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She has seen it.
Basically, what's she's saying is that because it's not happening there, it's not "really" happening at all. She asked me if I was SURE I was hearing this right and maybe it's not at all asthma (Because) her daughter has this and that and it's not the same. I handed her that note but she didn't even look at it long enough to take a breath. I told her I was doing all treatments at home and want her to keep an eye on this for me. That's pretty much how it went down but then she started INSISTING no way he has anything because it never happened at her home. What' she is forgetting and what I think some people reading have missed: I have been home for SEVERAL weeks after having a baby. She hasn't had him in care for several weeks and he is PART-TIME after school 3 hours per day 2 days per week, summer I had off this time around. I only went to drop him off once the whole 6 weeks so I could go to my own dr appt. That's when I gave the note and told her what was going on. The thing that rubs me the wrong way is that it's not the first time she has acted like she thinks she is a medical expert *see previous posts* but usually it was stuff that wasn't a big deal like with my pregnancy and stuff. This problem with my son IS a BIG deal to me. All I really want from her is to watch and let me know when/if it happens so that we can keep track of the episodes. That's it. It is not a difficult request whatsoever but if she can't meet this simple request without trying to be the expert here, then I WILL have to go somewhere else. We have our Back To School meeting Monday with her to go over bus schedules and such, and the FIRST thing I'm going to bring up is that when it comes to MEDICAL issues, it's best to let me and my kids' doctors handle things and not her. I don't want her practicing medicine on my kids by basically either diagnosing them with something or dismissing a serious issue.Comment
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Adding:I definitely don't think bringing a very ill or contagious kid to daycare is good. But that said, I doubt the dr would diagnose him if he didn't believe he had something, since they're very low key and very laid back office. They are more for natural remedies and trying to stay AWAY from over-diagnosis and using medications than anything. They have an excellent reputation.Comment
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I'm not saying she didn't have it.
I'm saying the doctor was wrong in telling the parent the child could be in my home that way.
Just like the several who have told different parents their child had ADHD/Autism and needed medication and/or massive intervention when all that was needed was some parenting/discipline/guidance tweaks.
Docs typically get a 5-10 minute glance at a child. What is frequently diagnosed is based solely on a parents account (same goes for much of what is never diagnosed). They absolutely CAN BE WRONG. They do the best they can but in the end they are human and don't always have the opportunity to diagnose with 100% accuracy.Comment
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Like Willow, I've also told parents no when they show up with a sick kid and a DR's note that says DCK can come. They also have to meet my illness policy rules, a DR's note doesn't trump that. Its my home, my business, my family, and my responsibility to keep everyone in my care healthy and safe.
People challenge DRs all the time, that's what second opinions are.
Bingo
Who cares what she says about it IMO, I get constant "diagnoses" all the time from DCPs, neighbors, family... about everything. Really it comes down to what you feel is right.
Is she willing to keep an eye out for the symptoms? Yes or no? That's all you said you are asking her to do and if she can't then move along to someone who will.
Honestly from the "tone" I'm getting from your comments about her and your comments about how she reacts to things you say it sounds like neither of you are on the same page and/or respect one another. If you don't respect or have confidence in her then move on. Find someone you mesh with better.Comment
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Honestly...although we may not be getting all the info...I don't see what the providers point was in repeatedly reiterating that the child doesn't have the symptoms in her care. Especially if the child hasn't been there in six weeks.
From what i read, the parent didn't so much ask anything as she was saying "here's what's going on, look out for xyz symptoms". She wasn't asking the providers opinion or advice. If the provider never sees these symptoms, then great. If she does, she'll know what it is. No need for an argument.
How many times do we tell a parent about their kids issues and the first thing they start hollering is "they never do that at home", when that has little to nothing to do with anything (and most of the time not even true)?
Same thing.
I agree with pp, if you two are running into that hard of a brick wall on that important of a subject....its probably time to part ways.Comment
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You hit the nail on the head in paragraph 2. That's ALL I want from her. I don't need her expert "medical" advice.
For a pp who said I don't respect her: of course I do, but not when it comes to her giving me unsolicited medical "advice." She's not supposed to do that. It would be one thing if she said you know I haven't heard him, but I'll keep an eye out....and then she could SHARE her experience EXAMPLE: "Now that I think about it it sounds a lot like K's symptoms of _____" But that is so not how the conversation was at all. And like I said, it's not the first time she's tried to give medical advice. I remember once I had wet hair in the winter. She told me I'd get pneumonia having wet hair in the winter and I ought to go dry it. pneumonia is viral or bacterial, not caused by being wet, even in cold weather. If so, I'd have permanent pneumonia because I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY, all seasons and have never once contracted pneumonia from having wet hair. She's not an over 50 sitter, either, so I'm not sure why she believes this. I didn't say anything then because really I'm not the one she's babysitting.
I did want to give her the chance because she's a great provider. My issue is her trying to give medical advice when she has no medical experience whatsoever, other than her own personal experience as a mom to her own child. This does not mean she knows all children or has earned any type of degree and THAT is where her and I do not mesh. Everything else we're good on. But I certainly don't want her dismissing my concerns because she thinks she's got more experience than my son's own doctor.
That said, I am seriously considering looking elsewhere if our conversation does not get anywhere on Monday.Comment
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OP~ Please consider registering for the forum
If you have a little one in child care, perhaps the forum could be a great place for you to get ideas, tips and share your experiences as a parent.
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she just doesn't agree with you or your doc. She doesn't have to. You need to find a different child care.You hit the nail on the head in paragraph 2. That's ALL I want from her. I don't need her expert "medical" advice.
For a pp who said I don't respect her: of course I do, but not when it comes to her giving me unsolicited medical "advice." She's not supposed to do that. It would be one thing if she said you know I haven't heard him, but I'll keep an eye out....and then she could SHARE her experience EXAMPLE: "Now that I think about it it sounds a lot like K's symptoms of _____" But that is so not how the conversation was at all. And like I said, it's not the first time she's tried to give medical advice. I remember once I had wet hair in the winter. She told me I'd get pneumonia having wet hair in the winter and I ought to go dry it. pneumonia is viral or bacterial, not caused by being wet, even in cold weather. If so, I'd have permanent pneumonia because I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY, all seasons and have never once contracted pneumonia from having wet hair. She's not an over 50 sitter, either, so I'm not sure why she believes this. I didn't say anything then because really I'm not the one she's babysitting.
I did want to give her the chance because she's a great provider. My issue is her trying to give medical advice when she has no medical experience whatsoever, other than her own personal experience as a mom to her own child. This does not mean she knows all children or has earned any type of degree and THAT is where her and I do not mesh. Everything else we're good on. But I certainly don't want her dismissing my concerns because she thinks she's got more experience than my son's own doctor.
That said, I am seriously considering looking elsewhere if our conversation does not get anywhere on Monday.
I've had children in both my daycare and as a nurse consultant position where I just didn't agree with the parent AND docs diagnosis. I've had many many misdiagnosed children in my experience. It's not personal. She just doesn't agree. Time to move on and find someone who does.Comment
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You hit the nail on the head in paragraph 2. That's ALL I want from her. I don't need her expert "medical" advice.
For a pp who said I don't respect her: of course I do, but not when it comes to her giving me unsolicited medical "advice." She's not supposed to do that. It would be one thing if she said you know I haven't heard him, but I'll keep an eye out....and then she could SHARE her experience EXAMPLE: "Now that I think about it it sounds a lot like K's symptoms of _____" But that is so not how the conversation was at all. And like I said, it's not the first time she's tried to give medical advice. I remember once I had wet hair in the winter. She told me I'd get pneumonia having wet hair in the winter and I ought to go dry it. pneumonia is viral or bacterial, not caused by being wet, even in cold weather. If so, I'd have permanent pneumonia because I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY, all seasons and have never once contracted pneumonia from having wet hair. She's not an over 50 sitter, either, so I'm not sure why she believes this. I didn't say anything then because really I'm not the one she's babysitting.
I did want to give her the chance because she's a great provider. My issue is her trying to give medical advice when she has no medical experience whatsoever, other than her own personal experience as a mom to her own child. This does not mean she knows all children or has earned any type of degree and THAT is where her and I do not mesh. Everything else we're good on. But I certainly don't want her dismissing my concerns because she thinks she's got more experience than my son's own doctor.
That said, I am seriously considering looking elsewhere if our conversation does not get anywhere on Monday.
It is well past time to find another provider, IMO. Using the term "babysitter" to describe her is belittling, and is a huge red flag that this relationship is on a one way track to nowhere. I understand why you are unhappy, I have a child with asthma and I would be furious if a teacher told me they didn't believe me/the doctor and didn't feel the need to tell me if they were wheezing. It would be one thing to say once "I've never noticed it here but I will keep me eyes and ears out." But to continually say it as in that she doubts it's even happening? That's not okay. But once name calling/belittling starts, well, that's not okay either.
You've said several times she's a "great" provider. What makes her so great? Her hours? The amount of money you pay? Because you can say she's great but then go on to describe a provider who is not so "great."Comment
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Concerning the part I bolded above, and if you don't mind my asking of course, did you have an arrangement with her as far as holding your son's spot for over the summer while he is not in her care or had you already left her care and were not planning on returning or what?
Concerning the part of your comment I bolded Hunni bee that's what I don't get and don't understand about this either. To the original poster- Whenever you state something similar to this to her, "Okay, well that's good that you've never noticed it going on here before, but could you just let me know if he does ever happen to exhibit these symptoms at anytime in the future here? I would really appreciate it", what is her answer? ..Because that question can't really be answered with "That's never happened here" at least not correctly and satisfactorily anyway.Comment
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Playcare- I can understand the babysitting term now. I was not aware it was bothersome, and my provider tells people in front of me she babysits. Even posts it on face book that she's babysitting. So I wouldn't have seen that as offensive or a 'red flag'. She is great, EXCEPT when it comes to her thinking she's a medical expert on everything. IDK what it is.
I talked with her today. I said "I realize you said that (my son) hasn't had any problems with breathing/wheezing or respiratory here at your house, but I just wanted to know if you are willing to keep an eye on it and let me know IF he does and if not great, but if so, I need to keep track of the episodes he's been having" She said of course she would *this is all I wanted to know that she either would or wouldnt and I finally got a straight answer*. And then continued to proceed with all the myriad of things it "could" be. I told her that I would prefer to discuss the medical aspect with my doctor and would prefer not to know all the things it "could be" because that just confuses the situation more. (I could google and find out what it COULD be by myself). She said she didn't realize that I was confused. I told her "To be fair, lately I have noticed that when it comes to medical issues, you have answers for everything and that can be very confusing to hear. Did you want to be a doctor or something?" and laughed. She started to laugh and said that no she just had quite an experience with doctors/nurses/hospitals and so knows a few things. She also APOLOGIZED to me because she said no one ever told her before that she did this. Her hubby was there too, and started laughing, and goes "YEEEAHHHH you DO and I know it drives people, like your DAD, nuts! (There must be a story I am missing there)" Then the conversation became much more light-hearted. I knew that if I gave her a chance it would work out, I just was getting frustrated because I am WORRIED about my son. That's it.
She IS great. She feeds the kids on time, she's never late, when she takes time off I get a months' notice unless she's sick, she will pick up the kids after school, she lets my kids have responsibility as if they were her kids, she treats them nicely and respectfully, she seems to really genuinely care about them....the list goes on!
Sleepinghart- our arrangement for summer, since it was maternity leave, was that I'd pay 1/2 the summer to hold the spot as drop-in and the other 1/2 she had another child fill my whole spot while he was here. Then she takes the kids for the school year part-time only. We never wanted our care providers to raise our children. Of course, I stayed home for many years, so just the last 3 years have my kids been in someone else's care. My point in pointing out she was PART TIME was just to express how important it was to listen to ME and what I was saying about my son and understand that simply because something doesn't happen the 2 days he's there per week, doesn't mean it isn't happening at all. When I first talked to her all she did was repeat the same thing over and over. It was not an acceptable answer, but honestly since he was with me, I figured that I would readdress another time prior to the kids returning. I guess that was all I needed to do.Comment
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Super glad to hear this worked out for you. happyface
As usual, communication was the key to solving the issues. I am so glad you took the time to have some open honest dialog with her about this and how you felt about it all.
This may very well turn out to be a learning experience for her as well.
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So glad it worked out!!! happyfaceComment
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