No Consequences These Days.....

[harperluu]

Do you all think that re-direction is effective for an almost 3 year old who repeatedly takes toys away from other children (resulting in constant fighting and crying among the children)? I think re-direction would not teach this child that they are doing something wrong, yet because they have not met the magical number 3 yet, licensing requires me to only re-direct. If that were my child, they would know better than to take toys because I like to have consequences. The worst part is that licensing states that I must do the same for my child (only redirection up until 3).

IMO, redirection can mean more than just distraction. I am redirecting a child when after a warning for taking toys out of another child's hands the offender loses the priviledge of playing with that toy until after lunch. I am redirecting when I reward for good behavior with a sticker chart and reward system or a "fill up the jar" system. I am redirecting when I give the victim of the toy grab the words ("my hands", "I'm using this", "you can have a turn next") and the offender the repeated reinforcement that he will not earn that toy by grabbing it out of someone's hands.

I am redirecting if I have that child shadow me for a few hours or a week, depending on his/her needs. Time out is not the only way to provide a consequence for a child. IMO, redirecting a child casts a much wider net than turning a child around, patting them on the head and letting them go on their merry, toy grabbing way.

Sharing toys is an abstract concept to a 3 year old. Taking turns is more concrete. If a toy is in another's childs hands, a child will never earn the right to play with it by grabbing it. I will always return the toy to the other child. I have had some 3 year olds that adapt quickly and really never display this behavior. I've had some that don't get it until closer to 4 or 4 1/2. It just needs to be consistent and constant.

[Blackcat31]

...stomps in with soapbox...looks around....remembers this topic get me riled up......shakes head and leaves.

I am going to have a good morning...I am going to have a good morning...::::

Good Morning everyone!!!

Yeah, I passed by the soapbox this morning too.....LOL!! Ask me again at the end of the week and I may have something to add but for now, the sun is shining, the kiddos are all on time, they all seem happy and it is a good day to be alive!

[Cat Herder]

Yeah, I passed by the soapbox this morning too.....LOL!! Ask me again at the end of the week and I may have something to add but for now, the sun is shining, the kiddos are all on time, they all seem happy and it is a good day to be alive!

It IS a beautiful morning, isn't it? We are heading back outside as soon as the neighbor turns off his scary concrete mixer...

One lucky horse is gettin a new barn today...

[Mike Lassiter]

I'm with you on this. I could complain all day about the lack of consequences parents give their children.

I don't understand it and I don't agree.
I think you need To introduce your child to reality as soon as possible.
Do the crime do the time... Lol sounds harsh but I feel children will not live and Lerner without consequence

There always are consequences, just they aren't always known right away. I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong. When I was young I was usually the first to get in trouble. Not that I always did something to get in trouble but the idea seemed to be guilty first until proved not guilty. I was no angel nor was I treated as one.
It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.

[dEHmom]

I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong.

It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.

2 points i'd like to agree with!

I know with experience, my kids are perfect angels at Granny's (my moms) house. BUT and it's a big but! there is nothing they can get into trouble with there. there is no opportunity to make a big mess, and even if they do, my mom LOVES cleaning. Nothing is off limits because there is no need for it. Yes she says no when they need to hear it. It's not that she lets them get away with everything, it truly is a matter of there is nothing for them to get in trouble with.

second point about kids having no fear of elders.... i agree but sort of disagree with this statement. it's not so much about no fear, it's about no respect. kids are watching their parents have no respect, and therefore, they have no respect. parents are not teaching their kids to respect. when i was young, you NEVER said words like stupid, shut up etc especially in front of an adult. Of course every kid says bad words when they think adults aren't listening. But now, kids are swearing, smoking, smoking pot, walking around at all hours of the night. I see a 6 yo neighbor riding his bike on the road coming home from a friends house at 1030 pm. His big brother, 15 yo, constantly has the cops knocking on the door. He's always up to trouble. Clearly those parents haven't learned from their mistakes. but that same 15 yo sits in his upstairs bedroom window, shouting obscene names at us and other people he can see out the window. OH! and the parents were throwing a social to help fundraise for a friend (a 17 yo) who died on an overdose, do help pay for his tomb stone. they asked if we wanted to attend. I flat out said no thanks. If the circumstances of death were different, yes, i'd be happy to help fundraise for a tombstone. But when these kids are clearly up to no good, out partying all night, and doing drugs then no thank you.

[Michelle]

There always are consequences, just they aren't always known right away. I believe some people live in a fantasy world where their kids never do wrong. When I was young I was usually the first to get in trouble. Not that I always did something to get in trouble but the idea seemed to be guilty first until proved not guilty. I was no angel nor was I treated as one.
It is sad when children have no fear of their elders.

I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma!

[daycare]

I agree, in about 15 years the juvenile halls will be filled with kids that were raised on "redirecting"
when we put our kids on time out, which was the thing at the time, my Grandma would say, he needs his bottom spanked!
she didn't believe for every little thing, just running in the street, biting, older kids hurting others, complete and total disrespect of adults ...etc.
but some people take it too far and abuse, so either way the kids pay for it.
don't flame my dear Grandma!

love grandmas and their old school ways...

I think the sad part is that rules have changed so much that kids feel as though they are superior to their parents and free of any form of punishment.

I was at my best friends house a few years back and her daughter (14yrs) was talking back. Using words that if I ever said to my mom I wouldn't have been able to sit for a week.... Her mom said she would spank her... Her daughters response was if you touch me I will call the cops...........OMG really..... So my BF tells her, here I will dial it for you, there is no law that says I can't spank you regardless of age..... Guess what, she called........Of course, it took the police almost 3 hours to get out to her house and they were a little peeved that they were called out for something like this.

I was really taken back by the level of disrespect that my BF daughter gave to her and was even more shocked to the level it went......

But it just goes to show, that kids are going too long without punishment for their actions and by the time they are this girls age they think they are above thier parents due to all the changes in the laws...........

Also, I am not a huge fan of spanking, but if I feel that the crime fits, I would........ of course only my own child

[dEHmom]

i grew up with spankings being normal discipline. truthfully, we never did it again, whatever it was. sure we'd do other things, but we quickly learned that we needed to think twice before doing something. WAS it worth dad finding out? Would he find out? Dad ALWAYS found out. And the anxiety we experienced waiting for dad to finally say that he knew was HELL.

[daycare]

i grew up with spankings being normal discipline. truthfully, we never did it again, whatever it was. sure we'd do other things, but we quickly learned that we needed to think twice before doing something. WAS it worth dad finding out? Would he find out? Dad ALWAYS found out. And the anxiety we experienced waiting for dad to finally say that he knew was HELL.

lmao that is soooo true..................... my father hardly spanked me, but boy did I fear him..... which made me think twice about doing any thing wrong...

[dEHmom]

let me just clarify, i was never abused, or beaten as a child. i had a few spankings, but not much more than that in my entire childhood. it was the fear of getting another one that kept me from doing bad things, or at least getting caught doing bad things.

[daycare]

based on todays rules.................my parents would have been locked up..........lmao but I think that's most parents.....btw Im close to 40, so during this time there was NO room for disrespect....ZERO tollearance.......

[Michelle]

what's sad is kids KNOW you can't spank them and they get away with whatever they want, although taking toys and privileges away does work with some kids.

I read " Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson and he had some great suggestions. he also wrote "The Strong Willed Child"

[daycare]

what's sad is kids KNOW you can't spank them and they get away with whatever they want, although taking toys and privileges away does work with some kids.

I read " Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson and he had some great suggestions. he also wrote "The Strong Willed Child"

btw you CAN spank a child, you just cant spank them and leave marks....That is child abuse.

One of my husbands best friends is a crazy cop....he always tells my son hey you might be bigger than your mama, but she can still spank you... my son is 15..

[dEHmom]

i think a major difference between the old days and now is that it used to be...

what happened at home, stayed at home

a husband could beat his wife and children senseless and no one said a word.

i'm not saying that is right. if a kid comes into your daycare and says daddy hits me, OF COURSE we have to make sure the kid is not being abused. kwim? but parents are becoming either lazy or too scared to discipline because if the kid goes to someone and says something, it always comes off as abuse.

[daycare]

i think a major difference between the old days and now is that it used to be...

what happened at home, stayed at home

a husband could beat his wife and children senseless and no one said a word.

i'm not saying that is right. if a kid comes into your daycare and says daddy hits me, OF COURSE we have to make sure the kid is not being abused. kwim? but parents are becoming either lazy or too scared to discipline because if the kid goes to someone and says something, it always comes off as abuse.

sad but true...

I did not grow up in this country and what my parents could do was and still is endless. No one cares what your parents choose to do at home where I grew up. But my parents did not abuse me, but i was given harsh punishment if I crossed the line.