"It Never Happens With Me"

[sleepinghart]

Playcare- I can understand the babysitting term now. I was not aware it was bothersome, and my provider tells people in front of me she babysits. Even posts it on face book that she's babysitting. So I wouldn't have seen that as offensive or a 'red flag'. She is great, EXCEPT when it comes to her thinking she's a medical expert on everything. IDK what it is.

I talked with her today. I said "I realize you said that (my son) hasn't had any problems with breathing/wheezing or respiratory here at your house, but I just wanted to know if you are willing to keep an eye on it and let me know IF he does and if not great, but if so, I need to keep track of the episodes he's been having" She said of course she would *this is all I wanted to know that she either would or wouldnt and I finally got a straight answer*. And then continued to proceed with all the myriad of things it "could" be. I told her that I would prefer to discuss the medical aspect with my doctor and would prefer not to know all the things it "could be" because that just confuses the situation more. (I could google and find out what it COULD be by myself). She said she didn't realize that I was confused. I told her "To be fair, lately I have noticed that when it comes to medical issues, you have answers for everything and that can be very confusing to hear. Did you want to be a doctor or something?" and laughed. She started to laugh and said that no she just had quite an experience with doctors/nurses/hospitals and so knows a few things. She also APOLOGIZED to me because she said no one ever told her before that she did this. Her hubby was there too, and started laughing, and goes "YEEEAHHHH you DO and I know it drives people, like your DAD, nuts! (There must be a story I am missing there)" Then the conversation became much more light-hearted. I knew that if I gave her a chance it would work out, I just was getting frustrated because I am WORRIED about my son. That's it.

She IS great. She feeds the kids on time, she's never late, when she takes time off I get a months' notice unless she's sick, she will pick up the kids after school, she lets my kids have responsibility as if they were her kids, she treats them nicely and respectfully, she seems to really genuinely care about them....the list goes on!

Sleepinghart- our arrangement for summer, since it was maternity leave, was that I'd pay 1/2 the summer to hold the spot as drop-in and the other 1/2 she had another child fill my whole spot while he was here. Then she takes the kids for the school year part-time only. We never wanted our care providers to raise our children. Of course, I stayed home for many years, so just the last 3 years have my kids been in someone else's care. My point in pointing out she was PART TIME was just to express how important it was to listen to ME and what I was saying about my son and understand that simply because something doesn't happen the 2 days he's there per week, doesn't mean it isn't happening at all. When I first talked to her all she did was repeat the same thing over and over. It was not an acceptable answer, but honestly since he was with me, I figured that I would readdress another time prior to the kids returning. I guess that was all I needed to do.

*All quotes below in blue are those of, "Unregistered", the OP. Mine = black text.*


(begin Unregistered's quotes) "I talked with her today. I said "I realize you said that (my son) hasn't had any problems with breathing/wheezing or respiratory here at your house, but I just wanted to know if you are willing to keep an eye on it and let me know IF he does and if not great, but if so, I need to keep track of the episodes he's been having" She said of course she would *this is all I wanted to know that she either would or wouldnt and I finally got a straight answer*."

~That's greathappyface! I knew you had went round & round with her but I was wondering just how she'd respond if you asked her a yes or no question with regard to your son's care & condition because if she would've answered the yes or no question with "Well that's never happened here", I would seriously start to wonder if she was a robot::. So I am really glad it all worked out.

"And then continued to proceed with all the myriad of things it "could" be."

~Earlier you said, referring to your son's doctor "..But now he's thinking it could be asthma"(after first thinking it was a virus). To me personally, that is worded in a way that makes it sound as if the MD really isn't even 100% sure of the diagnosis yet. I'm not sure exactly how the MD's note read or how much detail it went into or if maybe you conveyed to her that the MD had said that too, but if I took it that way there is a possibility she did as well, and in order to be helpful started with all the "could be's" and medical talk with the intention of helping you find out for sure what was wrong. I know she's not a doctor and of course your doctor's orders & treatment plans for your son override her opinions but it doesn't sound like she's denying MD's orders or advising you to do differently at this time, it's just the opinion-offering, so that shouldn't be an issue for now anyway. She may have only had the best of intentions. I'm not saying she is/was right or wrong in her behavior, I'm only trying to offer other possibilities & ways of looking at things, which of course may be completely & totally off-base, but hopefully a little helpful every once in awhile at least . Regardless of her intentions, the important thing is what you wrote below.......

"I told her that I would prefer to discuss the medical aspect with my doctor and would prefer not to know all the things it "could be" because that just confuses the situation more"

~You would like this behavior to stop, bottom line, and she should respect that. So please don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that because she may have had good intentions you should let it go or let it continue.


"She said she didn't realize that I was confused. I told her "To be fair, lately I have noticed that when it comes to medical issues, you have answers for everything and that can be very confusing to hear. Did you want to be a doctor or something?" and laughed. She started to laugh and said that no she just had quite an experience with doctors/nurses/hospitals and so knows a few things...."

~Well, at least it's out in the open now. Since you felt this way it was good to open up about it I think. And it doesn't seem*(notice I emphasize "seem") she was offended, so maybe she is truly one of those people who can take constructive criticism(Is "constructive criticism the right term I'm needing here ladies & gentlemen?:confusedand really hear what you're saying, without automatically getting all defensive & disregarding it immediately with the garbage and that's always a good thing, as I've found people like that are hard to find. ~With regard to constructive criticism though, to be fair, I must say that I think you should have left off this part- "Did you want to be a doctor or something?"; I don't see anything constructive about it and it just doesn't seem necessary as it comes off as a passive aggressive dig whether you intended it to or not.

"She also APOLOGIZED to me because she said no one ever told her before that she did this..."

~It's very possible that she did not realize how her behavior in this area made other people feel. I mean, as she said, basically you were the first person to ever tell her(besides hubby maybe, and not a lot listen to them anyway ). Each one of us has at least one thing about us that is incredibly annoying to other people....No getting around it. After all, we are only human .


~It appears that the only problem you've ever had with her is this one. From what you've wrote here she sounds like an awesome provider-- the kind that goes above & beyond not to mention trustworthy. So this problem, though now solved, would not have been a deal-breaker for me. It definitely sounds like you trust her well enough to keep you informed and to tell you if your son has any problems including any of the wheezing or other sounds or any respiratory issues at all, etc., so I think this may have been more frustration over the medical "know-it-all" attitude than anything . I think you knew the answer to your question, as far as whether she would report any issues to you, before you asked it-- You just wanted to be assured and then one turn took another. ~It may help from time to time though to remember why you chose her as your provider in the first place.

"She's always been a good provider and has her own child with issues which is partly why I chose her (my son has other problems and needs someone who is experienced with them)." (end Unregistered's quotes)

~So she has the experience, the patience, the know-how, etc. to care for children such as yours and because of this it may be very helpful at times to have certain feedback coming from a good experienced provider don't you think? ...Not saying you have to heed it, but maybe just take what you can use & discard the rest. This just occured to me, but when you first enrolled with her, did you question her a good bit about her experience/knowledge in the areas that your son has problems in? If so, she may have been thinking you wanted this extra medical info & advice:confused:...just a thought, but even if so, it still doesn't matter now-- If you did want it at one point that has now changed . ~Please let us know how everything continues to go.....I am hoping for very welllovethis!