Ya Just Can't Help Children Of Rude, Entitled Parents!!

[SandeeAR]

Just curious. For those that are changing the kids during the day. How old are the kids? Are they old enough to be telling the parents you are changing them each day? Don't the parents question this?

[Cat Herder]

Just curious. For those that are changing the kids during the day. How old are the kids? Are they old enough to be telling the parents you are changing them each day? Don't the parents question this?

I keep birth to 4.

I tell the parents in the interviews.

They see the pictures weekly of our activities.

They LOVE that the kids come home clean and freshly dressed everyday.

They love that their shoes and nice clothes don't get stained or otherwise ruined.

It is a HUGE selling point.

[Blackcat31]

Oh, boy. I don't even know where to start here. First of all, $2,000 a month is NOT a lot of money. Yes, they should be able to buy their children shoes and in fact they HAVE bought them shoes. They are just not up to YOUR standards. I agree with others who say that if you don't like what the parents provide, to buy items for the child to wear there, and leave it alone.

Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with second-hand clothing. My child wears a lot of hand-me-downs, and items bought at Goodwill and eBay. They are perfectly good clothes and cost me a fraction of what it would to buy new. Not buying your kids new clothes does not make you a bad parent. Guess what? Kids don't know or care if their clothes are new or not! My daughter looks adorable in brand-name clothing that I have bought on a budget. I think it's something to be proud, not ashamed of!

Finally, I encourage you to look at this from the parent's point of view. You have basically told her that what she is providing for her child isn't good enough. It's really presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to decide this woman's children "deserve" new clothes and that since she is not buying them for them, it is up to you. Rather than ask her if the children had "good" shoes to wear to the museum, maybe you could have just said that you thought the child's shoes were getting a bit snug and it was time for a larger pair. When you started texting her about the clothes, she was probably thinking, "Oh no, not this again!" I think your heart is in the right place but you are a bit misguided. If you want to broach the subject with her again, tell her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. I just thought maybe it would help you out to have these clothes since you said you were short on cash. I hope that I haven't offended you, I just wanted to help. Are you still interested in the clothes?"

I may be the odd man out here but I agree with this 100%.

I provide second hand clothes and LOVE them.

I wanted you to know that some of this is that when we are inspected WE get in trouble if the kids are not in what the inspector thinks is appropriate.

Childcare providers are being forced to be the "parenting police". It is an awkward place to be in. We get cited/fined if children are "neglected" and we don't report it (up to jail time) but the rules of neglect are way too grey.

That is why many of us just change the kids into "uniform" clothing/shoes for their day then change them for going home. Or why we stress out about it so much. We are scared, that is all.

It isn't always about what we feel is "good enough". Frankly I wish parents would not send $100 shoes on the toddlers...I can't take the pressure!!! I am afraid to let them touch dirt...::

Cat, you are right about providers having to be "parenting police" but I had to chuckle a bit about the OP's post because my licensensor would NEVER even notice or mention poorly dressed kids or even filthy dirty ones. I've called on parents before when they haven't had shoes (only bare feet) in the dead of MN winters and was told that it is poor parenting but not neglect. It would only be neglect if the parent were forcing a child to stand in snow for a certain length of time.

I've had a a few of what I thought were bad parents in my program over the years and have also had my fair share of filthy dirty kids but I make the best of it and clean them up the best I could. I have picked up garage sale shoes, snow gear, swim suits and misc for when a dck may need them, but I don't buy anything specifically for any one child to keep or bring home.

I had a dcm a few years back who brought her child in the same clothes every day for the week and when I brought up the fact that he was dirty, the mom said, we are just too busy to take a bath every night. She also said he gets dirty everyday so she wasn't going to bother putting clean clothes on her kid each day to start all over again. She said doing laundry was too expensive.

This family was very middle class with two college educated hard working parents that were by no means poor. After I got to know her better, I learned they were VERY frugal (and I say that nicely) and the kids even wore garage sale underwear. But the point I am trying to make is cleanliness doesn't make a good or bad parent. I know there is the whole "ick" factor with dirty kids and even some health related things that can happen, but unless the OP's dck's are suffering health-wise and truly being neglected I think, in this case unregistered may have been spot on.

I also think OP should talk with her licensor and find out what her state/county considers neglect. I live in a state where what you have described as being cited for would never happen here so I think this is a case of "location rules" and the action taken to correct it should be dependant on what her state/county rules are. If it isn't a state/county rule that she would be cited for, she should either decide to not keep the kids if it bothers her too much or simply stay out of it because as the mother who obviously has a different way of parenting than the OP, I would truly be offended if my daycare provider over stepped her boundaries with something like this. This is just MY personal opinion.

[familyschoolcare]

OP the title of your post is ...
"Ya Just Can't Help Children Of Rude, Entitled Parents!!"

How exactly did/does this mom (you did not write anything about dad) act entitled?

I agree with many other here and maybe just maybe she relay can not afford new shoes/clothing.

Clothing is expensive and I always shop and second hand stores first for my children clothing, (yes, my children and not me because I do not out grow clothing I out wear it). Until recently one of the boys has slowed down on growing enough that is it worth the investment of buying new clothing. My 12 year old daughter has had very few new clothing things bought for her. I do buy shoes new usually the cheap ones at pay less ect. but that is because buying shoes at the local used stores is not a easy. Any way nothing wrong with second hand clothing.

I think you are the one acting entitled. If the children having that kind/type of clothing could get you into trouble then you need to report it, its that simple. but please for the sake of all struggling under paid parents every where stop judging.

[familyschoolcare]

She can afford a texting cell phone but not shoes for her kids?

the additional charge for my cell phone to have texting coverage is $5 a month so if mom went with out that service for 8 months then she could afford a pair of $20 shoes for each child. That is if nobody texts her during that time because everybody assumes everyone has text coverage these days. How does that help now. Stop judging I think we do not know enough about this to know if mom is making poor budget choices.

[wdmmom]

the additional charge for my cell phone to have texting coverage is $5 a month so if mom went with out that service for 8 months then she could afford a pair of $20 shoes for each child. That is if nobody texts her during that time because everybody assumes everyone has text coverage these days. How does that help now. Stop judging I think we do not know enough about this to know if mom is making poor budget choices.

If she's getting welfare AND making $2000 a month, clearly she has bills coming out the wazoo, she is living beyond her means, or she is making poor spending choices.

And that doesn't even count if she's getting child support. If she's getting her daycare for free and collecting food stamps each month, she can afford to cloth her children properly!

I've been broke as in flat bottom broke. No job, no unemployment, no phone, no cable, no car, no nothing. The state gave my family of 5 a welfare check of $598 a month. That paid the rent, utilities and left us with little to nothing.

No one else was going to make sure my kids were clothed and shoed properly! It's a selfless act. Take away from yourself to provide for your children.

[Cat Herder]

I may be the odd man out here but I agree with this 100%.
Cat, you are right about providers having to be "parenting police" but I had to chuckle a bit about the OP's post because my licensensor would NEVER even notice or mention poorly dressed kids or even filthy dirty ones.

Oh, sorry, I did leave out a sentence, didn't i? I though it...

I agreed with her post, too. THAT is why I wanted her to know the other side of it.

I wanted her to know that most of us were not judging based on income or second hand items...just out of fear of not meeting our requirements.

[Unregistered]

Oh, sorry, I did leave out a sentence, didn't i? I though it...

I agreed with her post, too. THAT is why I wanted her to know the other side of it.

I wanted her to know that most of us were not judging based on income or second hand items...just out of fear of not meeting our requirements.

And I thank you for sharing with me the other side of it. I did not realize that providers could get in trouble. That is really not fair. However, the OP doesn't say anything about that. It seemed more to me that she thought this mom was awful for not buying her kids new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. As for me, I will continue to send my child to daycare in secondhand clothes. I try to send her dressed in things that are comfortable, easy for diaper changes, and that I don't care if they come home ruined. She gets really dirty sometimes and I'd rather just laugh and think about the fun time she must have had rather than spend an hour crying and scrubbing stains out of a $40 outfit.

[Cat Herder]

And I thank you for sharing with me the other side of it. I did not realize that providers could get in trouble. That is really not fair. However, the OP doesn't say anything about that. It seemed more to me that she thought this mom was awful for not buying her kids new clothes. Perhaps I was mistaken. As for me, I will continue to send my child to daycare in secondhand clothes. I try to send her dressed in things that are comfortable, easy for diaper changes, and that I don't care if they come home ruined. She gets really dirty sometimes and I'd rather just laugh and think about the fun time she must have had rather than spend an hour crying and scrubbing stains out of a $40 outfit.

You sound like you would be my favorite parent...

[Blackcat31]

oh, sorry, i did leave out a sentence, didn't i? i though it...

i agreed with her post, too. That is why i wanted her to know the other side of it.

I wanted her to know that most of us were not judging based on income or second hand items...just out of fear of not meeting our requirements.

I agree. (((hugs))) to you just for having some of the rules and policies you have in your area! I commend you for staying in the business despite all the reasons not to.

[familyschoolcare]

If she's getting welfare AND making $2000 a month, clearly she has bills coming out the wazoo, she is living beyond her means, or she is making poor spending choices.

And that doesn't even count if she's getting child support. If she's getting her daycare for free and collecting food stamps each month, she can afford to cloth her children properly!

I've been broke as in flat bottom broke. No job, no unemployment, no phone, no cable, no car, no nothing. The state gave my family of 5 a welfare check of $598 a month. That paid the rent, utilities and left us with little to nothing.

No one else was going to make sure my kids were clothed and shoed properly! It's a selfless act. Take away from yourself to provide for your children.

that is a lot of ifs I wonder what service mom is actualy on.

[mom2many]

It's so nice of you to reach out to help them. Mom may not be appreciative and it could be she is embarrassed, but I know it will be a special treat for the kids to have new shoes!

Fortunately I have never had to deal with a sad situation like this and the kids are very lucky to have such a caring provider!

I would do as Sharlan suggested and trace around their feet and go from there!

[Cat Herder]

I agree. (((hugs))) to you just for having some of the rules and policies you have in your area! I commend you for staying in the business despite all the reasons not to.

Thank you!!! It was a long read, wasn't it?

After a while it gets to be a game. "Let's outfox the system"...

As long as I stay in the lead and the kids are safe, injury free, healthy and happy, I am happy..

Their budget just took a head dive....maybe they will HAVE to slack off some now.

Fingers crossed.

[nannyde]

The mom CAN'T tell you what size shoes the kids wear because she doesn't know. Draw an outline of the kids' feet and take it from there.

She can't tell the size on the ones she has because they are so old and worn the size marking is faded. She hasn't bought any since at least January so she most likely has no clue of their size.

I can't imagine a little kid going seven eight months with the same pair of shoes. My son went up in size every five to six weeks. YIKES

Bringing kids in shoes that are worn out, stink, and don't fit is the same thing as bringing them to care without shoes.

[DCMom]

the additional charge for my cell phone to have texting coverage is $5 a month so if mom went with out that service for 8 months then she could afford a pair of $20 shoes for each child. That is if nobody texts her during that time because everybody assumes everyone has text coverage these days. How does that help now. Stop judging I think we do not know enough about this to know if mom is making poor budget choices.

I'm sorry if that came across as judging. My point was texting on a cell phone, no matter how affordable, is a 'want'. Shoes for your children whether new or used are a 'need'.

I think people have a hard time distinguishing between wants and needs these days.