Concerned For 17 Month Olds Welfare

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  • BelindaW
    New Daycare.com Member
    • Jan 2011
    • 9

    Concerned For 17 Month Olds Welfare

    I am so lost as what to do. I am so scared and concerned for my 17 month old granddaughters safety. Here is a run down as to what is happening. Her father is very abusive to her mother, my daughter. Physical, mental etc. The police were called a week ago and my daughter was taken to the hospital for injuries received. He was not arrested but was told it was being sent to the DA's for charges. He threw my daughter out and kept the baby. They are un-married but when they went for child support etc 10 months ago due to baby having state medical, he made my daughter give him joint custody and placement so the police refused to help her get the baby. He was allowing her to visit her during the day then making her leave, never allowing her to take her out of the house. When he left for work the other night, he allowed my daughter to stay at his house and care for the baby, she grabbed the baby after he left and went to a battered womans shelter. He found out the next day and is very angry and threatening to have my daughter arrested. Out of fear of being arrested for parental kidnapping, my daughter took her to her dads today and is supposed to get her back Wednesday. I am confident he will refuse, saying she can visit her but not take her. They have a court date next month as my daughter filed for primary placement. I am the only one that has ever been trusted to babysit her so have had her quite often since her birth. The last few days I have babysat her often due to daughter trying to get paperwork, apartment etc taken care of. I have noticed drastic changes in my granddaughter. And other things have come to light that have me very concerned.
    My granddaughter is throwing fits and tantrums like I have never seen her do. She hits, bites, kicks, throws herself onto the floor, drops to her bottom then leans back then slams her head onto the floor. When you try to change her diaper, she fights/screams. Starts trying to get away, pushes your hands away, kicks at you. The whole time crying. My daughter said she has not been eating well, after she was with me a cpl days I had her back to eating and her sleep back on schedule.
    Her father .... abusive to her mother (has criminal record, restraining orders from other women for same), is a chronic marijuana smoker (daily, been arrested for having a pot pipe on him), saw granddaughter often with a sore vaginal/anal area ( daughter stated diaper rash. did not look like diaper rash to me and stated so. daughter got mad that I might be accusing boyfriend of this) when he is around he insists he changes the babies diapers (saw him change her .. used his hand to "spread her open" then very slowly took the wipe and cleaned her ... am very disturbed by this, has started bathing with the baby ( he wears his boxers, she is naked), granddaughter has chronic constipation ( daughter has talked to DR's about it, they just tell her to put Karo in her bottles) has an 8 yr old (diff mother) that is terrified of him. She was sexually abused by his father while living with him (grandfather is now in prison). Most of the time, she doesn't want to see her dad, when she does come for visits she immediately asks if she can go to someone elses house to play/stay all night. She spent the summer with them and was often red and sore in genital area. Daughter took her to DR and they said she might be doing it to herself due to the sexual abuse or someone else is doing it. They never reported it to CPS (the DR's). Daughter has tried to get him to get her into counseling for it but he refuses. I have tried talking with CPS a few days ago, forgot to mention most of this ( the diaper changing, bathing, issues with other daughter). They say they don't think she is in danger even though they know his criminal record. I am lost as what to do. Is the diaper changing/cleaning, bathing normal? Are my concerns justified? I am worried if it's reported but nothing done, she is going to be hurt very bad. Also, if they get mad I won't see her again. He has convinced my daughter she is a horrible mother, that her daughter hates her etc to maintain control. Now that she is away from him, she is lost as what to do as a mother. He has never really allowed her to be one. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  • Michael
    Founder & Owner-Daycare.com
    • Aug 2007
    • 7946

    #2
    Welcome to the form Belinda.

    Comment

    • DCMomOf3
      Advanced Daycare.com Member
      • Jul 2010
      • 1246

      #3
      Welcome. I see so many red flags in your post. I would personally call CPS and tell them your concerns. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I suspected sexual abuse and did nothing about it. You may upset a lot of people but if it's true, I'd think your granddaughter's well being would be worth the fight. That is my two cents.

      My prayers go out to her and I hope she is safe.

      Comment

      • DCMomOf3
        Advanced Daycare.com Member
        • Jul 2010
        • 1246

        #4
        Originally posted by DCMomOf3
        Welcome. I see so many red flags in your post. I would personally call CPS and tell them your concerns. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I suspected sexual abuse and did nothing about it. You may upset a lot of people but if it's true, I'd think your granddaughter's well being would be worth the fight. That is my two cents.

        My prayers go out to her and I hope she is safe.
        I just realized you said you called CPS. I would try to get that baby into your care as often as possible and really monitor her. The next time you see something concerning I'd take her into the doctor myself that day. Don't wait for someone else to.

        Comment

        • BelindaW
          New Daycare.com Member
          • Jan 2011
          • 9

          #5
          Thanks for the quick replies. Sexual abuse is what I am concerned about. Also, with his temper, worried he will take that out on her. We live in a small community in central Wisconsin. The man at CPS told me to write a report stating all my concerns, everything I have personally witnessed. No hearsay. So that is what I have spent the day doing. They are closed tomorrow due to a state employee holiday, but after work Tuesday I plan on going to his office with it. I haven't been able to sleep all week being so scared for her. And it's worse tonight because she is now back with him til Wednesday. I so wish I could get guardianship of her, because to be honest, I don't feel my daughter is capable of taking care of her either. Not til she gets counseling to deal with all the abuse she has been through. She got her away from him Wednesday night and I had her from Thursday night til today. With her mother only staying to see her for a few hrs here and there. Was busy off with friends partying and doing paperwork stuff etc.

          Comment

          • kendallina
            Advanced Daycare.com Member
            • Jul 2010
            • 1660

            #6
            Please make sure you document everything that you see that concerns you. Just keep a little notebook where you write down your observations. Call CPS when a concern comes up. As PP said, take her to the doctor if she ever comes to you and it seems something is not right. I am so sorry she and you are dealing with this.

            Comment

            • Blackcat31
              • Oct 2010
              • 36124

              #7
              I had a situation last year in my childcare where the parent was a threat to the child's safety and the grand mother took the child, filed a temporary order for protection against the parent on the child's behalf for fear of harm that may have happened to the child had she not done so. The court granted the grandmother the temporary order for protection and the child remained with the grandparent until the situation could be investigated. The courts appointed a guardian ad litem for the child and it got the ball rolling as far as getting help for the child's living situation. Since you have some major issues with the care and treatment your granddaughter is receiving, filing an order for protection may be necessary. Since the child is a minor, you can (or your daughter) can do this ON BEHALF of the minor child. Once a guardian ad litem is assigned to the child they will act on the child's behalf. the guardian ad litem is there for the child ONLY and no one else so I would consider doing this if the facts you have listed are true and you are honestly concerned about her health andd safety. Good luck.

              Comment

              • dEHmom
                Advanced Daycare.com Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 2355

                #8
                Listen to blackcat, she is smart, and was in law school

                It bothers me to hear that this is still continueing. I understand your daughters fear for the kidnapping part of it, but honestly, bringing baby back may have made matters worse. She shouldn't have taken her in the first place if she was going to bring her back anyway.

                If this guy has a history of abuse, then the courts should rule in the mothers favor (generally young children do go to the mother unless there are reasons the mother should not have the child). In a situation like this, I see no reason that he should have this baby.

                Next time you have your granddaughter, take her with you and file that suit. If she is showing any signs of abuse on her then you can use that as proof to why you are filing. I don't think it's right that she should continually be subjected to torture until it is investigated.

                I am so disgusted when I hear stories of this. If I was ever in a situation where harm was "possibly" being inflicted to my child, it would be dealt with immediately. There would be no question about it. Personally I believe too much time has been wasted here, and this needs to happen NOW! It's bad enough she will grow up with this being part of her life, and it will scar her severely, ESPECIALLY if this continues. Right now she is an infant, and I'm not saying it is any better, but at least she is young enough, maybe she can live her life like it didn't happen.

                Please keep us updated on this post.

                Comment

                • Blackcat31
                  • Oct 2010
                  • 36124

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Baybee0585
                  Listen to blackcat, she is smart, and was in law school
                  Baybee, you are so funny!!! I don't think this qualifies as a land dispute! LOL!

                  Comment

                  • dEHmom
                    Advanced Daycare.com Member
                    • Dec 2010
                    • 2355

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Blackcat31
                    Baybee, you are so funny!!! I don't think this qualifies as a land dispute! LOL!
                    doesn't matter, you still learned those 3 things in the 2 yrs in law :P

                    It just bothers me with the crap that goes on with children. I hate it. And I hate when it's not dealt with early enough, before more serious or dangerous stuff happens. IF something is happening to this little girl, daddy will get bored with what he is doing, and start doing something new. That's the truth.
                    Once again, I'm not saying this IS what is happening, but if it is, then it needs to be addressed right now. If it isn't whats happening, then Daddy can understand that the welfare of his child was at stake, and there should be no issues. Since Daddy is already a *insert vulgar language here*, for abuse to the Mommy, he can go **** an egg regardless of the outcome.

                    Comment

                    • BelindaW
                      New Daycare.com Member
                      • Jan 2011
                      • 9

                      #11
                      I talked to CPS immediately about my concerns and was told to write a report to document everything and take back to them. Honestly, my oppinion of my daughter isn't very high right now. She was told if she was at the shelter she didn't have to give her to him and would not get in trouble for keeping her. She stated to me she didn't want to be kept confined to a room for the next month while waiting for the court hearing. In my opinion, until she gets counseling and parenting classes etc to deal with his abuse, she is not fit to care for her either. From the day after she took her away until she was taken back, I was the one with/caring for her while my daughter was staying out with friends. Even all night. I have been the one to always furnishes her clothes, shoes, just bought new car seat friday because she was still in a carry cradle, etc.. Her father gets mad if he has to purchase anything and take away from himself (drugs). All he purchases is the diapers and very very rarely an outfit on clearance. Otherwise my husband and myself have bought/supplied everything for this child.
                      Another note, CPS told me that just because he was arrested for having a drug pipe on him, that doesn't prove drug use. Any thoughts about this?

                      Comment

                      • JenNJ
                        Advanced Daycare.com Member
                        • Jun 2010
                        • 1212

                        #12
                        Please do what Blackcat suggests. I would do anything I could to protect a child in that situation. I am sick reading this. Please keep calling CPS or the police until someone helps this baby!

                        Comment

                        • BelindaW
                          New Daycare.com Member
                          • Jan 2011
                          • 9

                          #13
                          Also, her father refuses to let me see her now because I am far from scared of him and won't put up with his **. Only time I will get to see her is when my daughter gets her and then I know she will drop her off to me to keep until she has to give her back to him. Thats if he even gives her back since she took off with her last time.

                          Comment

                          • Blackcat31
                            • Oct 2010
                            • 36124

                            #14




                            Troubleshooting Guide for Brain Injuries provides info on severe head injury, coma, concussion and post concussion syndrome.


                            Stop wasting time and step up to do what your grandchild needs you to do! Contact a guardiam ad litem representative IMMEDIATELY and get the correct information about the rights of your grandchild (and you)....it doesn't matter how many posts or replies we put on here...the guardian ad litem will stand and support the child FIRST!!!! That is your granddaughter's right to have! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call one NOW so that your granddaughter, daughter and the father can get the help they all need !!!!

                            Comment

                            • dEHmom
                              Advanced Daycare.com Member
                              • Dec 2010
                              • 2355

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Blackcat31
                              http://www.wisbar.org/AM/Template.cf...ontentId=92176



                              Troubleshooting Guide for Brain Injuries provides info on severe head injury, coma, concussion and post concussion syndrome.


                              Stop wasting time and step up to do what your grandchild needs you to do! Contact a guardiam ad litem representative IMMEDIATELY and get the correct information about the rights of your grandchild (and you)....it doesn't matter how many posts or replies we put on here...the guardian ad litem will stand and support the child FIRST!!!! That is your granddaughter's right to have! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call one NOW so that your granddaughter, daughter and the father can get the help they all need !!!!
                              Exactly.
                              My only fear is that should she do this and the father still has child, once he hears about it, is it going to create more problems for this little girl? i hope you can get this girl in your hands very soon, but you need to step up and act. I understand your fear, but if this father is more concerned about his drug money and such instead of taking care of his daughter, then I'm sure he won't mind if someone else is feeding/clothing/diapering her. More free time for him, and more money for him.

                              Comment

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