No Consequences These Days.....

[Mike Lassiter]

I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma!

Grandparents would tell us to go get them a switch

[Mike Lassiter]

let me just clarify, i was never abused, or beaten as a child. i had a few spankings, but not much more than that in my entire childhood. it was the fear of getting another one that kept me from doing bad things, or at least getting caught doing bad things.

Well I was. Will not get into all the details here, but my childhood was very much less than most of you had. The point I wanted to make previously when typing on cell phone was fear is a excellent motivator. You don't have to beat a kid, or even whip them every time they mess up. You just have to do it enough that they KNOW you might. That is the deterrent most of the time. There are times that call for talking, times that call for more. Much depends on the child and how they act to being taught what is required. Some will listen and obey, some need their butts whipped to get the message. Those that think it is wrong to spank - whip etc. are the ones that will tell others in public how they should raise their kids. My oldest daughter was at Wal Mart with 5 kids and they all had been rambunctious and getting into one thing after another. She said she lost it and somebody started to telling her how she should be raising them. She told the woman to mind her own damn business - she saw a 10 second window of what had been happening and immediately started telling mom she how to be mom. I wonder how many of the people that think they are experts and love to tell others (or report others) will deal with their moments when they happen.

I was and still am the daddy. I never have tolerated disrespect and do not now with one child approaching 30 and another in mid 20's. You will NOT talk to me disrespectful. You will not act so either. Youngest daughter and I don't see much of each other because she is grown and nobody can tell her what to do. I have on many occasions told her she needed to get her act together and she don't like it. I tell her I will ALWAYS be your dad and I will aways tell you what I think you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. It has never been my job as dad to sugar coat the truth or mislead my kids. They know I love them, and them know if they mess up they will hear about it. I don't mean it like rubbing their noses in it, but trying to show them they need to make better decisions to get better outcomes. They may not like what I say, but they know I want them to do their best.

[Michelle]

Well I was. Will not get into all the details here, but my childhood was very much less than most of you had. The point I wanted to make previously when typing on cell phone was fear is a excellent motivator. You don't have to beat a kid, or even whip them every time they mess up. You just have to do it enough that they KNOW you might. That is the deterrent most of the time. There are times that call for talking, times that call for more. Much depends on the child and how they act to being taught what is required. Some will listen and obey, some need their butts whipped to get the message. Those that think it is wrong to spank - whip etc. are the ones that will tell others in public how they should raise their kids. My oldest daughter was at Wal Mart with 5 kids and they all had been rambunctious and getting into one thing after another. She said she lost it and somebody started to telling her how she should be raising them. She told the woman to mind her own damn business - she saw a 10 second window of what had been happening and immediately started telling mom she how to be mom. I wonder how many of the people that think they are experts and love to tell others (or report others) will deal with their moments when they happen.

I was and still am the daddy. I never have tolerated disrespect and do not now with one child approaching 30 and another in mid 20's. You will NOT talk to me disrespectful. You will not act so either. Youngest daughter and I don't see much of each other because she is grown and nobody can tell her what to do. I have on many occasions told her she needed to get her act together and she don't like it. I tell her I will ALWAYS be your dad and I will aways tell you what I think you need to hear whether you want to hear it or not. It has never been my job as dad to sugar coat the truth or mislead my kids. They know I love them, and them know if they mess up they will hear about it. I don't mean it like rubbing their noses in it, but trying to show them they need to make better decisions to get better outcomes. They may not like what I say, but they know I want them to do their best.

This exactly!!!!

They even KNOW what I'm gunna do and say because they KNOW they are doing wrong! they can even imitate me very well, :: definitely Oscar worthy

[Mike Lassiter]

Still get told stories by grownups. They will always be my kids no matter how old we grow. It is sort of funny for grownups to tell fibs and know that I know they are. I have told my kids their whole lives "I hate a liar". Still they do it when it serves their interest to do so.

Why lie? Because you know whatever you did was wrong and don't want to have to admit doing it. At least this means they know right from wrong because if they didn't (or didn't care) they wouldn't even bother to lie about it.

As I stated in another post. When my oldest daughter became a parent, she sudden had a change of ideas as to what was ok and not ok for kids to do. I ask her if it would be ok for her kids to do the things she did and she said "hell no!" It was a phone discussion that really made me proud because FINALLY she got it. I told her she didn't see anything wrong with the things she done when she did them. Why was it ok for her to do them, but not her kids? Answer - "because now I am a parent and I don't want my kids to do anything that might hurt them." I told her NOW she understood why I faught and argued with her so much - because I loved her and didn't want anything to happen to her either. I told her if we hadn't have cared about her we certainly wouldn't have gone to all the trouble we did trying to make her turn out right. It is easier to just let them do what they will, versues trying to make them grow up right.

In the end the kids either win because we stuck to our values or lose because we didn't.

[Kaddidle Care]

Nowadays BOTH young school teams get a trophy so nobody feels left out. It's so crazy. What happened to just "good try, but better luck next time"? Kids are being raised to think "I can't ever lose" and can do no wrong and the world owes them something and then get a very rude awakening when they join the workforce.

I know I have said this before in other posts....but I am truly worried what lies before us in our old age. We spend a lot of time on this forum venting about selfish, rude, arrogant DCP's. The next generation is only going to get worse and they are going to make the decisions for us when we are senior citizens. Scary, huh?

VERY scary. I just attended an Awards Celebration with my son. They handed out certificates for High Honor Roll, Honor Roll and Academic Achievment. To me it was the same as everyone getting a trophy at a sports event. It makes the Certificates EARNED by those that worked hard diminutive in value.

Much like the No Child Left Behind Act. A High School Diploma is no longer earned, it's a present after you put your time in. They are even fighting for the Students that didn't Graduate to march in the Graduation.

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I got "written up" on an inspection once for threatening to put my own child in time out instead of re-directing him.
I do home care for the military, and we have very strict guidelines we have to follow. Some of which are that our own children must be treated and follow the same rules as the DCK. Another is that we are not allowed to use time out, only re-direction.
I disagree with this 100%. During an inspection my own 4 year old son would NOT stop jumping on the couch. He was driving me crazy, I kept asking him to stop, but he knew my attention was diverted because of talking to the inspector and answering her questions. Finally I snapped and told my son "If you dont stop, I'm going to make you stand in the corner". So I got written up. I asked the inspector what I should have done. In my opinion it was a safety issue, he was going to fall and we have hard tile floors. She said I should have re-directed his attention somewhere else, or "given him more attention". She said he was doing it to get my attention, so I should have given him more attention by having him sit close to me and reading a book or building with blocks.
Seriously? So if a kid acts up I am supposed to REWARD them by giving them more attention? Isnt that why they acted up in the first place?
And we wonder what is wrong with kids these days!? It's quacks like this that are ruining our children!

[Meeko]

I got "written up" on an inspection once for threatening to put my own child in time out instead of re-directing him.
I do home care for the military, and we have very strict guidelines we have to follow. Some of which are that our own children must be treated and follow the same rules as the DCK. Another is that we are not allowed to use time out, only re-direction.
I disagree with this 100%. During an inspection my own 4 year old son would NOT stop jumping on the couch. He was driving me crazy, I kept asking him to stop, but he knew my attention was diverted because of talking to the inspector and answering her questions. Finally I snapped and told my son "If you dont stop, I'm going to make you stand in the corner". So I got written up. I asked the inspector what I should have done. In my opinion it was a safety issue, he was going to fall and we have hard tile floors. She said I should have re-directed his attention somewhere else, or "given him more attention". She said he was doing it to get my attention, so I should have given him more attention by having him sit close to me and reading a book or building with blocks.
Seriously? So if a kid acts up I am supposed to REWARD them by giving them more attention? Isnt that why they acted up in the first place?
And we wonder what is wrong with kids these days!? It's quacks like this that are ruining our children!

I did day care in the military for many years. If I was still doing it on base...I think licensing and I would be having words! What a crock to tell you how to deal with your own son!

[Unregistered]

Consequences

I grew up in a family where if I crossed the line, there were most definitely consequences. I know all too well how much it stinks to have to go out and find a switch for my mom to whoop my butt. I can count on one hand the number of times that my dad has spanked me and each and every time I learned the lesson that I was meant to learn. My dad never spanked me for the same thing twice. I was actually really well behaved for him! I knew that he meant what he said and he would always follow through. Things were different with my mom. We had a different relationship dynamic and I was always pressing my luck with her. She was a yeller (which I was always able to ignore) and she had a tendency to let me off the hook if I whined about it enough. It was that inconsistency that made me think that there was always a chance that I could get away with whatever I was doing. It was always a crap shoot and sometimes I gambled and lost. When I did, the punishment was always really rough, whether it was a pretty intense spanking with whatever she could get to first or a ridiculously long grounding. I didn't respond to my mom's attempts at discipline because there were no clear and concise consequences for my actions. My dad never, ever bluffed and as a result, I knew that there would definitely be consequences for my actions.

I have the same mentality with my daughter and with my daycare kids. I'm consistent. I don't give repeated warnings and chance after chance because I know that I'm only making the problem bigger if I do that. I'm firm but fair. I don't respond to tears and pleading. I'm not mean or heartless, I just know when a kid is using the drama to get out of trouble. I recognize it because I did it to my mom when I was a little kid.

[Michelle]

I had a parent that wanted to "observe" her kids in care and I had to constantly remind her not to yell at her own kids in my house, she even came close to cussing at them and hitting them, of course they acted up really bad cuz she was here but I could only imagine what she was like at home if she was "trying" to be good here.

Her kids always responded so well to my gentle loving voice, positive reinforcement and encouragement.
I thought she would see that and try it too but she was too set in her ways. :confused:

[Michelle]

I got "written up" on an inspection once for threatening to put my own child in time out instead of re-directing him.
I do home care for the military, and we have very strict guidelines we have to follow. Some of which are that our own children must be treated and follow the same rules as the DCK. Another is that we are not allowed to use time out, only re-direction.
I disagree with this 100%. During an inspection my own 4 year old son would NOT stop jumping on the couch. He was driving me crazy, I kept asking him to stop, but he knew my attention was diverted because of talking to the inspector and answering her questions. Finally I snapped and told my son "If you dont stop, I'm going to make you stand in the corner". So I got written up. I asked the inspector what I should have done. In my opinion it was a safety issue, he was going to fall and we have hard tile floors. She said I should have re-directed his attention somewhere else, or "given him more attention". She said he was doing it to get my attention, so I should have given him more attention by having him sit close to me and reading a book or building with blocks.
Seriously? So if a kid acts up I am supposed to REWARD them by giving them more attention? Isnt that why they acted up in the first place?
And we wonder what is wrong with kids these days!? It's quacks like this that are ruining our children!

um, do they practice "redirecting" to their young military recruits in basic training?

[Mike Lassiter]

I grew up in a family where if I crossed the line, there were most definitely consequences. I know all too well how much it stinks to have to go out and find a switch for my mom to whoop my butt. I can count on one hand the number of times that my dad has spanked me and each and every time I learned the lesson that I was meant to learn. My dad never spanked me for the same thing twice. I was actually really well behaved for him! I knew that he meant what he said and he would always follow through. Things were different with my mom. We had a different relationship dynamic and I was always pressing my luck with her. She was a yeller (which I was always able to ignore) and she had a tendency to let me off the hook if I whined about it enough. It was that inconsistency that made me think that there was always a chance that I could get away with whatever I was doing. It was always a crap shoot and sometimes I gambled and lost. When I did, the punishment was always really rough, whether it was a pretty intense spanking with whatever she could get to first or a ridiculously long grounding. I didn't respond to my mom's attempts at discipline because there were no clear and concise consequences for my actions. My dad never, ever bluffed and as a result, I knew that there would definitely be consequences for my actions.

I have the same mentality with my daughter and with my daycare kids. I'm consistent. I don't give repeated warnings and chance after chance because I know that I'm only making the problem bigger if I do that. I'm firm but fair. I don't respond to tears and pleading. I'm not mean or heartless, I just know when a kid is using the drama to get out of trouble. I recognize it because I did it to my mom when I was a little kid.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT EXACTLY!
I never bluffed either. Now some with grandkids. I tell them once and if they don't listen or mind I "help" them to. I don't generally have to help much because they know:
Grandpa don't play.
Now, I don't have to yell and threaten repeatedly like their mom. We have a good clear understand of who is who and it is sort of fuuny when they have been told over and over to do or to stop and ignored that. When grandpa speaks he gets their attention and results the first time. ::