Demanding Infant

[Elko]

Oh i totally understand that there's a huge difference between me having one child and having to take care of, really any more than one :-) it is a more demanding way of doing things at least in the first few years. I'm not sleep deprived at all, except in case of illness or teething, which probably isn't that different from parents who sleep train. It does take more time and effort to get her down, which sometimes is totally annoying but usually is a nice little relaxing time of my day where we get to cuddle and reconnect after a busy day of toddler life.

I definitely understand that it doesn't easily mesh with daycare, as you've gathered from my posts :-) i just have a problem with the idea that in general, it's doing baby and parents a disservice to help kids get to sleep as long as they need it. There are places that manage to spend some time, but i assume they have plenty of staff available.

[CraftyMom]

I definitely understand that it doesn't easily mesh with daycare, as you've gathered from my posts :-)

I think this is the main point of the entire thread. It's much different if the parents want to cuddle their child to sleep, etc and they are home to care for her (or working in the same daycare with her ).

Bottom line, it doesn't work in daycare, for the vast majority.

Sounds like the dad who posted this realizes this. Unfortunately they DO have to work and they DO have to send their baby to daycare. So yes, they will have to at some point train the baby to sleep, the sooner the better.

Yes, there are some places that will spend more time soothing a baby to sleep, but they are VERY few and far between around here. So unless the parents are wanting to completely uproot the child and search for the perfect daycare, helping her learn to soothe herself gently is the best way to go.

They may find a daycare that soothes the baby to sleep, but the trade off may be 10 other things that they dislike, but were happy with at the first daycare.

Training to self soothe does not hurt the child. It benefits them greatly! I have 3 kids of my own. My first child I stayed home with and cuddled and rocked and the whole nine yards. The other 2 didn't have that option, I had to work. Looking back I wish I had done things different with her, the other 2 were much happier babies. Although at the time I would swear up and down that she was perfectly happy, but I had nothing to compare it to

[Shell]

CIO is something I actually only use with MUCH older infants if all else fails. So, yes, she is too young. But, lets clarify what CIO is: Putting a child to bed, saying good night, and then leaving them to cry, regardless of how long it takes. Honestly, if you take your baby now, and fast-forward 6 months, you MAY be in a position where you have no other choice. Let's try something else.

She is used to falling asleep with physical contact, motion, and a pacifier. That's THREE things she is convinced she needs to go to sleep. Does she NEED them? Probably not...but she certainly thinks she does!

Here is what I would do (and have done with countless babies).

1. Set up a sleep routine. (Bath, bottle), snuggle in her quiet, mostly dark room. Sing the same song each night (make one up or use a classic), then sit silently with her as she calms and relaxes (no longer than 10 minutes at first...shorten later). Keep the movement to a minimum.

2. Lay her in her bed, quietly say "nighty night", tuck her in, give her paci, and walk out. Wait 5 minutes while she makes a horrendous, indignant fuss.

3. Go in (turn off lights in hallway if they're on). Pat her tummy for a minute or so, replace paci, quietly say night night, and walk out. Now, wait 7 minutes.

Rinse and repeat, extending the time between "visits" each time. You want to let her know you're there, you love her, you support her, but she CAN do this. You're going to have to do that about 3000 more times in the next 18 years.

Tell the daycare what you are doing so they can do the same.

Once she learns to fall asleep alone, she will be a way happier baby. I KNOW this. Well rested babies equal content babies.

One morning, you will wake up, and realize she not only slept through the night, but she's in her bed, wide awake, talking to herself. Imagine!

I don't know how many times in the last 24 years I've said this: If you don't get her sleeping independently now, you won't do it when she's 6 months old either. Then, imagine she can sit up, screaming to the heavens in outrage. Now, imagine her 9 months old, STANDING in her crib, again outraged. Will you (or dear wife) be able to let her cry then? After all, she could fall and bump her head!

See where it's leading? How about a 2 year old that can climb out?

You are really setting a precedent here. You can do it lovingly and gently and kindly and respectfully now, or you can call "super nanny" in a few years when you have 3 kiddos running amok. ::

Oh...one more thing. If you want her to use a pacifier (I'm pro-pacifier myself), then teach her how to get it in her mouth. Hold it out in front of her, and say "use your hands" until she grasps it. Then, help her put it in her own mouth. It'll probably take a few weeks yet, but if you teach her how, she can use this skill at naps or at night. We used to "sprinkle" several in our babies beds. As tummy sleepers (years ago), they could already find them by 2 months or so. It takes a little longer with back-sleeping, but eventually you'll be out of the loop there.

Just to chime in, your method absolutely works, and you are a life saver! I had an infant that would.not.nap longer than 15-30 mins because she just expected someone to come in, and help her fall back asleep. Frustrating to say the least, unless you are one on one with just the infant, as the child is exhausted and tired baby equals cranky baby. Fortunately, your method worked wonders, and she now takes 1-2 hour naps, twice a day. Worth mentioning also, is I told her parents over and over about putting baby to sleep while awake, gently patting, but not picking up/rocking. They did not listen at all, because they just wanted to do the fastest method to get the baby to stay asleep. It never worked, obviously, because she would wake up and need to be "helped" back to sleep. Finally, after months and months, they are using this method, and the baby is overall so much more happy and rested.