iPhone for a 4 Year Old?

[Unregistered]

I'm a registered daycare provider on this site, but I want to keep my name private for the time being.

I am a single parent and I am very blessed to run a successful home daycare that I make a very good living off of. I graduated high school at 16, competed my bachelors degree at 19 and finished my masters degree at 22 in Early Childhood Education.
I immediately set out to start my own home daycare so that I could stay home with my daughter. I must have entered the field at the best time because I filled up within a month, started a waiting list and hired an assistant to expand to a large home daycare within my 1st year. I was able to buy my own home after the 1st year and switched my daycare over from my parent's finished garage to my own home.

I come from an extremely close family and my parents and siblings live less than 20 minutes away from me. My family helped care for my daughter while I attended school and with two grandparents, three aunts and one uncle at her beck and call, my daughter grew up a very fortunate (aka spoiled). I was the first out of my siblings to have a child so everyone doted on her. I feel very lucky to have such a great family that loves my daughter and I, myself, was guilty of buying my daughter things she wanted, but not never really necessarily needed. Her birthdays are a big deal and we make a family vacation out of it and we've been to DisneyLand, DisneyWorld and Six Flags so far.

For her upcoming 4th birthday, I plan on having it at my house and inviting my extended out-of-town family up to celebrate. It is going to be subdued compared to her other birthdays but my family has decided to buy her expensive gifts instead.

She's having a custom-made princess bed made by my parents that is going to cost just under $2000. It's almost finished and my parents are pleased with the results (I've yet to see it). My brother and two sisters are going in together for an indoor jungle gym for her playroom. My third sister has always been my daughter's favorite. She called me a couple days ago and asked if she could get my daughter an iPhone. I, maybe naively, thought she meant an iPod touch for music and games. I immediately said "sure" and told her to try and find an orange cover/case as it's my daughters favorite color. She then went on to ask how many minutes should she get to start with. My first reaction was, "What?!?" My sister wants to buy my daughter an actual iPhone.

I told her I'd take a few days to think about it and I have. I've gone back and forth with the idea and when I feel like I'm about to come to a definite answer, I always come up with a reason to switch to the other and I'm back at square one. I know I'm going to get some comments that start with, "What the heck kind of parent are you allowing a 4yo to have an iPhone?" and I'm okay with that. I didn't necessarily post this for everyone to agree with me but I just thought I'd get some insight on my situation.

It's not like my daughter NEEDS an iPhone. She doesn't even NEED a cell phone at all for at least another 10 years! I know this and before I had a child I would have laughed at my current situation. A 4yo with a cell phone? Really? But, now that I'm a parent I think much differently. My daughter uses my iPhone for her games, music and for taking pictures (most are blurry and her finger covers the lens a lot of the time) but she knows how to work it really well. I'm not really concerned with her on the phone as I can put a lot of limits on it for her and I would certainly put limits on how often she is allowed on it each day and when she's allowed on it. I spent my own childhood outside and I'm pretty sure I was barefoot for most of it. I would love for my daughter to explore the world like I did when I was younger.

I guess I'm leaning towards to 'yes'. My sister will be going half-ers with me on the bill each month and, like I said, I can put limits and I certainly will. I also feel that my daughter doesn't ask for much. She is a very well-mannered, easy going behaved little girl despite her spoiled upbringing. She appreciates little things and I know she'd be over the moon. Also, I cannot predict the future - especially on my home daycare's success, so I feel like I should do this now for my daughter simply because I can. Her cell phone bill wouldn't make but a small dent in my expenses each month so I'm not worried about that either. I maybe feel bad for my daughter. She has to wait until after 6pm each evening to talk to her grandparents and aunts and uncle instead of the constant contact she had with them while I was living with my parents. Whenever she falls or gets hurt she liked to call each of them to inform them of her "injury" (as she calls them) and she doesn't get that much anymore.

I know I'm a little crazy. I'd respect you a little more if you even called me crazy :P But, I still want some insight on this. Am I not thinking of something that I should be? Would there be any long-term problems that I'd run into by allowing my daughter to own an iPhone? I think it'd allow her to keep close contact to our family and she'd be free to call them at every fall, scrape, funny moment, new accomplishment and so on.

Thanks in advance!

[Blackcat31]

Ok I am going to bite: You ARE crazy! I understand where you are coming from but honestly with your knowledge about ECE (CONGRATULATIONS btw for all your achievements! You should be VERY proud! )

..... but you, more than anyone, should know that it isn't about what she does or doesn't need in regards to things like this but how many other things could or can be done with that kind of money.

Why not make a memory?
take her on a trip
enroll her in a class (music, painting, gymnastics)
save for college (since daycare is a scary unstable field)
get her a puppy or a kitten
have her donate money and or time to someone less fortunate
ect ect etc.....

......anything that could give your daughter so much more than a few minutes or hours of fun! (FWIW~ Angry Birds just makes you angry )

Ok... I am done. I have my opinions but that is all I am going to say.

[Country Kids]

I'm not even sure how to respond-

I'm around BlackCats age and I'm just amazed at the way the world is going. Please do have her get her something else! A years woth of tickets to the zoo (or tickets equivilent to the cost of the phone), dance lessons, a savings bond for college, a special weekend with Auntie, the possibilities are endless.

My oldest is only 18 but how the world has changed in that time. I took my kids many places without "entertainment" and they survivied. I think that is why they are the kids they are-they have to think.

You have done amazinglingly well it sounds like and I congratulate you for that~happyface. Keep up the good work and teach your daughter about love, family and good times. That is what is important. It really will teach her patience and such if she has to wait to call everyone at 6 o'clock at night. Life is full of instant gratification and no one is learning the word~WAIT a little bit.

[DCBlessings27]

Why not just have your sister get her an iTouch? It does everything your phone does except for calls--except that she could Facetime with you or anyone else in your family with an iPhone, iTouch, iPad, or Mac computer (then she could even show the family member her "injury" . With the iTouch, she'd have all the apps, games, camera, and everything she's used to on your phone. My 3yo loves my iPhone. She loves to Facetime with her Daddy if he's working late or with her aunts/uncles/grandparents (we have a lot of iPhones between my husband's and my family). IMPO, an iTouch would be a good compromise without having the added expense of minutes each month.

Then, you could take the savings from not having minutes to pay for each month and use it toward some gymnastics lessons or special activities (monthly Mommy/Daughter date)? My 3yo has been in gymnastics for a year now. She loves it.

[nanglgrl]

NoPhone

I agree, no Iphone for your 4 year old. I love the idea of a years worth of tickets to the zoo or dance lessons with the Aunt..imagine all of the great memories she will have from that because she will have none from the iphone. Sadly my 4 year old recently asked for an IPhone...dad and I just laughed. If she is set on something that makes noise a great gift is the Leapad..you can hook it up to the computer and track your child's progress, it works like a tablet and all the games are learning ones.
I have a 19 year old so he grew up with all of the video games, computers, television, etc. I was lucky that we read to him and took him outings so he ended up being well rounded but it is a hard line to walk.
I have to constantly tell my 11 year old to put the game/laptop/phone/television/ipod away and do something else. My 11 year old does have a cell phone but it is only for calling us and once in a awhile a friend (only with permission). She has had her phone since she was 10 and she uses it to call us when she reaches her friends house (around the block) and when she is leaving their house to return home, she also uses it to tell us when theatre practice is over and she needs picked up because it is not always the same time. Technology is great but it needs to be used with moderation and supervision.

[Solandia]

I wouldn't do an iPhone, even if you are "only" paying half the bill each month..well, that really isn't a "gift" if you have an ongoing expense.

If your sister wants to do an electronic gift, why not an ipod touch (which is what I have), an iPad, or a Kindle Fire? Personally, I would go for the Kindle Fire as you can get kids books (even picture books). And still the apps and games that your sister probably wants to get the iPhone for.

FWIW, when I take the kids to the parks...there are usually multiple kids with iPhones & other smartphones...one in particular I remember a 10yo sending his iPhone down the slide like you would a hot wheels car. Oh, if I was his mom I would be so ticked off seeing that...jeez.

Problems...is that kids are just NOT good at the responsibility of it all. innappropriate pictures & texts...not a good mix. It is more of a setup to fail, honestly.

[Unregistered]

I would say No to the Phone

What is the reason behind your sister wanting to get your 4 year old a phone at all? My son has had a phone since he was in 4th grade, he was 9/10 at the time, he's now 15, but I didn't get him a phone just because I could or just to show off. That year, at the beginning of the school year, bus drivers dropped off two children at wrong addresses, one of the little boys even told the bus driver that he didn't see his house anywhere and even after doing that the bus driver told him that that was the address he had for him and left him there, both children were returned home safely by good people that found them. There's about 6/7 homes in the street that we live and they are all spread out, at that time I worked in a different city 45 mins. away from home and would always make it home right before my son got home, there were several occasions when he was just getting off the bus and I'd be driving up. I worried that one day I would get caught in traffic or that I would not be there when he got home so I bought him a phone, not only so that he could call me or his father in case I didn't make it on time, but also to track the phone location along with him in case something bad was to happen. I actually went and spoke to his Principal so that she was aware that he would be carrying his phone in his backpack. I bought him a backpack that had a hidden zippered pouch inside and he kept his phone there. I didn't tell the world that he had a phone and the ones that knew were family and close friends. To me at that time it was a necessity not a luxury. He still has a phone now, now I consider it more of a luxury, but it works to my advantage, because when he doesn't follow rules, his phone is the first thing that goes. When he turned 13 (middle school) he started being a bit rebellious, he lost his phone that whole summer and believe me, his attitute straightened right back. I'm totally up for electronic gadgets, but like Solandia stated, it isn't a gift if you are going to be paying a monthly bill, if she really wants to get her a cool "in" gadget, then like others have said why not just get her the iPod touch.

[Snapdragon]

Childhood is such a short time these days. As others have posted, membership to a zoo or something similar would be wonderful. You are to be commended for your accomplishments and your daughter sounds like a wonderful little girl. However, the time you spend with her and the love you give her is so much more important than what you can buy her.

[sharlan]

I would say no to the iphone. A year's membership to a local zoo, amusement park, etc that she could spend time with Auntie at would be a better bet. A bicycle that she could ride along with Auntie would be great, too.

Yes, my 5 yo grandson can work all the electronics (iphone, ipad, ipods, game boys, kindles, etc) better than I can. But kids do not get enough outside playtime anymore.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Ok I am going to bite: You ARE crazy! I understand where you are coming from but honestly with your knowledge about ECE (CONGRATULATIONS btw for all your achievements! You should be VERY proud! )

..... but you, more than anyone, should know that it isn't about what she does or doesn't need in regards to things like this but how many other things could or can be done with that kind of money.

Why not make a memory?
take her on a trip
enroll her in a class (music, painting, gymnastics)
save for college (since daycare is a scary unstable field)
get her a puppy or a kitten
have her donate money and or time to someone less fortunate
ect ect etc.....

......anything that could give your daughter so much more than a few minutes or hours of fun! (FWIW~ Angry Birds just makes you angry )

Ok... I am done. I have my opinions but that is all I am going to say.

I completely agree.

But, we're a conservative, young (I'm in my early 20s and my husband is nearly 30), Christian family who values humility and service to others. Not to say that we don't have our moments where we would like to go above and beyond gift-wise for our child (adopting a child who comes from a neglected/abused past makes you want to provide for them above and beyond), but we don't. Our teenager does not have a cell phone. He just recently was given a used iPod Touch for his birthday in order to communicate with us when we're out of the house (via text messages on an app).

I suppose everything, not just the iPhone, that she is given comes down to what you want her to ultimately value .

[mema]

I would say no phone. If you think she needs or would like something like that, I would go for the itouch or kindle fire. Not as much expense with it and you still get all the great games and stuff.

My sister takes my kids for a weekend near their birthdays and they get to pick what they want to do! Every year they talk about it and they remember it more. I guess I would lean more toward doing something with her instead. She will have so much more fun!

[Candyland]

I wanted to give you my first thoughts without reading what anyone else said.
My initial thinking of seeing any youngster (under 10) with a cell phone is:
WHAT???
When my kids were that age, I was in full charge of who they saw, where they went, etc...
That being said, my brother is divorced from his wife and purchased his 10 year old daughter a cell phone to keep in touch with her 100% of the time, except during school hours. So, I get that. She has also lost/broken several phones too. She was only 10 at the time...but she's better now (12).

If you want her to play all those awesome games (the educational ones are fabulous!!!! I wish my kids were young to enjoy & learn from them as well, LOL) I would go with the ipod. It meets what you really want for her. If she wants to talk with family, she can still use your phone or home phone. Sometimes too much access isn't a good thing - not to sound rude.

Congrats on your successes!!! I'm so proud of you. You seem to be such a level-headed young woman; and a great mom!

[Blackcat31]

I suppose everything, not just the iPhone, that she is given comes down to what you want her to ultimately value .

[Hunni Bee]

I'm not going to respond emotionally at all.


But in my personal opinion, a just turning four year old needs none of the devices mentioned. There is no way a four year old could make enough use of any of those to justify buying it without having the thing in her face 24/7. Plus, kids that age are very curious and you may end up having to explain to your sister that the $500 phone is now broken.

And I know you didn't ask this, but don't you think your family is going a little overboard on the gifts? Your daughter is only four, and she has plenty more birthdays down the road. Like you said, you don't know what the future holds, and if she's getting accustomed to being indulged like this and something happens where that has stop, her young psyche probably isn't going to say "well, i enjoyed it while it lasted". I'm sure with an early childhood degree, you might understand how this may affect her in the long run. It sounds like you're raising her well and you said she enjoys the little things - let her enjoy those little things. Ask your family to instead stock her private school or college fund, or start a savings account for her first car, or etc - if they must spend that kind of money.

This is only my humble opinon - please treat it as such

[daycarediva]

I will be completely honest here. I would be LIVID if my mother blew $2,000 on a BED for my four year old to just outgrow. (and she WILL outgrow it faster than you think, my daughter had a princess canopy bed at 3, and HATED it by 5). I would have said to put it into a CD for her future.

My 8 year old DCG has an iphone (4? idk, a newer one), she has NO FRIENDS to call, and she barely knows how to use it. When she brought it here on show and tell day, she played with it when they were playing house only.