Breastfeeding Moms and Daycare

[Guest]

We're discussing an issue with a breastfeeding mom coming to daycare each day to feed her child and the disruption it's causing in another thread.

I allowed my first client to do this, and I wouldn't do it again. It was too disruptive with my setup, and the mom didn't care that it was disruptive, on the contrary, thought it was funny that she woke up other babies.

I wonder what your policies are in regards to breastfeeding moms coming by just to feed their baby? Do you allow it or not? If you have allowed it in the past or do allow it now, do you run into issues and how do you resolve them?

Do you think the breastfeeding relationship between mom and child is important enough to continue during daycare hours even if it's disruptive to the other children in group care settings? How far should a provider go to support breastfeeding?

[jojosmommy]

I would not allow a mom into my home everyday to BF. I chose to stay home with my child so I could BF and if you choose to work there is always the option of pumping. I know it would disrupt my day too much to accomodate that type of client. Some of the centers here allow it and if your that interested in BF during the day then you can pay the center price for care and do so. Someone mentioned it in the other post, separation anxiety 1 time per day is enough. Popping in doesn't make sense to little ones, they want you to take them home when they see you.

[Sunshine44]

I think the breastfeeding relationship is an important one and I would let a mom come to breastfeed their child, that being said, I probably wouldn't be happy because of the disruption it would cause like you are saying. Maybe ask her to come at a different time? I think I'd **** it up though for the time being because I do think breastfeeding is important. That being said, if you don't want her to come, then be firm...honestly if they are sending their child to daycare they may have to give up a few things. It depends on the provider.

[sharlan]

I have had mom's sit and breastfeed at the end of the day, but not during lunch time. I think that would be too disruptive while trying to feed the others and get them down for a nap.

I am sure the other parents wouldn't be appreciative of their babies being woke up during nap time.

[JenNJ]

I would be ok with a mom coming to bf her child at a time of day I choose. During the children's lunchtime. And she would need to do it in a public area of my home since I do not allow daycare children/parents into my bedrooms. there would be no playing, or hanging out afterwards. Just feed and leave. And it would all depend entirely on her behavior, the child's behavior,and the other children's reaction on whether or not I chose to continue to offer this.

[Blackcat31]

I have never had a mom ask to come during the day to BF. If I did, I would not allow it because of the same reasons others said. It is too disruptive and hard to integrate into a "group" day.

If a mom was really pressing it I would possibly suggest that she come pick her child up and feed else where and return child while in the early stages of infancy (under 4 months or so). Once the infant begins having separation issues and/or eating cereal or some solids, I would suggest the picking up/dropping off to feed be stopped.

I can't say for sure though because like I said, I have never had a mom ask.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't allow moms to come BF, period. I am supportive of them providing breast milk. If they are needing the support of daily visits, this is not the daycare for them. I have worked with many BFing moms and there has never been a problem with providing pumped milk and then mom and baby bonding in the evenings and nights. I am not here to carry the sole burden of making sure a mom continues BFing. If she wants to BF bad enough, she will work it out on her own and pump at work. Its part of the deal when you return to work. My main focus is the kids in a group setting and coming every day sets one family up for individual care, not something I provide.

[KEG123]

I would be okay with it, as long as it was at a time that was convenient for ME. As in, when the other kids are eating lunch. No if's and's or buts. I breastfed my son for 2 years, and had I of put my son in daycare, I would have looked for one that would let me do so.

[Cat Herder]

With my failure to thrive or clinically underweight babies I REQUIRE the Mom to come and breast feed them until we could get them aggressively taking Breast milk from a bottle OR she must extend her maternity leave until we reached that milestone. (single moms breast feed, too)

Either way was difficult and a financial burden on Mom since young mothers are the most likely to be fired since they cost more money to employ. Simple facts, fair or unfair. (I did not make this rule, it just is ) My clients all have very high medical bills, already.

The Mom's never came into the playroom, though. I pulled down the shades, poured them a glass of milk or juice, handed them the remote and let them have the recliner in my family room. It was not uncommon for me to have out fresh fruit and crackers as well. A couple times I did have to wake mom up. ::::

Many times I have had to help teach Mom how to get them to latch on better or how to thicken up their milk with a rich diet so they don't have to feed as often while baby get's more nutrition at each feeding and less water.

The Standard policy here is that I do not allow Moms to breast feed in my daycare. All infants are to be fully transitioned to taking a bottle. This applies to the standard infant and is open to my decision to make an exception at my own will. All my decisions are guided by the best interest of the child, not adults (mine or moms) will.

All of my infants have been transitioned to daycare by 8 weeks at the absolute HIGH end of the spectrum (this includes one with prematurity and complications from open heart surgery).

I will never accept that someones infant needs this special treatment because it is the only way they can bond with their mother. I have babies here with REAL NEEDS, not wants, to attend to.

It is unfair of other Mothers to make my DCM'S feel less of a Mother because they don't have that luxury. Cut and dry.

I don't buy into the "I am a better Mother than you because I put my kids needs above the rest of the group" stuff and I don't let my Mothers make the others feel that way, either.

If they want that environment, they can go to someone like that. Here my DCM'S consider the other kids needs in their personal requests, if they can't see past their own nose to empathise, I don't enroll them.

I bend over backwards when valid, but I say no when we are approaching silly and selfish. I care specifically for kids who need the level of care I offer. My clients have faced real crisis, many will not be out of the woods for years to come, they don't make up more as they go. IYKWIM?

It is all about perspective. IMHO.

[nannyde]

No

I just do one arrival, one departure, per parent, per day.

If the parent came to breast feed they would have two arrivals... two departures per day.

I also don't have parents parenting on site. It's too risky safety wise and it's a land mine of potential conflict between provider and parent. The only thing my parents DO with their children onsite is walk them from the car to the house and then from the house to the car. If I could figure out a way to take that over.. I would. Because I have kids in the house... I can't walk out of the house to manage that. If I could... I would. That activity is BY FAR the riskiest thing that happens on my property every day.

I have had many breast fed babies and as long as they are able to fully drink out of a bottle they do really well with expressed milk. I don't accept bm babies until I SEE them drinking a FULL serving of breast milk.

As far as bonding or promoting the bf'ing relationship.... I see it as any other form of parental-child interest. If the parent wants to play sports with the child during the day... I wouldn't allow it. If they wanted to come in and do an educational activity with them... I wouldn't allow it. If they wanted to just spend time together to talk... I wouldn't allow it.

Breastfeeding for an infant that can fully take a bottle isn't any more important than any other "special" activity a parent would want to do during day care hours. It's all one and the same to me.

I wouldn't allow breast feeding here at the end of the day. I need the kids OUT of the house at their scheduled time. I wouldn't want to host that. If the parent wants the child to be fed immediately... they are welcome to park on the street or go over to the park around the corner and have at it. A breast feeding baby is going to be fine with whatever location the parent takes them to and gets them used to.

It's not personal though. I wouldn't allow a parent to do any type of parenting activity at my house after day care. Breast feeding isn't any different than wanting to hang out and play with their kid in your playroom or spend time chatting with the provider while they knock away at their time with the kid on their clock. It's a WANT... something that is very attractive to many parents. It's not an immediate NEED for survival.

If you do child care for any length of time you are going to run into parents WANTS. You just have to decide what you will or won't offer to fulfill their wants. Breast feeding onsite is identical to all the other wants for an infant that can easily take a baby bottle and eat like the rest of the babies before them.

If you want a ton of business... offer a low rate and allow parents to come in and hang out for whatever reason they want. The more you allow a parent to do the happier they are going to be. Offering onsite bf'ing would be a BIG draw if you can handle it. Having the mindset that it's easy peezy... Moms will do whatever it takes to make it the least amount of problem to you... it's in the best interest of the baby to have that time with the Mom... that any bad experience you have had with it was just bad luck... that it's necessary to allow bf'ing before or after care for the baby... etc... will land you a lot of HAPPY customers. If YOU can be happy and offer it then go for it.

It's a VERY common belief that this is a no brainer and it's so easy to do. You will always hear that and it will often be so drastically different than your actual experience managing it. You will hear some providers saying it's no big deal and parents believing that if they are paying you they should always be able to do as they please regardless of whether or not it works for you or the kids. You will then hear providers saying NEVER... I know better... can't manage it. Those providers who say NO to it will be bashed for not understanding breast feeding and not allowing an open door policy.

Happens everytime this comes up.

You just have to find your own place in it. My place is "one arrival one departure" and "no parenting onsite".

[PeanutsGalore]

With my failure to thrive or clinically underweight babies I REQUIRE the Mom to come and breast feed them until we could get them aggressively taking Breast milk from a bottle OR she must extend her maternity leave until we reached that milestone. (single moms breast feed, too)

Either way was difficult and a financial burden on Mom since young mothers are the most likely to be fired since they cost more money to employ. Simple facts, fair or unfair. (I did not make this rule, it just is ) My clients all have very high medical bills, already.

The Mom's never came into the playroom, though. I pulled down the shades, poured them a glass of milk or juice, handed them the remote and let them have the recliner in my family room. It was not uncommon for me to have out fresh fruit and crackers as well. A couple times I did have to wake mom up. ::::

Many times I have had to help teach Mom how to get them to latch on better or how to thicken up their milk with a rich diet so they don't have to feed as often while baby get's more nutrition at each feeding and less water.

The Standard policy here is that I do not allow Moms to breast feed in my daycare. All infants are to be fully transitioned to taking a bottle. This applies to the standard infant and is open to my decision to make an exception at my own will. All my decisions are guided by the best interest of the child, not adults (mine or moms) will.

All of my infants have been transitioned to daycare by 8 weeks at the absolute HIGH end of the spectrum (this includes one with prematurity and complications from open heart surgery).

I will never accept that someones infant needs this special treatment because it is the only way they can bond with their mother. I have babies here with REAL NEEDS, not wants, to attend to.

It is unfair of other Mothers to make my DCM'S feel less of a Mother because they don't have that luxury. Cut and dry.

I don't buy into the "I am a better Mother than you because I put my kids needs above the rest of the group" stuff and I don't let my Mothers make the others feel that way, either.

If they want that environment, they can go to someone like that. Here my DCM'S consider the other kids needs in their personal requests, if they can't see past their own nose to empathise, I don't enroll them.

I bend over backwards when valid, but I say no when we are approaching silly and selfish. I care specifically for kids who need the level of care I offer. My clients have faced real crisis, many will not be out of the woods for years to come, they don't make up more as they go. IYKWIM?

It is all about perspective. IMHO.

Sooooo well said, Catherder. Perspective is lacking in most adults I meet, and that includes me, sometimes! But at least I don't expect anyone to put the needs of my child above the needs of other children. I have a hard time empathizing with that one, and how any mother can think it's irrelevant (at best) or funny (at worst) to interrupt naptime is beyond me...

I also don't buy into the idea that the only time a baby can bond with it's mother is during an afternoon breastfeeding interlude. If that were the case, then we'd have a whole bunch of formula-fed children running around with serious attachment disorders.

I really, really wish I could offer more services than my setup will allow me to. Once I have a larger home and can segment off parts of it like you have, Catherder, then I will offer the services again--with strict guidelines. But even then, I still won't work with clients who want special treatment for their own child to the detriment of the other kids in the group.

[Michelle]

With my failure to thrive or clinically underweight babies I REQUIRE the Mom to come and breast feed them until we could get them aggressively taking Breast milk from a bottle OR she must extend her maternity leave until we reached that milestone. (single moms breast feed, too)

Either way was difficult and a financial burden on Mom since young mothers are the most likely to be fired since they cost more money to employ. Simple facts, fair or unfair. (I did not make this rule, it just is ) My clients all have very high medical bills, already.

The Mom's never came into the playroom, though. I pulled down the shades, poured them a glass of milk or juice, handed them the remote and let them have the recliner in my family room. It was not uncommon for me to have out fresh fruit and crackers as well. A couple times I did have to wake mom up. ::::

Many times I have had to help teach Mom how to get them to latch on better or how to thicken up their milk with a rich diet so they don't have to feed as often while baby get's more nutrition at each feeding and less water.

The Standard policy here is that I do not allow Moms to breast feed in my daycare. All infants are to be fully transitioned to taking a bottle. This applies to the standard infant and is open to my decision to make an exception at my own will. All my decisions are guided by the best interest of the child, not adults (mine or moms) will.

All of my infants have been transitioned to daycare by 8 weeks at the absolute HIGH end of the spectrum (this includes one with prematurity and complications from open heart surgery).

I will never accept that someones infant needs this special treatment because it is the only way they can bond with their mother. I have babies here with REAL NEEDS, not wants, to attend to.

It is unfair of other Mothers to make my DCM'S feel less of a Mother because they don't have that luxury. Cut and dry.

I don't buy into the "I am a better Mother than you because I put my kids needs above the rest of the group" stuff and I don't let my Mothers make the others feel that way, either.

If they want that environment, they can go to someone like that. Here my DCM'S consider the other kids needs in their personal requests, if they can't see past their own nose to empathise, I don't enroll them.

I bend over backwards when valid, but I say no when we are approaching silly and selfish. I care specifically for kids who need the level of care I offer. My clients have faced real crisis, many will not be out of the woods for years to come, they don't make up more as they go. IYKWIM?

It is all about perspective. IMHO.

I am with you all the way!
I have always let moms nurse their babies here.
In my home it's so normal and natural that I let them do it in the living room around the kids ( they are covered). The kids ask them" what are you doing?" and the moms say "feeding my baby" and they say, "Oh" and run along. I did have a lot of explaining to do when I was nursing my daughter.
We were talking about good touching and bad touching that day and one of the new kids accused me of "bad touching " my baby ::::::
So, I had a lot of lessons to teach that day and I let the parents know, just in case. It was sooo funny. Mom said she never saw any one bf before.

[cheerfuldom]

The other thing is that some moms get really cozy at provider's house when they have access to provider's living space, TV, food, etc. It can be very hard to cut that sort of access off when BFing is over with or also hard to let mom know that getting cozy with BFing in the daycare is one thing and that does not entitle them to other exceptions to rules. I would love to be able to provide this but in my experience about 95% of moms just can't handle it. Like the OP said, they come in and feel like the daycare is their personal space, they disregard any rules set out because you already okayed BFing and to them, that means whatever they do during that time is okay as well under the umbrella of "I am here to BF"

[lpperry]

I have never had anyone request to come breastfeed every day at a particular time, but if I did, I would absolutely allow it and welcome it. I think breastfeeding is super important. Pumped breastmilk is fine, but if a mom wanted to use her break to come nurse her baby, I would be thrilled.

I may not have the same kind of sleeping set up many of you talk about. A mom coming by to nurse would not wake up any sleeping children. They each have their own room or two are in one room--sometimes one is in the living room, but it is far from our entrance.

I would just have the mom come in, get baby and either nurse in my tv room or let her nurse wherever we are. I have a 2 year old dcb who comes part time. When he was an infant, his mom used to nurse him when she dropped him off at around noon. He didn't take a bottle well, so it was actually really great. She would nurse him wherever we were for about 10 minutes and then go to work. I just went on with our routine or I chatted with the mom while I played on the floor with the other kids, did art, made lunch, whatever. This mom still stays about 10 minutes at dropoff to chat and I LOVE It. I think it's so nice to have someone to talk to once a week! Actually, now that I think about it, all the moms who pick up before closing stay for 5-10 minutes and talk to me whether they are picking up or dropping off and I really like it. One of the moms sends pumped milk and when her baby was younger, I was consistently feeding him right when she picked him up at 3:15. She'd stay about 10-15 minutes and finish his bottle.

So, I don't think I'd have any issues with someone staying to breastfeed since I have people hanging around anyway and I enjoy it.

[PeanutsGalore]

I am with you all the way!
I have always let moms nurse their babies here.
In my home it's so normal and natural that I let them do it in the living room around the kids ( they are covered). The kids ask them" what are you doing?" and the moms say "feeding my baby" and they say, "Oh" and run along. I did have a lot of explaining to do when I was nursing my daughter.
We were talking about good touching and bad touching that day and one of the new kids accused me of "bad touching " my baby ::::::
So, I had a lot of lessons to teach that day and I let the parents know, just in case. It was sooo funny. Mom said she never saw any one bf before.

Catherder has a designated area for breastfeeding; it's not the living room or playroom. She also accepts babies with special needs who need to breastfeed, she transitions them to a bottle once they are healthier, and her standard policy for non-special needs kids is no breastfeeding on site.

Of course breastfeeding is normal and natural! IMO, I don't care if women choose to cover up or not--that's their decision. The issue I've run across, and many others, is when moms come into the house and cross boundaries that disrupt the other children--interrupt naptime, play with their kids laughing, squealing and such, not knowing when to leave, etc. I'm glad that it's worked out so well for you and your clients. It's truly nice to know that there are cases where this can work out.