Ya Just Can't Help Children Of Rude, Entitled Parents!!

[Incognito]

So I have a couple kids that are always wearing hand me downs and never given anything new by the DCMs own words. These 2 kids have been wearing the same smelly pair of shoes since enrollment in January! The were 2nd hand from Goodwill back then! They don't fit right. I fight to get them on. Although they don't complain of sore feet I know they have to be. I have mentioned to DCM a couple months ago about them and asked if they had a good pair so we could go to a museum. She tells me no only those and that she knows she has to get them some more but can't afford it.

Little background this family makes about $2,000 per month counting the employment and other income as well as assistance programs! WHY can they not afford shoes??? Answer, they CAN they just don't care (AHEM some of u may be with me here...)

Anyway, I am planning on buying them both NEW shoes as well as a few outfits NEW because they never had anything NEW! Uggh.. Until I get enough saved to do so I am searching for shoes. So I text DCM today asking what size they wear because I forgot to look while they were here.
She asks why I want to know.
I said well you yourself said the other day they were outgrowing them right?
She replies yes but I cant afford shoes now.
I text back ok well my cousin has some shoes that her kids outgrew and before she puts them in her yardsale I wanted to know if they would fit your kids. What size are they?
She replies with I don't know I will have to look.
So I wait for an hour and nothing... I text back asking if she looked.
She said no she will look later.
WTH??? I reply well can u look now please so I know if they fit or not and I can get them for u.
She replies with "just get them and I will look at your shoes when I get there Saturday morning and if they fit I will take them.

WHOOOO acts like that??? I mean i know shes got entitlement fever but damn!!! RUDE RUDE RUDE!! Can't even get off your lazy azz to check the size on a shoe so u can get MORE FREE stuff?

I feel like pulling my hair out! I say to myself fine I am not buying the new shoes if she cant help by supplying a damn size! Then I think of the children... I guess I will wait and check them on Saturday for myself!

[erinalexmom]

Im like you. Sometimes I HATE some of the things the parents do but I always remid myself its not the childrens fault, they didnt choose thier parents. But boy those parents make it hard to care! By the way, since the mom wont ever say it. i will "thank you for what you are doing for these children"

[momofboys]

They definitely should be buying their kids shoes. But 2K a month is not a lot of $$$ with a family. Of course I have no idea what funds they make with assistance but I could understand why they have a hard time buying shoes with that little amount of $$$. Not sure why she wouldn't accept your help & tell you the shoe sizes. Strange!

[Kaddidle Care]

Here! Measure them yourself - don't wait for lame Mom to do it:

http://www.famousfootwear.com/App_Themes/Default/images/2009/fit_assistant/childrens_brannock.pdf

BTW - Payless shoes has their BOGO sale going on right now. Not the best shoes in the world but at least they will be clean and new for a while.

I'm not a big fan of 2nd hand shoes. Clothing you can wash but shoes... bleh!

Don't spend a fortune - it won't be appreciated.

[DCMom]

She can afford a texting cell phone but not shoes for her kids?

You are sweet for trying to help, but don't expect her to appreciate it. I would just check the size or measure their feet and get them the shoes. Be fully prepared for negative comments if she doesn't like what you have chosen.

[AfterSchoolMom]

If you get them new shoes and clothes, you won't get thanked, and may never see either again. I think if it were me, I'd keep the new shoes and clothes at my house, change them when they get there, and change them back when it's time to go home. That way you KNOW that they have what they need when you go on trips and such.

[nannyde]

Get some basic good quality stuff for them for your house and just switch them when they arrive and switch them back before they leave. Save whatever you use for them for the next ones that come along.

I have a huge stock of clothing, shoes, coats, jammies, etc here. I want to have everything I need every day for every kid. I don't care what the parents send them in... I have what I need. I have parents who are REALLY great about clothing now so I don't have to use much of mine but I have had years where we had to undress, dress, undress and redress kids every day. Some of that was due to money but some of it to parents sending kids in cumbersome or ill fitted clothing.

Clothing is one my big big big pet peeves. I can't stand having kids in clothing that doesn't fit or is hard to manage. I like onesies and socks on the babies and easy zipper clothing for them. If they come in something I don't like to manage, we just swap them into our clothes. Makes the day easier.

I provide ALL outdoor wear so I don't care what they send for coats, hats, shoes etc.

[Cat Herder]

I do very similar to Nan.

I have back-ups of EVERYTHING and provide everything but formula.

I don't like constant policing, recording or enforcing so I limit what I can.

If an issue requires me to depend on the parents to provide proper care, I find a better, simpler, solution.

Some days I don't have to use my supplies at all...most days I do.

[cheerfuldom]

yup, keep everything at your house and don't even tell the mom you are changing them. don't let them take anything home because you will never see it again and mom will assume you will begin providing play clothes and shoes for them.

[Unregistered]

Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"

[wdmmom]

Are the kids coming in with dirty/too small of clothes?
If their birthdays are coming up, get them a new outfit. Christmas isn't too far away either!

I wouldn't supply clothes for your house...especially if they are dressed appropriately.

I wouldn't send my kids to daycare in good/new clothes for the simple reason of THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING. Play clothes are separate from good/new clothes.

My kids still have clothes for school and clothes for play.

I understand the shoe situation. There's nothing worse than shoes that don't fit or fit right! I've never bought a used pair of shoes and never intend to! Doctors don't suggest it either!

If these parents have a car and can afford the car insurance and payment and registration and gas for it, they can afford to go spend $10 on a pair of shoes at Walmart or Target! Ridiculous!

[sharlan]

The mom CAN'T tell you what size shoes the kids wear because she doesn't know. Draw an outline of the kids' feet and take it from there.

[SandeeAR]

The mom CAN'T tell you what size shoes the kids wear because she doesn't know. Draw an outline of the kids' feet and take it from there.

That is what I was thinking.

[Cat Herder]

Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"

I provide second hand clothes and LOVE them.

I wanted you to know that some of this is that when we are inspected WE get in trouble if the kids are not in what the inspector thinks is appropriate.

Childcare providers are being forced to be the "parenting police". It is an awkward place to be in. We get cited/fined if children are "neglected" and we don't report it (up to jail time) but the rules of neglect are way too grey.

That is why many of us just change the kids into "uniform" clothing/shoes for their day then change them for going home. Or why we stress out about it so much. We are scared, that is all.

It isn't always about what we feel is "good enough". Frankly I wish parents would not send $100 shoes on the toddlers...I can't take the pressure!!! I am afraid to let them touch dirt...::

[mismatchedsocks]

I would say if you are worried about the shoes being comfy, get a few pair to keep at your house of all sizes, then if the kids complain or you will be going on a field trip just put the shoes on them. I wouldnt send them home, maybe mom is ashamed? not sure, but nothing you can do about how they dress or shoes when they are at home.