A Technique Straight From Nannyde!

[nannyde]

I already do that but it seems that as soon as the parent walks in the door everything that I just told her flies out the window. She's either trying to talk to the DCM and jumps around excitedly or she's going back and forth between DCM and I while we are trying to talk. We can't even say hi to each other before DD is overexcited and trying to get DCP's attention. It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn. I was wondering if having the parents actually be the ones to tell her would make it any easier. I go through this at least 8 times a day so in essence I am actually talking to her about it 16 times a day (before they come in and once the come in) and yes I tell her each and every time. Sometimes I have to physically remove her from the DCP's immediate vicinity, turn her to have her look at me, slowly and firmly tell her she needs to wait (while still holding her so that she doesn't just run back over to DCP's) and then physically walk her to the couch, or step, or chair and make her sit down.

It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn.

So this is the money shot.

She's got you by the nads because she knows you don't want to be embarrased. That alone escalates her.

Then you have the added mistake of allowing her ANY turn.

So what you do is pick a point in your home that she goes to with EVERY arrival and departure. Have it be as physically far away from where you do them with as many doorways as you can do between you.

When a parent comes she goes to THAT spot EVERY time and doesn't get up till you come to release her.

Do not let her have ANY contact with the parents. She gets no turns.

She's telling you she can't handle the moments. It's her seeing you at a time when you are at your very very weakest. She knows this about you cuz she is YOURS and she knows every flick of your eye.. every movement of your hand... every lift in your voice.

She senses you are weak and she can't have her leader be weak. When you are weak she has to go in for the power spot.

So find something she IS to do where she won't see you during this time.

My son is eleven and he is NOT allowed to be in the same room with the daycare parents when I do arrival and departures. I have tried to allow SOME presence in the past as he ages but he's still not ready.

Do this for a month and see how she does. If she settles down then you can try to allow her in the same area while you are doing parent contact times. She will let you know within a day or two if she is ready.

Oh and about the daycare parents disciplining my kid. HAVE AT IT. Takes a village and I don't mind them joining me. The parents are so respectful of me that they wouldn't feel comfortable directing him in front of me but if they did I surely would allow it.

In my family and friends the adults discipline each others kids with NO problem. My son just took a trip with my two cousins who are my age and he acted like an angel around them. Neither of them play at all and he figured that out before we got out of Des Moines.

[cheerfuldom]

I guess I wouldn't mind if the DCPs instructed my daughter but I know they won't. I have never heard any of the three current parents ever tell their kids no or give them any direction in my presence and also, they encourage what my daughter does because they have fun the one minute they are there but then they leave and I get the after math. So yes, I have been having her sit on the couch during pickups and it works well for me. My middle daughter is still working on it, she's 2 and very into testing every rule at the moment.

[MarinaVanessa]

Yep, I'm embarrased and I have to admit, I get angry. It's a quiet, controlled anger but it's still anger. That doesn't stop me from disciplining her or talking to her but I just hate doing it over and over each and every day. I mean if I have to repeat myself a million times a day, it's not working.

Thanks Nan for the advice. I am deffinetely trying this out at home. I wish I had a bigger home. My condo is two-stories and the 1st floor is pretty much an open floor concept. No seperation walls, no doorways. The Living room, dining room and kitchen are all connected without any barriers. I can't have her go upstairs for two reasons a) it's against licensing regulations and b) I can't trust her alone up there. I'll just have her go far into the kitchen and stand where she can't see. I know she'll fight me over it, peek around the corner, whine, complain, probably cry dramatically etc. and I'll have to go in there to stop it but I hope she'll get the point. I'm wondering if I should let her do that until the DCP's leave and then handle the whining or take care of it immediately as it happens :confused:.

I'm not opposed to allowing other people disciplining my kids either. My family and DH's family are all like this as well. We all help each other out. Kids always act out in front of their parents and are angels when they are with me and away from their parents. The same goes with my DD. She actually behaves better when other people tell her to do or not do something rather than it just coming from me. If the DC parents also reinforce that she go into the kitchen I wonder if it will help. I'll try it myself today at pick-up and see how it goes. If I need to get the DCP's involved I will.

[nannyde]

Yep, I'm embarrased and I have to admit, I get angry. It's a quiet, controlled anger but it's still anger. That doesn't stop me from disciplining her or talking to her but I just hate doing it over and over each and every day. I mean if I have to repeat myself a million times a day, it's not working.

Thanks Nan for the advice. I am deffinetely trying this out at home. I wish I had a bigger home. My condo is two-stories and the 1st floor is pretty much an open floor concept. No seperation walls, no doorways. The Living room, dining room and kitchen are all connected without any barriers. I can't have her go upstairs for two reasons a) it's against licensing regulations and b) I can't trust her alone up there. I'll just have her go far into the kitchen and stand where she can't see. I know she'll fight me over it, peek around the corner, whine, complain, probably cry dramatically etc. and I'll have to go in there to stop it but I hope she'll get the point. I'm wondering if I should let her do that until the DCP's leave and then handle the whining or take care of it immediately as it happens :confused:.

I'm not opposed to allowing other people disciplining my kids either. My family and DH's family are all like this as well. We all help each other out. Kids always act out in front of their parents and are angels when they are with me and away from their parents. The same goes with my DD. She actually behaves better when other people tell her to do or not do something rather than it just coming from me. If the DC parents also reinforce that she go into the kitchen I wonder if it will help. I'll try it myself today at pick-up and see how it goes. If I need to get the DCP's involved I will.

My son doesn't act up in front of my family or friends because they ALL will discipline him. Doesn't matter what degree of relative or friend.. we ALL discipline each others kids.

When I took my son on a twelve hour road trip to Rapid City last month we were trapped in a van with my two cousins for the trip out and all the sightseeing. He got froggy once about half way thru the trip and ended up with four adults (my dad, two cousins, and me) all giving him the stink eye simultaneously. Since we look all look like each other it must have been quite a site for the poor kid.

It only took ONCE and he was good to go for the rest of the trip.

If your parents will help you and not feel uncomfortable then I say give that a try too. She needs to understand that that time with the parents is IMPORTANT for the business. The parents deserve some undivided attention when they drop off and pick up. They shouldn't have to deal with my kid acting up.

I've had to charge him to his room a couple of times. Whenever I've slacked off and allowed him to "get the dog" or "go into the kitchen" he somehow weasles his way into my gig. If I let it go on next thing you know he's asking me for money to go get a slurpy right before dinner because he thinks the chances of me saying YES are higher if I"m occupied with a parent.



BTDT and feel for ya sister. Just stay on it and see what works. As they get older it gets harder because they get slicker so I promise it will get worse.

[cheerfuldom]

yeah my 3 year old is a pro at asking for things right when I am on the phone or at the door occupied. Little stinker.

[MarinaVanessa]

yeah my 3 year old is a pro at asking for things right when I am on the phone or at the door occupied. Little stinker.

Ugh, don't all children?? Mine seems to think it's a great time to jump on the furniture . But I have good new!! I explained the plan to my DD before DCM came and (of course) DD was incredulous ... my DD ----> . She said I was mean and I replied with "Of course I am, I'm your mother." She apparently did not think it was funny and went on to pout and such but as soon as she heard the door she gave me one last look of utter dispair before she grabbed a little chair and hauled it off into the kitchen. She stayed there until I walked DCM out and I didn't hear a peep out of her. I checked on her and there she was, poor little DD sitting in a chair all mopey and deffinetely not happy. I told her she could come out and she dragged herself out of her chair and back into the living room. ::::::. She's so dramatic. I should send her to Hollywood ... but at least it worked. I havn't had a peacefull pick up like that since the last time that DD wasn't home during pick-ups.

[nannyde]

I havn't had a peacefull pick up like that since the last time that DD wasn't home during pick-ups.

Be careful with the chair thing. She can use that as a noise maker and a dramatic opportunity to stall on her way to her area. Best to have something she just goes to.

My son's fave is "I want the puppy". The puppy is mobile so he gets to chase the puppy and amazingly they all land at my front door. Then he gives me the "it happened TO me... I didn't DO it" look.



Now puppy is kennled and you be gone.

[dEHmom]

It's embarrassing to have to stop in the middle of saying hi to excuse myself and talk her down and tell her to wait her turn.

So this is the money shot.

She's got you by the nads because she knows you don't want to be embarrased. That alone escalates her.

Then you have the added mistake of allowing her ANY turn.

So what you do is pick a point in your home that she goes to with EVERY arrival and departure. Have it be as physically far away from where you do them with as many doorways as you can do between you.

When a parent comes she goes to THAT spot EVERY time and doesn't get up till you come to release her.

Do not let her have ANY contact with the parents. She gets no turns.

She's telling you she can't handle the moments. It's her seeing you at a time when you are at your very very weakest. She knows this about you cuz she is YOURS and she knows every flick of your eye.. every movement of your hand... every lift in your voice.

She senses you are weak and she can't have her leader be weak. When you are weak she has to go in for the power spot.

So find something she IS to do where she won't see you during this time.

My son is eleven and he is NOT allowed to be in the same room with the daycare parents when I do arrival and departures. I have tried to allow SOME presence in the past as he ages but he's still not ready.

Do this for a month and see how she does. If she settles down then you can try to allow her in the same area while you are doing parent contact times. She will let you know within a day or two if she is ready.

Oh and about the daycare parents disciplining my kid. HAVE AT IT. Takes a village and I don't mind them joining me. The parents are so respectful of me that they wouldn't feel comfortable directing him in front of me but if they did I surely would allow it.

In my family and friends the adults discipline each others kids with NO problem. My son just took a trip with my two cousins who are my age and he acted like an angel around them. Neither of them play at all and he figured that out before we got out of Des Moines.

Almost everyone we know knows that they are welcome to tell my kids to buzz off. I stopped in a small way telling my kids to buzz off when people were around because so many people contradict what I would say. ex...If my kids were saying "watch me watch me" or "come see this" or whatever it was they were doing, I would tell them to leave ________ alone, and ______ would say "oh no it's ok". Now the kids look at me and then back to the person and continue to do it. So rather than put myself in a position to be undermined, I just tell those people to tell them to get lost whenever they are done. With the 3 of my kids, it's nearly impossible to keep them all on track when people are here. So I'm definitely going to try use nanny's advice on this for when dcp's are here. I've told my kids a million times too to sit down and be good, or go play in their room. But that only lasts for 2 seconds. I have 3 kids wanting attention from dcps at any given moment, and when my back is turned, they are jumping on the couch, running on the couch, jumping from coffee table to couch, etc.