Do Your Own Kids Get Special Priveledges?

[MsMe]

JenNJ --Nowhere in my post did I say I was refering directly to you. If I was speaking directly to you I would have quoted your post.

[SunflowerMama]

I am not licensed, so no state to worry about. So my son can do as he pleases and go in the yard at my say so.

I tend to worry more about my own kids perception of fair than a clients. Is it fair my kids have to share their toys, their home, and their mom with other kids? Nope. They didn't choose this life. This is a job I CHOSE to benefit my family. If I treat my kids as daycare kids, what is the point of me staying home and raising them myself? They can get equal and fair treatment at a daycare. This is their home, they get special allowances that children who don't live here get. THAT is what is fair to my kids.

Because the way I see it is that they deal with a lot of "unfair" things too. I can't drop everything and go on a vacation. I would lose clients. But my daycare kids all go on week long family vacations. Kids break their toys. Kids get hugs and kisses from THEIR mommy. It's not fair to MY kids and at the end of the day, any little thing I can do to make it a bit easier or more enjoyable for them is a bonus bc they are so tolerant of these kids in their home.

I think I'll just agree to disagree on this one. I don't think my girls see anything unfair about staying home with me and participating in the daily childcare activities. Everyone gets love around here all day long...my kids AND the dcks. When you wrote "if I treat my kids as daycare kids what's the point of me staying home" I was a little thrown off because if you ask my daycare kids I bet they would say they are treated pretty well...fed well, played with, loved on, exercised, so to be honest my kids love to be treated like the daycare kids.

[JenNJ]

JenNJ --Nowhere in my post did I say I was refering directly to you. If I was speaking directly to you I would have quoted your post.

I apologize. I thought you were directing it towards me.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I can't find where anyone said anything about treating the DCK's as second class. You can still treat all the kids in a caring, loving way. If I have a group of kids, and my own say "I want to play in my room", and their room happens to be in a non DC area of the house...I think they should be allowed to play in there if they want, regardless of the fact that the kids in the DC aren't allowed to. If they want an apple from the fridge, I shouldn't have to fork out 5 more apples when they're 6 bucks a bag, just to keep things "fair" -especially when everyone else already ate bananas. If my 10.5 year old wants to go outside and play at the neighbor's house, he's my child, so why shouldn't he go, especially when everyone else has the option to play with the MANY activities/toys that I have for them here? That doesn't make them second class. It's just the fact that these are my own kids and the rest are someone else's kids. Now, on the other hand, I wouldn't give the others saltines and my own ice cream - I try to keep things reasonable.

[lucky]

This is exactly why I decided to get a backbone and have no sa's this summer. My daughter is 12 and does her own thing and my son is 7 and spends most free time running around the neighborhood with his buddies. Our backyards all face each other so the 3 other mom's and I can all keep an eye on them. It's just too hard to tell other sa's they have to stay in my yard and listen to how unfair it is!

[JenNJ]

When you wrote "if I treat my kids as daycare kids what's the point of me staying home" I was a little thrown off because if you ask my daycare kids I bet they would say they are treated pretty well...fed well, played with, loved on, exercised, so to be honest my kids love to be treated like the daycare kids.

My daycare children are treated great. They never want to leave. They get care and love like my kids do.

What I am trying to say is that if I wanted my kids to be in daycare setting, I would have found a job outside the home and put them in daycare. They participate when they want to (which is a good percentage of the time). If they don't want to, they do their own thing. I can't give that option to my daycare kids bc it isn't what their parents signed on for. Their parents signed on for daycare -- my kids didn't. I don't have the ability to cater to everyone's personal preferences. Again -- it's not what the parents signed on for. But I do have the ability to cater to my kids now and again, so I do.

We do special treats for the entire daycare for holidays and birthdays, but I know my clients would be angry if I was handing their kids cookies and candy everyday instead of the healthy snacks I promise. And I would end up in jail if I sent the kids outside alone like I do my son. As a mom, I can indulge him that way -- not an option with the dc kids.

[MsMe]

I don't know why (maybe bc it is Friday, or bc it is cold and rainy here) I am having a hard time putting all of my thougths into words today.

The short story is....

I think every child 5 and under should be treated exactly as all the DCKs are. snack, activities, toys, ect. Yes, I stand by the fact that I think anything less is treating DCK 'second class'

SA children should be given more freedom to have alone time and friend time....but when in the same space as DC should follow all of the same rules.

[SunflowerMama]

I don't know why (maybe bc it is Friday, or bc it is cold and rainy here) I am having a hard time putting all of my thougths into words today.

The short story is....

I think every child 5 and under should be treated exactly as all the DCKs are. snack, activities, toys, ect. Yes, I stand by the fact that I think anything less is treating DCK 'second class'

SA children should be given more freedom to have alone time and friend time....but when in the same space as DC should follow all of the same rules.

I agree with this 100%.

[Missani]

My kids are 4 and 2 (my baby is 2 on Monday!). I do not allow special priveleges. I expect them to be part of the daycare in every way. Yes they are here 45-50 hours a week (sometimes my DH gets home first and will "pick them up" before I am done), but they are here with me so I don't see it as the same as being away from their parents 45-50 hours a week. I treat everyone the same during daycare hours and allow the special treats/activities in the evenings and on the weekends. I want it to be "fair" in every way, and my kids don't mind doing it.

While I love being home with my own kids and chose the career with this in mind, I do not feel like I need to give my kids special priveleges. I think they can do as the other daycare kids do during daycare hours, which keeps it fair and avoids any resentment toward my own children. When they are older and not the same age as my dcks, I am sure I will feel differently and allow them more freedom.

[Blackcat31]

My children are older and this does not apply to me but when they were young and spent time with me at daycare, I think I expected more from them than the dck's. I was probably harder on them when they participated in a group activity that ended with a bad behavior because I KNEW my kids knew better. I KNEW I raised them to follow rules and not talk back or test my boundaries. I had higher expectations for their behaviors than any of the daycare kids because I KNEW the way they were raised.

I understand what some of you are saying when you bring up the fact that your children didn't ask for daycare in their home but YOU are the parent and YOU decided that for your child so it wasn't like an unfortunate accident. If you have your own children in your home during daycare, they have an advantage that the dck's don't have...THEIR MOTHER present with them all day.

That is an advantage that IMHO far outweighs their choice in what to have for snack or what toys they can and cannot play with during busness hours. Your own kids don't have get up early and be dropped off at someone else's house for the day, they don't have to miss their parent during the day, they don't have to be away from their safe place (home) at all. They can nap in their own beds, play in their own yards and go their own mom when they need or want a hug.

I think that having to share a few toys, follow a few rules and abide by general group norms are all a small price to pay for the things they do gain.

As a parent, I took my own kids out of a daycare where the provider choose to allow her child to act the way he wanted, say the things he wanted and behave the way he wanted because after all, it was his home and he shouldn't have to follow daycare rules in his own homes just because they have a mom who does daycare. The providers son was only 5 but I know for a fact he used that info to his advantage every chance he got.....even though the provider denied ever seeing any proof of it.

I would never have given my own kids a snack, privilege or set of guidlines to follow that were in any way different than the dck's. I am only open for 10 hours per day so I really didn't think that was too long of a period of time for my kids to have to abide by daycare rules since it was excellent preparation for their school years and would have been the same had they gone to someone else's house for daycare...except then, they wouldn't have had that one gigantic advantage of their own mother present for every minute of that 10 hour day.

So I treat every single one of the children (biological, blood-related, cash paying and state assisted) in my home during daycare hours equally with the exception of a bit harsher punishment for those related to me

DISCLAIMER: I am not saying anyone should or shouldn't run their daycares and their homes in any particular manner. I am simply stating my opinion and how I viewed things when this situation did apply to me. I may have felt differently then compared to now but I also let parents get away with a lot of things back then that I would never let fly now so....

[AfterSchoolMom]

This thread is taking an all-or-nothing turn, with providers on both sides. I don't think it has to be that way. I'm all for our own kids having to follow DC rules - in fact, I teach my own that it's their responsibility to be a good example for the others, and to help me show them what the rules and routine are.

I don't think they should be able to act however they want or say whatever they want. I agree with you, Blackcat, in that I'm more strict on my own, for the reasons I stated above.

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's a big deal to let my own kid play at the neighbor's house.

[MsMe]

My children are older and this does not apply to me but when they were young and spent time with me at daycare, I think I expected more from them than the dck's. I was probably harder on them when they participated in a group activity that ended with a bad behavior because I KNEW my kids knew better. I KNEW I raised them to follow rules and not talk back or test my boundaries. I had higher expectations for their behaviors than any of the daycare kids because I KNEW the way they were raised.

I understand what some of you are saying when you bring up the fact that your children didn't ask for daycare in their home but YOU are the parent and YOU decided that for your child so it wasn't like an unfortunate accident. If you have your own children in your home during daycare, they have an advantage that the dck's don't have...THEIR MOTHER present with them all day.

That is an advantage that IMHO far outweighs their choice in what to have for snack or what toys they can and cannot play with during busness hours. Your own kids don't have get up early and be dropped off at someone else's house for the day, they don't have to miss their parent during the day, they don't have to be away from their safe place (home) at all. They can nap in their own beds, play in their own yards and go their own mom when they need or want a hug.

I think that having to share a few toys, follow a few rules and abide by general group norms are all a small price to pay for the things they do gain.

As a parent, I took my own kids out of a daycare where the provider choose to allow her child to act the way he wanted, say the things he wanted and behave the way he wanted because after all, it was his home and he shouldn't have to follow daycare rules in his own homes just because they have a mom who does daycare. The providers son was only 5 but I know for a fact he used that info to his advantage every chance he got.....even though the provider denied ever seeing any proof of it.

I would never have given my own kids a snack, privilege or set of guidlines to follow that were in any way different than the dck's. I am only open for 10 hours per day so I really didn't think that was too long of a period of time for my kids to have to abide by daycare rules since it was excellent preparation for their school years and would have been the same had they gone to someone else's house for daycare...except then, they wouldn't have had that one gigantic advantage of their own mother present for every minute of that 10 hour day.

So I treat every single one of the children (biological, blood-related, cash paying and state assisted) in my home during daycare hours equally with the exception of a bit harsher punishment for those related to me

DISCLAIMER: I am not saying anyone should or shouldn't run their daycares and their homes in any particular manner. I am simply stating my opinion and how I viewed things when this situation did apply to me. I may have felt differently then compared to now but I also let parents get away with a lot of things back then that I would never let fly now so....

Something like this is exactly what I was trying say but couldnt get the words out today.

[Blackcat31]

I think that the right answer truly depends on the age of your own child. If they are under 5 then I can see how they should be treated the same way. However once they reach Kindergarten and older they should be encouraged to have their own social lives and play next door, up the block or in their own rooms. To me, that would be the difference in how I treat my own vs the dck's.

[Country Kids]

I think this thread goes along with the other one that was posted recently about "How much weight does your child carry". These in my eyes go hand in hand because the children will say "I don't like the daycare children here for......" and it can be because they are treated like a daycare child. If they do get privileges that the daycare doesn't they have to go off and hide to do it. I know I've told my own-go eat that in your room so they don't see you.: I think doing childcare is a double edge sword-you get to stay home with your child but you still don't have that freedom of being a stay at home mom. Your still working so even though you are staying home you are bound by rules and such. I hope that makes sense, my head is plugged with a cold so it makes sense to me but maybe not others.

[Meyou]

I don't know why (maybe bc it is Friday, or bc it is cold and rainy here) I am having a hard time putting all of my thougths into words today.

The short story is....

I think every child 5 and under should be treated exactly as all the DCKs are. snack, activities, toys, ect. Yes, I stand by the fact that I think anything less is treating DCK 'second class'

SA children should be given more freedom to have alone time and friend time....but when in the same space as DC should follow all of the same rules.

I totally agree and this is what I do with my own kids who are both school age. My youngest WAS one of the DCK's until she started school. I treat them all like my little darlings so she never felt left out. Heck...most of them call me Mama or Mom when they start to talk. I break that one quickly though. I don't want the real mama's to feel upset about it.