Making A Better Offer for My Daycare Provider

[Unregistered]

Hello, Would it work to offer my Daycare Provider more money in order to continue having us as clients? She termed my family last week because she said our parenting styles don't match, she didn't like my 4 y.o. son wearing fingernail polish (I let him put it on last week because his sister wanted some on), and she doesn't like that I let my son speak rudely to me.

She kind of has a hoity-toity mentality, and I guess I'm a bit of a backpack, crunchy granola type of mom, but I have a track record of paying on time, picking up and dropping off on time. I also paid her for 3 spots instead of just 2 so that life would be easier (she has fibromyalgia). I think I annoyed her recently as I was debating whether to let my son go on to Kindergarten or keep him back for Pre-K (he has a late August birthday) and I didn't get my contract to her in time (however, she did not specify a date she needed them back). She evidently replaced us with a newborn last week.

Thing is, there is precious little for daycare around where I live, and my husband has now expressed he is adamant that our son attend Pre-K, so we will definitely need daycare next year.

Will daycare providers take us back if we offered more money? I don't think we are that bad to deal with, but I know she was annoyed with me over the Kindergarten/Pre-K issue. Is it worth it to grovel? I will grovel with her for my kids...I don't want my son to start Pre-K and a new daycare and learn new expectations in two different settings. This lady could gouge me for my whole paycheck, that is how emotionally troubling this situation is. Please help me make her an offer she can't refuse.

[Mike]

Parenting styles not matching doesn't have anything to do with money, but you can always try. She may be more willing to work around it if it's worth it to her. If she already filled the space though, she won't be able to take him back anyway.

It all depends on whether or not she wants your son back and the 2 of you can work something out. Only way to know is to ask.

[Josiegirl]

While I agree it never hurts to ask, sometimes issues are not solved with money. If she's already termed and enrolled a new child, I think I'd cut ties and move forward. Is she in the habit of terming families because I know for me, terming is the absolute final step, something I've tried to fix but can't, and no amount of money(well everybody does have their price Lol)would make me rethink keeping that particular child. Maybe she's afraid of losing him anyways since you've mentioned prek, and is simply taking steps to protect her own income. From her POV, that's smart. From your side, it ****s.

[permanentvacation]

If you think she's 'hoity-toity', and she has already expressed that she doesn't agree with some things you do as a parent, then you have no business trying to force your way into her daycare. Her daycare is not a good fit for your family. If, for some reason, she did take you back, there would always be issues and the child will suffer because of it.

[sleepinghart]

Hello, Would it work to offer my Daycare Provider more money in order to continue having us as clients? She termed my family last week because she said our parenting styles don't match, she didn't like my 4 y.o. son wearing fingernail polish (I let him put it on last week because his sister wanted some on), and she doesn't like that I let my son speak rudely to me.

She kind of has a hoity-toity mentality, and I guess I'm a bit of a backpack, crunchy granola type of mom, but I have a track record of paying on time, picking up and dropping off on time. I also paid her for 3 spots instead of just 2 so that life would be easier (she has fibromyalgia). I think I annoyed her recently as I was debating whether to let my son go on to Kindergarten or keep him back for Pre-K (he has a late August birthday) and I didn't get my contract to her in time (however, she did not specify a date she needed them back). She evidently replaced us with a newborn last week.

Thing is, there is precious little for daycare around where I live, and my husband has now expressed he is adamant that our son attend Pre-K, so we will definitely need daycare next year.

Will daycare providers take us back if we offered more money? I don't think we are that bad to deal with, but I know she was annoyed with me over the Kindergarten/Pre-K issue. Is it worth it to grovel? I will grovel with her for my kids...I don't want my son to start Pre-K and a new daycare and learn new expectations in two different settings. This lady could gouge me for my whole paycheck, that is how emotionally troubling this situation is. Please help me make her an offer she can't refuse.

(^^bolded^^ by me)
~I highly doubt it seeing as that you were already paying her for 3 spots when you apparently only needed two, it's not likely that offering even more money will do the trick. Honestly, even as hard as it is, I'd just cut ties and move on. Be diligent and you will find someone else to provide care for your children . ...Best of lucklovethis!

[Unregistered]

Reply

I had let her know we wanted to drop payments down to only two kids. Is there nothing I can say? I would have thought if my kids were that terrible under her care she would have told me long ago. I would love dropping payments down to two kids, but would rather stay as her client, so I wanted to at least offer to pay for 3 spots and maybe more. A kind of a raise. I know she is far from filled up. In my state daycare providers can take 10 kids, and she has told me with her fibromyalgia she won't take that many.

To sweeten this deal, my kid will be in Pre-K at least 3 mornings per week and could be as many as 5 mornings if picked to be a "peer model."

[sleepinghart]

I had let her know we wanted to drop payments down to only two kids. Is there nothing I can say? I would have thought if my kids were that terrible under her care she would have told me long ago. I would love dropping payments down to two kids, but would rather stay as her client, so I wanted to at least offer to pay for 3 spots and maybe more. A kind of a raise. I know she is far from filled up. In my state daycare providers can take 10 kids, and she has told me with her fibromyalgia she won't take that many.

To sweeten this deal, my kid will be in Pre-K at least 3 mornings per week and could be as many as 5 mornings if picked to be a "peer model."

(^^bolded^^ by me)
~Well, I don't think so, but I guess it really depends. Do you think that had anything to do with why she termed you...you dropping the payments down to 2; I know she claimed it was for "difference of parenting style", but could the $$ thing have been a last straw)? How long after you told her you wanted to drop to paying for just 2 spots did she term? The whole paying for 3 spots while only using two thing is kinda strange to me- How did this arrangement come about if you don't mind my asking? I mean, I'm sorta surprised she accepted it...I'm sorta surprised you agreed to pay it, but I guess that's because quality child care is hard to find in your area as you said earlier.:confused:

[Thriftylady]

I am thinking that the line of "parenting styles don't match" was a way of being nicer than what she really was having issues with. Do your children have any behavior issues? Were you breaking policies in some way? Have you asked for "special" treatment such as no naps or making special foods for your children? If I used that as a reason to term, it is likely I wouldn't take you back for all the money in the world. I could also be as a PP stated that you not being sure about kindy and such she is trying to protect her income. We have to do that sometimes, even though it ****s for both parties really. Starting a new family is never easy, but we have to pay our bills also.

[Unregistered]

Reply

I did ask for naps to be shortened back in March. We were having difficulty getting my kids to sleep before 9:30 p.m. and it was getting a bit draining. Another "issue" that came up was one day a couple of months ago my son had a tantrum of some kind. She had him cover his mouth with his hand and apparently he didn't so she put her hand on his hand and covered his mouth. He wound up with a big scratch and I told her I didn't think it was appropriate to handle things like that.

The reason I pay for 3 spots is because she is so conveniently located to my house; she complained of fibromyalgia when I first met her, and seemed reluctant to take us. She wanted to know how I found out about her, and of course she comes up when I type daycare and my town's name into google.

I can see she doesn't need us; her husband has a very good job and I think she still does the daycare to get her college age children extra stuff. I just wanted to know if there is anything else I could put together to offer her to keep us on from a daycare provider's perspective. Look I realize that job ****s and there is no way to ever pay her what I would really like to pay her for everything she has to do.

I'll tell her to keep the naps however long she can as well. We can deal with it another year. The daycare carousel is wearing me down, but it's only one more year. Maybe I should offer to pay 2 additional spots? It will be the pits but it's only one more year.

[Thriftylady]

I did ask for naps to be shortened back in March. We were having difficulty getting my kids to sleep before 9:30 p.m. and it was getting a bit draining. Another "issue" that came up was one day a couple of months ago my son had a tantrum of some kind. She had him cover his mouth with his hand and apparently he didn't so she put her hand on his hand and covered his mouth. He wound up with a big scratch and I told her I didn't think it was appropriate to handle things like that.

The reason I pay for 3 spots is because she is so conveniently located to my house; she complained of fibromyalgia when I first met her, and seemed reluctant to take us. She wanted to know how I found out about her, and of course she comes up when I type daycare and my town's name into google.

I can see she doesn't need us; her husband has a very good job and I think she still does the daycare to get her college age children extra stuff. I just wanted to know if there is anything else I could put together to offer her to keep us on from a daycare provider's perspective. Look I realize that job ****s and there is no way to ever pay her what I would really like to pay her for everything she has to do.

I'll tell her to keep the naps however long she can as well. We can deal with it another year. The daycare carousel is wearing me down, but it's only one more year. Maybe I should offer to pay 2 additional spots? It will be the pits but it's only one more year.

I don't know why you would want to stay with her if she in fact put her hand over your child's mouth. It is dangerous and most likely a violation of licensing rules. I can almost promise you it is a violation. If I had a provider that did that, I would have left that day. Why in the heck are you so he** bent on staying with a provider that would mistreat your child and doesn't want your children in care? When you say the "daycare carousel", I have to ask have you been terminated from other providers?

[Blackcat31]

Why would you want your child cared for by someone who really doesn't want to provide care (for whatever reason)?

As a parent, I would be heartbroken to know my child was "supervised" only for the money.

I understand care is hard to come by in your area but Id search for a nanny or some other arrangement before offering to pay someone more $ when its clear the provider doesnt want to continue.

That's just a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

[spedmommy4]

I did ask for naps to be shortened back in March. We were having difficulty getting my kids to sleep before 9:30 p.m. and it was getting a bit draining. Another "issue" that came up was one day a couple of months ago my son had a tantrum of some kind. She had him cover his mouth with his hand and apparently he didn't so she put her hand on his hand and covered his mouth. He wound up with a big scratch and I told her I didn't think it was appropriate to handle things like that.

The reason I pay for 3 spots is because she is so conveniently located to my house; she complained of fibromyalgia when I first met her, and seemed reluctant to take us. She wanted to know how I found out about her, and of course she comes up when I type daycare and my town's name into google.

I can see she doesn't need us; her husband has a very good job and I think she still does the daycare to get her college age children extra stuff. I just wanted to know if there is anything else I could put together to offer her to keep us on from a daycare provider's perspective. Look I realize that job ****s and there is no way to ever pay her what I would really like to pay her for everything she has to do.

I'll tell her to keep the naps however long she can as well. We can deal with it another year. The daycare carousel is wearing me down, but it's only one more year. Maybe I should offer to pay 2 additional spots? It will be the pits but it's only one more year.

If she did hold his hand over his mouth, it wasn't appropriate. As a parent of four, I would have moved on over that. Children have tantrums. You acknowledge their feeling and give them a space away from the group (but within sight) to calm down. Tantrums are not a big deal from a caregiving perspective, UNLESS the child has tantrums everyday.

I would also have an issue with her charging for three slots. I am a childcare provider and can't imagine doing this to any of my families. I know you are worried about your little ones but young children are very adaptable. It's likely that they will adjust within a few short weeks and be even happier with their new provider. And in the long run, you may be happier too.

[Unregistered]

Reply

We've only had one other provider, but the commute to her house was draining so when I found this current lady who termed me I was overjoyed and evidently overzealous in pursuing my children positions in her care. I quit on the previous lady who had the long commute.

I should just quit my job and stay home next year. This has been a roller coaster for me. I know my son is active and my "mommy guilt" probably does make me too lax of a parent. But GD. I paid her last year almost what I would have paid to put my kids in a montessori preschool (again, I couldn't feasibly do that given the commute from where I live). Could she have just let me know, Hey you are getting annoying and I need to lock in some clients. You have til the end of the week to decide what you to do.

[Thriftylady]

We've only had one other provider, but the commute to her house was draining so when I found this current lady who termed me I was overjoyed and evidently overzealous in pursuing my children positions in her care. I quit on the previous lady who had the long commute.

I should just quit my job and stay home next year. This has been a roller coaster for me. I know my son is active and my "mommy guilt" probably does make me too lax of a parent. But GD. I paid her last year almost what I would have paid to put my kids in a montessori preschool (again, I couldn't feasibly do that given the commute from where I live). Could she have just let me know, Hey you are getting annoying and I need to lock in some clients. You have til the end of the week to decide what you to do.

But you can't get mad about what you paid her, the way I read your post, you OFFERED to pay her more. You can't hardly get upset after doing something you choose to do. Granted, I probably wouldn't have taken the over payment myself, but different strokes.... You also say that she abused your child (because that is what licensing would call it in most states), yet you want to stay with her? Why would you even consider keeping your child in a dangerous place? Maybe if the commute to daycare and such is so bad you could consider moving. Much of what you have issue with are things you have full control over. Yes, moving is extreme and a huge job, I get that. But so is parenting.

[Unregistered]

Reply

But if we go somewhere else something something worse could happen. This lady i sort of know what im getting into. Recently I read about a daycare center worker who was spraying the children in their faces to cool them off in the summer, putting them in dark bathrooms for timeout, pushing dolls that scared them in their faces. Just really mean stuff. I don't see my current provider doing that. I'm sure she's drained after 20 years of it.

If I send to Kindergarten that takes a lot of the worries away, but my husband will probably leave me, as he is convinced Kindergarten will ruin our son's enthusiasm for learning permanently. Now that I'm typing all this out i am seeing what i must do.