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Already said the punishment should be HIS and not yours. He gets to goof off and get in trouble and you have to pay for it. Too bad for him your not teaching him anything when this great lesson/learning opportunity presented itself. Good Luck when he does something serious and/or illegal and you cant do the community service/jail time for him.Thank you so much everyone especially those of you who have been supportive. Trust me I am not having a fun day today! :
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My son is NOT happy so neither is anyone else in this house.
Yes my mind was pretty much made up before I posted but I felt so bad I needed to see what others thought. I hoped a few of you would be supportive and at least make me feel a bit better about punishing him. We have been having problems with him for a while so we had to do something drastic as the warnings and sending him to his room after school for a period of time did not work.
I hate to do this to my son, I love him terribly and hate to see him upset. But that is the problem with so many parents. We see it all the time those of us who do daycare. Many do not want to have the aggravation of dealing with a child who gets so upset and continuously lets you know about it. Not having any peace at all because the child you are disciplining won't stop and leave you alone is the reason why parents give in and give up. I won't give in and I won't give up no matter how tough it gets and trust me. Today it is tough going!
We are on Day #1 today and wow is it brutal for me! I knew this was going to be harder on myself than him!
He is now watching his 1/2 hour of TV and then it is bedtime. I think he earned it today.Comment
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I think that the decision you have made will definitely teach him how to restrain himself enough to not get kicked off the school bus. Life isn't fair, we all know that. My mom always told me things weren't fair so I had to learn to play the game...meaning, if you have gotten kicked off the bus because you truly were the only one who got caught, then you have to be smarter...and not say anything at all. Don't sit there, don't look at them.
She wasn't teaching me to be sneaky, just to understand that yes, the rules are different for some people. And your rules here are hard, but the punishment will be even harder. So you better figure it out, because when you are young, it is no toys, it is no TV, then no video games, then no phone, then no internet, then no car, then no extra money (every college student needs to eat). It is much easier to learn when you are young!Comment
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Whether the punishment is too harsh or not, the right thing to do was to follow through with your consequences that you discussed with your child. To not follow through would have been the wrong thing to do.
I bet you next time he goes to think about whether or not to make a bad decision that this punishment will weigh in heavy on his mind. I bet he will really rethink making another bad decision. Set the ground rules now. You are very smart.
Good for you.....but sorry to hear this..
As for the one who said that this is to be his punishment not yours... Well that is part of being a parent. Until your child is 18 years of age, you are legally responsible for EVERYTHING that he/she does.Comment
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To unregistered, whoever you are. What are you talking about? The punishment is HIS! He is suffering greatly by not being able to do all of the fun things he likes to do whenever he wants to do them! Being a parent involves doing whatever it takes to teach your child right from wrong whether it is difficult or not for yourself. Yes my Saturday was tough. It was mentally exhausting. I had a whiny, miserable 7 year old boy who was constantly bugging me for his things back which he is NOT going to get back for at least two weeks. How is that not teaching him anything?Comment
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Yesterday morning as well as Saturday morning my son was up by 8 am. He was told Friday night when we tucked him in that he could only read books when he woke up or play legos. He was good with this for about 2 hours Saturday morning and then he started!
He decided he wanted to play Wii. I asked him what he was doing and he said picking a game. I told him not! He then asked if he could play his dsi. I said not! Then he wanted TV and I said no turn it off!
Well I had to listen most of the weekend to how its not fair and its no fun and I'm bored. I told him how sorry I am that he feels bored and that he has 2 more weeks before he gets his things back. I explained how sitting on the bus quietly for 20-25 minutes everyday is a lot less boring than having to endure the loss of whatever he likes to do at home.
He is allowed to read, play legos or any other type of building blocks or construction sets that he has which are lots, or play with his cars which he likes to do.
He has asked many times to play on the computer the answer to that was no too.
For the next 3 days when he is supposed to be going to school his routine will be the same as any school day only it will be done at home.
He will wake up at 7 like he always does and have his shower.
He will then get dressed and have his breakfast. After breakfast I will allow him to socialize with the few dcks who are here.
At 8 am when he is supposed to be riding his bus he will sit in a chair and be quiet and not move for 20-25 minutes which is about the length of time it takes to get to school.
At 8 30 am he will be allowed to go out in my yard and play until 9 at which time school will be starting but it will be in his room. Teacher and principal sent home LOTS of work for him to do!
He will be allowed breaks for washroom and snacks as well as an hour for lunch and outside time. I will let him have 2 15 minute outside breaks. At 3 pm he will sit for another 20 minutes for the bus ride home and then he is free to choose from the items I have allowed him to have. Books, legos, construction toys, tinker toys, cars.
If he has earned his 1/2 hour of TV time by following my direction during the day he may choose one 1/2 hour show to watch after dinner.
He asked tonight if daddy was working tomorrow and my husband is off so he asked if daddy could drive him to school and I said no, why? He said because this is boring! He said recess at home is more fun than at school but that is all. I asked him if he was going to get in trouble on the bus again and he said no way!
My son is already saying he can't wait to get back to school on Thursday and this is only 1 day into this! This just might work!Comment
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You know your son, only you know the history of the issues on the bus and with the other kids. You decided how you, as his parent, thought he should be disciplined. You discussed it with him, and are now following through with it. You are doing the HARD work of being a parent!
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Your son will learn through this!Comment
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The same situation just happened to my son and i came here to get a clue on what i should do. I think that you decided on a very good disciplinary method that he wont forget. I will try the same thing. Hopefully this will work on my kid. Sometimes kids don't listen after all that and still continue to get into trouble and they need everything they can possibly have fun with taken away to bring them back to that reality that if they don't listen to you later on the line they might do something even worst and will have to listen to authority. They will listen to someone if not u the judge that will give him his sentence. So to avoid those possibilities that might or not happen down the road, i think it reasonable you follow through. Your story is so similar to mine about the boys and your son only its those boys and my twins. I can relate to your frustration and i'm also at my wits end. Good luck and god bless.Comment
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I didn't read all the responses, but I agree with OP's course of action. She is using a tried and true John Rosemond technique. Too harsh? Oh, no, no no! Right on, OP! You are being the good parent, the one that uses tough love when necessary. You ROCK!happyface
One of my DSs rides the bus (we have 3 DSs in 3 different schools - elementary, middle, and high) and we have no other means to get him to and from. If this was my DS and he was jeopardizing our option for him to use the bus service, he would be in very much the same boat.
Then I would see to it that he has something to occupy his time on the bus with books or wordfinds or something. My boys love all the graphic novels available these days, and we can check them out at the library.Comment
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I also agree that it would not be a bit helpful to your child to let him slide under the radar or to blame other people. I'm certain you're right that he's aware of his actions. There is a huge difference between standing up for your child when they can't advocate for themselves and standing up for him because you simply don't like a situation and want to blame other people...especially when he's the one responsible for his own actions. Good for you for not being that passive parent!Comment
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