My Child was Tied to a Chair at Daycare

[AmandasFCC]

Did we ever really find out if the child was simply strapped in with the scarf, just as if he would of been if strapped in with the strap, or was he hog tied. It does make a big difference in the situation.

As far as the teaching children issues......I am old school, and have very different thoughts on some things verses the "new way" of discipline. In my house when my kids were small, if I was to tell them to sit down in a chair and they didn't, I would not be repeating myself 3, 4, or 5 times, I would be swatting their butt, placing it in the chair showing them the correct way to sit at the table, and they would of listened. But today, for some warped reason, many parents, the governemnt and our society, has taken to frown upon discipling children, too afraid of hurting their feelings, and all we have to do is look at the brats when you go to WalMart, the situations at the schools, the issues at daycares, and you can see that the "new way" of raising young children has totally failed, yet people just keep on doing it. I personally think it is ironic that society has come to place young children in daycare settings, yet while the child is there 6/8/10 hours per day, the daycare providers are not allowed to discipline a child. No wonder kids are such brats, they learn early on that the provider can't really do anything when they misbehave.......yet they can't learn to sit in a chair, not bite someone, or any of the other issues we deal with. Maybe that is called selective learning because I know you can't touch me syndrome.

I've been saying the SAME THING!!!! It's no wonder kids feel so entitled when the people they spend the majority of their waking hours with are not legally permitted to discipline! Not that I would want to spank someone else's child, mind you, but it's really frustrating to me that in our province we are not allowed to even use time-outs!!! What am I supposed to do when KidA bites KidB? Tell him that's not ok and leave him alone ... it's ridiculous!!!

[GretasLittleFriends]

The parents of the children in my daycare have all told me, right in front of their children, that it is ok for me to spank them if they are really naughty. I, of course, can't and will NOT spank them, but the children do not know that. Knowing it might be an option is enough for the majority of my children to behave. I have a few kids lately who have spent a fair amount of time both in time out and sitting at the table "working" for me while the other ones get to play.

[judytrickett]

As far as the teaching children issues......I am old school, and have very different thoughts on some things verses the "new way" of discipline. In my house when my kids were small, if I was to tell them to sit down in a chair and they didn't, I would not be repeating myself 3, 4, or 5 times, I would be swatting their butt, placing it in the chair showing them the correct way to sit at the table, and they would of listened. But today, for some warped reason, many parents, the governemnt and our society, has taken to frown upon discipling children, too afraid of hurting their feelings, and all we have to do is look at the brats when you go to WalMart, the situations at the schools, the issues at daycares, and you can see that the "new way" of raising young children has totally failed, yet people just keep on doing it. I personally think it is ironic that society has come to place young children in daycare settings, yet while the child is there 6/8/10 hours per day, the daycare providers are not allowed to discipline a child. No wonder kids are such brats, they learn early on that the provider can't really do anything when they misbehave.......yet they can't learn to sit in a chair, not bite someone, or any of the other issues we deal with. Maybe that is called selective learning because I know you can't touch me syndrome.

Mac, I don't know who you are but.......I LOVE YOU!!!!!

[seashell]

I believe it was Dr. Spock who started the "if you spank your child, you damage their self esteem" crap. I don't spank my DC kids, but I did spank my kids when they were younger occasionally. The behaved far better than my dc kids. Just remember, Dr. Spocks son committed suicide. Guess that means his theory just didn't work!

[jen]

AGH...here is a prime example of parents at work...

3.5 year old dcg BITES another child and NOT the first time, not even close...she has been biting since she was 18 months old.

Me: A, tell Daddy what happened today
A: I bit L
Dad: A, why did you do that? What did we tell you to do when someone makes you mad?
Me: L didn't do anything, they were waiting to wash hands for lunch.
A: Looks up at Dad with big sad eyes and starts to cry
Dad: (Picks her up) Oh, its OK A. Just don't do it anymore oK?
Me: No, not OK. She is way to old to continue biting and other parents are upset that thier children are coming home with bite marks.
Dad: I know but she's crying...

Discipine? Oh no...she might cry! God forbid.

AGH!!!!!!

And we have a Walmart terrorist in the making.

[mac60]

I know, so many parents are so irresponsible....now me, if that was my child, I would of either taken the childs arm and bitten her back, or spanked her butt and told her it was never to happen again. This is what I mean, why are some parents so darn afraid to discipline their child. Actually, the discipline would of happened long before this incident. And at 3 1/2 yrs old, she would be spending a couple days sitting alone at a table playing all by herself.

[judytrickett]

I know, so many parents are so irresponsible....now me, if that was my child, I would of either taken the childs arm and bitten her back, or spanked her butt and told her it was never to happen again. This is what I mean, why are some parents so darn afraid to discipline their child. Actually, the discipline would of happened long before this incident. And at 3 1/2 yrs old, she would be spending a couple days sitting alone at a table playing all by herself.

Both of my own kids bit ONCE (and thank God the vicitm was their sibling!) and both times I bit them back. Never happened again.

I also had a boy in care who was biting and was on the brink of termination. I had tried everything. I really wanted to bite him back but when you are a provider you can't do that. Finally I told mom he had to go. She pleaded with me and said she didn't know what to do. I recommended she bite him. Well, he bit, she bit back and he never did it again. It saved his little daycare but too cause he got to stay on.

When I was a kid I STILL remember vividly being bitten by my mom after I bit my sister. I remember it NOT because it traumatized me but because it made a point. There was no wishywashyness about it. I learned in ONE second that biting was NOT acceptable. In fact, the childhood lessons that serve me most as an adult I can recall like I was right back there 30 or so years ago.

[seashell]

When I owned my center I had an issue with a parent in the toddler classroom that still has me scratching my head!

I had 2 kids, both just 2 years old. The boy turns around to the girl who was standing behind him minding her own busness and shoves her in the chest, knocking her to the ground. She starts to cry, so he pulls her hair. I picked her up and his mom, who watched the whole thing says to her, "Im sorry you got hurt C, but you shouldn't invade T's personal space" WHAT? Invade his personal space? What about telling T what he did was wrong? I can just see her testifying for him at his first murder trial. Sorry your honor, but that guy invaded his personal space! OMG

[mac60]

Just one question.....how did so many in our society get to this......glad I am not "one of them".

[jen]

Just my humble opinion but...

I think it started when we, as a society, decided that "shame" was destructive to children. Clearly, we don't want to shame a child for making a mistake or having an accident, but no shame, ever? Really?

Feeling shame when we knowingly do something wrong is a good thing. It teaches us to do the right thing, not because we are afraid of getting grounded or spanked, but because we want to feel good about ourselves.

Parents are working hard to create positive self esteem, not by teaching kids to do the right thing, but by failing to teach them when they are acting inappropriately.

[judytrickett]

Just one question.....how did so many in our society get to this......glad I am not "one of them".

I call it daycare guilt. Parents feel guilty for shirking their parental responsibilities for 50 or so hours each and every week. And, in fact, most parents don't really "need" two incomes. But everyone wants their big houses, two brand new SUV's, designer fashions, Little Gym Memberships, cell phones, extended cable packages, and yearly exotic vacations. All those things cost money. 50 years ago we didn't have half the expenses we do today. We have those by CHOICE.

So, for about 80% or the kids that are in daycare there isn't a "real" need. Having the second parent work is not a matter of not being able to eat or pay the mortgage. It's about extras. And on some level I think parents know this. But, they put the priority of extras above that of spending time with their children in the most important and formative years of their child's life.

With that comes guilt. So, when you DO get to spend the whole four hours a day with your child and most of that time consists of getting ready for the day or ending the day you don't want to spend those few hours fighting with your kids. You want your kids to like you more than the dcprovider. So, you give in, allow them to be the boss and you falsely perceive them to "like" you more.

It's all about guilt. No parent wants to be the bad guy. They are afraid of their children because they have made the situation to be that way.

Now, I am sure this post will bring some flack. But usually those that hit a nerve or truth tend to do that.

[seashell]

I call it daycare guilt. Parents feel guilty for shirking their parental responsibilities for 50 or so hours each and every week. And, in fact, most parents don't really "need" two incomes. But everyone wants their big houses, two brand new SUV's, designer fashions, Little Gym Memberships, cell phones, extended cable packages, and yearly exotic vacations. All those things cost money. 50 years ago we didn't have half the expenses we do today. We have those by CHOICE.

So, for about 80% or the kids that are in daycare there isn't a "real" need. Having the second parent work is not a matter of not being able to eat or pay the mortgage. It's about extras. And on some level I think parents know this. But, they put the priority of extras above that of spending time with their children in the most important and formative years of their child's life.

With that comes guilt. So, when you DO get to spend the whole four hours a day with your child and most of that time consists of getting ready for the day or ending the day you don't want to spend those few hours fighting with your kids. You want your kids to like you more than the dcprovider. So, you give in, allow them to be the boss and you falsely perceive them to "like" you more.

It's all about guilt. No parent wants to be the bad guy. They are afraid of their children because they have made the situation to be that way.

Now, I am sure this post will bring some flack. But usually those that hit a nerve or truth tend to do that.

Very well said Judy. After 20 plus years in the field, I am 110 percent behind your statement.

[mac60]

I do agree with most of what you said. As far as families not needing 2 incomes, well, in my opinion, that is not that case for most. I will use me for example.

We live in a home valued today at $113,000. Our vehicles consist of a 2000 Grand Am with 134,000 miles on it, and a 2002 Chevy Venture with 67,000 miles on it. Neither are paid for, 1 yr left on the van, and Grand Am on home equity loan.....which I would never do again. In the past 4 years, we have spent approximately $15,000 on medical bills, due to rotten insurance. $4300 each for 2 sets of braces, oral surgury for son who maxed out our deductible so we were only liable for $4800 of that bill in that year. Husband was in hospital 2 years ago and we incurred that deductible. Our kids since 7th grade were involved in sports and that cost money. They were in band, and that cost money. We helped our son buy a car and have had to help him with major car repairs with the lemon we told him to get. We are trying to help both kids get thru college. They are taking out loans, we are helping where we can. We do not take expensive vacations, actually no vacations the past couple years.

We don't have cell phone plans. We don't have big cable/internet/phone bills, just basic package. Our house payment is $535 per mo, our property taxes are about $1700 per year, our homeowners insurance is about $900 per year. Our utilities run about $450 per month. This doesn't account for life insurance premiums, healthcare cost, weekly gas in cars, groceries, incidentals of clothing, household things, all the other miscellaneous things. My husband brought home approx $420 per week at his job, absolutely no way to support a family on that.

And now, he has no job, after 40 years was laid off, and he is going to get a whopping $250 after taxes on unemployment. Another screwed up issue overseen by our wonderful government.

While I do agree there are people that live high on the hog and do it by having 2 parents working, it is not the case for many of us. We work to survive. We don't have fancy cars, take expensive vacations, buy expensive clothes.

I have always worked, and my kids NEVER acted the way so many of them do today. I understand what you are saying, but I don't believe that because mom works that gives a kid a reason to be a hellion, for lack of better terms. In the end, it is the choices the parents take to be a true parent.

Sorry, didn't mean to vent here, just not everyone works because they want to, for many of us, there is no choice in the matter.

[Janet]

Little Old Navy terror!!

I don't and wouldn't spank my daycare kids, but when my daughter got out of line, I spanked her little butt when I needed to. She bit once and fortunately it was me. I bit her back and she never did it again. I also called her bluff once because she was misbehaving in Old Navy and I warned her that she was headed the right way for a spanked arse and she said "You can't spank me, it's against the law. You'll go to jail." My response was "Oh? Really? Who told you that?". She said "My teacher said so." So I said "OK" and then I spanked her butt in the little girls section of the store. She never pulled any crap like that again. Anyway, my point is this. Too often kids get away with behavior that would have gotten my butt torn up. I'm not saying that kids should be spanked into submission, but they should be taught to respect other peoples rights to not be hit, bit, pushed, yelled at, etc. I see kids push boundaries with their parents all the time and the parents just do their childs bidding and make excuses for the poor behaviour. At least I know at my house, the kids behave themselves and don't act like savages or divas. And it's not like I am constantly putting kids in time out either. I just started teaching them early about treating others the way that you want to be treated. I also have a "try to work out your problems together first before you come tell me what so and so did to you" rule. This has been amazing. We also have "use your words" rule and have demonstrated to them how hard it is to understand people who are yelling or crying. I said something to them in a crying voice, a loud voice and a calm voice and asked them to repeat what I said and the only one that they clearly understood was the calm voice. I don't make excuses for them and I hold them responsible for their behaviour. If they physically harm another person that is an automatic time out, no ifs, ands or buts about it. I don't worry about hurting the kids feelings because I don't judge them. I reassure them that they are loved but when they make choices that hurt others that they have to be responsible for that. This means time out or losing a movie watching priviledge or losing a incentive program coin...I make sure that I hug them afterward and let them know that they are loved and that they always have the choice to make better choices. This will sound a little crazy, but I've taught them Yoga postures and deep breathing exercises and that has helped them with their patience. With 6 kids that are 5 years old and younger, you have to find a way to help them with patience and controlling their tempers. I have also learned to identify each child's hissy fit early warning signs and now I just sit on the floor and call them over to me and ask them what they need. Usually they won't say a word but will sit on my lap and hug me for a while. As far as parents go, it seems to me that they seem to have trouble accepting that their children make poor choices and they take it personally. Theres no need to. I see any legit criticism about my daughter as an opportunity to help her. She's not anywhere near perfect, but she is a kind hearted kid with good common sense, a good work ethic and a very unique sense of humor. Everything these days seems to be driven by political correctness...I miss the old days when the adults were in charge hehehe...boy, I sure did ramble, sorry that I hijacked the thread (this is a flaw of mine, I go off on tangents alot. I have ADD so its sorta imprinted on my brain)

[mac60]

You did fine Janet, enjoyed reading your post.