Do Your Own Kids Get Special Priveledges?

[Zoe]

I remember being in daycare when I was a child and thinking how spoiled my daycare lady's kids were. They went into the fridge at will and pulled out snacks all day. They could leave the table without asking to be excused. They were honestly downright rude to everyone and I couldn't stand them.

I keep that in mind when I do daycare. My kids are 5 and 3, so they're a part of the daycare. I keep pretty much the same rules for them simply because I want them to learn manners and how to socialize with other kids. I don't want them walking around "owning the place."

That being said, I let them go into their room if they want some time to themselves. If they want any daycare kids in their rooms, they need to give permission first. They can have access to their toys at any time as long as they keep them in their rooms and I don't let the dck's play with my own kids' toys.

When they're older and SA I'm sure I'll be more lax on the rules in regards to snacks and things because then they won't be a true part of my daycare, because I don't take SA. They'll still count in my numbers, but they can have more leeway.

[juliebug]

mine are free to play with the daycare kids along as they obey the daycare rooms if they don't then they can go to their rooms or the living room or outside. my son has played out front with friends many time or went to friends house no problem

fyi in my state if i get parent signatures i can let SA kids go to a park, friends house, swiming pool with out me

[SilverSabre25]

I don't let my DD eat/drink "other" things in front of the dcks...those are reserved for during nap time (she doesn't nap). Mostly, we have "daycare rules" wherein she knows that she has to obey a certain set of rules when daycare kids are here and awake. Even at 3 she's pretty good at "getting" the distinction and the different set of rules. She's better with daycare rules than the daycare kids are, .

[SunflowerMama]

When they're older and SA I'm sure I'll be more lax on the rules in regards to snacks and things because then they won't be a true part of my daycare, because I don't take SA. They'll still count in my numbers, but they can have more leeway.

This is definitely my plan too. I don't take SAs and don't plan on doing that in the future either. So when mine are in school things will be a bit more laid back as far as the rules.

[Evansmom]

I for sure treat my children different but my two oldest are 17 and 12 and the daycare kids are in the 2-3 year old range so my kids wouldn't appreciate being treated like little kids at all.

My youngest is 3 and he does play with the dck. It's so good for him to have a group of peers b/c there are 10 years between he and his brother. And I love it that I get to be with him and supervise him. He still does get some privilages though. Like if we get new toys he can put them in my bedroom for a while until he feels like he wants to share them. He shares 99.9% of his toys so I don't care that sometimes he wants something special for him. He very quickly ends up bringing those toys out anyway b/c he has figured out that sharing is more fun.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I remember being in daycare when I was a child and thinking how spoiled my daycare lady's kids were. They went into the fridge at will and pulled out snacks all day. They could leave the table without asking to be excused. They were honestly downright rude to everyone and I couldn't stand them.

I think there's a difference between letting them do extra things and allowing them to be rude and nasty to the DCK's. I'd never let mine get away with not using their manners, and they always have to ask before having a snack. I make sure that they understand that it's a "privilege" and not a "right". KWIM?

[SunflowerMama]

I think there's a difference between letting them do extra things and allowing them to be rude and nasty to the DCK's. I'd never let mine get away with not using their manners, and they always have to ask before having a snack. I make sure that they understand that it's a "privilege" and not a "right". KWIM?

I get what Zoe is saying and I think at age 3, 4, 5 they just can't understand why they are eating saltines and water while the provider's kids are snacking on chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. It's not that they are being mean to the dcks it's just that from the dcks' perspective they are being spoiled by being allowed to have better/different snacks in front of them.

[Zoe]

I think there's a difference between letting them do extra things and allowing them to be rude and nasty to the DCK's. I'd never let mine get away with not using their manners, and they always have to ask before having a snack. I make sure that they understand that it's a "privilege" and not a "right". KWIM?

Absolutely! I think my own perspective was that I didn't think it was fair that they got this stuff. But furthermore, these kids really were rude and I would never let my own kids act that way. If they weren't so bratty, maybe I would have seen things differently.

I agree, it's a privilege for them as the kids who live here. As long as my children are polite, then I don't mind it when they want to go play with their own toys.

I'm kinda distracted today so if I'm not making myself clear, I apologize!

[Unregistered]

I wouldn't feel guilty at all...my kids aren't in daycare....they are at home and they act accordingly....and rightfully so!!!

I agree. My son didnt ask for me to do daycare so I make consessions on stuff for him b/c he already has to share all his toys, his mom etc. His room is OFF LIMITS to everyone and he can choose to play in their on his own when ever he wants. Sometimes he brings toys from his room to share with his friends but it on his terms.

[AfterSchoolMom]

I get what Zoe is saying and I think at age 3, 4, 5 they just can't understand why they are eating saltines and water while the provider's kids are snacking on chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. It's not that they are being mean to the dcks it's just that from the dcks' perspective they are being spoiled by being allowed to have better/different snacks in front of them.

Sure! I can see that. Do you think, though, that it's unrealistic of me to expect grade schoolers to understand why they get to do other things and to NOT argue with me about it? I guess that was part of my original concern.

[Zoe]

Sure! I can see that. Do you think, though, that it's unrealistic of me to expect grade schoolers to understand why they get to do other things and to NOT argue with me about it? I guess that was part of my original concern.

Sometimes I think school-agers complain just to complain. When I taught elementary school, I heard "That's not fair" WAY too much. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

[SunflowerMama]

Sure! I can see that. Do you think, though, that it's unrealistic of me to expect grade schoolers to understand why they get to do other things and to NOT argue with me about it? I guess that was part of my original concern.

No I totally get that too. I was more referring to the children that are younger...not yet in school (the 2 - 5 crowd).

[JenNJ]

Maybe it's a state thing but I couldn't let my kids outside alone...if state came they would cite me for it. As far as the state is concerned they are part of the daycare so to avoid getting citations they follow the same rules and have never asked to do their own thing.

Also for me I would feel bad giving my kids special snacks in front of the dcks or letting them watch tv in a different room, etc. I just look at it from the parent's point of view. If my kid went to daycare somewhere I wouldn't want their provider doing those things for their children in front of my kids. If it's in private where the other dcks don't see or notice that's fine but to do it right in front of them...just don't think that's fair.

That's just me though.

I am not licensed, so no state to worry about. So my son can do as he pleases and go in the yard at my say so.

I tend to worry more about my own kids perception of fair than a clients. Is it fair my kids have to share their toys, their home, and their mom with other kids? Nope. They didn't choose this life. This is a job I CHOSE to benefit my family. If I treat my kids as daycare kids, what is the point of me staying home and raising them myself? They can get equal and fair treatment at a daycare. This is their home, they get special allowances that children who don't live here get. THAT is what is fair to my kids.

Because the way I see it is that they deal with a lot of "unfair" things too. I can't drop everything and go on a vacation. I would lose clients. But my daycare kids all go on week long family vacations. Kids break their toys. Kids get hugs and kisses from THEIR mommy. It's not fair to MY kids and at the end of the day, any little thing I can do to make it a bit easier or more enjoyable for them is a bonus bc they are so tolerant of these kids in their home.

[MsMe]

I understand wanting to stay at home and raise your children but to treat DC as second class while they are in your home is very upsetting to me.

Anyone who is just watching 'extra kids' so they can stay home with their own perfect children is in the wrong business.

[JenNJ]

I understand wanting to stay at home and raise your children but to treat DC as second class while they are in your home is very upsetting to me.

Anyone who is just watching 'extra kids' so they can stay home with their own perfect children is in the wrong business.

I'm sorry. Did I say I treated the daycare children as "second class?" I think you need to check your reading comprehension.

What upsets you? Me giving my child a Nutri-Grain bar instead of fruit that I have planned for the daycare kids? My son is 5 -- older than the other kids by 1.5 years minimum.

He doesn't snack with the daycare kids at all. So should I wake them all from their naps and have them eat a Nutri-Grain bar to make things fair? Or should I make my 5 year old sit inside while I change diapers, do potty time, and feed them lunch in the name of fairness?

Just because I make special concessions for my own children doesn't make it mean or rude and it certainly isn't upsetting.

And by the way, I don't think my kids are perfect -- far from it. But it is not my job to raise the daycare kids. They are guests in my home. I treat them with love, kindness, and respect. At the end of the day, I wash my hands of them. My kids have a right to have a mom who loves them and shows it everyday -- not just when all the kids are gone.