REFUSES To Tell When She Needs To Pee!!!

[caligirl]

wow, I have the same problem here. She was 3 in June and has been totally potty trained since 2 1/2 but still refuses to tell me when she has to go. I remind her constantly......if I am watching her closely then I know when she has to go because her face turns stone cold serious and she watches me like a hawk......I ask her 'is there something you want to tell me?' she'll say no.......usually she doesn't have accidents, she'll hold it until I ask her if she has to go.......today however she had an accident. Of course she didn't tell me, but I could tell something was up by the way she was watching me, never taking her eyes off me........ it's just SO frustrating. She is such a smart little girl too. She has the vocabulary and mind of a 5 year old, so it just makes it all the more frustrating.

[christinaskids]

I would rearrange or whatever to make the bathroom accessible to her. I have a swing gate all the older kids can use to get to the bathroom and they never ask me to go. They just all know the rules of one person in there at a time and certain areas are off limits. It has a latch that closes automatically when it shuts and a little lever that pulls up so the younger ones that need to be blocked usually can't figure it out until they need to use it.

[Mom_of_two]

Here a child must be accident free for two weeks before in undies, so I would immediately go to pull ups until she can be accident free.

The rest would be irrelevant. She is capable of telling you, so she needs to tell you, imo. that sounds like more of a power struggle. I would take that away. Pullups til she decides she can tell you.

I do not take kids every half hour etc. I don't have them in undies til they can tell me they need to go, and hold it til I can assist etc. (We have gates, too, which I would not remove.)

[momma2girls]

wow, I have the same problem here. She was 3 in June and has been totally potty trained since 2 1/2 but still refuses to tell me when she has to go. I remind her constantly......if I am watching her closely then I know when she has to go because her face turns stone cold serious and she watches me like a hawk......I ask her 'is there something you want to tell me?' she'll say no.......usually she doesn't have accidents, she'll hold it until I ask her if she has to go.......today however she had an accident. Of course she didn't tell me, but I could tell something was up by the way she was watching me, never taking her eyes off me........ it's just SO frustrating. She is such a smart little girl too. She has the vocabulary and mind of a 5 year old, so it just makes it all the more frustrating.

I have it in my contract- they need to be accident free and be totally potty trained(this means goes on their own, without reminders and assistance from myself) for quite awhile, before diapers/pullups come off

[Francine]

I had a DCM tell me this morning that they were going to start potty training their 16 month old:: I almost laughed but I just wished her "good luck" with that.

[momma2girls]

I had a DCM tell me this morning that they were going to start potty training their 16 month old:: I almost laughed but I just wished her "good luck" with that.

this is what I would say as well.
I also have written in my contract- I will assist with potty training, this must be started at home and making good progress and understand what is going on and tell me when they have to go, before I start assisting with it here.

[DaycareLady19]

The mother is deffiantly not telling you the complete truth. I doubt that the child is just doing it for you. So dont feel bad at all or get fustruted. I would simply explain to the parent that the child will need to wear pull ups until the child can go on the potty for you on a regular basis. I would just explain that it is not sanitary for the child to be going to the bathroom all over the floor. It isnt accpectable, she wouldnt want another child going to the bathroom all over the floor if the siutuion was reversed.

[SandeeAR]

Here a child must be accident free for two weeks before in undies, so I would immediately go to pull ups until she can be accident free.

The rest would be irrelevant. She is capable of telling you, so she needs to tell you, imo. that sounds like more of a power struggle. I would take that away. Pullups til she decides she can tell you.

I do not take kids every half hour etc. I don't have them in undies til they can tell me they need to go, and hold it til I can assist etc.

Same here. I had a family move thier almost 3 y/o, b/c of that policy. I was told they wanted her around kids her age. My next in age was 18 months old at the time. Mom took her to the potty every 30min or so, and I wouldn't. Plus she was capable of telling me she needed to pee and knew when she needed too. She would go in a corner and pee/poop in her pants.

[nannyde]

this is what I would say as well.
I also have written in my contract- I will assist with potty training, this must be started at home and making good progress and understand what is going on and tell me when they have to go, before I start assisting with it here.

Yes and when they tell you they have to go before they have to go it HAS to be in actual words NOT sign language or body language.

[KBCsMommy]

I had a DCM tell me this morning that they were going to start potty training their 16 month old:: I almost laughed but I just wished her "good luck" with that.

These are the moms that say " I tried to potty train my kid this weekend but it didnt work"....." he\she never told me when they wet\pooped in their pull ups!" Seriously!!

[kidkair]

I disagree with most of the standard potty training protocol. I allow a child to sign 'potty' to tell me they need to go. I allow a child to potty train before being able to get themselves up on the toilet, strip off clothes, redress, and wash hands by themselves. I also allow the child to have accidents on my floor without going right back to pull ups or diapers. I have a child who (in my opinion) potty trained at 22 months. She's too short to reach the sink handles by herself and still has difficulties getting redressed but each step to the process she has learned one by one. First step was peeing when placed on the potty, next step was adding in the sign and words prior to taking her potty, next step was lengthening the time between potty breaks, by this point she was getting horrible diaper rash when she'd use her diaper or pull up and we tried so many brands with the same result. Her parents and I chose to just ditch the diapers/pull ups and had her asking for and making it to the potty every 1.5 hours with very few accidents within a week. Yes I cleaned a lot of carpet but it wasn't that hard to move all the kids into a different room for a little bit while I cleaned it all up. I am so happy I did this because she's been accident free for months now and I've had one less diaper to change for that much time too. My biggest thing was making sure the parents we on board with training her. This was the second kid I trained in much the same way and I in no way see myself ever waiting until the kid can full undress, redress, and wash hands and be totally independent in the bathroom before potty training. That's a year or more of diaper changes I could have done without. Most kids here get potty trained between 18 months and 2.5 years not 3 to 4 years.

With the current situation I would give her the sign for potty and let her know she can use that to let me know she needs to go because at least it's communication. I'd also give her a special toy and play a special song for her after she successfully used the potty whether I put her on or she asked to go. I'd do the same for any potty trainers about her age. I also don't discuss accidents. I march them to the bathroom, change them, sit them on the potty for a few minutes, and follow potty time routine, then return them to the playroom with a 'next time tell me or hold it until I take you'. Then I finish cleaning up and we return to our activities. I take all those under school age to the bathroom every 2 hours generally following a meal. I also change diapers at that time to get them in the routine and used to the bathroom prior to them potty training.

[Unregistered]

Responding

I came to this forum to get answers for my also 3 yr old. And reading some of these comments piss me off. Saying the mom isn't telling the truth or she's lying. Is bull****. My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.

[lovemykidstoo]

I came to this forum to get answers for my also 3 yr old. And reading some of these comments piss me off. Saying the mom isn't telling the truth or she's lying. Is bull****. My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.

I think alot of time the kids have issues at daycare/school because they get distracted playing, with other kids etc. Also, let's be honest, they're with daycare/school awake more than at home alot of times. So when a parent says they're potty trained at home, that could very possibly be 1 hour a night because by the time they're picked up here at 5:30, get home (6:00), eat dinner, bath etc. It's time for bed. So how many times are they on the toilet? Going back to my original thought though I think distraction is big.

[boy_mom]

My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.

I think it could be distraction. I've had children who were perfectly trained (home and at daycare) who had an accident every now and then. Some more consistently and then for sanitary reasons requested pull ups. Kids are kids and accidents happen, it's not the end of the world, even though it's frustrating!

If its consistent maybe have your daughter "retrain".... read some more books, there's a Daniel Tiger episode we watched my one of my boys, anything to revisit the issue about going right away when she feelsthe need.

To be honest, my 6 yr old (he potty trained at 3 yrs old) had 3 accidents when he started kindergarten. I talked a ton about not waiting, asking the teacher, etc. ... turns out he didn't like the loud toilet flushing so he tried to hold it the entire school day!!

I bet if you get her talking about it, you can get to the root of the problem and find a good solution!

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I came to this forum to get answers for my also 3 yr old. And reading some of these comments piss me off. Saying the mom isn't telling the truth or she's lying. Is bull****. My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.

A new environment and distraction can definitely be a reason, but if the child is consistently having accidents at daycare, then in my opinion, the child is not totally potty trained. My best potty training experiences were with children who didn't bother with potty training till 3.5 or so. I learned quickly that less is more and being ready is WAY more important than age. Kids who are truly ready don't "train"...they just start using the toilet and accidents are very rare, no matter the place. Not saying they won't have any, but it wouldn't be a regular occurrence. As far as solutions, I would speak with your child about why they are not making it to the bathroom. Are they scared to ask? Are they too busy playing? People don't like "going back" to pull ups, but I have seen a lot of parents skip ahead in potty training and it leads to anxiety for the child. If letting them wear pull ups takes the anxiety away, it will give them control and rebuild their confidence. It's not a negative to me, and for the provider, it keeps things clean and reduces their anxiety around the issue as well, since no one likes cleaning urine off their floor!

Anyway, I got long winded and my main point as to why providers may feel that a parent is fibbing about a kid being totally potty trained, is because the definition of potty trained seems to be pretty subjevtive depending on who you ask!::