Need Some Reassurance! I Just Hit Send!!!

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  • blessedmess8
    Daycare.com Member
    • Aug 2011
    • 231

    #16
    Originally posted by cheerfuldom
    I was personally confused by all the exclamation points when discussing something so serious. I also felt that the letter was overally familiar, not professional enough (JMO). I think you need to think about and discuss your specific goals and timelines regarding progress with this boy otherwise the parents can easily buy time (as nanny put it) by agreeing with you (which isn't necessarily productive) and promising something vague like "we're working on it". What goals do you need him to reach in order to stay in your group? What time frame are you putting on this? You just sound like a very caring person and even though you wrote this email, i can just see you getting strung along for months and months with this situation because even though you expressed issues, you weren't specific with what you do expect from him and how quickly you want this resolved.
    Definitely see your point. Not sure about the exlamation points I AM very familiar with all my families. I view what I do as a partership with them in the endeavor of raising their children. Some people may not hold the same view or think I'm not "professional" enough, but it is what works for the kids, in my experience. I considered this e-mail to be the beginning of a process with the parents. I'm sure there will eventually have be timelines and goals set out. But, this was an introduction of the issue with the parents. I do care a great deal, but I don't plan to just leave it in their hands from here on out. This was very emotional for the Momand I felt like I needed to be sensitive to that. I always like to turn the tables and think about how I would feel, as a parent.

    Comment

    • blessedmess8
      Daycare.com Member
      • Aug 2011
      • 231

      #17
      Originally posted by Michael
      Thanks for posting your email. I tagged this thread in case someone in the future is looking for a good sample letter to parents. Your creativity lives on!
      Thank you!!!

      Comment

      • blessedmess8
        Daycare.com Member
        • Aug 2011
        • 231

        #18
        Originally posted by Michelle
        awesome letter! I wish I can find the words the way you do..
        Thank you very much!!

        Comment

        • Blackcat31
          • Oct 2010
          • 36124

          #19
          Sorry, but I have to vent....

          While I agree that it is important to be professional, it is also important to remember that not all providers choose to be a "professional business only" all the time...What I mean by that is there are many providers out there who have built trusting and comfortable relationships with the families they are providing care for.

          Not every parent is going to sue or be unhappy with being told no. Many parents are completely willing to forge that bond with their family child care provider as a member of their family....even when things do not work out.

          I have been in this situation before and had no qualms about being completely honest and forthcoming about the situation. I used many of the same words and content as the OP. I had not one notion or clue that the parent would suddenly turn on me and be a completely different person because of what I was telling her. I knew our relationship and I knew how to communicate effectively with her. I termed a child for VERY similar reasons and the parents and I are still close. We worked together trusting that each was doing our part and trying to help the child and didn't worry one bit about legal ramifications or misunderstandings that could have happened. Ultimatley, I termed the child and mom understood 100%. Her child ended up having a one on one caregiver and when their 2nd child was born, he was placed in care with me.

          Why??? Because the family and I had a relationship that was genuine and supportive and above all else trusting of each other. I get that there are times we should watch our backs and always prepare for the flip side, but sometimes, it is down right draining being "on guard" all the time. I find that I rather enjoy my job when I can really bond with a family and have that type of relationship. I don't have girls nights out with the mothers or go on family camping trips but I can still have a good, quality relationship with a family without always having to keep one eye on the "what ifs". Trust is an absolutely vital in this business.

          I personally run my business as a business but there are some that just run it as a FAMILY child care. And successfully, I might add. That is the basis for many of the childcare providers out there.

          I know that PP's were merely trying to make sure the OP saw the other side of the coin but I think she has a good handle on the situation and I don't feel she should change her words and how she feels because a parent might take it wrong after the fact. Not every situation is always like this.

          I have a lot of respect for a lot of the members on this forum and the advice and knowledge that each of them brings to the discussions here, but I admittedly have to agree with some of the unregistered posters I have seen lately and say that sometimes our experience comes off as jaded and pessimistic.

          I don't want people to view our profession in that way. I want parents, providers and the general public know that although we can work in a respectable and business like manner, we are also choosing a profession that does require a great deal of empathy and trust with those that enter or programs and homes. We aren't herding cattle or assembling a product via an assembly line. We are caring for children and to me that means being a support system to the family as well.

          Lastly, I apologize if this comes out wrong to anyone but I have been hanging back and doing more lurking than posting for a few weeks now and I am trying really hard to read the posts and threads as if I were a parent and honestly, if I was really a parent only and not a provider, I wouldn't post a comment or ask advice on this forum. It isn't because there isn't alot of good advice out there or alot of great suggestions and tips because there are.....but it doesn't always come out as supportive and helpful. Alot of times it comes out as "this is wrong" and "this will happen" and "you will be sorry" or "watch out" and honestly that isn't always the message I want to put out there or hear.
          Last edited by Blackcat31; 08-30-2011, 07:03 AM.

          Comment

          • Michelle
            Daycare.com Member
            • Jan 2011
            • 1932

            #20
            Originally posted by Blackcat31
            While I agree that it is important to be professional, it is also important to remember that not all providers choose to be a "professional business only" all the time...What I mean by that is there are many providers out there who have built trusting and comfortable relationships with the families they are providing care for.

            Not every parent is going to sue or be unhappy with being told no. Many parents are completely willing to forge that bond with their family child care provider as a member of their family....even when things do not work out.

            I have been in this situation before and had no qualms about being completely honest and forthcoming about the situation. I used many of the same words and content as the OP. I had not one notion or clue that the parent would suddenly turn on me and be a completely different person because of what I was telling her. I knew our realtionship and I knew how to communicate effectively with her. I termed a child for VERY similar reasons and the parents and I are still close. We worked together trusting that each was doing our part and trying to help the child and didn't worry one bit about legal ramifications or misunderstandings that could have happened. Ultimatley, I termed the child and mom understood 100%. Her child ended up having a one on one caregiver and when their 2nd child was born, he was placed in care with me.

            Why??? Because the family and I had a relationship that was genuine and supportive and above all else trusting of each other. I get that there are times we should watch our backs and always prepare for the flip side, but sometimes, it is down right draining being "on guard" all the time. I find that I rather enjoy my job when I can really bond with a family and have that type of relationship. I don't have girls nights out with the mothers or go on family camping trips but I can still have a good, quality relationship with a family without always having to keep one eye on the "what ifs". Trust is an absolutely vital in this business.

            I personally run my business as a business but there are some that just run it as a FAMILY child care. And successfully, I might add. That is the basis for many of the childcare providers out there.

            I know that PP's were merely trying to make sure the OP saw the other side of the coin but I think she has a good handle on the situation and I don't feel she should change her words and how she feels because a parent might take it wrong after the fact. Not every situation is always like this.

            I have a lot of respect for a lot of the members on this forum and the advice and knowledge that each of them brings to the discussions here, but I admittedly have to agree with some of the unregistered posters I have seen lately and say that sometimes our experience comes off as jaded and pessimistic.

            I don't want people to view our profession in that way. I want parents, providers and the general public know that although we can work in a respectable and business like manner, we are also choosing a profession that does require a great deal of empathy and trust with those that enter or programs and homes. We aren't herding cattle or assembling a product via an assembly line. We are caring for children and to me that means being a support system to the family as well.

            Lastly, I apologize if this comes out wrong to anyone but I have been hanging back and doing more lurking than posting for a few weeks now and I am trying really hard to read the posts and threads as if I were a parent and honestly, if I was really a parent only and not a provider, I wouldn't post a comment or ask advice on this forum. It isn't because there isn't alot of good advice out there or alot of great suggestions and tips because there are.....but it doesn't always come out as supportive and helpful. Alot of times it comes out as "this is wrong" and "this will happen" and "you will be sorry" or "watch out" and honestly that isn't always the message I want to put out there or hear.
            Very well put! This is why I don't post as much as I want to.
            Sometimes there is really good advise and sometimes people just want to criticize every word and tear you apart. Our job is hard enough as it is.

            Comment

            • SandeeAR
              Advanced Daycare.com Member
              • Sep 2010
              • 1192

              #21
              Originally posted by Blackcat31
              While I agree that it is important to be professional, it is also important to remember that not all providers choose to be a "professional business only" all the time...What I mean by that is there are many providers out there who have built trusting and comfortable relationships with the families they are providing care for.

              Not every parent is going to sue or be unhappy with being told no. Many parents are completely willing to forge that bond with their family child care provider as a member of their family....even when things do not work out.

              I have been in this situation before and had no qualms about being completely honest and forthcoming about the situation. I used many of the same words and content as the OP. I had not one notion or clue that the parent would suddenly turn on me and be a completely different person because of what I was telling her. I knew our relationship and I knew how to communicate effectively with her. I termed a child for VERY similar reasons and the parents and I are still close. We worked together trusting that each was doing our part and trying to help the child and didn't worry one bit about legal ramifications or misunderstandings that could have happened. Ultimatley, I termed the child and mom understood 100%. Her child ended up having a one on one caregiver and when their 2nd child was born, he was placed in care with me.

              Why??? Because the family and I had a relationship that was genuine and supportive and above all else trusting of each other. I get that there are times we should watch our backs and always prepare for the flip side, but sometimes, it is down right draining being "on guard" all the time. I find that I rather enjoy my job when I can really bond with a family and have that type of relationship. I don't have girls nights out with the mothers or go on family camping trips but I can still have a good, quality relationship with a family without always having to keep one eye on the "what ifs". Trust is an absolutely vital in this business.

              I personally run my business as a business but there are some that just run it as a FAMILY child care. And successfully, I might add. That is the basis for many of the childcare providers out there.

              I know that PP's were merely trying to make sure the OP saw the other side of the coin but I think she has a good handle on the situation and I don't feel she should change her words and how she feels because a parent might take it wrong after the fact. Not every situation is always like this.

              I have a lot of respect for a lot of the members on this forum and the advice and knowledge that each of them brings to the discussions here, but I admittedly have to agree with some of the unregistered posters I have seen lately and say that sometimes our experience comes off as jaded and pessimistic.

              I don't want people to view our profession in that way. I want parents, providers and the general public know that although we can work in a respectable and business like manner, we are also choosing a profession that does require a great deal of empathy and trust with those that enter or programs and homes. We aren't herding cattle or assembling a product via an assembly line. We are caring for children and to me that means being a support system to the family as well.

              Lastly, I apologize if this comes out wrong to anyone but I have been hanging back and doing more lurking than posting for a few weeks now and I am trying really hard to read the posts and threads as if I were a parent and honestly, if I was really a parent only and not a provider, I wouldn't post a comment or ask advice on this forum. It isn't because there isn't alot of good advice out there or alot of great suggestions and tips because there are.....but it doesn't always come out as supportive and helpful. Alot of times it comes out as "this is wrong" and "this will happen" and "you will be sorry" or "watch out" and honestly that isn't always the message I want to put out there or hear.

              I agree, very well said Blackcat!



              Originally posted by Michelle
              Very well put! This is why I don't post as much as I want to.
              Sometimes there is really good advise and sometimes people just want to criticize every word and tear you apart. Our job is hard enough as it is.
              Me too Michelle. I'm very careful what I post and what questions I ask. I try my best to make my posts only upbeat and positive. I would never tear anyone apart. It hurts, I know from experience.

              Comment

              • Michelle
                Daycare.com Member
                • Jan 2011
                • 1932

                #22
                I remember a new poster just asking a question about bottles and feeding etc. Someone had tore her apart saying if she didn't know how to make formula or wash a bottle why is she doing daycare? I couldn't believe it! Things change over the years, In the old days they used to boil everything. I remember my grandma telling me the nurse in the hospital wanted her to sterilize her breast with rubbing alcohol before feeding her baby. Everybody has had crazy advise by well meaning people .
                This woman probably didn't have kids and just wanted advice. It make me sad to read some threads on here.

                Comment

                • nannyde
                  All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
                  • Mar 2010
                  • 7320

                  #23
                  Originally posted by Blackcat31
                  While I agree that it is important to be professional, it is also important to remember that not all providers choose to be a "professional business only" all the time...What I mean by that is there are many providers out there who have built trusting and comfortable relationships with the families they are providing care for.

                  Not every parent is going to sue or be unhappy with being told no. Many parents are completely willing to forge that bond with their family child care provider as a member of their family....even when things do not work out.

                  I have been in this situation before and had no qualms about being completely honest and forthcoming about the situation. I used many of the same words and content as the OP. I had not one notion or clue that the parent would suddenly turn on me and be a completely different person because of what I was telling her. I knew our realtionship and I knew how to communicate effectively with her. I termed a child for VERY similar reasons and the parents and I are still close. We worked together trusting that each was doing our part and trying to help the child and didn't worry one bit about legal ramifications or misunderstandings that could have happened. Ultimatley, I termed the child and mom understood 100%. Her child ended up having a one on one caregiver and when their 2nd child was born, he was placed in care with me.

                  Why??? Because the family and I had a relationship that was genuine and supportive and above all else trusting of each other. I get that there are times we should watch our backs and always prepare for the flip side, but sometimes, it is down right draining being "on guard" all the time. I find that I rather enjoy my job when I can really bond with a family and have that type of relationship. I don't have girls nights out with the mothers or go on family camping trips but I can still have a good, quality relationship with a family without always having to keep one eye on the "what ifs". Trust is an absolutely vital in this business.

                  I personally run my business as a business but there are some that just run it as a FAMILY child care. And successfully, I might add. That is the basis for many of the childcare providers out there.

                  I know that PP's were merely trying to make sure the OP saw the other side of the coin but I think she has a good handle on the situation and I don't feel she should change her words and how she feels because a parent might take it wrong after the fact. Not every situation is always like this.

                  I have a lot of respect for a lot of the members on this forum and the advice and knowledge that each of them brings to the discussions here, but I admittedly have to agree with some of the unregistered posters I have seen lately and say that sometimes our experience comes off as jaded and pessimistic.

                  I don't want people to view our profession in that way. I want parents, providers and the general public know that although we can work in a respectable and business like manner, we are also choosing a profession that does require a great deal of empathy and trust with those that enter or programs and homes. We aren't herding cattle or assembling a product via an assembly line. We are caring for children and to me that means being a support system to the family as well.

                  Lastly, I apologize if this comes out wrong to anyone but I have been hanging back and doing more lurking than posting for a few weeks now and I am trying really hard to read the posts and threads as if I were a parent and honestly, if I was really a parent only and not a provider, I wouldn't post a comment or ask advice on this forum. It isn't because there isn't alot of good advice out there or alot of great suggestions and tips because there are.....but it doesn't always come out as supportive and helpful. Alot of times it comes out as "this is wrong" and "this will happen" and "you will be sorry" or "watch out" and honestly that isn't always the message I want to put out there or hear.
                  I don't know Black. I think this is the perfect place to put out potential scenarios of parental response especially when you have seen or had these experiences in the past with multiple families and multiple caregivers.

                  I think this IS the place to say.... X could happen. Y could happen. Watch out for XY and Z.

                  Where else can you go for that? Where else on the net can you tap into experience of many providers at many different levels of education and experience?

                  My first paragraph to her was: You know your client, your business, and this baby. You know what's best for everyone and the way to communicate with your client.

                  That says it all in respect and support. SHE knows best.

                  My response was to get her to think specifically about the ramifications of putting specific "I" statements in writing, putting specific examples of crying, how these statements could come back to haunt her in the future should be the unlucky recipient of a child who has been harmed before he was brought into her care, and the possibility that the medical angle may draw this out for a while if there isn't anything really wrong with the kid.

                  Those things NEED to be discussed. If we can't do that how can we learn from each other?

                  I wrote out a VERY long response last night to describe a common cycle of parents behavior when they are either let go or given the news that they may be let go. It took me over an hour to write.

                  I decided to delete it and not post it because I don't want to disrespect the notion that she knows best.

                  Is it best to describe what your experience is specifically in a situation like this... or is it better to watch it unfold and say "sorry that happened to you"?
                  http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

                  Comment

                  • mom2many
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Jun 2011
                    • 1278

                    #24
                    Originally posted by Blackcat31
                    While I agree that it is important to be professional, it is also important to remember that not all providers choose to be a "professional business only" all the time...What I mean by that is there are many providers out there who have built trusting and comfortable relationships with the families they are providing care for.

                    Not every parent is going to sue or be unhappy with being told no. Many parents are completely willing to forge that bond with their family child care provider as a member of their family....even when things do not work out.

                    I have been in this situation before and had no qualms about being completely honest and forthcoming about the situation. I used many of the same words and content as the OP. I had not one notion or clue that the parent would suddenly turn on me and be a completely different person because of what I was telling her. I knew our relationship and I knew how to communicate effectively with her. I termed a child for VERY similar reasons and the parents and I are still close. We worked together trusting that each was doing our part and trying to help the child and didn't worry one bit about legal ramifications or misunderstandings that could have happened. Ultimatley, I termed the child and mom understood 100%. Her child ended up having a one on one caregiver and when their 2nd child was born, he was placed in care with me.

                    Why??? Because the family and I had a relationship that was genuine and supportive and above all else trusting of each other. I get that there are times we should watch our backs and always prepare for the flip side, but sometimes, it is down right draining being "on guard" all the time. I find that I rather enjoy my job when I can really bond with a family and have that type of relationship. I don't have girls nights out with the mothers or go on family camping trips but I can still have a good, quality relationship with a family without always having to keep one eye on the "what ifs". Trust is an absolutely vital in this business.

                    I personally run my business as a business but there are some that just run it as a FAMILY child care. And successfully, I might add. That is the basis for many of the childcare providers out there.

                    I know that PP's were merely trying to make sure the OP saw the other side of the coin but I think she has a good handle on the situation and I don't feel she should change her words and how she feels because a parent might take it wrong after the fact. Not every situation is always like this.

                    I have a lot of respect for a lot of the members on this forum and the advice and knowledge that each of them brings to the discussions here, but I admittedly have to agree with some of the unregistered posters I have seen lately and say that sometimes our experience comes off as jaded and pessimistic.

                    I don't want people to view our profession in that way. I want parents, providers and the general public know that although we can work in a respectable and business like manner, we are also choosing a profession that does require a great deal of empathy and trust with those that enter or programs and homes. We aren't herding cattle or assembling a product via an assembly line. We are caring for children and to me that means being a support system to the family as well.

                    Lastly, I apologize if this comes out wrong to anyone but I have been hanging back and doing more lurking than posting for a few weeks now and I am trying really hard to read the posts and threads as if I were a parent and honestly, if I was really a parent only and not a provider, I wouldn't post a comment or ask advice on this forum. It isn't because there isn't alot of good advice out there or alot of great suggestions and tips because there are.....but it doesn't always come out as supportive and helpful. Alot of times it comes out as "this is wrong" and "this will happen" and "you will be sorry" or "watch out" and honestly that isn't always the message I want to put out there or hear.
                    I agree with others...this was very well put!

                    Comment

                    • cheerfuldom
                      Advanced Daycare.com Member
                      • Dec 2010
                      • 7413

                      #25
                      I like what you had to say Blackcat. I think it's important for a provider to know how to "read" a specific family so you know what approach is best. The "business only" approach seems the only way to deal with certain families and situations. I love your approach and do this with some of my families and others, it really has to be very specific, simple instructions with no friends type relationship behind it. I don't go into a relationship with a new client as anything but business only in order to lay a good foundation of boundaries. Once trust is built, etc. I can then allow a little more freedom within a relationship. Thats what works for me. I'd love to be able to promise a family type relationship with all my families but unfortunately, some parents cannot handle that at all while still understanding that this is a business first and foremost.

                      Comment

                      • Blackcat31
                        • Oct 2010
                        • 36124

                        #26
                        Originally posted by nannyde
                        I don't know Black. I think this is the perfect place to put out potential scenarios of parental response especially when you have seen or had these experiences in the past with multiple families and multiple caregivers.

                        I think this IS the place to say.... X could happen. Y could happen. Watch out for XY and Z.

                        Where else can you go for that? Where else on the net can you tap into experience of many providers at many different levels of education and experience?

                        My first paragraph to her was: You know your client, your business, and this baby. You know what's best for everyone and the way to communicate with your client.

                        That says it all in respect and support. SHE knows best.

                        My response was to get her to think specifically about the ramifications of putting specific "I" statements in writing, putting specific examples of crying, how these statements could come back to haunt her in the future should be the unlucky recipient of a child who has been harmed before he was brought into her care, and the possibility that the medical angle may draw this out for a while if there isn't anything really wrong with the kid.

                        Those things NEED to be discussed. If we can't do that how can we learn from each other?

                        I wrote out a VERY long response last night to describe a common cycle of parents behavior when they are either let go or given the news that they may be let go. It took me over an hour to write.

                        I decided to delete it and not post it because I don't want to disrespect the notion that she knows best.

                        Is it best to describe what your experience is specifically in a situation like this... or is it better to watch it unfold and say "sorry that happened to you"?
                        Nan~ You are right, you did say she does know her client best, and I agree 1000% that this is the place to have all the possible scenarios presented so we can make an educated decision. But I still feel as though alot of the advice posted on this forum is presented in a manner that is jaded and pessimistic about parents in general. I respect you tremendously for the wealth of info and knowledge you have in the field and how well you can see all angels of a situation but at the same time, sometimes support is all a provider is looking for.

                        Sometimes providers don't want to hear all the what ifs and all the different scenarios. I think sometimes a provider just wants to hear that they did what was best for them. I know realistically we should point out all the different things that could and do go wrong but doing that sometimes puts an air of superiority out there and makes the whole feel of the post and forum in general to be unsupportive and cold. kwim?

                        I've been in this biz a long time too and I really do have side to me that questions everything and looks at all the possible outcomes but at the same I think that side grew in me because of the experiences I have had in the past two decades (good and bad). It isn't knowledge any one could have told me or given me. It was knowledge I learned the hard way and knowledge that is now mine because I put my time in.

                        Maybe posters just need to be more specific in what it is they want....advice, some different angles, simply a pat on the back....IDK, but I have referred a lot of providers and parents to this forum as of late, and the biggest thing I keep getting in return for feedback is that this place is not very supportive or helpful and that the negative overtones make it a place that doesn't seem to be helpful but rather a "devil's advocate" type atmosphere. So maybe it isn't the responses but it is the postings in general....like I said, I don't know and it is hard to get points across when not being able to use tone or feeling other than !!!!'s which to me just said the OP was really feeling helpless and strongly about wanting to fix the situation.

                        I also disagree about her "I" statements....I think we should always speak that way. We are taught to argue constructively by using effective communication and one of the biggest effective communication skills we have is those "I" statements. Using anything but how "I" feel is projecting blame or responsibilty to others. We are only responsible for how we feel. We can only change how we feel and how we act or react. We have no control over how another person feels or acts thus using "I" when presenting a situation is the most constructive form of communicating.

                        Maybe I should have started a new thread an not hijacked blessedmess8's thread (My apologies blessedmess8 ) but I was just suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that the responses she got weren't the responses she was looking for. (I do NOT mean to speak for you either blessedmess8) IDK, maybe I am "hearing" her wrong but that is just the feeling I got.....combined with a rather in-depth conversation I had with a few provider friends and a couple parents I have been talking about in regards to this forum and the atmosphere it has.

                        I have noticed a few old and endless threads that are popping up recently and it seems that the same song and dance just keeps getting played over and over and it is unregistered people attacking members and members doing basically the same thing right back. There have been tons of threads asking about why we have an open forum and why unregistered's are allowed on here and it has been said over and over again that Michael wants it that way so providers and parents can learn and share with each other....yet it seems it is "us vs. them" all the time.

                        Maybe we, as providers, should only be posting in the "closed" section (which would deny parents the ability to learn from our experiences) or maybe we should all simply take the time to reread and really think about what it is we are saying and how we are saying it. (Like you said about the long post you wrote and then deleted because of how you felt the OP would take incorrectly).

                        As you can see, I am really having a tough time with this as I have the unfortunate ability to always see all sides of a situation and that in itself gets me in trouble sometimes. I also agree that you do need to present ALL the scenarios and I agree that it is a wealth of information. I also agree that we need to discuss these things but then how come, I feel like this forum isn't that? I am obviously not alone in this feeling as pp's have posted.

                        Comment

                        • blessedmess8
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • Aug 2011
                          • 231

                          #27
                          Thanks, Blackcat! I am not new to daycare and have had lots of expperience with parents - good and bad experiences. I appreciate the constructive criticism, but was surprised at some things in a thread where I specifically asked for reassurance about WHAT I was doing in possibly terminating a child. The letter had been sent, so there was no going back and editing anything at that point! There is a time and place for everything! As providers I'd hope we'd uplift one another at least as often as we play devil's advocate or criticize. This particular situation seems to be working for me. By being up front with my own feelings and frustrations, it seems Mom is feeling able to be open about her's as well. Before, I think she felt the need to come accross as a great Mom who loved all her time with her child! (You know how judgmental we providers can be!) Now, we've got it all out on the table and neither of us has to pretend we are enjoying our days with the screaming, upset child! They have a Dr. Appointment with a different physician this afternoon. I think intuition is a key trait for this profession. That, and compassion. I don't know how this will end, but I'm handling it the best I know how and I am appreciative of all the advice and the sharing of others' knowledge and experiences! I am especially grateful for the encouragement and words of affirmation, as this is difficult for me!

                          Comment

                          • Blackcat31
                            • Oct 2010
                            • 36124

                            #28
                            Originally posted by blessedmess8
                            Thanks, Blackcat! I am not new to daycare and have had lots of expperience with parents - good and bad experiences. I appreciate the constructive criticism, but was surprised at some things in a thread where I specifically asked for reassurance about WHAT I was doing in possibly terminating a child. The letter had been sent, so there was no going back and editing anything at that point! There is a time and place for everything! As providers I'd hope we'd uplift one another at least as often as we play devil's advocate or criticize. This particular situation seems to be working for me. By being up front with my own feelings and frustrations, it seems Mom is feeling able to be open about her's as well. Before, I think she felt the need to come accross as a great Mom who loved all her time with her child! (You know how judgmental we providers can be!) Now, we've got it all out on the table and neither of us has to pretend we are enjoying our days with the screaming, upset child! They have a Dr. Appointment with a different physician this afternoon. I think intuition is a key trait for this profession. That, and compassion. I don't know how this will end, but I'm handling it the best I know how and I am appreciative of all the advice and the sharing of others' knowledge and experiences! I am especially grateful for the encouragement and words of affirmation, as this is difficult for me!
                            I am glad you are feeling good about this. I apologize if I was speaking for you or misinterpreting anything incorrectly. The point I was trying to make is I got the feeling you were looking for exactly that....support; nothing more and nothing less. I think like Nan said, you do know your client best and what her and your needs are and I think we all have that same "What if...?" feeling after we take a particularly difficult or unsure path.

                            I agree that sometimes parents try really hard to be what they think we are expecting them to be (I am sure the opposite is true as well ) and leveling with them as one mom to another or just an open honest explanation of what the situation is through our eyes is all that it takes for the parent to drop their guard and be the person they really are. People today are always so worried about being judged, as I am sure they should be since people are so judgemental about stuff. This is supportive of the many threads we have had on her about the ME generation and new way of thinking.

                            But just because I am a parent of young adults or a seasoned provider, doesn't make me any better or worse than a new mom or new provider who is simply forging their way into unknown territory. It only makes me one step farther into experience that we should each earn ourselves. I hope things work out for you and again, I am sorry I hi-jacked your thread.

                            Please keep us posted on what the outcome is in this situation. I know we are a great bunch of gals and I know we all have similar AND different opinions on how to do things which is exactly why I stayed and joined the forum in the first place.

                            I just want everyone to feel loved, supported and understood.....

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                            • blessedmess8
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Aug 2011
                              • 231

                              #29
                              I totally agree, Blackcat!

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