Personal Visitor at Daycare

[DWTC]

Nan, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love that you have your kids take an interest in where their food is coming from and I love that you had your daycare kids meet your dad so that they could thank him for the meat!

I don't go out of my way to stop people from coming over to visit with me unless they are the type of people who want my full attention and in that case, I have no time for them. I have a couple friends who will stop by but it is because they are bringing kids with them and the kids all play together and we play with them.

Also, every year I have a "Career Week" lesson plan and part of the lesson plan is that I have people come in to visit with the kids and to talk about their professions and the kids have a question and answer session with the people who come to talk about their jobs. This time we had the following careers represented :
Massage therapist
Program director/DJ for a radio station
EMC engineer
Naturopath
Phlebotomist
County clerk
Nurse
Firefighter
Boat builder

Yep, some of those people were "strangers" but I think that the benefit that they provided by graciously giving their time to talking to my kids about their careers greatly outweighed the risk (which was non-existent because I was sitting with them, listening to the spreakers.

Actually, I think this would be great!! My original post wasn't about something like this at all. It was about a personal issue I had with someone, that I didn't feel comfortable with having around my child. She would have NO business being at daycare providers home, no children, no career to talk to daycare kids about, no benefit at all.
But you know since I did bring it up to daycare provider and told her that I would find backup care for that day if she absolutely needed her friend to visit. The way that she responded was NON defensive and that went a long way in my book...I think it actually built a little on my trust for her. Considering how I was treated at the previous daycare when I brought up a concern and was snapped at!! Being level-headed and professional will go a long way with parents. Even though I may be over-protective with my child I would have no problem with any visitation that would be a great learning experience for them.
Also, I don't have a problem with her having other friends over to visit, stop by to say hi...etc. I don't have any personal issues with any of her other friends, I don't even know any of her other friends. I trust her enough...just didn't feel comfortable with particular friend being there.

[nannyde]

Are you really trying to compare a friend coming to visit and hang out, which is what this thread was about, with providing educational experiences for the children? WOW, you guys will do anything just to disagree with me, huh? I'm flattered, really

No... I added this:

I'm not of the mindset that it's unprofessional to have visitors during work hours. I don't think babysitting the kids while you visit on the phone or have a friend over is so complicated. The kids can entertain themselves. As long as you are supervising them and the person isn't left alone with the kids it should be up to the provider to decide. I don't do it because the kids act up. I don't "not" do it because it's unproffessional. I'm just a babysitter so I don't need to be all kinds of proffessional.

[nannyde]

Actually, I think this would be great!! My original post wasn't about something like this at all. It was about a personal issue I had with someone, that I didn't feel comfortable with having around my child. She would have NO business being at daycare providers home, no children, no career to talk to daycare kids about, no benefit at all.
But you know since I did bring it up to daycare provider and told her that I would find backup care for that day if she absolutely needed her friend to visit. The way that she responded was NON defensive and that went a long way in my book...I think it actually built a little on my trust for her. Considering how I was treated at the previous daycare when I brought up a concern and was snapped at!! Being level-headed and professional will go a long way with parents. Even though I may be over-protective with my child I would have no problem with any visitation that would be a great learning experience for them.
Also, I don't have a problem with her having other friends over to visit, stop by to say hi...etc. I don't have any personal issues with any of her other friends, I don't even know any of her other friends. I trust her enough...just didn't feel comfortable with particular friend being there.

Yes your situation is different. I personally wouldn't want to piss off a good customer over a visit from a friend. I think you handled it really well.

[Former Teacher]

I don't know about your state and being in home care etc..but in TX licensed child care centers, anyone who is in contact with the children has to have the FBI check, background check, CPR blah blah, REGARDLESS of that persons point of being there.

We once had a parent who would stay FOREVER just to visit, talk to us, hang out etc. State came in and said that he needed a background check if he was going to continue to interact with the children. The director stated that he was parent who was spending time with his daughter. State said that anyone in constant contact with the children for over 30 mins MUST have all that BS (my words, not her's : paperwork on file. No matter if it was a parent or not. Another example was there was a Gym Bus that would come weekly. Because the sessions were 30 plus mins., she too had to be on file with us as well. She already was with the state because of her career but we had to keep stuff on file for her as well.

Just a FYI

[Janet]

I'm an excellent multi-tasker

But, Janet, providing educational experiences IS your job....hanging out with friends is not. AGAIN, let me clarify, I am not talking about playdates or educational experiences, I am referring to having friends "hang out" as was the original topic here.

Good-day.

I have had friends over to socialize and have been able to do my job and visit at the same time. My friends that have come over do so with the understanding that I am first and foremost going to be focusing on my kids. As a result, most of my friends do choose to visit after hours. I don't think that it's impossible visit and do my job.

The kids get my full attention, no matter who is around.

[nannyde]

I have had friends over to socialize and have been able to do my job and visit at the same time. My friends that have come over do so with the understanding that I am first and foremost going to be focusing on my kids. As a result, most of my friends do choose to visit after hours. I don't think that it's impossible visit and do my job.

The kids get my full attention, no matter who is around.

I could do my job and have a friend over. Wouldn't affect the kids but it would affect me. The kids would LOVE it. They turn into devil spawn when they have an unusual adult around.

I swear the can't even make it thru the dang meter reader without getting into trouble. They huddle her every time she comes. I keep telling them to leave her alone... I could end up with a two thousand dollar electric bill curtosey of their distractions. Little creeps

[nannyde]

Nan, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love that you have your kids take an interest in where their food is coming from and I love that you had your daycare kids meet your dad so that they could thank him for the meat!

Awww thanks

I do think it's important for all of us to know where our food comes from. We have gotten away from that with our current food system. I don't do it as an educational activity but more of a way to give thanksgiving.

When we say our blessing before the kids eat they say "Bless Sally, Bless Johnny, .. "bess each one of the kids" and now they bless my Dad "Bless Papa Ourlastname" and Bless Chicken Farmer Galen, Bless Farmer Paul, Bless Buffalo Famer Bob etc.

They know who takes care of us so they want to bless them. Now that's pretty sweet.

I love that SO much.

[mac60]

I completely disagree.
You should know who is around your children the entire day they are there, (during daycare hours it is a buisness!).
I would expect to be made aware if someone was coming to the house, why and if they have had a background check. Very hard to approch a provider about but if my child gets hurt, or molested or just plain feels uncomfortable around that person I feel personaly responsible as a parent and I am not there to make sure that doesnt happen so I would demand to know everytime.
I believe in rules and regulations. Parents-Children-Provider-Trust, key ingredients in the child care field and not notifying parents of visitors weakens the trust.

If you believe that every person coming into the providers home you should be notified of and each and every person should have a background check, does that not apply to you, the parents of the children too.

I started this business to be my own boss, not to be dictated to by "parents". I call the shots not the parents. If a friend stops in at naptime, it is my choice to visit or not, not the parents choice, if my mom stops in, again my choice on whether she stays or not. As long as I am taking care of the children properly, it is no ones busniness who visits me. So next time a parents says Aunt Sally is picking Joey up.....guess you better have that background check in hand if I open my door to you. It can't be a one way street. What is fair for one is fair for all.

[JenNJ]

If you believe that every person coming into the providers home you should be notified of and each and every person should have a background check, does that not apply to you, the parents of the children too.

I started this business to be my own boss, not to be dictated to by "parents". I call the shots not the parents. If a friend stops in at naptime, it is my choice to visit or not, not the parents choice, if my mom stops in, again my choice on whether she stays or not. As long as I am taking care of the children properly, it is no ones busniness who visits me. So next time a parents says Aunt Sally is picking Joey up.....guess you better have that background check in hand if I open my door to you. It can't be a one way street. What is fair for one is fair for all.

I agree with this 100%! I have the main adults background checks available (myself, husband, mil). If anyone else complained about background checks, I would kindly tell them how much the checks are and hand them a list of regular visitors, including themselves, all other daycare parents and all emergency contacts and tell them that they are more than welcome to take care of it themselves.

[jen]

It sounds as though the OP and the provider reached an understanding, so that is all good.

As for the rest of it...

If, as a parent, you want that kind of control, you need to go to a center or hire a nanny. As I see it, you make certain trade-offs when you choose home daycare as opposed to center or nanny care. Most of those trade-offs benefit the parent and the child...lower rates, less turnover, more one on one attention. SOME of the trade-offs benefit the provider...the ability to choose who attends, make the rules, do a load of laundry, or God forbid, visit with a friend.

Unfortunately, one of the problems I see with SOME parents who have children in home daycare is that they are looking to have ALL of the benefits but without the cost. In other words, they want all the trade-offs to benefit them. They say it is under the guise of being a good parent, however it's really quite clear that this is a power issue. They want the power to make the rules and become frustrated when a provider refuses to relinquish control of thier business practices. Nothing more than your everyday control freak.

The same applies to providers who consistently berate other providers, holding themselves up as the standard to which all others should struggle to attain. Really good providers have no need to do this; really good providers are able to support other providers and still feel good about themselves as business people and caregivers. Confident providers don't need to make every parent believe that they are the very best provider by agreeing with them unconditionally and at the expense of thier (the providers) peers. There is no need to list off thier accomplishments and degrees, no need deny the possibility of human error or oversight on thier part, no need to turn in others on the assumption that they aren't licensed or may be in some SLIGHT violation. Truthfully, it is sad when you meet a provider like this, clearly much of thier self esteem and confidence is wrapped up in a goal that isn't attainable. We will all make mistakes, we will all have the occassional error in judgement or decide that a family is too much of a hassle. Most of us can handle that and still feel good about the job we do and how we do. Those that can't spend lots of time telling others what they do wrong and make up stories to illustrate thier points...sad, sad, sad.

[Janet]

So true!

It sounds as though the OP and the provider reached an understanding, so that is all good.

As for the rest of it...

If, as a parent, you want that kind of control, you need to go to a center or hire a nanny. As I see it, you make certain trade-offs when you choose home daycare as opposed to center or nanny care. Most of those trade-offs benefit the parent and the child...lower rates, less turnover, more one on one attention. SOME of the trade-offs benefit the provider...the ability to choose who attends, make the rules, do a load of laundry, or God forbid, visit with a friend.

Unfortunately, one of the problems I see with SOME parents who have children in home daycare is that they are looking to have ALL of the benefits but without the cost. In other words, they want all the trade-offs to benefit them. They say it is under the guise of being a good parent, however it's really quite clear that this is a power issue. They want the power to make the rules and become frustrated when a provider refuses to relinquish control of thier business practices. Nothing more than your everyday control freak.

The same applies to providers who consistently berate other providers, holding themselves up as the standard to which all others should struggle to attain. Really good providers have no need to do this; really good providers are able to support other providers and still feel good about themselves as business people and caregivers. Confident providers don't need to make every parent believe that they are the very best provider by agreeing with them unconditionally and at the expense of thier (the providers) peers. There is no need to list off thier accomplishments and degrees, no need deny the possibility of human error or oversight on thier part, no need to turn in others on the assumption that they aren't licensed or may be in some SLIGHT violation. Truthfully, it is sad when you meet a provider like this, clearly much of thier self esteem and confidence is wrapped up in a goal that isn't attainable. We will all make mistakes, we will all have the occassional error in judgement or decide that a family is too much of a hassle. Most of us can handle that and still feel good about the job we do and how we do. Those that can't spend lots of time telling others what they do wrong and make up stories to illustrate thier points...sad, sad, sad.

This post really sums it all up! Jen, thank you for writing this post. It's nice to see fellow providers who don't feel the need to tear others down!

[MommyMuffin]

Wow what an attack. I am not telling you how to run "your" buisness. I am simply giving my opinion which is what I thought a forum was all about.
Basically as a parent I expect to be introduced to people that will be hanging around my child at the daycare home and my provider does a wonderful job and always makes things available about anyone she may have over.
And of course people picking up children would most likely not be there for hours and playing with the children. If so my provider would let me know anyways.
***CAUTION*** this is my opinion not directed at you personally

[Crystal]

Wow what an attack. I am not telling you how to run "your" buisness. I am simply giving my opinion which is what I thought a forum was all about.
Basically as a parent I expect to be introduced to people that will be hanging around my child at the daycare home and my provider does a wonderful job and always makes things available about anyone she may have over.
And of course people picking up children would most likely not be there for hours and playing with the children. If so my provider would let me know anyways.
***CAUTION*** this is my opinion not directed at you personally

Ah, don't worry, they were talking about me

[jen]

Wow what an attack. I am not telling you how to run "your" buisness. I am simply giving my opinion which is what I thought a forum was all about.
Basically as a parent I expect to be introduced to people that will be hanging around my child at the daycare home and my provider does a wonderful job and always makes things available about anyone she may have over.
And of course people picking up children would most likely not be there for hours and playing with the children. If so my provider would let me know anyways.
***CAUTION*** this is my opinion not directed at you personally

Truthfully, I have only read one of your posts that I can recall and I wouldn't make a judgement about a specific individual based on one post. I was speaking as what I have seen from a variety of parents online, friends with kids, and former clients...I have seen many more who are respectful and straightforward and I appreciate those parents who value the care that I give thier children and trust me implicitly. Recently a parent told me that in the 3 years that I have been watching her child, that she has never once questioned anything I have done with her child...in my mind, there is no bigger compliment.

[professionalmom]

To the OP, I am glad that it is working out. Personally, if a client had a problem with a particular visitor, I would certainly take that into consideration.

As for the others, I do have guests from time to time. With most of our family living out of state, most of them stay with us when they visit. But that really amounts to my parents, my MIL, and my best friends. My best friend was a nanny for many years and I explain that to every client. We are not "visiting" and ignoring the children. My guests are actively involved in helping out when they are here. We almost always made trips to the zoo, beach, etc. when I had those extra sets of eyes and hands to help out. And the DC kids referred to my parents as grandma and papa. So they were just another extension to their daycare family.