Okay-Here's A Good One! So Mad!

[jen2651]

i mentioned this on another post a while back,

i would be ticked if i didn't receive an apology at the very least, and i would be upset if they didn't at least OFFER to pay the deductible or a portion of.

i'm glad the family offered, and that they are on board. it's the offer that makes the issue go away.

no matter how tempted i would be to take it, i would most likely refuse the offer for the money. but if they didn't offer, than i would be tempted to pull out the contract and request the payment.

I agree. And I think everyone is missing the point. I would be so embarrassed if my 3.5 year old son did something like that. I would want to crawl in a hole and die. I know kids do things. He isn't perfect either, but this was a big, costly mistake for someone. I am pretty sure the first time I heard about it I would have not reacted correctly as I don't think my mind would have grasped exactly what you just told me. But, then you can bet your bottom dollar I would have been on the phone with you apologizing and after much discussion with trouble-maker son, we would have come up with a way to have him 'help' with the situation. My son is only 3.5 and he understands that $.50 will buy him a bouncy ball at wal*art...he knows that $1 is two etc. He would be taking some money from his piggy bank and giving it to you. Obviously, not going to make any difference...oooh, fifty cents!!!! BUT, he will remember that forever, that actions have consequences. I remember stealing a piece of Brachs candy (in my mouth) from the grocery store when I was 4. My mom made me bring it back. Holy cow, I NEVER have stolen again...the shame I felt.

I think they should for sure have apologized and offered to pay some. Of course, you aren't going to take it. BUT, in this world today, the lack of responsibility for people's actions is just sickening and I don't think I could have cared for their child anymore if they hadn't apologized. It would have just given me a bad taste in my mouth that I am pretty sure would have never gone away. The money isn't the focus, it was the basic human nature that they just needed to show some sense of remorse for the unintentional actions of their 4 year old!

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

I disagree with almost this entire post.

No one is condeming her. She made a mistake like we all have. It's just a costly mistake.

I don't care if a four year old is embarrassed to ask to go potty or to be supervised. They can't be here if that's a problem. I have to supervise them at all times. A four year old doesn't have a say in that. That's decided by grown ups who make laws and regulations... not a four year old and their four year old feelings.
Of course it could have happened right in front of her. This didn't. She wasn't in the room or next to the room when he did it. She was there before but not thirty seconds after.

The provider HAS a choice about how many children she cares for. If seven is too many too supervise the bathroom while doing the other tasks then she has to decrease the number of kids to the number she CAN supervise and do the other things.

This kid showed SO many signs that he couldn't be trusted alone in there. She knew he behaved badly numerous times before. Whatever supervision she is doing today.. could have been done yesterday. She's saying she will never leave him alone in there again... that means she CAN care for him and not leave him alone in there.

Your response seems to me to be from someone who would really never have to pay the damage for this kind of mistake. It's easy to SAY this but paying for it is a whole nother thing. I don't think there are any center employees who could afford a third of this kind of situation.

The first part I bolded: According to my state's laws and regulations a child has to be within sight or hearing. Here's what my state's regs say about toileting: "If a child is able to toilet independently, she or he may do so without caregiver supervision." So state regs determined that I could go potty alone if I was a 4 yr old. My adult "feeling" would feel the same way now. I didn't grow out of a need for privacy. Maybe I realized a need for privacy earlier than some children :: But thank goodness I did not have to worry about a caregiver watching me or hovering around outside the door listening while I pottied (I don't even like going to the bathroom in a store where people are in the stalls next to mine, and can hear every sound I make). Children deserve privacy just like you. They are humans too. If a child shows they cannot be trusted, then of course they should be supervised. My point was that he was not "unsupervised" for a long time. He was in the bathroom where he was still within hearing (which is still considered "supervision" in our state regs. Maybe not everyone else's, but it is in our's). That's all I was saying. I was honestly trying to make the OP feel better about herself, that she shouldn't kick herself too much because a 4 yr old should/does know better, and she did just get through checking on him 30 seconds before. It was all within state regs, as she stated. And she has a difficult set up, with a lot of hassle involved if she has to go upstairs with one child to go potty. That doesn't mean she has more than she can handle, it means some providers have an easier situation or daycare set-up than others.
The 2nd part I bolded: What part of my post made you think I wouldn't have to pay for this kind of damage? I am NOT a center employee. This is a home daycare. There's only the two of us. NO ONE in this business could afford this kind of damage. That's why we have to have policies that say if a child intentionally causes damage the parent is responsible for their part in it. The OP chose not to ask for the parent's part, and I really respect her for that. But rightfully, she could have (at least 1/3, is what I was saying in my post).

[nannyde]

. There's only the two of us. NO ONE in this business could afford this kind of damage. That's why we have to have policies that say if a child intentionally causes damage the parent is responsible for their part in it. The OP chose not to ask for the parent's part, and I really respect her for that. But rightfully, she could have (at least 1/3, is what I was saying in my post).

That's my mistake. I misunderstood what business you were in. I thought you were a center worker.

My mistake.

[nannyde]

If a child shows they cannot be trusted, then of course they should be supervised.

So with your logic then wouldn't a four year old who shows they can't be trusted still deserve privacy if they want privacy?

My point is that a four year old doesn't get to decide this. Your rules say "may" not must. May is a very important word in child care regulations. Believe me, they use it for a reason.

I don't consider whether my kids want privacy or not. The thought of that never crossed my mind until this thread. I've raised these kids since birth.. there's nothing about them I don't know or have access to. When they are here they "belong" to my heart and soul. I just don't think of them as separate from me so I don't consider they have separate feelings that would take me out of anything they do here. To me going potty isn't any different than going for a walk.

Maybe this is because there isn't a time in their lives when I don't have them other than the few weeks after their birth and they are with me nine hours a day full time. I've never had a single one of them I have had from newborns ever show an iota of modesty around me... just like my own kid. So the idea of them wanting privacy from me is beyond my thinking.

To me it's a supervision issue plain and simple. It has nothing to do with privacy.

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

Our daycares are so different, it sounds. Our's is mainly from 2-5 years (focusing mainly on preschool) and sometimes school agers. So a lot of our children don't come to us until 2 - 4 yrs old, when their parents begin looking for a preschool and need daycare for their child also. Some of our current children have been here since about 17 months old, and they're the ones who run out with no pants on, "can you help me?" But I also try really hard to teach them mosdesty, even from that young age. So when their dress flips over their head, I remind them to cover themselves (of course I privately tell them, so the boys don't make a big thing of it ). So to me, privacy and modesty have always been a big deal, and I try to give it to anyone who is old enough to potty alone. I wish we were able to have the kind of relationship you have with your children, but since ours go to Kindergarten no sooner than they start with us, pretty much, and some only come part time, then we still get really attached and love them to pieces, but that mother/child relationship isn't there Plus with such a low ratio, I'm sure you're able to get closer to your children (and provide one on one supervision for bathroom breaks ). Our children just go whenever they need to, without asking, and I can't imagine it any other way. I feel like it should be a home away from home, for them, so that would include being able to potty like they would at home (Of course the rules are different for a lot of them...like the ones who refuse to clean up: we can tell our rules are different than theirs at home, where mom or dad run along behind them and clean up their toys... or the ones who throw a fit when they dont get what they want immediately: obviously it works for them somewhere...and it's not here!). DCB would have had more supervision than the other children while pottying, but I considered the op as supervising him, going from everything she mentioned in her posts. We could not provide the kind of supervsion this boy obviously needs...and since it would require an extra helper just because of potty breaks, we'd consider him needing more care than we can provide.

[CdnMumof4]

Omg!!

wow... I would be LIVID. I'd give the kid a consequence he'd have to hear about- tell the parents you can't take him for the entire next week, while they do repairs on your home. See how much the parents have to say about his toilet paper games when they're stuck having to take time off work and find alternate care for their little trouble maker. I too have a 4.5yr old of my own- who seems to be NEVER innocent when something 'goes wrong'. we've never had an issue like that, but he has flooded our bathroom before and instead of telling me, ran and hid. It wasn't until I noticed a yellowing on the ceiling [AAACK!!] that I knew there was something wrong .

but yes, I'd be furious. GIVE them a consequence. that is unacceptable.