My Babysitter Termed Me Because I Refused To Pay Her To Get Ready For A Friday Night

[MommyMuffin]

i already got my hummus and carrots out.... yes i have no life.... This is all the entertainment i get...

ditto!!! minus the hummus! I've got Diet Mt. Dew

[nannyde]

To the OP:
I can understand where you are coming from. Daycare's open hours can be confusing for parents. I would recommend you use a national chain center or locally owned center - they will allow you to keep your child in there as long as you want or need to. This is one of the reasons our family chose a center. I cannot use a provider that makes my family use set hours for pick up (drop off set hours are not a problem). My schedule varies each day according to my work load and I can't imagine how parents use any daycare who has set pick up hours. Everyone I know could never do that because their work hours vary daily with the work load. Sometimes, we get off at our scheduled work end, but most days, we all have to work late to finish the work. I would recommend you find another provider that can better suit your family's needs. In my area, the home based are the same price as centers and the centers offer much more amenities.

Your issue with the hair curling, toe nail painting is one of the many reasons our family chose a center. I too take issue with providers not being within both sight and sound of my child and I think it's reasonable to request this. Home based daycares have different requirements than centers. Licensed centers are not allowed to be outside of both sight and sound of the children, even during nap time. I suggest that you move to a center. Center workers aren't curling their hair during nap time since under licensing, a curling iron would be dangerous to the children. I think your provider was very unprofessional when she termed you because you didn't agree with what she was doing during nap time. She should have asked you at the interview if you will have a problem with her spending 20-90 minutes getting herself ready to go out on Fridays since it's important enough to term a family over. Being that you are new to daycare, you wouldn't even have imagined that this would be allowed so I won't fault you for that.

Here's what I do take issue with your now ex provider - the way she reacted to you. She was unprofessional by slamming the door on you and for terming you without much discussion or thought on it and then accusing you of harrassment. The definition of harrassment according to Meriam-Webster: 1a : exhaust, fatigue b (1) : to annoy persistently (2) : to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct 2: to worry and impede by repeated raids So she's using definition (2) to her advantage. You'll be better off with someone else. I firmly believe that children shouldn't be in the care of providers who make rash large decisions like that because odds are they will make many other rash decisions. While this is her business, you want a provider who is willing to work with you, not term you when you don't agree with her.

I highly recommend you read all the threads on here that the home based have posted - you'll get an excellent inside view of how they think - there hasn't been a case yet where the majority hasn't told them to term a parent for not agreeing with their policies, no matter how blatantly wrong the provider was. (for example, find the recent thread on provider's child biting customer's kids)

Lastly, please check youself when addressing any issue with the provider. You probably said some really dandies to her that day and now you're out a provider. It's never ok to get into a verbal arguement with a provider no matter the issue. I think your relationship was a poor match to begin with, so chaulk it up to live and learn. Next time, you're better off finding another provider and giving your 2 week notice when you don't agree with or question something she's doing. Odds are, if you think it's off, it probably is and your opinion probably won't change her way of doing it and if you voice your concerns, the next provider will term you as well.

Daycare's open hours can be confusing for parents. I would recommend you use a national chain center or locally owned center - they will allow you to keep your child in there as long as you want or need to

Nah it's not confusing. It's really simple. The parents WANT it another way but understanding how it is isn't that hard.

The Centers may accept kids "as long as you want" to have them there but remember that the workers there are switched out during the day AND the kids who are there for "as long as the parent wants" are VERY VERY hard to take care of. The turnover rate of staff in centers is THROUGH the roof. This is one of the main reasons. Kids who are in daycare for as long as the parent "wants".

In my area, the home based are the same price as centers and the centers offer much more amenities.

I don't think that's very common. The centers here are twice as much on my side of town as the average provider and about fifty percent higher on the wealthier side of town. They cost more BECAUSE they offer more hours.

Here you PAY for the "amenities". It's a very very rare provider in my area that can bring in what the centers bring in. You have to REALLY know what you are doing and offer special special to even come close.

She should have asked you at the interview if you will have a problem with her spending 20-90 minutes getting herself ready to go out on Fridays since it's important enough to term a family over

90 minutes? Seriously? Who takes 90 minutes to get dolled up? Seriously?

[jen]

Its a cultural thing. Find a situation that you ARE comfortable with.

Oh please, do explain how this is a "cultural thing." Truly, I can't WAIT to hear this. I'm begging, really...

[MamaBear]

Wow... This post makes me shudder in disbelief!

FIRST: If she is a Daycare Provider - She is NOT a babysitter

SECOND: Just because she is open 6am-6pm does not mean that you have to leave your child there that entire time!!! Go to a center if you feel the need to leave your child all day long and get your pennies worth.

THIRD: Children do take naps! Which is the time when us Daycare Providers get a break. So if she is able to stand nearby where the kids are napping & do her hair - than more power to her! I clean, mop, wash dishes, do laundry and whatever else I can get done while my kids are napping.

FOURTH: I commend your Daycare Provider for terminating you! Any client who questions how I run my daycare the way you did - is gonezo in my book.

[cheerfuldom]

my question is why is the OP appreciative of the provider doing the hair and makeup and answering the door in a "professional" manner but if she does a touch up during nap time, its not okay? even if she takes 90 minutes (which I seriously doubt) why is that a problem if the kids are napping and she is readily available for them should they need her? what was it you thought she was doing during nap time?

[MommyMuffin]

Maybe this is because I love to get dressed up but when I do I make it a process!! probably 90 minutes long
...first a relaxing bath and some magazines, then I turn on my fav music and take my time shaving, moisturize and then use lots of different hair products and possibly try a new hair style. Try a new makeup trend....whatever I want...just super girly time.

I would never get "dolled" up with kids here because I make it such a long and fun relaxing process. But I would do my nails or put on some makeup during nap time.

[daycare]

Wow... This post makes me shudder in disbelief!

FIRST: If she is a Daycare Provider - She is NOT a babysitter

SECOND: Just because she is open 6am-6pm does not mean that you have to leave your child there that entire time!!! Go to a center if you feel the need to leave your child all day long and get your pennies worth.

THIRD: Children do take naps! Which is the time when us Daycare Providers get a break. So if she is able to stand nearby where the kids are napping & do her hair - than more power to her! I clean, mop, wash dishes, do laundry and whatever else I can get done while my kids are napping.

FOURTH: I commend your Daycare Provider for terminating you! Any client who questions how I run my daycare the way you did - is gonezo in my book.

I am still enjoying a good laugh at all of our post. The best part is that the person more than likely will never return. But we all get to punch at it like a serious carido boxing class.
Goes to show why it is sooo important for us providers to explain our policies and procedures to parents when they sign up. I know that there are some people that are just way out in left field and nothing we could do to prepare them.... I am trying to be nice here....

Mamabear what is gonezo? you said gonezo in my book?? What does that mean??

[Sugar Magnolia]

How long DOES it take to put on make up and get "dolled up"?

I don't wear make up... seriously how long does that take?

Lol!!!!! :: I don't wear clown paint, errr I mean make-up either. I spend 5 mins brushing teeth, hair and putting on deodorant! DONE! But one parent I have here says she gets up at 4 am to do hair and make-up. (That would be pink-dress boy's mom!) ::

[nannyde]

Lol!!!!! :: I don't wear clown paint, errr I mean make-up either. I spend 5 mins brushing teeth, hair and putting on deodorant! DONE! But one parent I have here says she gets up at 4 am to do hair and make-up. (That would be pink-dress boy's mom!) ::

I've been around a while and I haven't heard the parent complaint of putting on makeup yet.
You are never safe from surprise

I can't believe a parent would be upset about someone putting on makeup for cryin out loud... sheesh. :confused::confused::confused::confused: Can't a girl do a little something to make herself feel GOOD about herself?


It takes me longer to watch an episode of Dr. Phil I'm sure.

Please.... if that's your biggest worry you got nuttin to worry about.

[youretooloud]

Please.... if that's your biggest worry you got nuttin to worry about.

LOL.. She does now!

[Unregistered]

Unregistered who I quoted: The OP was unprofessional. Bringing up a care issue at pick up, in front of kids is VERY unprofessional. She should have called the provider after hours or set up a meeting for a later time. She said she was angry with her provider and this had clearly been brewing for a while. This leads me to believe she blew up at her provider in front of the kids. NOT OK EVER.
So yes, she was harassing the provider. After the provider asked her to leave, and she did not -- she became an intruder and we all know that homeowners can protect themselves and their property from intruders.

And while centers do have different regs, does NOT mean that they are followed. I have seen over 20 children sleeping alone in a classroom with all doors shut and when a parent pulled into the parking lot, the teachers ran into their rooms. (and FYI -- I quit that day and called the state on each and every member of the staff present) I would rather have my child in a home environment where the provider is much like any mother during her child's nap -- present, attentive, and aware but not hovering.
Moral of that story -- follow your gut, not what promises they use to reel you in.

Lastly, please do not lump all home providers into a group. We are not all the same. As a mother, I am appalled at some of the "techniques" used by members of this board. There are good and bad providers. Some just do things differently. In the end, it works out to matching your child's needs with a provider who is happy to accommodate those needs.

I'm the poster you quoted. Yes, I agree it wasn't ok to blow up in front of the kids - and there's her story, the provider's story and the truth. In business though, the burden of professionalism lies with the vendor, not the customer. I wish the OP had posted more details on exactly what was said. If I had to guess, I would say that both of them said some dandies in the heat of the moment that they regret. I still think both of them messed up and the issue could have been easily resolved through a mature conversation - it sounds like what escalated the issue was when the provider termed the family after she asked the provider to not get "dolled up" during naptime and the mom blew up after being termed, didn't help that the provider slammed her foot in the door needlessly. The provider needs to think about her reputation as well - does she really want to be known as the provider who uses 20-90 minutes each Friday getting ready to go out on Friday nights and is willing to term a parent over it and injure a parent when the parent asks her to supervise the children during naptime? I'm sure this mom will bad mouth in town - if it'd happened to me, I would! I seriously think she should report this provider as well - might not do anything, but there'd be a report on it - especially the slamming foot in door.

I agree with you about center's not being all that great all the time. But I think in this case, a home provider really wouldn't be able to meet her needs. And at least in a center, you were there to report that (as other teachers should have but didn't) and in most cases there are 2 providers in classrooms in centers. This is rarely the case with in home. I agree that customers should trust their gut. I also firmly believe that the customer is always right as well - because we don't know everything that was said, this is a hard one. Overall, I have to side with the customer here because it's unprofessional to term a family like that, bottom line, regardless of circumstances. The burdon is on the business, not the customer. It's bad for business. She made a decision without any thought into it and that can be dangerous. I won't blame the mom for getting angry, anyone would if you were just termed over not wanting them to do their hair while providing care. And yes, they are just a babysitter if the lady wasn't licensed or certified by the state to provide care. Only those that are licensed or certified are required to take the additional classes on SIDS, etc.

And you gotta admit, that regardless, the provider thought her Fridays were important enough to term over - rememeber from the OP, that the mom only questioned her and asked her not to do it anymore and the provider termed her on the spot. The OP should have included her Friday rituals in her interview or handbook so customers know she's doing this every Friday. Sorry, but I wouldn't want my kid there either - I expect my provider to be within sight and sound of my child at all times. The parent/child relationship expectation is different from the child/provider relationship - sorry, but parents get to leave their kids unattended during nap, center providers don't - it's licensing.

I don't lump everyone, but this forum has really put a bad taste in my mouth for home based centers as you understand from reading it. I'll continue reading it and interjecting, because someone has to put some reason into these responses. I would never choose a home based for any future but don't tell my friends to not choose them either - I always tell people to choose based on their needs. Some people, like in this case, there's no way it'll work for her in a home based center based on her needs.

But, then again, I guess I should say that unregistered people shouldn't be lumped under trolls either. And every time unregistereds post, the troll comments come out and the moderator's allow it even though there is behavior conduct rules on this forum that aren't being enforced. These poor parents are being allowed to be attacked mercilessly. I've never posted inflamatory comments, etc to get a rise - I post replies because I can come from a reasonable standpoint without my heart on my sleeve and I can see both sides of the argument. I can tell you that I believe there are more trolls as members than unregistered here.

[momofboys]

I'm the poster you quoted. Yes, I agree it wasn't ok to blow up in front of the kids - and there's her story, the provider's story and the truth. In business though, the burden of professionalism lies with the vendor, not the customer. I wish the OP had posted more details on exactly what was said. If I had to guess, I would say that both of them said some dandies in the heat of the moment that they regret. I still think both of them messed up and the issue could have been easily resolved through a mature conversation - it sounds like what escalated the issue was when the provider termed the family after she asked the provider to not get "dolled up" during naptime and the mom blew up after being termed, didn't help that the provider slammed her foot in the door needlessly. The provider needs to think about her reputation as well - does she really want to be known as the provider who uses 20-90 minutes each Friday getting ready to go out on Friday nights and is willing to term a parent over it and injure a parent when the parent asks her to supervise the children during naptime? I'm sure this mom will bad mouth in town - if it'd happened to me, I would! I seriously think she should report this provider as well - might not do anything, but there'd be a report on it - especially the slamming foot in door.

I agree with you about center's not being all that great all the time. But I think in this case, a home provider really wouldn't be able to meet her needs. And at least in a center, you were there to report that (as other teachers should have but didn't) and in most cases there are 2 providers in classrooms in centers. This is rarely the case with in home. I agree that customers should trust their gut. I also firmly believe that the customer is always right as well - because we don't know everything that was said, this is a hard one. Overall, I have to side with the customer here because it's unprofessional to term a family like that, bottom line, regardless of circumstances. The burdon is on the business, not the customer. It's bad for business. She made a decision without any thought into it and that can be dangerous. I won't blame the mom for getting angry, anyone would if you were just termed over not wanting them to do their hair while providing care. And yes, they are just a babysitter if the lady wasn't licensed or certified by the state to provide care. Only those that are licensed or certified are required to take the additional classes on SIDS, etc.

And you gotta admit, that regardless, the provider thought her Fridays were important enough to term over - rememeber from the OP, that the mom only questioned her and asked her not to do it anymore and the provider termed her on the spot. The OP should have included her Friday rituals in her interview or handbook so customers know she's doing this every Friday. Sorry, but I wouldn't want my kid there either - I expect my provider to be within sight and sound of my child at all times. The parent/child relationship expectation is different from the child/provider relationship - sorry, but parents get to leave their kids unattended during nap, center providers don't - it's licensing.

I don't lump everyone, but this forum has really put a bad taste in my mouth for home based centers as you understand from reading it. I'll continue reading it and interjecting, because someone has to put some reason into these responses. I would never choose a home based for any future but don't tell my friends to not choose them either - I always tell people to choose based on their needs. Some people, like in this case, there's no way it'll work for her in a home based center based on her needs.

But, then again, I guess I should say that unregistered people shouldn't be lumped under trolls either. And every time unregistereds post, the troll comments come out and the moderator's allow it even though there is behavior conduct rules on this forum that aren't being enforced. These poor parents are being allowed to be attacked mercilessly. I've never posted inflamatory comments, etc to get a rise - I post replies because I can come from a reasonable standpoint without my heart on my sleeve and I can see both sides of the argument. I can tell you that I believe there are more trolls as members than unregistered here.

So should providers write out everything they do or might do in a given day? Do you really want to know that your provider "may" put in a loud of laundry during naptime, clean dishes, go to the bathroom, put on make-up God-forbid! etc. etc?!? IMO what difference does it make what the provider is doing? It's naptime for heaven's sakes? When you are home & your child is sleeping do you stare over them for hours? Who's watching your child at night time when you are both sleeping? Some people need to get a life!

[Country Kids]

I'm the poster you quoted. Yes, I agree it wasn't ok to blow up in front of the kids - and there's her story, the provider's story and the truth. In business though, the burden of professionalism lies with the vendor, not the customer. I wish the OP had posted more details on exactly what was said. If I had to guess, I would say that both of them said some dandies in the heat of the moment that they regret. I still think both of them messed up and the issue could have been easily resolved through a mature conversation - it sounds like what escalated the issue was when the provider termed the family after she asked the provider to not get "dolled up" during naptime and the mom blew up after being termed, didn't help that the provider slammed her foot in the door needlessly. The provider needs to think about her reputation as well - does she really want to be known as the provider who uses 20-90 minutes each Friday getting ready to go out on Friday nights and is willing to term a parent over it and injure a parent when the parent asks her to supervise the children during naptime? I'm sure this mom will bad mouth in town - if it'd happened to me, I would! I seriously think she should report this provider as well - might not do anything, but there'd be a report on it - especially the slamming foot in door.

I agree with you about center's not being all that great all the time. But I think in this case, a home provider really wouldn't be able to meet her needs. And at least in a center, you were there to report that (as other teachers should have but didn't) and in most cases there are 2 providers in classrooms in centers. This is rarely the case with in home. I agree that customers should trust their gut. I also firmly believe that the customer is always right as well - because we don't know everything that was said, this is a hard one. Overall, I have to side with the customer here because it's unprofessional to term a family like that, bottom line, regardless of circumstances. The burdon is on the business, not the customer. It's bad for business. She made a decision without any thought into it and that can be dangerous. I won't blame the mom for getting angry, anyone would if you were just termed over not wanting them to do their hair while providing care. And yes, they are just a babysitter if the lady wasn't licensed or certified by the state to provide care. Only those that are licensed or certified are required to take the additional classes on SIDS, etc.

And you gotta admit, that regardless, the provider thought her Fridays were important enough to term over - rememeber from the OP, that the mom only questioned her and asked her not to do it anymore and the provider termed her on the spot. The OP should have included her Friday rituals in her interview or handbook so customers know she's doing this every Friday. Sorry, but I wouldn't want my kid there either - I expect my provider to be within sight and sound of my child at all times. The parent/child relationship expectation is different from the child/provider relationship - sorry, but parents get to leave their kids unattended during nap, center providers don't - it's licensing.

I don't lump everyone, but this forum has really put a bad taste in my mouth for home based centers as you understand from reading it. I'll continue reading it and interjecting, because someone has to put some reason into these responses. I would never choose a home based for any future but don't tell my friends to not choose them either - I always tell people to choose based on their needs. Some people, like in this case, there's no way it'll work for her in a home based center based on her needs.

But, then again, I guess I should say that unregistered people shouldn't be lumped under trolls either. And every time unregistereds post, the troll comments come out and the moderator's allow it even though there is behavior conduct rules on this forum that aren't being enforced. These poor parents are being allowed to be attacked mercilessly. I've never posted inflamatory comments, etc to get a rise - I post replies because I can come from a reasonable standpoint without my heart on my sleeve and I can see both sides of the argument. I can tell you that I believe there are more trolls as members than unregistered here.

You said you wanted your provider within sight and sound at all times. My childcare bathroom is right with my schoolroom. Would you be ok with me getting ready during naptime in there? I can pretty much go into my kitchen, the childcare bathroom, and my outside deck and still be in sight and sound of the children. I can tell you from experience it can get pretty boring being in those three areas during naptime, especially if there isn't much going on with the computor. Have you ever stayed at your desk or whatever you sit at and literally not been able to go maybe 10 feet of it ALL day long. Try it for a week then get back to us!

[JenNJ]

I guess my biggest question is why does it matter what the provider is choosing to do? If it was laundry would the parent still freak out? Dishes, sweeping, wiping the table clean, playing on the computer, doing an exercise video, etc.? These are all things I myself have done while the children slept. I am within hearing distance at all times and have a monitor as a backup.

It doesn't seem like the provider termed over the issue of make-up. It sounds like she was being talked to and questioned (not nicely judging by the OP's tone) in front of the kids. I am willing to bet that THAT was the reason for the termination -- not because she wanted to continue doing her make-up. She told the OP to leave. OP did not. Should she have continued to argue in front of young children? Or shut the door and shield them from a conversation and subject matter that are not age appropriate?

I don't buy the customer is always right. it doesn't translate to real life. If the customer in a retail store is a thief, are they still right? One who speaks to the young salesgirl in an inappropriate manner? Or the woman in the restaurant who touches her waiter's butt? Are they all "right" because they are the customer? No. Customers are a group of humans and no group of humans is always right. So "the customer is always right" line of thinking needs to go away fast.

[MamaBear]

Gonezo...

I am still enjoying a good laugh at all of our post. The best part is that the person more than likely will never return. But we all get to punch at it like a serious carido boxing class.
Goes to show why it is sooo important for us providers to explain our policies and procedures to parents when they sign up. I know that there are some people that are just way out in left field and nothing we could do to prepare them.... I am trying to be nice here....

Mamabear what is gonezo? you said gonezo in my book?? What does that mean??

HaHaHa... Like "your gone"... "outta' here" ... "Gonezo..." I dont know... just a word I say