Ever Had A Daycare Provider Friend That You Can't Trust?

[MsMe]

I have one lady that was org a friend of my Mothers but as I became a provider she calls me all the time! I don't think very highly of her services or house so I only refer the really wierd calls her..this is just to get the 'refer some of those calls to me!" off my back. She has been a provider long enough to know better than to take them and we laugh about it later (no harm done right?) I direct everyone else to CCR&R (she is on that list so in a way it is refering her?)

I do not talk about personal daycare plans or issues, families, money with her and mostly she just chats my ear off complaining about one thing or another.


I once had a daycare family interview and say they loves the place and all of my pratices and policies, but were worried about the smoking. I have been smoke free for 2 years and never smoked on daycare property (it is even against the law to do so here). I still have a little feeling it was this 'friend' who gave them this 'tip' as it was the only interview that we ever shared and I accidently let it slip when she said that she was interviewing them that they were comming to see me the next day.

[Cat Herder]

I have found that the level of "Daycare Frienemy" drama is inversely related to the distance in miles to one another's Daycares.

Fewer Miles = More Drama

More Miles = Less Drama

[countrymom]

my friend lives in the city and I live in the county so there really isn't any compitition. But she does live next door to my sister. But we all get along (acually I just got off the phone with her) its nice to have someone who is on the same page as you, besides you guys.

[QualiTcare]

when there's competition it's hard to have a friendship.

i had a best friend since 6th grade and when i was younger and single (19/20 and living on my own) i had guys (just friends!) telling me that she was saying things like, "why do you all like her so much?" and one night this guy who i had dated briefly called her on 3 way so that i could hear her hitting on him. she gave him her number and told him to call so they could hang out sometime. i really didn't care ABOUT HIM bc i was finished with him anyway, but who tries to have their best friend's leftovers? eww. there were SEVERAL instances like that. she had her own apartment too, but everyone always came over to my place to hang out and she was simply jealous.

all the daycare kids are hanging out at your place and she's jealous!

needless to say - i'm not friends with the girl anymore. i was lying in bed one night when i heard her hitting on this guy while sitting on MY couch in MY house who had been trying to date me. the fact that i didn't want to date him and the fact that he told her, "no, i like her." didn't matter. it was the point that she was basically telling him, "i don't see why you want her instead of me" that made me flip out and i finally mentioned all fifty thousand times she'd done something similar which she thought i wasn't aware of. a friend who can't be trusted is NOT a friend!

[MamaBear]

so true!

I have found that the level of "Daycare Frienemy" drama is inversely related to the distance in miles to one another's Daycares.

Fewer Miles = More Drama

More Miles = Less Drama

Soooo true! haha

[grandmom]

Hold your friends closely.
And your enemies more closely.

I wouldn't necessarily ignore her. Just don't confide in her. Share non-reportable stories, etc. But don't use her as a confidant.

Look at it this way. Once a family sees her program, they'll want to be on your waiting list.

[jen2651]

I have never been in this situation with another provider, but I can say it is really ****y (sorry, the only word to describe it) when you think someone is your friend. I'm not sure about you guys, but I am a really outgoing person but let very few people into my inner circle. So I have lots of acquaintences but few friends. It seems as though it just hurts when that happens. You feel stupid, deceived, and worst of all, second guess your ability to read people. It especially stinks when there was someone else (dh) who 'knew' this all along!

I feel for you, and yes, I would too remove myself from this friendship...move her out of the inner circle to the outer...chit chat, but nothing more!

[gkids09]

I have found that the level of "Daycare Frienemy" drama is inversely related to the distance in miles to one another's Daycares.

Fewer Miles = More Drama

More Miles = Less Drama

TOTALLY agree with this!! Actually, I have a couple "friends" that I've met on here..We've exchanged email addresses and even have one's phone number, and we text sometimes, even though we're hundreds of miles away from each other.

It's nice to have someone who knows exactly what you're going through, but you know they aren't spreading rumors around about you because they don't live anywhere near you..

My great aunt is a daycare provider, and while we sort of talk about daycare, it's not something that is a normal topic of conversation. Basically, we're competing against each other for kids in the same county. She doesn't do the preschool aspect in her daycare because she takes infants too (I don't).

My grandmother has told me before that my great aunt was trying to raise her prices to match mine, but my great uncle told her she was dumb because I offer a lot more than she does! ::

Anyway, I definitely believe if there is someone on this forum that you like to read posts from, try PMing them and get their email address. Seriously, it's really nice to have someone "there" but not so close they try to run your business down!

[dEHmom]

this reminds me of high school.

i remember best friends, would stop talking, because they all liked the same guy, and when the guy asked one of them out, the others getting mad because she "stole" him. As if the girl could control who the guy liked.

My friends always hated me

[Mike Lassiter]

Someone I worked with years ago told me once: just because people know each other or work together DOESN'T make them friends. I know a lot of people, but I only have a few friends.
It struck me odd at first until I really thought on his words. Me too! People casually say friends for lack of better way of putting it. Listen, because I know you DOES NOT make you my friend! My childhood was screwed up compared to most peoples. It caused me to give trust slowly when it has been earned and withdraw it quickly if it ever was compromised.
If you ever "wronged" me you were off the buddy list. No second chances for most. If you betrayed me once you would do it again given the chance. With that said I may work with you or know you but that would be all. My circle is very small and for my own reasons. It's not that I don't want lots of friends; but rather I prefer to have a few GOOD ones. Those people that I can depend on to watch my back and count on me to watch theirs.
The person you mention here is certainly not a friend but a leach who is pretending to be a friend in hopes of gaining whatever she may from this "friendship". Not worthy of your trust IMO.

[nannyde]

She's reminds me of a saying I once heard that went something like:

There are some "friends" who can be beside you or above you but never below you.

[texascare]

I have found that is in this business providers can be very "cut throat". I had a situation happen to me that a parent interviewed with me and another provider in the same area and while the parent was at my house the other provider called her and offered her a lower rate and no deposit if she decided to go with her. She knew she was at my house interviewing because she went from her house to mine.(the parent told her too) Anyways, this provider in particular tried to under cut all the other providers in the area. It was horrible. I live by her for years. Thankfully I moved several years ago. I do have a friend who I talk to everyday and vent and talk about the business with, but she has never in 16 years done me wrong. I think we all need someone in the business that we can share things with and talk to because there is no one other than another childcare provider that can relate to us or understand us/our business like another childcare provider. With that being said you have to be careful who you can trust and who you can't.