Joy Turned To Sadness WWYD?

[Unregistered]

I'm registered just in a hurry here. I have a dilema here and I tried to hash it out myself but I just want to see where the average provider stands on an issue such as this. I give gifts for every holiday and every birthday to my daycare kids. I have ran into ungrateful attitudes before yet I still give because the majority of kids are grateful. This time I have 2nd thoughts. ALL opinions are welcome no matter what they are. Thank you!

I currently only have 1 child in care today. I have a couple others but they are on a vacation. The child I have today has had ups and downs as any child but with him it has been more downs in the past. He has been getting better with me even telling me he loves me and hugging me at times. Now today it's back to the old ways. DCM took 1 week off and came back today. I expected some issues because once kids are away from daycare routine they need some time adjusting back. This child always has morning issues with whining and being a little rude to me because he is woke up and taken out the door with no time with DCM. In the past there have been a few times she wakes early and played with him prior to daycare and those days were so much better! No fussing no mean attitude. I tried to tell her she should wake him earlier and spend time because the day is so much smoother and easy for all of us. She doesn't listen and sleeps until 8:00 when she has to be here at 8:30.

Well today I prepared myself for a little issue because he has been gone for 1 week. I thought it would be short lived because while away he had a 3rd birthday and as I do for every child, I bought him a gift. It is a big set of the bristle type blocks that he just loves to play with here. He doesn't have any of his own so I bought him a set knowing he would love them.

So he comes and is whining he doesn't want to be at daycare. I expected that so I just kept a smile and greeted him on the porch with I missed you and happy birthday etc. He gives me a mean look and yells NO to me. I asked him what was wrong and he yelled at me again giving me a nasty look. I said ok and just turned away to keep my cool. DCM says nothing to him and is signing him in on the porch. I had to make a new rule that sign ins are at the door or outside because parents linger and roam through my home. I handed out notice 2 weeks ago and it worked fine until today. Anyway.. So she signed him in and I turned back and asked if he would like his bday gift I bought for him. It was laying on the table there. He yelled NO!! at me. I said ok that's fine. DCM then starts whispering in his ear. She did this for a long time. DCB is just whining. She is still whispering. I find this rude and I feel out of place. It's just us 3 what's the deal u know? He screams NO at her and says he doesn't want to stay here he wants to go with her. She kisses him and hugs him. She says she has to go and he yells again. I need to distract him so I try again asking if he would like to play with his new toy. He gives me a nasty look and screams NO! I DONT WANT IT!!! DCM says nothing just hugs him and says she has to go and stands up. She didn't even correct him! If it were me I would apologize and tell my child that was very rude! Instead she hugs him and tries to walk away. He clings on and she says she has to go to work and she loves him. She then picks him up and says we have to go in the house so I can leave. Before I can say anything she opens my door and walks in. RUDE??? I'm standing there dunbfounded. I pick up her diaper bag, the sign in sheet and the birthday gift. She sits dcb down in the living room. DCM says look at your gift, it's a big kit just for you and he screams I DONT WANT IT! He throws a fit kicking and screaming. Again no correction. She tells him she will see him later and walks away. He runs after her into the hall and throws himself down. He starts kicking the baby gate and knocks it over. She says sorry I have to go and shuts the door.

I stand there now feeling depressed again. I don't want to deal with this anymore and now with him even being so rude about a gift that I spent $20 on really just breaks my heart! DCM could have at least said thanks, sorry he's acting like this... something! Maybe I expect too much? If so please tell me so I can change the way I think. After she left I tried to pick him up off of the hall floor. He swinging and screaming. I sit him on the sofa and he's having a fit so I let him be. Finally 5 mins later he stops and is sitting there pouting. I asked if he was ready to talk to me and he yelled NO with that nasty look. I said ok and asked if he was ready for breakfast NO!! ... I sit down and am just at a loss. He keeps looking at him gift. I hand it to him saying nothing and he drops it on the floor and said I DONT WANT IT! Fine I take it and put it in the dining room!

I had thought about terming this family for another issue but after them being gone for a week I thought I would give another chance because I just want to see dcb grow up, he has been getting better. Now I am thinking term again but is it just because I am upset right now? I know later DCB will want his gift. He is now passed out on the sofa because he can't stay awake. He probably didn't get much sleep. This happens often he stays up watching TV so I hear. Here I sit mind racing. he is my only kid today and he's asleep already so my mind is just thinking too much about this whole thing. Anyway question is would you give the gift after the way he acted? Maybe I am just being stubborn because my feelings got stomped on but I don't want to give it to him now. I know DCM will ask where his gift is when they leave. If I tell her he didn't want it so I'm keeping it, it will sound petty and childish wont it? Plus it will tick her off I bet! What would you do here? Would you give the gift anyway? If not what would you say to DCM when she asks for it?

[Live and Learn]

Wow, I would be tempted to send the gift to your local children's hospital in the birthday boy's name.

[dEHmom]

I think this boy needs to learn he cannot behave poorly like that. He probably knows he will get it later anyways, so he basically will be rewarded for that.


Since he stated he does not want it, and behaved that way, I would NOT be giving him the gift. When he asks for it later say, you gave it away because he said he did not want it.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

Readjusting can be hard. And he clearly is missing his mommy. But she is the one who needs to correct things in order for him to get better.

[sharlan]

First of all, welcome to Monday morning after a vacation.

Second, I would have just picked him up on the porch, walked into the house and closed the door. Stop the scene ASAP. The longer Mom is there to feed into it, the longer it will last. (From past posts about this child, Mom doesn't get it and won't so don't let her attitude ruin your day.)

Third, put the toy up in a closet and don't say another word about it. If he asks about it, explain that he won't be getting it until his manners and attitude improves. Do NOT reward his bad behavior with a gift, birthday or not. If Mom asks about it, tell her that if his attitude improves tomorrow, you will give it to him then.

[Sunshine44]

I'd just put the gift in the closet and not give it to him. At least not anytime soon. He doesn't deserve it and if he is saying he does not want it...well, that is his choice, but I wouldn't be so willing to give it to him later.

I think a lot of people do not have proper manners when it comes to a lot of things...and yea, I would be totally upset at dcm if she acted that way. Control your child for goodness sake...at least make an attempt to raise a decent person.

[Meeko]

I would tell the boy that as he doesn't want the gift, you will be taking it to the local hospital as a donation. Put him in the car and go do it......no matter how much he screams. This child has obviously never had to deal with consequences and he needs to. He IS old enough to know better. He IS old enough to know that his behavior had negative consequences (for him)

If I tell a child they (for example) lose their art project for that afternoon due to bad behavior.....they lose it. Even if they are angelic for the rest of the morning. I am a very firm believer in choice and consequence. By three years old, they know what they are being told. Mine know that if I promise something...I follow through. Be it a fun thing or not. The children have complete faith and trust in me due to this. I do not lie to them or make promises I cannot or will not keep.

Good luck...sounds like you are in for a fun day!!!

[momma2girls]

WOW!! That ****s!!
I actualy stopped giving Birthday gifts to daycare children about 4 yrs. ago. Everyone is ungreatful with them. Gosh I finally had parents thank me for their Christmas gifts this yr. I had 1/2 say thank you for them. The other 1/2 didn't even say thank you or anything!!

[momma2girls]

I would tell the boy that as he doesn't want the gift, you will be taking it to the local hospital as a donation. Put him in the car and go do it......no matter how much he screams. This child has obviously never had to deal with consequences and he needs to. He IS old enough to know better. He IS old enough to know that his behavior had negative consequences (for him)

If I tell a child they (for example) lose their art project for that afternoon due to bad behavior.....they lose it. Even if they are angelic for the rest of the morning. I am a very firm believer in choice and consequence. By three years old, they know what they are being told. Mine know that if I promise something...I follow through. Be it a fun thing or not. The children have complete faith and trust in me due to this. I do not lie to them or make promises I cannot or will not keep.

I agree with these posts!!

[boysx5]

one of my dcg sibling came last summer and comes on snow days or school days off well after doing that last year I decided no more. AT Christmas I bought her a gift and when she say the gift bag and said oh that looks so small I said no more gifts for her nor will I watch her anymore if the parents deal with thats their issue

[daycare]

Ok I am going to not agree with the others on this one.

First off the boy is 3, he has very little coping skills on how to handle emotions, plus he's tired. I am not trying to excuse his behavior at all, I think that I would be upset too, it's only natural, but again remeber who you are dealing with.

I would let him sleep and when he wakes see if he is in a better mood. Talk to him about his behavior this morning and then let him know how it made you feel...

I try to never talk to people when I am mad, or when they are mad, because most people are not open to listen at that time. I think its always best to have a talk after everything has steemed over.

I would give him his gift at the end of the day. Tell the parent at pick up, he said he didnt want it, but I am sure he was just having a bad day.

As for the parent, I can't stand when parents do stuff like that, but with her being in a rush, she may not have not been thinking straight....
BUT still not an excuse for her lack of parenting either.


Sorry you had to deal with this....

[laundrymom]

I would have stopped it at the first fit," excuse me Jonah, we do NOT act this way here. You can either say goodbye to mom or not but you will not treat her this way here. " at which point I would have said. Mom, go to work. Grabbed him and walked away. Into the house and closed the door. Then I would have sat him down, told him to let you know when he was finished throwing his tantrum. And went on with the day


. As for the gift keep it. If he or mom say anything about it just tell them. Oh, he said he didn't want it and you didn't act like it was important so I gave it to someone else. It really hurt my feelings how it didn't seem important to either of you for me to remember his birthday and buy him a gift I felt would be perfect. Then look her in the eye and wait for her clumsy apology. And respond to it with the same concern she showed you this morning.

[cheerfuldom]

It doesn't sound like a one time thing. I think you need to decide if you are willing to keep this family knowing that this little boys behavior will always be a struggle and this mom will most likely not ever change. Is it worth it? To me, it is not. There is no way I would pick up a screaming/hitting/kicking 3 year old and have to deal with that sort of tantrum.

[Christian Mother]

Ohh honey!! What a start to your Monday morning and you only have one child too!!

I am with Daycare...my daycare consists of all boys under the age of 3 and each of them have had this type of behavior at one time or another. It's hard...I am very sensitive and I treat all my parents with each of them my primary concern and of course there children are my joys so when I am not given respect in return. It stings.

I think that little guy woke up cranky and just plain not in he mind set to be there. He was overly tired which pretty much adds to the fact that nothing you say and do will calm or make him happy. Let him through his fit. When this happens to me I pick them up and if there hitting me I turn them around so they can't hit and place them in one of the rooms that is safe for him to throw it. I calming tell them when your done with your tantrum or fit you can come out and I walk out. Go about my biz.

Since he is sleeping tells me he def. isn't in the right frame of mind that morning. Let him sleep how ever long and if it messes up his sleep pattern for mom that night, I guess she will have to start putting him to bed at a decent hr.

As for drop and pick up....nannyd's is the best. As the start of any bad behavior take control. Pick him up and say time to go inside and start our day...bye bye mom have a great day and shut the door. From the moment they are at your place it's time to take charge. I am thinking mom was desperate to get out of there to and wasn't thinking either. Its hard on moms to when there children are crying for them. It stays with them.

I hope your day gets better for you!! Sorry this happened special at the beginning of the week.

[nannyde]

Well friend I can tell you where you went wrong but it's most likely going to hurt your feelings and I don't want to poke at you when you are already down.

I can help you not to have this happen again if you would like... so post back if you want a way to correct this.



Nan

[SimpleMom]

First of all, welcome to Monday morning after a vacation.

Second, I would have just picked him up on the porch, walked into the house and closed the door. Stop the scene ASAP. The longer Mom is there to feed into it, the longer it will last. (From past posts about this child, Mom doesn't get it and won't so don't let her attitude ruin your day.)

Third, put the toy up in a closet and don't say another word about it. If he asks about it, explain that he won't be getting it until his manners and attitude improves. Do NOT reward his bad behavior with a gift, birthday or not. If Mom asks about it, tell her that if his attitude improves tomorrow, you will give it to him then.

ditto. i would have to agree.