up her rear is not something we want our kids influenced by.

I found new arrangements with a lady who actually sounded excited to have my kids in her care! Who actually didn't seem to need to be coaxed with more pay to take us!! Who I think is actually a nice person, and not someone who only wants the "easy" kids. On top of that, her house is actually slightly closer to mine and is on my drive home!!! At any rate, this will be our last year of this carousel and I'm thrilled!!!!

I appreciate daycare providers everywhere and I don't regret paying extra this past year. My kids have been attending a summer camp this month and the teacher told me, "You have some great kids." It meant so much I almost cried. My parenting can't be that bad if a teacher is telling me that.

Looking back, I think that my former daycare provider was a depressed person. It was the first thing that entered my mind when I first met her, and in hindsight I can see I was spot on in that assessment.