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I had a similar screaming drop off with a just two year old once after he had fully adjusted to being here. I sat him down and told him to cool off and we'd talk in a bit. After a minute I went and talked with him about his behavior and how I didn't like it at all and how it was not nice to his mom at all. I asked him to try and be happy to be at daycare so we can have a good day and mom can have a good day knowing he's happy. The rest of the day went okay as he was a little sulky and distant much like when he had first started. The next day though he came in and smiled really big and said "I happy!" and he was all day long! He really got the hang of expressing and controlling his emotions because I had been very direct with him. Strangely enough I had a similar reaction in an 8 year old with behavior issues. I was very direct and honest with him and my emotions in regards to his behaviors and he calmed down and is an angel while he's here.
I don't do presents. I have the kids give presents to their parents in December (not Christmas) and will give the kids something small and use up able like markers and a note pad maybe a little toy the same day. I never give them gifts on days that they may expect it like birthdays. Gifts are suppose to be from the heart so I give from the heart when I feel it's the right time.
Good luck with your little guy.Celebrate! :
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I agree with this! Stop feeding into it. Tell DCM that goodbyes now must be done outside...in the car or before coming onto the porch. You will then escort him inside and she's on her merry little way. The less he can throw himself around and say NO while DCM is around, the more control you have over the situation.
If he's tired, maybe you need to put him down right when he gets there for an hour before he can start activities.
If the tantrums persist and DCM is of no help to you, you might want to reconsider working for this family. It sure seems like you are going through an awful lot of work just getting him in the door!Comment
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Yes this! Hopefully he will be better as the week goes on.
No more gifts for the kids though. If you want to bake cupcakes or some sort of special treat to serve that's another story. A special after nap treat.
Kids don't NEED presents. He'd probably be happier with a big empty box to play in. I'm serious!!
If he is always like this then term away but a week away from you and your rules, well you said it yourself, you were expecting a bit of a hard time today. Hang in there.Comment
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IDK...
...My kids are usually very grateful for presents. For Easter they got a bucket with a jar of bubbles, a pencil, 4 eggs and a couple chocolates and they were OVERJOYED.
I actually got a little sick of hearing thank you and being hugged to death
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I would love to have your opinion Nan, thank you! I don't like having my feelings hurt but if it's to better myself then so be it.Well friend I can tell you where you went wrong but it's most likely going to hurt your feelings and I don't want to poke at you when you are already down.
I can help you not to have this happen again if you would like... so post back if you want a way to correct this.
NanComment
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Update
Well DCB slept until 2:00 pm!! Over 5 hours! Now you tell me what time this child went to bed. DCM texts at noon asking of he calmed down yet. I thought, Well I would hope so after almost 4 hours! I text back he fell asleep. She says ok that's probably all that was wrong then. ??? DCB wakes a little after 2:00 and seems calm. I make his lunch and he eats. I try to ease into the day since our routine has already been blown by the 5 hr nap and fit. All is ok for the first 30 mins. As soon as he's done eating he has an attitude about more chocolate milk. I tell him he already had a whole cup he can have water now. He throws the cup and yells NO! I get up and tell him that is not acceptable and he will not throw cups here. He crosses his arms and gives me a nasty look. I go wash dishes and ignore it. He sits there arms crossed mad giving his looks for the next 5 mins.
I get the dishes done and tell him we are going for a walk. I figure maybe we can talk about scenery and get over his mood. He doesnt want to hold my hand after 2 blocks. We are close to my friends house so we stop and she gets some cars out for he and another child there to play with. He starts being bossy and throwing cars out to the sidewalk. I sit him on her chair and tell him that is not nice and we don't throw cars or be mean to people. He crosses his arms and screams DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO! uh huh ok. I'll ignore him for now and make him do a time out right there. My friend asked how he liked his gift. I told her he didn't get it. DCB was listening and said I DONT WANT IT I THROW IT! She sits there shocked! We have to leave now because I don't want to cause a scene.
We get home and he is mad because I made him hold my hand. We get in the house and he looks around. I asked what he's looking for. He shrugged. I said are you looking for your present? He said yes where is it? I said it is put away since you were mean to me and threw it you won't be able to have it today you will have to try tomorrow to be kind. He screams NO! NOW! Again I tell him we don't yell at our friends and we use quiet voices inside. He screams at me again and shoves a chair over. I take him to time out and he swings at me but didn't connect on purpose. I walk away because I don't know what else to say or do at this point. He left here a dif kid Friday before last and comes back like he was when he 1st came to me. I don't get how 1 week off can alter him THAT much!
DCM came to pick up and as usual asked how he was. I always say he was fine or ok now because she doesnt like to hear bad things and he just gets rewarded anyway. I said he was fine but I did explain that he wont be taking his gift home today because he was very rude with me and threw the gift down when I gave it to him and screamed at me that he didn't want it as he did this morn. Her reply was "ok" then she tells her kid come on lets go to the park and play. WTH???
Sadly I think it's coming to an end if this is going to revert and continue down this path and the DCM just really upsets me at the lack of respect for me. Even if I had issues with a provider or friend etc I would still make my child respect them and when they didn't I would apologize.
Sorry it got so long but I wanted to update and say thank you to everyone for ALL of your opinions. That's what I am here for, to learn and grow to being the best provider I can for these children. TY everyone!Comment
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I get the feeling this child is smart!
He knows that he can behave however he wants and there are no real consequences to his actions. Mom takes him to the park anyway and she doesn't care how you are treated. You can give time out's until the cows come home and he doesn't care. The fun of being wild and the feeling of being in charge of the given situation is worth the few minutes of time out. The gift needs to be gone. Forever.
Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. As long as he feels he CAN manipulate the day...he will.
For your own sanity, I would either term or sit the mom down and demand she work with you on this. If he feels he can yell at her and disrespect you at three years old....how does she expect him to respect anyone when he's 16?Comment
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Sorry if this sounds rude, but I hate this phrase! It is just anohter way to show the child he is in charge. He acts up and you and the other kids have to leave? Why does his bad behavior dictate your day. IMHO, this child needs to learn who is in charge. I also disagree with the statement you made to him about him looking around. You asked him if he was looking for his gift? Why? He clearly doesn't want it and does not deserve it anyways. Why prolong the whole thing by asking him that? I think you should donate the gift and move on. I get the feeling you are still waiting for some type or act of appreciation and honestly, I don't think you are going to get it from this child or his mom. And even if you do it will be forced and not authentic.
I am sorry that you tried to do something nice for this kid only to be shot down, but you can't get something from someone who doesn't understand sincerity and politeness. It just isn't going to happen.
I think you already know this and have answered your own question. If you aren't happy with the relationship between you and this family, then it is up to you to change it. Good luck and don't let one bad experience sour you....not everyone is this way.
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Wow, so yesterday I did not agree with the group and thought that the child was just tired and cranky, being the reason for the fit throwing.
I was right about being tired, but BOY that child is a piece of work.
I think the saying goes........apple doesn't fall far from the tree? UGH
So sorry you are going through this, hopefully your week will get better. I think that it might be time to make that dot on your calendar, come back to it in a week or two, if the probelm is still there, bye bye problem...
good luck with this.Comment
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Sorry, but you don't have Mom on your side, she is on his side. This is never going to change until Mom does. I would not keep a child that yelled at me and Mom did nothing.
If Mom doesn't respect you he never will. I don't term easily, but he would be history a long time ago.Comment
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Nope
She's not on his side. She's on her own side. She doesn't want him to cry because she doesn't want to deal with it.
If he just said calmly "I don't want to go to day care. I would rather be with you", she would have been able to easily deal with it. She would have just told him she must leave him there and give him a quick cuddle.
His reaction was hateful and crying because he didn't want to go to day care and wants to be with her.
He is coming from the same place whether he does it in a nasty way or not. What SHE is after is not dealing with his nastiness NOT that she has to leave him and do something he doesn't like.
She doesn't want for HER to listen to HIM crying and throwing a tantrum. It's not that she minds WHY he is upset. She could easily say no to that. It's the hatefulness and horrible behavior she's trying to avoid.
She's on her OWN side. This is about HER and her happiness. It's about what is best for HER.Comment
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