Need advice please - re: daycare switch?

[love111]

Well this goes against what alot of people are saying but I will say it sorry to offend (this is my experience).Sorry for the long post I am passionate about this. In home daycare with older kids mixed is NOT necessarily better and can be unsafe in many instances. Why you ask?

1. If the provider takes any age under 5 or before and after school care there will have kids coming and going. They can't guarantee that they will get good ones or bad ones or how long they will stay. Even a day with a bad kid can cause total havoc! Many parents in order to avoid fixing an issue or being denied won't tell a new provider why they REALLY left the last daycare. Hence their problems become your problems.

2. Alot of toddlers don't know how to behave correctly around a baby. And older kids are NOT always easier or self sufficient. They in my opinion require alot more work and attention. They potentially throw bigger fits, can do more damage, run through the house, get into things, throw stuff etc. Some are not potty trained so the provider takes alot of time with them while they are NOT looking at the baby on the floor ,while wiping the kids butt in the bathroom.

3. I initially had mixed ages and older kids literally running over the babies right in front of me, after I already told them to be careful. It can take time to teach a kid the rules of the house and some still never get it. Babies need to be on the floor to explore, not in a bouncy and you can't safely do that with alot of toddlers running around.

4. If the in home provider takes government subsidized daycare or charges overly cheap rates they can have issues with the parents and the kids. You tend to get the younger, less educated parents, poor nutrition at home, no money to take off to take their kids to the doc, or time to work with them, foster kids etc. All of that can tend to bring baggage related to behavior problems, that negatively affect your child because they are brought up in the environment.

Overall I would stay in the center daycare for now and keep looking. Try looking into a nanny share arrangement or a small in home with mostly infants or tighter admission standards ie: kids must be infants when they start the program. Check out Care.com or Sittercity.com and see if there is a mom who wants to stay home and just wants one kid. That can buy you time till your baby gets a little older and can talk. Or you can choose to do that yourself and stay home.

Yes the sickness ****s and is standard, the music thing is annoying but in the big picture is not that bad, and the number of people coming and going is pretty standard for a center. But you are almost looking at jumping into one mess right into another. Not all in homes are better options for infants.

Your child may also get just as sick at the in home with that many kids and most likely you will be dealing with issues of the kid getting accidentley hit or bitten or smacked because a toddler didn't want the baby taking it's toy. At least now you know your infant is only around babies. And the provider could honestly have a great bunch of kids now, but next week they get a devil of a 3 year old and THAT is when the problems can happen. Why do you think centers separate age groups.

Sorry so long but I stopped taking older kids while I had babies because of the problems I had. I won't get into details but I learned the hard way, and I know many providers still struggle with the same problems. Alot of my parents are teachers or Child Protective Services employees because THEY KNOW what types of kids are out there and how you really need to be picky in order to avoid some unsafe conditions and keep your babies safe. It's not being paranoid it's just being honest and NOT trying to be politically correct and protecting your family and in my case protecting my babies in my care.

I wish you the best of luck in your search, it is hard.

[MizzCheryl]

I would normally say go with the home daycare. BUT... The parrot might be a deal breaker. I have read that birds can cause illness. Do and of you other ladies know about that?? Don't have any experience there but I would do a search on the board about birds. I could be wrong.

[Mazzy]

Hi Love, thank you so much for your honest response. After a GREAT deal of thought, we have decided to stay with the center for now (even before I read your response).

Although the provider we met with was a good person and I'm sure is very capable, there were some things I was concerned about.

1. That there was only 1 person that was ultimately responsible day in and day out for my child. Yes, I am also just 1 person - plus my husband - and things can happen at home just as easily. BUT, it's in my home and under my protection (which is different than a stranger's non-familial protection)...Plus I have the *option* of leaving him in the care of an environment where there's a lot of oversight (such as a center), so I feel that is a better choice. Also, 1 person means that if my son doesn't really care for her, he's stuck with her. In the center, if he doesn't like one carer, he just has to turn to the other one.

2. I have read that birds can spread illness to humans in other forums, so does the whole illness factor get cancelled out because she has a large bird? I don't know. (This is a minor consideration)

3. At the center, there is 1 provider for 4 infants, with 8 infants and 2 providers allowed in a room. The room is not full, so there ends up being less than that most of the time - 4-6 total kids. My son is in a room full of his age group. I feel that the similar ages and the fact that there is a smaller ratio of kids along with 2 providers in the room if help is needed, outweighs the 1:6 ratio of a home daycare, and the mixed age groups. I feel he learns a lot of positive things from children his own age, rather than the negative things he might learn from an older child who has learned how to push his limits.

4. I'm a little concerned about the financial situation of the home provider. It may be a personal issue and something I shouldn't even bring up, but if I have to move him again in the near future, that would not be a benefit to me or to him. The reason I am concerned about it is because of the size of her home vs. what kind of money her family might be bringing in. Although she may have no financial issues whatsoever, it seems that the center is less likely to go out of business because it has so many children and is well established/has a lot more to lose.

5. The home provider is further away than the center. She is in a more remote area, although it's still sort of on my way to/from work. The center is right off the highway, next door to the pediatrician and down the street from Grandmas.

6. The time off...With the daycare center, I don't have to worry about taking my time off around their schedule. The home daycare provider is asking for Valentine's day, Good Friday, and several other odd holidays that I can't think of right now...which basically adds up to 5 additional holiday days that I don't get where I work (and I get about 8 holiday days per year). So she is essentially taking 13+ days as holidays. Also, she gets 5 PTO days and 2 full weeks of vacation to take at her discretion. Add that up, and you get 1 month of time I have to take off for her schedule that I don't take for the center. In addition, the center gives us 1 free week to take whenever we want. 5 weeks is a big deal. Unfortunately for the home provider, it's the cost of doing a home business. She deserves the time off, so I'm certainly not disputing that. But, when shopping, I always aim for the best deal.

7. I'm not getting that 100% feeling...of "YES!" this is the woman I want to leave my child with all day! I believe I have to get that feeling because of the lack of multiple caregivers. With a center, because you have 2 adults in the room, they have to be on better behavior - because they keep each other in check. Plus other adults are in the adjoining room. So there's always someone to keep check. Paranoid am I? Yes. You should see me at home! Maybe it would make sense to ask this woman for a 2nd interview. 1 interview may not be enough to determine if I have that "YES" feeling.

The one positive of the home situation was the outdoor time. She has a lovely home and property and takes the kids outside every day, weather permitting, goes on hikes, etc. I really wanted to switch for that reason alone - It weighs very heavily. Unfortunately, in the center, they don't bring the kids out until they are about 1-1/2 yrs old (walking). The reason is that it is very difficult to carry and handle 4 babies. Also, there are other parents who don't want their infants outside for the first year (crazy, I know!) According to the state, it is not a requirement for a daycare center to bring the babies outside, although it is recommended. I've contacted other centers, and their policy is the same. So, this is going to happen in any center in my area.

It comes down to this: keep him where he is and sacrifice his outdoor time or move him to the home and potentially sacrifice his safety? Since I'm a paranoid woman, I've decided to do the former and make adjustments by bringing him directly outside as soon as we get home. The benefit of this is that I also get my outdoor time.

Now.............all that being said, he contracted Roseola on Friday. Was sick all weekend and it was pretty crummy. This certainly made me want to reconsider my decision! UGH. I think they need to make a reality show out of the daycare world. It would certainly be interesting.

[Blackcat31]

Sounds like you did an EXCELLENT job of doing your homework and finding the environment that works best for you and your family.

That is fantastic and I am glad you were able to weigh the pros and cons and come up with a decision that works best for your son.

Ultimately, that is what really matters the most!

[Mazzy]

What about aggression?

I do have one question though...Do you have aggression issues at a home facility, such as biting, hitting, etc.?

I have not experienced that yet with the center, but I'm assuming it's going to happen when he moves to the next room.

[Blackcat31]

I do have one question though...Do you have aggression issues at a home facility, such as biting, hitting, etc.?

I have not experienced that yet with the center, but I'm assuming it's going to happen when he moves to the next room.

Absolutely! When you get a group of two or more little ones in ANY setting, there is going to be issues of aggression....some worse than others...but simply because children under age 5 lack the skills to address their frustrations and egocentric way of thinking.

Each home facitilty and/or center probably handles it in whatever manner works best for them but it absolutely happens in ALL environments.

[Mazzy]

Thanks Blackcat31!

[cheerfuldom]

Absolutely! When you get a group of two or more little ones in ANY setting, there is going to be issues of aggression....some worse than others...but simply because children under age 5 lack the skills to address their frustrations and egocentric way of thinking.

Each home facitilty and/or center probably handles it in whatever manner works best for them but it absolutely happens in ALL environments.

I agree, it does happen in all environments....

but another thing to consider is that with a small home daycare setting, its usually one or two kids that are at the age where this becomes an issue while they are going thru that testing phase.....not the whole group of kids. One of the reasons why my own children will never attend a daycare center is that aggressive behavior is a huge issue with the toddlers up to 3 year old. As the group ages, there are less teachers for the number of children and less eyes to watch for the behavior, less attention to deal with it appropriately, etc. And depending on the center's policy, it can be a long time, if ever, that truly aggressive children are asked to leave the center. Its an important thing to consider no matter where you send your child, of course, its just my belief that aggressive behaviors are more apt to happen with a large group of children, all the same age, with a limited number of teachers.

Check the toddler ratios at the center. I would imagine it nearly doubles once kids get over one year old, assuming the older classes are within the state regulations.

[Blackcat31]

I agree, it does happen in all environments....

but another thing to consider is that with a small home daycare setting, its usually one or two kids that are at the age where this becomes an issue while they are going thru that testing phase.....not the whole group of kids. One of the reasons why my own children will never attend a daycare center is that aggressive behavior is a huge issue with the toddlers up to 3 year old. As the group ages, there are less teachers for the number of children and less eyes to watch for the behavior, less attention to deal with it appropriately, etc. And depending on the center's policy, it can be a long time, if ever, that truly aggressive children are asked to leave the center. Its an important thing to consider no matter where you send your child, of course, its just my belief that aggressive behaviors are more apt to happen with a large group of children, all the same age, with a limited number of teachers.

Check the toddler ratios at the center. I would imagine it nearly doubles once kids get over one year old, assuming the older classes are within the state regulations.

I agree Cheer... the number if incidences vary greatly between large centers and small home care environments.

I also think alot of that has to do with correct or proper fit. I mean as a family child care provider the families I enroll are sort of "selected" to match our environment and myself as a provider whereas large centers don't necessarily interview and match according to fit...they simply accept families/children who are interested in the space. That does make a HUGE difference in my opinion.

I also think that it is fair to say the level of aggression is different too, not just the fact that it is there. For example, I have had only ONE biting incident in 20 years but I have had several hitters, pushers or kids prone to tantrums. Every environment is definitely different.

[Sprouts]

I have ome last option quit ur job, downsize, and be home with ur sweet little boy! That's pretty much what I did, except downsize....I do home child care, but if it didn't work out we were prepared to downsize...